maskormenacelogs | Lucifer vs. Vor master post

Lucifer vs. Vor master post

WHO: Lucifer + the whole damn cast + a bunch of unfortunate victims of circumstance.
WHERE: Various.
WHEN: Starting 5/27 and onward.
WHAT: Lucifer has Mark kidnap Gregor. Shit hits the fan.
WARNINGS: There is definitely going to be torture and violence. Will update with specifics.

Table of Contents (roughly chronological)
Initial kidnapping -- Gregor, Mark, Lucifer
So honey, I haven't told you... -- Aral, Cordelia
Secondary kidnapping -- Lucy, Mark, Kel
Hawke vs. Vorhouse -- Hawke, Miles, Aral, Tex, Jim, Spock, Kel
Miles at the hospital -- Miles, Kitty, Tex, Ed, Jim, Bucky, Ken, Kareen, Mark, Newt, Kel
Location: rubble -- Winry, Miles, Ed, Tex
Ruined date and getting voluntold -- Duv, Kasumi, Aral
Torture log -- Lucifer, Dean, Gregor
Assignment -- Lucifer, Mark
Telepathy -- Aral, Tex, Gregor
Wagon circling -- Miles, Winry, Roy, Ed, Yuri
Requests -- Aral, Jim
Rescue -- Lucifer, Miles, Kitty, Hermann, Mark
Hellhounds -- Lucifer, Roy, Ed, Hawke, Mark, Aral
Main fight -- Lucifer, Aral, Hawke
Swamp mingle -- Tex, Hawke, Ed, Winry, Roy, Jim
Post-rescue at hospital -- Gregor, Miles, Kitty, Duv, Cordelia
Following the trail of burger wrappers and tears -- Duv, Nicolas
Hospital threads part three -- Miles, Cordelia
End of the line -- Duv, Mark
Family reunion & oath swearing -- Mark, Gregor, Aral, Tej, Duv, Miles, Tex, Winry, Ed, Simon
Recovery OTA -- Aral, Miles, Duv, Cordelia, Ed, Winry

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Gregor's mental presence bobs and rocks in overwhelmed surprise like a boat being capsized, then rights itself as he grimly scrapes together his own mental resources to withstand the onslaught. The fear touches on things he is trying to ignore in a sharp lancing echo, and he can't afford to be stuck in a feedback loop. He's surprised by the overpowering black cast of his mind, but not by his intelligence or his focus; that seems right, that seems like it fits, a logical mirror image of Miles in the true sense of a reflection being the same thing reversed rather than identical.

He leans firmly on the traces of Miles's presence in his mind, a bright spark of lightning far back pressing against the door between them, and reorients himself. Gregor uses the reassurance he takes from his steadfast presence, his unflagging patience with him, and redirects it as reassurance to Mark, a forceful wave of acceptance that comes steady and enduring. ]

Steady, [ he tells him, gently chiding. ] Come into my mind to escape your own for a moment. All my nastiness is beneath the surface. [ A flicker of amused self-deprecation that Gregor can't hide mind-to-mind. ] It'll be much easier to learn here.

[ He uses this tactic himself with Miles frequently, but the opposite way; Gregor uses Miles's blinding determination to keep him safe in his own mind to escape from the ghosts that plague him in his. ]

[ That's an invitation that immediately raises a wave of intense chattering terror in him. His mind flits involuntarily to the dangers inherent in that. Images float to the surface, each one jagged with fear - Gregor luring him in and then smothering him, psychically snuffing out every synapse and neuron, Aral cutting open his skill to remove the dead tissue (and flashes below that of the clone-creche, watching his creche-mates walk out hand-in-hand with their killers and his innocent gladness which slowly gave way to suspicion and then horrified despair and fury); Gregor offering this kindness and then hurting him when he actually has the audacity to accept (below that, memories of Ser Galen but a Ser Galen who looks in memory just like Aral Vorkosigan offering food, as much as he could eat, and Mark unable to say no even knowing what comes next); invading Gregor's mind, bringing with him the taint of corruption and insanity and hatred and betrayal, ruining him just by touching him mentally (the memory of Cordelia smiling at him and taking his hand, the memory of Gregor sitting across from him and entrusting him with the Dendarii accounts, the memory of Miles saying I want to get to know you, the memory of Lucifer calling him up and telling him that it's time). All of that spirals up in a split second, no more, and he draws back into his own mind like a frightened animal, the intelligence disappearing and leaving only terror behind.

