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WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: An hour outside De Chima
WHEN: January 10-12
WHAT: imPorts are treated to a Swear-In that’s nothing but a weekend of relaxation at a brand new resort and spa!
WARNINGS: Possible mild nudity

It’s been a long few months, hasn’t it imPorts? Between the invading monsters (yikes!), evading the apocalypse (double yikes!) and then some fear toxin on behalf of your good pal Joker (triple yikes!), imPorts are overdue for a vacation. And wouldn’t you know it? One is coming right up.

Oh, yeah. It’s a Hot Springs Episode.

Welcome to Elysium Resort and Spa! When you come in, you’ll get a brochure with all of their offerings. They’re a little confused, perhaps, espousing relaxation ideals of every culture, clearly having just thrown all of their relaxation spaghetti at the wall to see if it sticks, but they’ve got the spirit! The smell of eucalyptus fills the air as you toe off your shoes and change into the slippers and robes that they have available for you as they usher you into what must be, for some, absolute paradise.

You can find rooms for all persuasions here, all purporting various health benefits. They have your typical fare - salt rooms, saunas, steam rooms, buckets of water with ladles resting in them to pour over the heaters to allow them to sizzle - but be warned! Some of these rooms climb up to ridiculous temperatures, leaving the bottoms of your feet red and toasty as you jump in (they suggest sandals, but who reads instructions anyway?), and other rooms are filled with ice as you’re plunged into what may as well be a walk-in freezer. Sometimes the doors are a little fiddly, though. Don’t worry - you won’t get trapped in here long enough for any real harm to come to you. But you might get a little uncomfortable as you rattle at the door, one of the employees eventually hurrying to let you out and offering their sincerest apologies, and won’t you have a gift certificate?

If those rooms aren’t enough for you, you can check out the baths. Salt baths, chilled baths, and hot tubs galore are here for imPorts, but that’s not all. Ever wanted to bathe in tea? In wine? Would you like to sink into a bath filled entirely with clay? How about getting all your dead skin chomped off by fish? It’s all here for you! Just try not to drink the bathwater - or, heavens, eat the fish. Those aren’t for you!

As imPorts stroll outside, they’ll see a beautiful vista overlooking the mountains, attached to a spacious hot springs (it’s natural, they claim, but who’s checking?) where imPorts can simply relax and enjoy the scenery. After that, why not pop inside to where some of the technicians will absolutely insist that you get a massage. Or a mani-pedi - yes, even you, big guy. Or, really, anything that your heart desires.

Once you’ve been poked and prodded and primped to your heart’s content (or discontent, as it may be), the spa open until the wee hours of the morning, it’s time to go and dine on some of the local cuisine, prepared fresh by the resort’s resident chef with a distinct eye to fresh, clean flavors and a truly ridiculous amount of salad. They want to make sure that you’re healthy inside and out, after all!

Before arriving at the spa, everyone was able to choose who they wanted to room with. But it seems that their systems got a bit scrambled during their grand opening, so you may find yourself bunking with a stranger instead. They’re deeply apologetic, of course, but it really would be easier for them if you’d just be nice for an evening and give it a shot. It’s only one evening, right? It’s not like you’ll be roomed with a serial killer. Probably. Given the imPort population there’s, what, a five percent chance?

The hotel rooms themselves are beautiful and spacious, each with a window looking out over the lovely view of the scenery below. It’s the perfect way to end your night… until 3 AM when an alarm begins to blare and all of the guests are ushered outside in the chilly winter air while firefighters come to check the place out. It’s a false alarm (some brat must have pulled it, the manager says apologetically, ready with more gift certificates), but hey, maybe this is a good chance to get to know your neighbors!

The next day, guests are free to take advantage of the resort’s facilities once more, or they can go hiking in the mountainous trails available to them, complete with regular rest stops with firepits, with the staff more than happy to pack lunchboxes and fixings for s’mores.

After they come back and have a thankfully uneventful night’s rest, buses will be ready to take them back to civilization, along with goodie bags filled with luxury goods and an earnest invitation to come back anytime! But maybe next time, wait a couple of months so they can iron out the kinks in their system.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he makes a thoughtful sound, craning his neck so he can peer upward.]

Well, I suppose if one is in the middle of nowhere, one must find useless ways to entertain one's self.

