person man, person man, hit on the head with a frying pan

[jacksonian]

WHO: Mark and whoever
WHERE: Everywhere!! But mostly De Chima and Maurtia Falls
WHEN: Throughout November
WHAT: Catch-all for November with stuff. Hit me up!! Please!!! Open prompts below; PM me if you want something that isn't these things.
WARNINGS: Mark's life sucks; I'll edit this header if any particular suckiness comes up.


1. dog dog dog dog dog dog dog; De Chima/Maurtia Falls
[ In De Chima or in Maurtia Falls, you might find a rather strange sight: a small stocky man walking an enormous stocky dog. This is Mark walking his dog Captain, a scarred and warlike pit bull that pulls at the leash and constantly wags his tail. Mark's expression is still a forbidding glower, but Captain's doggy face is open and bright-eyed and happy; there's no one he doesn't want to make friends with.

And Mark, unfortunately, doesn't know good leash technique, and also (in spite of his own roundness) doesn't outweigh his dog by that much. And so when Captain wants to make friends, Mark is dragged along behind him. And that is why, if you're walking around, you might be approached by a dog trailing a very sour-looking little man who's hissing - ]

No, don't - stop - heel -

2. come make $$$$; Maurtia Falls
[ PKE, LLC, up in Maurtia Falls, is beyond luxurious. The office is appointed with a sort of brushed-steel-and-pine classiness, like it's furnished from the expensive part of Ikea; the receptionist out front is attractive and aloof, and people who are waiting get offered mineral water from glass bottles.

There are any number of reasons that you might have ended up here: you might have received an advertisement in the mail, or a random notification on your phone, or you might have seen the advertising that targets imPorts. All of this advertising will have offered help in investing, getting rich, or opening a new business - generous funding to get everyone a little bit wealthier.

Mark, sitting at his desk, smiles a smile that can generously be described as oily when you're shown in. And he purrs - ]

Please, sit down. Tell me about how you'd like to make money.

3. kicking some grass; De Chima
[ Mark doesn't like to practice where he can be seen. Definitely not. So when he's worked up and anxious, he goes out far away from his family, far away from the people who know him, out into the forests of De Chima. On the unlikely off-chance that your character happens to wander by, they'll be treated to a very strange sight: a small fat man vigorously practicing a judo kata, face miserable, before punching a tree. He turns as soon as he hears them, though, eyes flashing with anger as he snarls - ]

What the hell are you doing here? Go away.

4. fuck it; anywhere
[ Mark's eating ice cream. Come have ice cream. ]

Comments

[jacksonian]

[ A mean little cackle tumbles loose from his mouth. A jeering, malicious sort of ill humor rises in him as he asks: ]

The humans. You think humans are innocent? Are you stupid, naive - or just deluding yourself?

[ And then his grin fades a bit into a less cracked and more self-possessed expression. It is also an angrier expression, though, his gaze hot with hatred. ]

You can't protect shit. You realize that, don't you? What you're proposing is coming in and cleaning up. That's not worth anything to anyone.

[helpline]

[ The Doctor can't help it. He narrows his eyebrows, glaring at Mark with an expression that's equal parts determination and anger. ]

I think the humans are a lot more innocent than the rest of us lot. They don't deserve to be dragged into-- [ our bullshit is almost what he says, but the Doctor responds instead with ] our nonsense.

[ Of course, #notallhumans. But at the same time, this is exactly the sort of thing the Doctor has to deal with back home, protecting humanity from whatever sort of extraterrestrial incursion decides to come in and ruin the lives of people who get caught up in the nonsense by simply existing. ]

[jacksonian]

Our nonsense?

[ Another laugh, this one a little lower and hollower. Mark's hand clenches on a pen - his right hand, his stunner-firing hand. Making it so that he'll have to drop that pen before he can pick up his weapon. ]

I didn't ask to be dragged into this shit. They're the ones who vote for the assholes who keep building up the war effort. I don't, I didn't, and I'll make as much money as I need to to deal with what they decided.