But he felt that kindness and patience. He doesn't trust it, because kindness has always proved an illusion, a lure, an anglerfish's little bit of comfort before the jaws snap closed - but he can't help himself. He's always drawn to it. He's never not been. And so after a moment the intelligence emerges from those murky protective depths, the swirling not-quite-sanity which has always been a refuge for him, and reaches out to the little stream of calmness and kind humor.

He doesn't have enough control yet to really form himself into words. There's just a sense that the door back to his own mind needs to stay open. That he needs to have an escape. A fear of being trapped and uprooted from his own mind and body. ]

[ It's hard to distinguish anything concrete from that dizzying rush of images and associations; the overpowering stench of fear is really all that Gregor gets from it, and he physically winces, takes a deep breath to keep himself on an even keel. Because he must be the bedrock here. Fortunately, that is something he has copious experience in. Being Emperor has prepared him for this utterly, in skill if not in specific context. This amount of fear is truly something he's never felt before. Even Gregor under Lucifer and his pet torturer's thumb hadn't inspired this in him, because he's always known he had backup, he had support looking to save him.

Mark... has never had that, has he? His fear is insidious because it's reasonable. And that is something Gregor knows all too well, that the tiny grain of truth in a worry can balloon it into an obsessive, necrotic disease that rots your whole mind. The other reason he's suggested this is he doesn't want to go near Mark's mind to demonstrate. Gregor is too vulnerable, right now especially, to being spurred into damaging spirals himself. His thoughts have always been his worst enemy.

He certainly also has no urge whatsoever to provoke Mark further, and keeps himself away from the link, not even daring to make a mental move toward it and spook him. As promised, Gregor's mind is the calm seascape it'd seemed, the water mostly calm and only ruffling with whitecaps at each thought and disturbance. Mark's presence provokes relief, welcome, sincere pleasure at being able to get him sworn and firmly on their side; an element of calculation at his threat, further calculation at his usefulness, both appeased; idle musing plans for the future that Gregor is ignoring as low priority right now; and an eddying dark current of sadness for him, almost grief. Regret that Gregor's people could have missed him all those years. He does owe him, he feels that keenly...

Beneath the water the depths are remote and unfathomable, almost black near the very bottom and swirling with shades and specters between layers of complete stillness; impossible to tap into or discern individually without diving down yourself. Not advised, either. Gregor has plenty of practice at keeping his mind composed, both before and much moreso after gaining this power, but he's not perfect, not a natural telepath, and he can't control everything. ]

It should be less distracting to think here, I hope? [ Indeed, having just spent a good chunk of time as officially Imperial, Gregor's mind is if anything even better ordered than usual, a distinct chill slowly ebbing away. It is as stark and bracing as walking out into the winter air after exertion. ]

[ The process of stepping into Gregor's mind is terrifying. He can feel the Emperor's good intentions and it's still terrifying. He puts just a little bit of his consciousness into it and waits, waits for something to go wrong, so that he can slam back into his own mind and away from Gregor. Nothing comes. And so gradually, bit by bit, he comes nearer and nearer, moves more and more fully into Gregor's mind, until there's only the barest hint of himself still planted back in his own mind to be battered by his anxiety.

Is this how other people's minds are? The thought isn't directed at Gregor, but it still echoes around the space. A sense of wonder at the orderliness, at the way Gregor has mastery of his own thoughts. An envy of sorts at the peace and stillness in here. He didn't even know that this sort of stillness was possible. He didn't know that tranquility like this was possible. The contrast with his own mind, the space he'd always lived in, is incredible. ]

Sorry. [ That's the first word he articulates consciously, and it's followed by an upwelling of feeling for just everything he's sorry for: for the disorder of his mind that he knows Gregor is fleeing from, for the paranoia that casts Gregor as someone conniving and evil. For what he did to him. ]

[ A flicker of humor at the first question, like light across the waves before it vanishes. ] Some of them. They're all unique. [ Gregor's felt enough minds by now to know that much.