[ bow shrugs. ]

It probably gets lonely here too. There's only so much you can do.

[helpfully:] You could set something on fire on purpose.

Thaaaaat sounds like a terrible idea.

[with a laugh in his voice:] Oh, I don't know! It really could help enforce those drill skills, right? Instead of wasting everyone's time, it could be a proper, worthwhile experience!

[ bow's voice goes a little . . . higher. ]

Yeah, because that's the real problem here.

That's what I figured, too! [wagging his finger.] No one really takes a lesson to heart until they've had to actually put it into real-life practice. Otherwise, it's just an inconvenience!

I don't think anyone needs a lesson on fire. People generally know what fire does!

Yes, but how to manage a situation full of fire...that, I believe, is where education needs practical examinations. Most people don't know how to handle themselves in a real emergency, I've found. Their brains just tend to...shut off or flip the wrong switches!

[or just scream. that's fine, too.]

[ bow squints at that logic. ]

I think a place where people come from different worlds and come with powers are not that bad at emergencies. Didn't the world nearly end a few months ago?

Oh, yes, and so many of them came out pretty banged up! [he chuckles.] But that wasn't fire.

[his chuckling tapers off into another hum of thought before he shoulders his staff and starts to walk out of the crowd.

with purpose.]

[ oh no. oh no no no. bow quickly follows. ]

Don't set things on fire!

Hoh! [he laughs. that flustering spark of panic has a nice zing to it -- thanks, kiddo!] My! So quick to accuse!

[he slows to a stop, toying with a thought while the kid catches up. then, turning to him, he grins.]

Think you can catch me before I do?

[he vanishes. BWIP!!]

[ oh no oh no. stress levels are going way back up.

okay bow, deep breaths. plan, plan, he needed a plan — ]

I better warn the lodge.

[ A PLAN ]

[KIDDO, you're too much! it's delicious. but why would he let you get to the staff before he starts trouble?

look, it's not like he's going to just firebomb the place.

...he could, but. like. that's a lot of effort? and if it takes so little to get such a stressed reaction? then it may as well just be trickster nonsense.

which is why he's just going to reappear in some secluded part of the resort and snag a towel, torching it in hand and dumping it on a small pile of them out by the laundry clothes line. instant smoke signal! over here, kid!]

[ bow is a large, tightly-winded stressball due to events at home. and lately, it's been harder and harder to keep it down.

spotting the smoke signal, bow shoulders his quiver and bow and heads there right away. ]

Why does this happen to me.

Ah-! You're a bit slow, you know!

[he waves cheerfully as Bow comes into view, holding another towel that's begun to light aflame.

unceremoniously, he tosses it up in the air, meaning to send it to a roof.]

[ quick as a whip, bow pulls out an arrow and hits it with point-blank accuracy. the arrow unfurls, spending a spray of water, dousing the flame immediately. once it's out, bow lets out the most long-suffering sigh, before screeching at xellos. ]

Why would you even do that?!

[oh! he's good! that's neat!

now doused, Xellos laughs, waving some of the smoke from his burnt laundry pile away.]

Weren't you listening to me that whole time? For practical application!

[and for funsies.]

Say, how many of those funny arrows do you have?

[ bow is dense, but he's never been that dense. ]

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to tell you that. Please don't set more things on fire.

[his smile curves into a grin again, and for a moment an eye opens enough to glint. because anime.

and again, he teleports -- not far this time, just out of sight; why would he miss out on the reaction?]

Oh, come on!

[from above, where he hovers:] You didn't answer my question, you know!

[a cluster of tiny little lights flickers into life by the wave of his hand -- ominous, yes, and meant to instill the notion that he's going to actually rain fire down on the place, rather than just spook the poor kid by showering them down in an attempt to see him really flex those archery skills.]

Edited (html bad grunts) 2020-01-11 02:09 (UTC)

[ the anxiety quickly melts away as bow's instincts kick in. plus his power, the eagle eye, gives a considerable boost to his already stellar sharpshooter skills. quickly loading his bow with five arrows at a time, hitting the lights with precision. ]

Oh, nice! [and in slippers, no less! what an athlete. Xellos chuckles as the sparks of light vanish with a puff.

a bit mocking:] Do you shoot at open flames with as much success often? Is that part of your preparedness drills?