[helpline]

Yes, our nonsense. What would you call Tony Stark's short-sighted idiocy? Or Persephone causing a ruckus? Or that dragon that just attacked Nonah, that's our nonsense whether you like it or not.

[ The Doctor lets out a small annoyed little groan as he looks over, trying to hope that eventually, maybe, he'll understand. He very deliberately talks with his hands as he does so, pointing at Mark. ]

I can't do anything about the Cold War. I wish I could, trust me, you have no idea how much I wish I could, but I can at least keep tabs on our own.

[jacksonian]

That doesn't have anything to do with us.

[ Us, clearly, does not refer to imPorts generally. But it's not just I and me now; he's agitated enough to let slip the pronoun that he really has in the back of his head. ]

We haven't ever caused any trouble like that.

[helpline]

[ Ah-ha. Us. So who's Greasy 'Look At Me, I'm Projecting An Image of Self Interest' Mark Vorkosigan thinking about as well? The Doctor can't help but raise an eyebrow before he continues. ]

What, d'you want a gold star? Congratulations! Richie Rich and the rest of his us haven't messed up yet. [ said with heavy, heavy sarcasm. ]

It's got something to do with you because you're an imPort. And, because occasionally accidents happen, especially if you carry around kit from the future on a regular basis. This is just a courtesy call, me making sure that you're not currently causing trouble and, as someone with a bit of influence with the humans, you don't cause trouble.

[jacksonian]

[ He sets his jaw and demands: ]

And how about the humans who fuck each other over? What do you think of them?

[helpline]

I wish I could do something about that. I really, really, do. I'm the Doctor, it's my job to save people and protect them and if I can stop the humans from mucking things up among themselves then I'll take that chance.

[ But the Doctor's fought in enough wars and worked in enough military organizations to know that's a lot harder than it looks. ]

But I'm not Santa Clause, you know. I can't do everything, especially not when I'm stuck like this. [ Stuck on stupid Earth with the stupid humans without his stupid TARDIS. ] I do what I can and this is what I can.

[jacksonian]

This is what you can do? This is nothing.

[ His lip curls in a brutal sneer. ]

You want to save a few dozen people from getting burned up in dragon fire? Or make a lot of trouble for Stark, with his few dozen people who, what, got superpowers? While out there, people are being abused and hurt and killed every day. And then you pretend like you're some protector? Some moral authority?

[ He lets loose a laugh. It doesn't sound happy. ]

I could do anything I wanted, right here and right now, from this computer, and there's not a thing you could do about it. You're not just a hypocrite - you're as powerless as the rest of us, too.

[helpline]

At least I'm trying.

[ Because yeah, Mark could do things...but to the best of the Doctor's knowledge, he hasn't. ]

Glass houses, Richie Rich.

[jacksonian]

This is your version of trying?

[ A steely glint comes into his eye. ]

Coming in here and playing stupid music? Using some weapons-scanning technology?

[helpline]

Coming in here and keeping tabs on you. You're obnoxious but I don't think I've got to worry all that much about you in the long run.

[ That's...a bit of a lie. He's not entirely certain where Mark stands on the scruples level. And he wouldn't be surprised if when something happened, he could trace the paper trail back to Mark. But this is someone who thinks highly of himself, someone who obviously tries to paint a picture of 'look at me, I'm important,' it'll be interesting to see what happens if the Doctor takes a pin to that importance. ]

[jacksonian]

[ And the response on Mark's face is anger - but not outrage, not offense. Miles, now - that sort of comment would drive his brother/progenitor crazy, enough that Miles would immediately struggle to become someone the Doctor sees as the greatest threat to humanity. The source of Mark's furious spitting defensiveness, on the other hand, wasn't pride; for all his playacting at this puffed-up role, Mark doesn't really even possess any actual pride. Fear, now - fear he has in large amounts; indeed, fear was the root cause of his hostility. Consequently, far from needling Mark further, that comment actually defuses some of his aggression. ]

Then I'm glad I've wasted your time almost as much as you've wasted mine.

