Kaneda Shotaro [金田 正太郎] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rassera) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2016-01-01 03:35 pm
rassera) wrote in maskormenacelogs2016-01-01 03:35 pm
Entry tags:
- † barnaby brooks jr. | n/a,
- † hazel lockwood | n/a,
- † ikki minami | sky king,
- † kaneda shotaro | n/a,
- † kazuma mikura | flame king,
- † ken amada | n/a,
- † komasan | the youkai king,
- † kururu sumeragi | pledge queen,
- † manolo sanchez | n/a,
- † max caulfield | n/a,
- † maya fey | the pink princess,
- † mewtwo | n/a,
- † minato arisato | n/a,
- † qubit | n/a,
- † rick grimes | n/a,
- † riku | darkeater,
- † tetsuo shima | n/a,
- † the iron bull | the iron dragon,
- † yayoi nakayama | roaring queen
I can move mountains, I can work a miracle [OPEN]
WHO: The residents of Nonah 05 + YOU!
WHERE: Nonah, Residence #005
WHEN: All month long (January)
WHAT: Nonah 05 open log for January Shenanigans
WARNINGS: Obligatory Bull and Tetsuo warnings apply.
Starters will be appearing in the comments. If you want something specific from any one person (Kanedarassera, Tetsuo iamtetsuo, Bull rideme and Ken amadaman), feel free to drop them a line and ask! Otherwise, feel free to add your own starters for the whole household or individual residents as you like.
WHERE: Nonah, Residence #005
WHEN: All month long (January)
WHAT: Nonah 05 open log for January Shenanigans
WARNINGS: Obligatory Bull and Tetsuo warnings apply.
Starters will be appearing in the comments. If you want something specific from any one person (Kaneda
rassera, Tetsuo iamtetsuo, Bull rideme and Ken amadaman), feel free to drop them a line and ask! Otherwise, feel free to add your own starters for the whole household or individual residents as you like.
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Choose his words carefully, that's the important thing.
< The other reason was they used you...I didn't like seeing that. >]
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[Oh, poor fucking you.]
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< I'm trying to say how I feel. Now listen for once and shut the hell your mouth. >]
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< I mean...when I first met you...there was a bit of myself I felt there. But I didn't want to believe it because you were so destructive. Or maybe I did but I lied to myself.
Nevertheless, as destructive as you are, I don't think anyone deserves to be killed in such a way. I don't want to make what I saw meaningless. Perhaps it means that I should try understanding you again. >
He doesn't say anything, just holds himself to wait for the human's reply.]
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Tetsuo hadn't really thought about it that hard. Here was something he could sense was so different that it scared him.And that was all that Mewtwo was, wasn't it? Some huge cat human horror that could shove himself deep into his brain?
Maybe on some level, he'd noticed a similarity. On that same level, he rejected it so thoroughly that the comparison makes him blink.
As for the rest...
Tetsuo tries hard to listen for any hint of duplicity, any sense of falseness. WIth the ...guy's? Thing's? Clone's? Monster's? thing's voice in his head, he should be able to tell, right? Even as useless as he'd been left, he remembered what it'd been like. Hard to say if he still had that power now.
In the end, he flops back limply to the bed, arms splaying out.]
There's nothing to understand.
[It's not self-defeating if it's true, is it? Or.. if he's scared to, or something. He doesn't know what's going on anymore.
Maybe he never did.]
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Then Tetsuo would be like the thousands of other humans he passes by with the same amount of apathy. But it's not easy.
So just to humor the human and say there was nothing more to discover to this human possessing something monstrous that was tearing him in an invisible way? Then there really is nothing to him.
There's nothing to Mewtwo.
And the pokemon can only hope to hold up a mirror and find it reflecting nothing or worse becoming a prism, bending light away from him. There'd be never any hope to understand himself. That's worse, and that dread hangs from his telepathic pushing when he reaches out.
< I don't believe it. What point is there to both of us then? >]
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Both there to question evolution and progress.
Both catastrophic failures, and both horrible successes.
Of course, neither knows for certain how far the parallel runs. It's just some deep, needling instinct that twines the two together, seeking answers in each other. It's that desperate plea for self that shines through, and that, Tetsuo can start to understand.
It scares him on a level beyond fear of death. That nightmare beyond his window sees him... and finds they're in some way equatable.]
Is there a point to anyone?
[He's falling quieter as he speaks, afraid of this new nihilistic hole gaping underneath him. None of this is real, part of him's reminding him. It can't be. He lived and died and fought in a million dreams. This was one of them.
What the hell can possibly matter then?
But he's talking seriously, and answering with his limited pool of information as long as the clone, freak, dinosaur whatever sticks around.]
