maskormenacelogs | if you wanna stay

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if you wanna stay

WHO: Sarah, Sarissa, Clara
WHERE: De Chima
WHEN: Nebulous points between the 18th and the 26th
WHAT: Just some freakouts
WARNINGS: Will add as necessary

for sarissa: [ After their short text conversation, Sarah goes outside to wait for Sarissa, pacing up and down the street. She doesn't smoke cigarettes, but situations like this make her understand how easy it would be to start. She needs something to do with her hands, besides wring them together, which is what she's doing right now.

Jesus. Can't they ever catch a break? It's one thing after another, and it never seems to stop. ]

for clara: [ Since Cosima and Alison have gone missing, Sarah has taken to spending time at the places they can usually be found. She'll spend a couple hours skulking around near Alison's house, then a few hours at Cosima's, then make a trip to Cosima's lab. Just in case. She knows it's getting ridiculous, but it's a way to pass the day.

On this particular evening, she's wrapped herself up in one of Cosima's old blankets and fallen asleep on the couch in the lab's Chill Zone. She doesn't even wake up when the door to the lab opens and someone appears in the doorway. Whoops. ]

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( What. )

What? Bloody Hell.

( What a nightmare. Sarissa sits there for a moment, mind boggled, before she turns her key in the ignition. )

All right. Let's go have a nice, calm conversation with Clara, I guess. ( And by God if she is eating any of the moussaka Sarissa packed up for Cosima to have in the freezer for SHE IS TAKING IT AWAY. At least let her have that, if she's not allowed to start shoving guns in peoples faces. )

Yeah, don't get her started on it. [ She says, like she's sure Cosima will be back soon. Like she didn't just say a minute ago that she's sure Cosima and Alison are both gone for good.

Sarah settles back in the passenger seat, looking out the window as Sarissa starts the car and merges back into traffic. She wants to pull her hood up, but then Sarissa'd just be driving with an invisible passenger, and she's pretty sure that would be rude. ]

Clara lives in the flats for imPorts, I'm pretty sure. You know where those are?

( Sarissa hums out a low, quiet sound. ) Yeah. Hate when people can't just let shit go.

( She says, and her eyes definitely are not slightly widened in that let's not address my eternal hypocrisy cool thanks kind of way, no ma'am. )

I know. I've been round a few times.

( Never met Clara, mind, but she's been around.

A,d now, let us magically handwave driving and crap, because driving and crap can be awkward to rp and Sarissa is probably surly and semi-silent. Fun for all. )

[ Yes, let's.

When they arrive, Sarah wastes no time getting out of the car, shields her eyes from the sun, and sighs in a very resigned "well, this is happening" kind of way. ]

Keep that gun away. Remember, there might be a kid in there.

[ Sarah is irresponsible and awful, but she would die before she let someone shoot at a kid, or even pull a gun out in front of one. ]

( Kids, it's always kids.

Sarissa sighs heavily, tucking the gun into a hidden holder under her shirt, at her back. Then she changes her mind, grabs the gun, slides the clip out, and unloads the bullets, holding them out to Sarah once she's slammed the clip back in. It's a weirdly gently gesture, in contrast to the gun and the efficiency with which she can handle a gun. )

Here.

( With the very slightest smile. They've got a gun, and if there's a kid, there won't be any kind of shooting. Probably Cosima'd prefer it if there weren't any kind of shooting around Clara regardless of whether there was a kid around, so. Maybe menacing can be a compromise. A safer compromise. )

[ Oh. Well, that's something. Now Sarissa will just be waving an unloaded gun around while she interrogates Cosima's (almost certainly innocent) girlfriend. Sarah drops the bullets into the pocket of her jacket with a tiny sigh. She appreciates the gesture, she really does, but she's still wondering how they got here in the first place. ]

Go on, then.

[ Sarissa's gonna Sarissa. ]

( She sure is.

Which is why, when they get to the door, Sarissa eyes it very critically for a moment. To kick in the door, or not to kick in the door?

She would, except there's always the possibility of a kid being around, and so she curbs the urge. Instead, there is a moment where she shakes her shoulders, flexes her hand (the skin is blistering from her fireworks, earlier), and knocks what seems like a very reasonable knock. Not at all belonging to someone recently inclined to rampages and hanging anyone over a pit of alligators. )

Hey, Clara, you in? It's Cosima's sisters. Just wanted to check in.

[Clara answers the door with a hairbrush in one hand and a road map - Atlas of the Southeastern United States - in the other. For a moment she just looks between the two visitors, reading the scene. Something is clearly wrong, but since her girlfriend has already disappeared from this plane of existence, she isn't sure what else they could need her for.]

Yeah? What's the matter?

( Sarissa's temper flares just with the sight of her. This person who might've hurt Cosima and Alison, and the plans to wait and be calmer and to approach this level headed burst too fast for her to counter. The gun is back in hand and drawn before you so much as say look at your choices, as she leans her weight into the door to keep it open.

At least it's a very nice gun. Thanks, Kavinsky. )

Got a few questions. Mind if we come in?

( She says it with a smile, understated and insincere. She doesn't enjoy this. Anger is bubbling under her skin, and her hands spark again. )

[Furrowing her brow in abjectly pissed off confusion, Clara looks past Sarissa to the second member of this lovely greeting party.

Et tu, Sarah?]

One bullet a week isn't enough for me, then?

[But she backs up, opening the door wider. It's far safer for her neighbors if they're inside with her, and thankfully Breeze is out for the day.]

Just don't touch the cat.

[ Oh Jesus Christ, Sarissa. Sarah immediately tries to put herself in between the two women, holding one hand back to keep Sarissa from pushing past her. She looks over her shoulder at Clara, hoping she can convey the appropriate amount of "this was not my idea" in her eyes, but that part's not important right now. Right now, she's concerned with stopping Sarissa from going too far. ]

Look, we just wanna talk.