But the humor has been fully quashed with that resounding, echoing apology, multi-faceted. Forgiveness... is hard. There is a wizened kernel of him that is too rawly and newly hurt to find forgiveness in him for what had happened to him specifically. Because Gregor had been lured there, if consciously, by a desire to... not give him a chance necessarily, but to look after him in the Vorkosigans' place. To solve that loose end that would dog them.

In place of forgiveness he thinks he can manage absolution. More of that acceptance, quiet, unpressing. Gregor is conscientious that he doesn't want to cast this aside too lightly; the magnitude of it is too much. ] You may make up for it to me by giving me the chance now I wanted from you earlier, [ in a soft voice. Acknowledging that he is doing just that, right now: ] This is a good start. [ A careful tendril of approval. ]

[ He shies nervously away from the approval, a feral cat mistrustful of a kind hand. But he doesn't run, doesn't even really fully flinch; it's just a wary pulling away until he can be completely certain it's offered in kindness rather than to hurt. And there's no ill intent in Gregor. Hesitantly, cautiously, he starts exploring more fully, finding goodness and warmth and (this is a relief, a deep relief) scheming calculating ruthlessness. No ill intent. No malice. No plans to destroy him, to dispose of the unwanted clone of his - There's a brief embarrassed awkward nervous flash at the thought of Miles and Gregor together, accompanied by memories of Galen's snarling hatred of Aral's predilections...But he quashes that down, shoves it back into his own mind. None of that in here. Nothing to taint that thing that gives Gregor happiness. ]

Sorry.

[ He tries to center himself. Takes a physical breath, which grounds him a bit mentally. ]

What was it you wanted from me? What do you want from me? [ He feels a flare of less flustered embarrassment, a more straightforward sort of shame. Ignorance makes him nervous. ] I can bring in income. I can help. I can make you all solvent. Rich. I can make sure you're all comfortable.

Edited 2016-06-02 16:39 (UTC)

[ Gregor is starting to get a handle on this, a sense for this. And he manages with thorough deliberateness characteristic of his thought process to keep from Mark (under the surface) that he's thinking of Miles for a moment as he judges how to answer this. More overtly, there's a little flash of the calculating ruthlessness he'd noticed. In Gregor it's tempered, softened by an acceptance of human concerns and the human element, melded together without conflict.

The resulting awkwardness at discovering him and Miles is something he doesn't want to address yet, perhaps not today at all, because that opens the much broader and fraught topic of Miles himself and Gregor wants to keep his about Mark.

So contrary to what one might instinctively reply with, that all he wants is his presence and his loyalty, Gregor thinks of Miles's need for direction, an outlet for all of his intense intellect, and answers ruminatively, ] I was planning on that, yes, if you were amenable to it. It would be extraordinarily helpful if you could be our financial manager. We're all quite useless with that. [ Another light dabble of humor. ]

Although the chance I wanted from you was just a chance to prove that you may trust me. Doing good on that so far, I think.

[ His attitude brightens considerably at the reference to being a financial manager. There's no deception in that, as far as he can tell. He searches Gregor's thoughts intently for irony, for secret jeering, for any indication that it's just a sinecure given to him to get him out of the way and make him feel useful. But there's nothing, as far as he can tell. And it is true. They are useless. He's seen their finances; they're not a mess, Gregor had done all right, but the thought that he hadn't invested his capital before Mark intervened...

This line of thinking comes with a faint arrogant edge, the baffled contempt of a Jacksonian for those who don't make their money really work for them. It might not exactly be the most pleasant emotional bleed-over, but it's the first hint of something aside from self-loathing, misery, or confusion. The first proactive emotion he's shared.

More relevantly, though: ]

Why did you want my trust? [ His mood dips again, thinking of his lack of value to others. Just a clone. Just a clone, and they all already have Miles. ]

[ Ah, good, that had gone over well rather than being demeaning, that he'd wanted him for something.

