maskormenacelogs | I can move mountains, I can work a miracle [OPEN]

Entry tags:

I can move mountains, I can work a miracle [OPEN]

WHO: The residents of Nonah 05 + YOU!
WHERE: Nonah, Residence #005
WHEN: All month long (January)
WHAT: Nonah 05 open log for January Shenanigans
WARNINGS: Obligatory Bull and Tetsuo warnings apply.

Starters will be appearing in the comments. If you want something specific from any one person (Kaneda

rassera, Tetsuo

iamtetsuo, Bull

rideme and Ken

amadaman), feel free to drop them a line and ask! Otherwise, feel free to add your own starters for the whole household or individual residents as you like.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What? That shit's a lot heavier than it looks!

[look, no one's perfect. Hazel's made the wrong conclusion on which bit of her reply has garnered his attention and assumed he was a little thrown off at her trying to make this situation even the slightest bit lighter.]

And this one's fucking new, I probably won't even have to fight with the tv cables when we plug it in.

[You know what's helpful? Still staring at her like that without saying a word, like she grew a second head or turned out to be undead all along or something. Maybe his brain's still warming up after the hard reset.]

[her shoulders hike up defensively. the longer he doesn't say anything but also doesn't go back to staring dully at nothing, the more Hazel assumes she's gone and done something wrong. this was why she didn't put her name on that gift in the first place!]

Look, you don't have to keep it. Fucking sell it online or something if you want, I don't give a shit.

You're saying...you got me a game system...?

[His voice hasn't regained any volume, barely above a whisper, but it's a complete sentence. He sounds like he can't believe anyone would do something like that; he holds no more illusions about whether or not he should get anything other than a long line of people waiting to kill or hurt him. At least that he can understand.]

It's your own fault for not having one already.

[even though she's still not entirely certain she's out of the woods yet, there's no bite in her words. Hazel may be aping her usual teasing to keep herself on track, but she's very firm in her confirmation. yes, she got him something large and nice. and he can get rid of it if he wants but no, she will not take it back. it wasn't a mistake.]

What do you want me to do?

[Kaneda even TOLD him as much way back in the beginning, not that he wanted to listen. Because nobody would want to give him stuff without wanting something in return, apparently. Like a heart.

There's no rejection there, nothing but that same quiet disbelief in an increasingly unsteady sounding voice.]

I...

[no, she doesn't actually have an answer. Hazel is feeling herself floating further and further adrift from anything that she has even remote experience with, and it shows clear on her face.

she must have said something wrong, but she can't figure out what. Hazel tucks some strands of hair behind her ear to distract herself, ignoring the way her fingers brush against one of the newer gashes up there.]

Like, right now, or..? You're not making any fucking sense.

...why are you being nice to me?

[Something that maybe, he should have asked a long time ago. All of the pain - recent and prolonged ruining - that Pan's inflicted on him finally reached the tipping point where he has to know.

But what's the point of asking? it's not like people can't lie.]

Because someone shoved their hand through your fucking chest, I didn't really think I needed an explanation.

[she still doesn't understand because she doesn't really think she's been nice to Tetsuo. he's her friend, absolutely, she can't deny that even in her own mind anymore. but Hazel has never considered herself a good friend; she can't look back at anything they've done together and agree that it would merit a question like this.]

[Tetsuo winces at the description, looking away.]

...

[He's going somewhere with this. give him a bit.]

People don't usually give me anything. Not without a reason.

I already told you the reason - you didn't have one and I'm tired of hauling mine up here all the time.

[she shifts, and then adds with a decided weightiness to her voice:]

If you're looking for anything more than that, I don't have it. I can't want things like that anymore.

[what I want doesn't matter. that was the center of her being now, a truth that she couldn't escape no matter how hard she fought. even if Hazel had wanted to manipulate Tetsuo for some abstract goal, she couldn't - she'd been stripped of that kind of autonomy, and the thought continues to plague her actions even in this world where it couldn't quite reach her.]

Huh?

[That's enough to break him out of his mental loop. What the hell does that mean?]

What do you mean, you can't...?

[she shakes her head, redundantly waving a hand as well to banish the bad thoughts swirling around her brain.]

It's not important. That's just my shit.

Tell me.

[So many people, apparently, kept shit from him, and he's sick of it. Maybe it's not as drastic as what Pan did. Maybe it's more. It's odd how losing the ability to read someone's mind makes you far more paranoid; the option alone was something he relied on existing way more than he'd realized at the time, nevermind how infrequently he used it.]

I'm not losing anyone else this week.

