I can move mountains, I can work a miracle [OPEN]

[rassera]

WHO: The residents of Nonah 05 + YOU!
WHERE: Nonah, Residence #005
WHEN: All month long (January)
WHAT: Nonah 05 open log for January Shenanigans
WARNINGS: Obligatory Bull and Tetsuo warnings apply.


Starters will be appearing in the comments. If you want something specific from any one person (Kaneda rassera, Tetsuo iamtetsuo, Bull rideme and Ken amadaman), feel free to drop them a line and ask! Otherwise, feel free to add your own starters for the whole household or individual residents as you like.

Comments

[iamtetsuo]

[After dying, Tetsuo hadn't been sure what to expect from people. A long line of people out for his blood. Rightfully so, he figures, now that he's had some time to think. Pan had said he'd get his happy ending. Everything he deserved.

The worst thing that he can imagine is Pan being right.

Kaneda took him back. But... they have a history. Kaneda had a reason; a very similar one to the reason why Tetsuo's wearing his jacket now. Pan, again, was right; he'll never be out from under Kaneda's shadow. There was one final chance, but Tetsuo couldn't take it. The price was too high.

Sitting on the bed now, he just looks defeated.

He doesn't look up, when Rick walks in. He only does when Rick steps forward, alarm flashing across his face as the man rushes towards him. Before he knows it, Rick's already there, catching and pulling him into a bear hug before he can make any attempt to get away. Fear spikes, throwing scenario after scenario into his head at the contact, seizing his muscles and making it hard to breathe, but Rick doesn't do anything. He could hurt him, right now, maybe he even should.. but he doesn't...

Tetsuo doesn't say anything either, but his head drops forward against Rick, teeth gritting, mouth set in a hard frown. Fear, despair, self-loathing all coil together, knotting his insides with pain. Rick stays there as tears bead in Tetsuo's eyes, and Tetsuo can't find the strength to move and push him away.

In the end, all he could ever do was cry.]

[biteouttagrimes]

[ Sometimes actions speak louder than all the words in the world ever could. And Tetsuo often speaks them loudest of all. So the fact that he's silent, the fact that he's accepting this embrace speaks volumes about his mental state. And for a while, Rick doesn't trust himself to speak either -- worried that his voice would betray him and his emotions. He has to be the pillar -- not only because Tetsuo saved his life, but because Tetsuo is part of his group.

It takes a few minutes for Rick to actually talk, and he doesn't break the hug even when he does. ]

I knew you'd come back. Told Kaneda that. Told everyone who'd listen that. You're too stubborn to go down for good.

[ He smiles faintly, looking down at Tetsuo. ]

We went after him, you know.

[ He's sure someone told Tetsuo that. And he's sure Tetsuo also knows they were unable to really stop Pan for good. The unfortunate AND fortunate thing about this world is that death isn't permanent. It's great in that people like Tetsuo could return. And it's bad in that people like Crane and Pan would simply return after their deaths as well. ]

[iamtetsuo]

[But he went down. When everything rode on him him not to, when it mattered most that he prove that he could survive despite what Kaneda said, he couldn't. Maybe Rick knew he would..Rick was the one who told him people return, wasn't he?

Maybe Tetsuo wasn't sure he wanted to. Not if he had to be like this.

His head presses in harder against Rick's shoulder, curling downwards further as his shoulders hitch. Failure burns in his throat, tinging every word. He tried so hard to prove his worth. For a while, he thought he had.

What use is someone who died to a survivor?]

To do what I couldn't.

[His voice is barely above a whisper, thick with emotion. Not 'didn't.' Not 'should have'.

Couldn't.]

[biteouttagrimes]

Yet.

[ He tacks on to correct Tetsuo -- noting the despair and the way he's beating himself up over it. Rick has been there. He's done that. He drove himself crazy when he couldn't do a damn thing to keep his wife alive. And he'd be damned if he lets Tetsuo follow down that same, dark path. ]

We didn't get him. 'least not as far as I know. He got away. So you'll have your chance. 'cause we sure as hell couldn't do it without you.

[iamtetsuo]

Yeah. You could.

[Maybe Rick doesn't know about the powers thing. Maybe Tetsuo should tell him, but he doesn't, clinging to the vague shreds of some impossible hope that if he doesn't tell him Rick won't toss him out. Like everyone always did in the end.

If Kaneda couldn't get him, what chance does Tetsuo have?]

[biteouttagrimes]

[ He never would have thought there would come a time when he missed Tetsuo's ego. But after all he had been through, it's understandable that he would be doubting of himself and his abilities. Still, Rick doesn't believe it for a minute. He shakes his head adamantly. ]

You know what the porter gave me for powers? I can shoot a gun better. What use is that against magic? You can do so many incredible things, Tetsuo. The best place for me, I think, would be supportin' you.

[iamtetsuo]

[He shakes his head, quietly. The worst part is how much he wants all that to be true. But ... no, not on his own.

Awkwardly, his hands move away from his sides, held halfway up. He could always push him away, pull back into reality again where he's just some speed bump on the road to other people's glory. Where that's all he ever was meant to be. Where he doesn't really matter and -

...he just can't take it anymore. He's too tired, emotionally drained, and done.]

Me? But I..

[It may be a lie, or it may just be a truth that no longer applies. Either way, he clings to the idea, desperate for anything he can find to just feel needed for a little bit. Pretend he's still got some worth somewhere.

And, shaking hard, his hands end up following his thoughts, halting to hover anxiously in the air over Rick's back. What's he supposed to do?

What can he do?

What SHOULD he do??]

[biteouttagrimes]

[ Rick doesn't move. He doesn't fight or protest when Tetsuo pulls back just slightly -- has his moment of fighting and doubting. Rick doesn't move away. And only after Tetsuo speaks does he reach out to ruffle the kid's hair with fond affection. ]

I don't doubt you, Tetsuo. So you shouldn't doubt yourself.

[ And finally he pulls back just so he could look at him fully, focus in on him. ]

I failed you. I failed you an' that's on me. You saved my life that time, an' I couldn't even...

[ His brows furrow. He knows this is probably the last thing Tetsuo needs to be saddled with right now, but how could Rick sit here and be happy about Tetsuo coming back when he couldn't get over his guilt? ]

I lose people. All the time back home. It's never easy to accept it. I jus' never have to face them, to tell 'em that I failed.

[iamtetsuo]

[He hadn't even thought to reach out to Rick, in his panic. There was only one person he'd been able to find out there, as the world dimmed and twisted out of his reach. Unlike Kaneda, Rick had had no warning. And that was on Tetsuo, who'd kept everyone on a need-to-know basis about his life and his activities. Typically, people found out after he'd acted.

But it's hard to remember that now, listening as Rick blames himself, looking up at him with probably the most open expression Rick's ever seen. In a way, it's exactly what Tetsuo needs to hear; he's so blinded by his own self-doubt and blame that he's clearly surprised to hear it from someone else.]

It's not like you could have done anything.

[It would take dying to not blame someone else for his own failures. It would be so easy to. Accept the scapegoat, move on - but he can't. Not this time.]

[biteouttagrimes]

Probably not.

[ Rick concedes. Fighting against magic -- fighting against Pan's magic? It would have been impossible. ]

But at least I coulda gone down fightin' for you. Not jus' standin' by, watchin'.

[ Rick had loyalty to his people. And that loyalty would have him fight to the death for them. He can't blame Tetsuo for not reaching out to him. He only had time for one person and that person had to be Kaneda. Tetsuo's family. But he can still manage to blame himself for not being there. ]