Gregor is momentarily stymied by why he would want his trust. He has to listen more attentively to the nuance of his thoughts, get that edge of comparing himself to Miles, before he understands. Still, it's not easy to explain this. He's glad again for the link in how he can show rather than struggle with articulation. ]

You're not Miles, [ he says factually, letting it ring with the truth of it, their complete separation in Gregor's mind except in the way that all family resembles one another. He's pulling from his knowledge of Miles at times to inform what to do with him, as he had a moment ago, but he hopes as he gets to know Mark better to replace that with knowledge of Mark. ] But if we had found you and brought you home much earlier, you would have been raised alongside me. I feel... a bit of loss myself at that. I have no family; what family I borrow is very precious to me.

[ Truth, complete truth with that. Also a lingering sense of on-the-Vorkosigans-behalf, wanting his trust to simplify things for them, so that they can all find each other as they should, a cohesive family unit. And then another shade of lost/failed subject who is owed as he'd said before, coloring this too, Gregor wanting to return him to the fold so he can look after him properly as he should have been all this time. ]

[ Family? The Emperor as family? He'd abstractly thought before of Gregor-as-a-cousin, but he hadn't thought that was a real thing. He supposes that makes Ivan Vorpatril his cousin, too. And through him, Tej. Everyone here except for Duv, relations in some way - and Duv tied to him in other ways, through the Galen line...Tangled lines of blood and loyalty flowing through all of them into him. How could he have thought he could be separate from them?

But I'm not real family. I'm a clone. Just a tool, a creation, not wanted...But there's no sense of contempt or disgust or horror under Gregor's sentiment. The closest thing to that is curiosity. No sense of lying when he thinks of Mark as someone who was failed. And that's one of the most startling things, too, that sense that he was owed. That Gregor owed him. that anyone owed him anything. He was created to serve, made to be a weapon. ImpSec should have found him to defuse him, that much is clear - but to find him to give him a family...? ]

You want me to trust you. Can you trust me?

Have you decided whether I can trust you yet?

[ A plain question, patient. ]

[ A prickle of confusion - the uncertainty of someone who's not yet familiar with what it means to be in control of his own fate. ]

That's not my choice.

It is. If you're worthy of my trust then I'll give it to you, simple as that. We've telepathically linked-- if you make that determination, all you have to do is show it to me, and you will earn my faith.

[ It's uncertainty that meets that invitation. Uncertainty, and twinned blossoms of memory: the first his firm decision to leave behind everything and make a new life for himself and deny Galen if Galen showed up; the second, crumbling into passive obedience when Lucifer demanded it of him. ]

I don't know.

[ More gentle acceptance and patience, more pervasive here inside Gregor's mind rather than filtered down the link between them. ]

That's all right. When you decide, let me know, hm? We'll figure out both pieces of this with time.

[ That eases some of his tension. There's a little swell of acceptance, of affirmation. And of gratitude, too, unvoiced gratitude over the fact that Gregor had demanded those conditions in his oath, that Mark can't hurt anyone. Even if some bit of cowardice took over, he couldn't break Miles' neck, couldn't poison Aral Vorkosigan, couldn't smother Gregor in his sleep...Gregor's power is, for now, holding all his conditioning in check. And he's grateful. ]

Yes. We'll figure it out.

[ That's a small relief, honestly, and he doesn't try to hide that; Gregor would feel compelled to make him swear to that in any case, if he's going to be taking him on as an implicitly trusted liege-sworn after what had happened, but knowing it was to Mark's benefit and peace of mind rather than an exertion of his Imperial authority lets it rest easily with him. ]

Ready to learn how to keep me out of your mind, then?

[ There's just a faint pluck of regret when he sends back a feeling of affirmation. It's so...calm here. There's something depressing about the thought of returning to his own fear and chaos and unhappiness. There's something depressing about the thought of being alone in it again. But he crushes that regret down, fiercely and ruthlessly: he is owed nothing, least of all this. Because he can sense the uneasy darkness, the below-the-surface nastiness as Gregor had deemed it. Mark is intensely aware of his ability to harm Gregor's mind, intensely aware of just how much damage he could do by diving into those dark pools, aware that his own turbid chaos can stir up that dark water. And he won't. ]

Yes.