[if it seems like Hazel's tired and pleading, it's because she is. she understands where this demand is coming from and respects it, but just can't be open with him like this.

maybe some day, if it becomes a requirement for keeping this friendship, but not so close to losing her boyfriend. Hazel knows that it'll probably spell the end of things, like it always does, and she can't bear that right now.]

[Anyone connected to his old life probably had every reason to hate him, and want him dead. Tetsuo never much liked himself; why would anyone else? If the person who tried the hardest, did the most to say he cared... what's that say about everyone else? It's hard to understand why, now. The more he looks back, the less reason he can find...

It just doesn't add up anymore. Hazel actually sounds upset, too, adding to all of this

Breathing out a sigh, Tetsuo hesitates. Then, very quietly...]

...You remember that bike I had? I didn't steal it or anything. Pan gave it to me.

[she'd be lying if she said that she could see where this train of thought was going (was that what he saw her gift as? was that it?) but at least this is something Hazel can grapple with without the danger of bursting into tears.

it helps that even in an emotional encounter like this, one question surfaces that she can't keep herself from asking.]

Where the hell did he get a motorcycle?

[she'd never really thought about where it came from, honestly. Tetsuo had a bike, and then his housemate got in a fight with it and suddenly he didn't. it wasn't the kind of thing to dwell on.]

[Paranoia is a hell of a trip, Hazel. Tetsuo takes a shuddering breath in, adamantly not looking in her direction anymore.]

Magic, I guess. He did something, and it was there...

Oh, dude...

[she's not judging, but there is a definite sort of disappointed headshake in her tone. Hazel's dealt with enough mages of a myriad of stripes to know that there's no such thing as a gift with them; it's always a cruel joke or a manipulation.]

That's never a good idea, anyone who can do that is way too fucking selfish to hand that shit out.

[How the shit is he supposed to know that, he grew up on the streets of No Magicville. Although, you'd think he'd be smart enough to not get sweet talked into large enough gifts he couldn't say no. He'd wanted it so badly, he lost sight of anything else.]

Didn't think about it hard enough.

[yeah, no shit. but Hazel doesn't say that because she's pretty sure he's screamed that at himself enough times already to make it redundant. instead she just shifts a little, leaning up against the bed more with a quiet sight.

she can see what he's trying to say now...sort of. enough that she at least knows what she wants to say now, for whatever that counted towards.]

Look, I didn't put my damn name on the thing in the first place. If you don't want it, that's fine, do whatever the hell you want with it. I don't care.

[she crosses her arms, chews the inside of her cheek for a moment. all this fidgeting just to give her something to do other than think.]

But I gave it to you because you're my fucking friend. You're looking for some kind of motive? There it fucking is. I wanted to see you actually be happy for six goddamn seconds.

[and to thank him for putting up with her, but that part catches in her throat. she's too aggrieved with herself to manage total emotional honesty right now.]

[That gets a less shadowed look from him. Not claiming it initially, weirdly enough, is what manages to sell him on her sincerity.

For six seconds or so, he finds her face, studying her eyes.]

... no, I want it.

[He could admit to her how powerless he was, how she could do anything she wanted with him and there was no need for bribes. He almost does. He's trusted Hazel before with his life how many times? Out of necessity, usually, but it still happened without knowing anything about her.

And nothing happened.

Trust doesn't come easily. It's so easy to throw it away now. But he's too weak to do it.]

Just wanted to make sure...

[she meets his gaze evenly, no fear of him finding something damning in her face. Hazel doesn't realize how expressive her eyes are - a lot of her insecurities can be found there, along with the more positive feelings she tries so hard to cover up. no one can erect a total wall around themselves, after all.]

Yeah, I get it.

[boy does she get it. a little over a year here now and she still questions every kind gesture she receives, both large and small. Hazel can't believe her ability to lie is so good as to have fooled that many people - and any other possible explanation is terrifying.

Tetsuo's acceptance earns him a lopsided shrug and a bad attempt at a joke. what a prize.]

You're fucking stuck with me now, might as well get something nice out of it.

[even if he hadn't decided to continue trusting her, she'd have come back to visit anyway. she's too stupid to do anything else.]

[It's a vague, skittish trust. But the thin thread is still there; whatever she wants him for, it's not about what he can do. And, honestly, just being wanted at all is too tempting a lie to not cling to.]

I guess.

[It's not like he has anything he can offer back. All he's got is his life, which she could have taken a million times over...]

I know. You think I hang around people because they like me?

[she snorts, although it's not as good-humored a quip as it might usually be. the time has finally come when she's lost people to that, and it still hurts. Hazel had wanted so badly to believe that this place was going to be different.]

If it bothers you, just remember you still owe me for lunch that one time.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject