October Catch-All

[dendarii]

WHO: Miles, various
WHERE: Various as well!
WHEN: October
WHAT: Catch-all plus open prompts as time/inclination arises
WARNINGS: The usual VKS ones. Probably some discussion of suicide.

Comments

[jacksonian]

[ A pause, and then finally the sound of footsteps. Then there's a rattle as Mark unlocks his door - though he doesn't open it. ]

[dendarii]

[ Good enough. Miles nudges it open, then, careful not to upend his peace offering. ]

... Thank you.

[jacksonian]

[ Mark is already back sitting at his computer, his back to Miles, making a grand show of not looking at him as he comes in. He just grunts in acknowledgment - waiting, clearly, for Miles to speak. ]

[dendarii]

[ He slides the plate down next to him, then. And stands there for a moment, quiet. ]

I'm sorry for how I behaved at that festival.

[jacksonian]

[ Mark's interest is piqued less by the apology and more by the plate of pastries. He actually looks away from his computer to look at them instead; he reaches out and grabs one, a little bit of the tension going out of him as he does. And he gets a little more communicative. ]

It doesn't matter. How you behaved.

[dendarii]

[ Miles is just glad he's got one thing pinned down about his brother. Given the way some of their conversations go, he feels incredibly inept at doing anything Mark actually likes. Pastries, though. Pastries are easy. ]

Sure it does. I had no right to bring up the subject in the first place. And once it was obvious I was mistaken, I should have stopped.

[jacksonian]

[ A shrug. ]

You were drunk.

[dendarii]

And stupid. Both are preventable.

[jacksonian]

Stupid isn't.

[dendarii]

Stupid absolutely is. I'm just not very good at it.

[jacksonian]

Huh.

[ That's a short, humorless laugh. Then he gives a quick, tense shrug. ]

It's fine. I guess.

[dendarii]

[ Miles falls silent again for a moment. Steals a stray scrap of pastry and stuffs it into his own mouth. ]

Is it? You were ... extremely upset. As I remember.

[jacksonian]

[ He shrugs again. ]

I'm surprised you remember anything.

[dendarii]

Not ... much. Admittedly. But enough.

[jacksonian]

[ Yet another shrug. ]

Yeah. Well. Like I told you. I don't like you trying to control my life. Especially not if you're trying to make it like your own.

[dendarii]

[ Miles looks down at his hands. ]

I didn't mean to do that. I just get ... excited, I guess. The last thing I want is for the two of us to end up imitating each other.

[jacksonian]

[ He looks back to the computer screen. He's quiet for several moments, like he's checked out of the conversation and has gone back to working - except that he's not typing, just compulsively and nervously pressing the semicolon key again and again. A long line of punctuation marks has stretched across the selected cell of the spreadsheet until, finally, he says: ]

And it's good for you. I guess. Or whatever. That you've just thrown off all your programming. But not all of us have.

[dendarii]

[ He's glad Mark spoke up again, because he had no idea what to say. He's still speechless for a moment, though, because - really, him throwing of his own programming? ]

What? I haven't, though.

[jacksonian]

[ He hunches down defensively, staring at his computer screen. ]

You're having sex with a man. And going around talking about how great it is. Encouraging other people to do it. Not exactly Barrayaran.

[dendarii]

[ Ah. Well, in that case ... He rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck. ]

Do you know how long it took for me to get to that point? And what a mess it was?

[jacksonian]

[ With a blunt unhappiness: ]

I don't really give a shit.

[dendarii]

[ Miles flinches bodily at that. ]

I'm saying it wasn't easy. So I shouldn't have assumed you'd already be at the same conclusion I'd come to. We haven't had the same experiences.

[jacksonian]

[ He kicks his feet against the ground. He still doesn't look at Miles. ]

Yeah. Well. You're not exactly good at thinking about people who aren't you.

[dendarii]

[ Softly: ]

No. I'm not.

[ He moves to sit down on Mark's bed, legs swinging gently. ]

Can you ... tell me, then? What you think about all of that. What experiences you have had, f any.

[jacksonian]

[ A miserable laugh threatens to bubble up from his throat. Mark swallows it down. The thought of telling Miles his experiences -

No. The closest he'll come is this, and even this is said only with difficulty. ]

I was trained to hate Aral Vorkosigan. Which meant hating everything he'd done in his life. Including things that he might or might not actually have done.