Edited 2016-06-02 18:56 (UTC)

[ A short pause, before: ] You're welcome to contact me this way any time you like. [ Just in case that needs to be said, feeling that tiny sting of regret.

But Gregor moves on, conscientious that Aral is still hovering, watching this, unaware he's going to have his son dumped on him shortly... ]

All right. Watch as I do this; it will come naturally if you refrain from instinctive skepticism. [ He tries to exude his sense of confidence, his purely authoritative belief that he can expel anyone he wants from his mind if he chooses to, that he can keep all his connections closed merely by wishing them closed. Then he presents his chosen image of a sluice-gate, a hefty engineered metal structure capable of stopping the flow of a river, and incrementally lowers it by a small measure, resulting in some of Mark's presence being returned to his own mind as fluidly as water flowing downhill. ]

Edited 2016-06-02 20:21 (UTC)

[ Fortunately in this case, instinctive skepticism isn't something Mark has a great deal of. He wasn't really raised to think critically or to question. That ability came later, slowly, a natural by-product of the imitation of a galactic-class education, but he's still not good at it. More, his life has just been so incredible that he's seen little use in questioning things. Sure, he's destined to overthrow the evil government of a corrupt planet. Sure, that planet is more complex and strange than he'd anticipated. Sure, there are multiple dimensions. Sure, he has superpowers. No; there's no real use in skepticism.

Besides which, for all his lonely longing for company in his troubled mind, he craves much more a measure to ensure his secrecy, his privacy, his integrity. He wants companionship; he needs individualism, a chance to figure out who the hell he is. So motivation and a lack of disbelief combine easily. The first try is ineffective; the second works, the door irising shut to shut off everything of him, completely, not even a hint of any life behind the block cutting off his link. ]

[ Gregor, meanwhile, had been encouraged to question absolutely everything he was told; he had to rely on his instinct for being authoritative to carry off most telepathic mechanisms, that and his sense of obligation at getting it right, given that as liege-lord he sees it as his responsibility to manage his links. No matter how damn many of them he has now.

He shakes his head once like you'd shake your hand after having it caught in a door, but then recovers, reorienting himself to the physical spectrum. ]

Well done, [ he says in clear approval. His eyes flick back to Aral once, ensuring he's still there, patiently waiting like a sentinel throughout this mental foray. ] Do you have any lingering questions about anything? There's only one final matter to resolve.

[ Questions? Does he have questions? He's staggering back, dazed with the force of everything just happened, with the strangeness of having his mind suddenly cut off, and Gregor is sitting there cool as anything. Do you have questions. Well done. He feels ready to collapse. ]

Uh -

[ He pushes his hand against his forehead. It's damp with sweat. ]

Uh. What...is...the final matter?

[ Oh. Right. Gregor has done so much telepathy over the past several months, he sometimes forgets how overwhelming it was at first. He'd had much the same reaction... five months ago. ]

... Take a moment to recover first, Mark. [ He's not going to get any less stressed when he slams him with the next topic. ] I apologize; I'd forgotten what telepathy is like at first.

[ He shakes his head, his chin coming up a bit stubbornly. He looks tired, but there's a bullish determination to keep plodding ahead in his face. Not so different from Miles, truly... ]

I can go on. I'm fine.

[ Indeed, he looks enough like Miles in that moment that it's eerie. Gregor is going to have to work hard to disconnect those reminders from Mark, who is certainly not going to appreciate them, he's sure. It'll be a challenge, with so many years and so much sentiment behind the way he sees Miles, but it's one Mark deserves to have him undertake. ]

All right, [ he says mildly, taking him at his word, and then his gaze flicks to Aral, signifying his inclusion in the conversation for the first real time. Like flicking a switch, Imperial tones return to his voice. ] We come then to the matter of whether or not you are a Vorkosigan in the full meaning of family allegiance. I find myself tired of questions of identity with uncertain answers. We request [ and require, goes unsaid ] that you resolve this matter today. Immediately.

You may consider this your reparation for damages done, and then all of this will be closed.

Edited 2016-06-03 15:43 (UTC)

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