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They were both the evolutionary dead-ends, the point where life shouldn't go. Yet here they both are, psychic human and psychic legendary.
He knows nothing about Tetsuo's past, just that something happened. Maybe he was something lab-tested himself. The human wouldn't let him know that at this moment.
But he knows that feeling of existential helplessness. He's felt it several times before. Mewtwo is...what? Second in the line of something he didn't know himself. There are several times he's had to give vague answers and half truths to the question 'what are you?'
He knows the true depths of unkowning, lost in that cycle of searching.
Really sad, that this violent human in his most vulnerable could say things he's thought to himself many times. It's unnerving.
< I can't answer that for everyone. I can only answer that for myself. You too. >
The pokemon had enough of this. Standing outside. He's opening the window to step in. He doesn't step any closer, just floating in a sitting lotus positing.
< It felt cold out there. > But he digresses. < There has to be a point. There has to be one. >]
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A long time ago, now, he'd demanded what Mewtwo was, alone and in agony in some back American alley. As if getting that answer would mean something.
He hadn't thought about it before, but 'clone' implied science was involved somewhere. You had to do that in a lab. Maybe, after all, it did matter. Maybe it did mean something.
This time, he's so close to softly asking the reverse question, as if Mewtwo'll have a better answer than he did for himself. As if Mewtwo had all the answers to all the questions he was increasingly scared to ask himself.
It was impossible to shake that fear of there being no answer at all.]
What if that is the point? In the end, it's all meaningless. You can fight all you like, but-
[But you die anyway, he doesn't say. He lets the unfinished sentence hang in the air, not daring to finish it, not daring to move past it.]
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Yeah, this affair with Pan really changed him. And the fact it was something of a positive is all the more unnerving.
That's a poignant question Tetsuo asks. What is the point? He never thought about death. It didn't come to him mostly because birth had been just as a confusing and violent process itself. Being taken out of this world must be the same.
But the question is to do with all that time between? He's still trying to find the answer, so far his only answer is pushing the limits, testing himself. Maybe keep humanity in check, like someone looking over an unstable weapon. It changed so much.
How could he simplify it?
< Fighting is a must anyway. It must be done to reach your peak. I thought it meant strength. Maybe it does, but it also means fighting to hold onto your goals.
If you let go of your goals, no one else can do them for you. They don't know what we want like we do. >
No one could truly know like he knows himself.]
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Look... I didn't tell you this earlier, but back where I'm from, I die. I've been thinking about it ever since Kaneda told me - right now, I'm probably older than I'm ever gonna get to be. I thought if I could get stronger than everyone, I could prove that didn't have to happen. Maybe I - I could change something.
...But I couldn't. So there's no use fighting anymore...
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< ...do you want my honesty? 'Getting stronger' is what I have been doing.
Do you want more? What Pan did to you...it felt too familiar. Not in the physical sense, but the way it was done… >
The public display. The pain. Pain that's made to be an example, a show of. ]
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But... they're alike. That's why he had to say that, and maybe that's why Mewtwo just keeps talking. They're alike... and that's why he has to know-]
Familiar?
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He nods. It was painful to admit, he didn't want to admit the whole truth. Not that Tetsuo or anyone wasn't ready, he wasn't ready yet.
< Yes...the feeling. Helplessness. At another's mercy. Used by your own trust, used for their own gain. >]
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...
[So this guy? thing? clone? Clone. So he did know, maybe. Taking in a deeper, less steady breath]
You too?
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Mewtwo just nods. Was there understanding? It feels like it...it's like that lump in one's throat finally passing after so long.
< Yes. Maybe not exactly like what happened to you. > He think it's still on the subject of Pan. < But the feelings are too close. >]
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[And for now, he doesn't press for details. That'd require talking about what happened.]
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< Now you can understand why I did what I did. >]
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[He sure doesn't sound certain of that. But it's progress they've never had before. Never could have remotely gained before, for that matter.]
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< ...then I don't think you need anything else from me at the moment, correct? >
Oh wait one more thing.
< Except maybe an end to our fighting. >]
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[Because he can't. Even if he wanted to, he doesn't have the powers anymore. It's a bit of a relief, albeit a bitter one that carries with it overtones of failure and worthlessness. If there's a truce, he won't have to deal with trying to fend off something way more powerful than he is somehow.
At least, it wasn't him having to admit it. At least, it's not him giving up. He's accepting someone else's truce, so that's still on his terms.
Small favors for critically wounded pride.]
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For once, it's starting to feel like the right thing. He's never dealt with humans on their terms like this before.
He looks much more relaxed, introspective. < So it is settled… > A pause. < I will make sure you keep your word. >]