[helpline]

[ Well huh. That's an interesting response. The Doctor's used to people with inflated self-egos, who respond with speeches when someone casually deems them unimportant. This...wasn't that.

But the Doctor can't help but give a little smile as Mark complained about wasted time. Wasted time? Obviously not. The Doctor had more questions than he had answers from this visit but his time certainly wasn't wasted. ]

I introduced you to Parliament Funkadelic. No matter what, the time wasn't wasted because of that.

[jacksonian]

[ Mark settles back in his chair, folding his hands across his belly, and needles the Doctor back as best he knows how: ]

I've already forgotten who they are.

[helpline]

I doubt that, [ the Doctor responds, as he idly reaches into his pocket, puts his sunglasses back on...

and then "Mothership Connection" starts playing over the intercom speakers, thankfully at a reasonable volume this time.

The Doctor is occasionally a petty asshole. ]

[jacksonian]

[ Mark, in return, sets his jaw and starts the audio playing on his computer at a very high volume. The...effect is slightly ruined by the fact that the audio playing is not music, but rather the audiobook version of a beginning-level economics textbook. It doesn't remotely work to drown out the noise, and turns out more embarrassing than anything else. ]

[helpline]

[ Yeah, the Doctor just keeps that music playing because it's battle of the petty. But occasionally, he picks up snippits of Mark's audio...and huh. The Doctor only knows the bare minimum about economics, but he can understand some of what the audiobook's talking about.

Which again, is weird. ]

Question! Why does the owner of a high-profile company have Intro to Economics on his computer?

[jacksonian]

What?

[ He flushes and immediately keys off his audio track. And then curses himself, because the best thing to do would have been to play it cool. He struggles for a lie, but this is the best one he can come up with: ]

No I don't.

[helpline]

Yeah you do. I've got ears, you know.

[ Parliament Funkadelic still plays in the background but the Doctor turns it down a couple of notches, more to the level of annoying background music volume than people actively listening to it. ]

Whatever the answer is, I won't judge. I'm simply curious.

[jacksonian]

I -

[ His face turns even redder. His head ducks down; he plays with the keyboard a moment, plucking at the keys. Finally, he mutters: ]

Because...I'm taking that class.

[ And then, immediately afterwards, defensively: ]

It's none of your business.

[ And then, a muttered lie, far too late: ]

I'm evaluating the book. They sent it to me for...evaluation.

[helpline]

[ Ah. Maybe that's why there's a lot of bluster, because he's essentially faking it til he makes it and doesn't want anyone to find out. ]

People here don't realize that there's more culture shock when you're Ported in than you realize. If your home planet's gotten past a certain level of technology or a certain level of exploration, then it's hard to view things on such a small scale as this Earth that hasn't even made it out of the galaxy.

[ of course, the Doctor is 100% off on his assumption that 'Mark's faking it because this planet's economic system is different,' but details, details. ]

I won't tell, by the way.

[jacksonian]

[ Oh. Mark relaxes. That's a really good lie that the Doctor just handed him. If he didn't detest him so much, he'd almost be grateful; he'll be using that in the future. ]

Uh...Yeah. It - right.

[ He fiddles with his cufflinks, then says: ]

Why not, though?

[helpline]

Cause there's no point in doing so. [ he responds, in a tone of "well DUH." ] Isn't that obvious?

[ No, it is not obvious in the slightest. The Doctor leans back in his chair slightly as he looks over at Mark, continuing that "well DUH" tone as he speaks. ]

You obviously feel of two minds about this--don't be, by the way, there's absolutely nothing shameful about learning. What would I do, tell people just to rub it in their faces? I'm not that petty.

[jacksonian]

[ He looks up again. He's pulled himself together enough that his voice is - thankfully - above a mumble. ]

You want to bring down my company, don't you? This wouldn't do it, but it'd help.