The cat? I wouldn't--

( She shuts her mouth with a grimace. This isn't her. This loss of cobtrol, this isn't who she used to be of what she ever wanted to be.

This checks a lot of boxes on "things she hates," actually, but family and brutality are carved into her very bones. She just hasn't worked out what it all means amd how to fix it.

She looks at Sarah and feels the dinking dread of shame and this being so wrong on do many levels (turning a gun on a possibly unarmed and possibly innocent woman just part of it). That shame is tempered and conflicting with a protectiveness that burns her as surely as any brand.

The gun doesn't drop.

Quietly, )

Far out. Yeah, we just want to talk.

( She's less convincing than Sarah. )

Edited 2016-08-11 23:17 (UTC)

[She looks between them, distrust clear in her eyes, before finally gesturing to usher them into the apartment. The front entrance leads into a tiny kitchen - a box of kids' sugary cereal is open on the countertop - and through its narrow doorway is a cramped but warmly-lit living room. Scattered across every available surface is the detritus of life in Apartment #222, from mascara tubes to fluffy bedroom slippers to science magazines. Three young women live here, the space says, and they have done so very happily until the last couple of days.

Clara primly takes a seat in a worn armchair, leaving the sofa open. Her eyes are still narrow and stern.

To Sarah, ] Brianna's at the pool. [To Sarissa, ] If she comes through that door, you're going to hide that gun. She's thirteen, and I won't have her feeling unsafe here.

Now - what did you want to talk about? Cosima, I presume?

[ Sarah keeps herself near Sarissa in case she needs to, god, tackle her or something. She keeps coming back to the box of cereal on the counter and the knowledge that there's some kid who could come walking in at any second, and how she'd feel if that were Kira. How she has felt when it's been Kira.

She'd been pretty sure that Clara hadn't had a single thing to do with Cosima going missing, and she's certain of it now. When she speaks, it's to Clara, though she keeps her eyes on Sarissa, waiting. ]

Should only take a minute, and then we'll be out of your hair. [ Won't we. ]

I know Bree. ( Irritated, though she feels a bit like she's standing on shifting sand. It's hard to be self righteous when you can feel the justifications slipping out form under you, and you've managed to show yourself for something chaotic and dangerous. I don't scare children seems like a singularly weak argument, right now.

She can feel Sarah's gaze on her, even as her own is on Clara, and she finally pulls it back to look at Sarah. She tries to keep it defiant, a silent are you fucking kidding me? which doesn't endure near so well as she'd like.

Sure, you try to find out where two missing women are, and suddenly you're the bad guy.

With an irritated huff of breath she twists the gun in her hand so she's holding the barrel, and hands it grip-first towards Sarah. Rough and quiet, ) I'll be wanting that back.

( And then, to Clara: ) Did you have anything to do with Alison and Cosima disappearing?

[Clara guessed that's where this was going - either they were suspicious, or they needed her to keep quiet about something. She smoothes out her skirt, trying not to let blind rage win out over righteous indignation.]

No.

[For all her habitual lies, Clara pours all of her cold determination into this truth.]

I love Cosima.

[ Sarah takes the gun, as gently as she can, and tucks it into the back pocket of her jeans. Not the best place to keep it, but it's unloaded. Then she steps back, leaving Clara and Sarissa to face each other, and leans up against the side of the nearby sofa but doesn't sit down, her arms crossed. She doesn't say anything, leaving it for Sarissa to respond. She doesn't think she needs to say anything, honestly. ]

Edited 2016-08-14 11:43 (UTC)

Bullshit.

( A rough, quiet murmur. ) You can say you love someone easy. Saying it doesn't mean you don't hurt someone. Feeling it doesn't mean it.

( She looks to Sarah, frustrated and unable to articulate all the reasons why, but there's an air of are you just going to accept that? in the way she moves, all caged tiger. )

Why should we believe you?

[Clara's out of her chair immediately, all five feet of her, eyes sharp as claws but full of fire.]

Because I can't hurt her! Do you understand that? I don't care about your distrust, or your doubt, because I would gladly kill myself before letting Cosima come to harm by my own hand. I wouldn't hesitate a heartbeat. [She stop for breath; she doesn't need to.] Have you ever loved someone like that?

[If she focuses, she can still feel Danny's cold arms. She can still smell his burned skin, and feel the complete oblivion of knowing she would never get to love him correctly. She always swore she wouldn't make that mistake with Cosima.]

This world sends people home, all the time. It happens every day. Look on the bloody network before you come waving a gun in my house.

Edited (IT SPONTANEOUSLY CHANGED MY ICON WHAT) 2016-08-16 06:17 (UTC)

Don't you dare, ( she starts, stepping forward to match Clara, voice tight and words ground out harsh, ) ever question how much I love my family.

( And she does. She doesn't even know if they are family, but she loves them, would do anything for them, would tear herself apart if it'd keep them safe. Sarah, Alison, Cosima, and Felix as well. Four people she'd let the world carve her to pieces for, and two of them are missing.

Family isn't the half of it. Sarissa could wax poetic and make dramatic speeches all night about her cousin and her aunt and uncle and her mum, and they'd still be utterly eclipsed by Georgia. She was like a bloody meteor that could take out half the planet, and Sarissa still loved her more than she loved the fresh cut of cold air in her lungs and the heavy beat of her pulse. Georgia was more essential than anything, and she's the one person Sarissa won't talk about, not in front of this presumptuous little rat. )

They aren't gone. They can't be gone. ( Just a shade too raw, just on the gone. They can't be gone because they don't even know Sarissa back home, and Christ knows if they ever will. They can't be gone because of what that means for Sarah and for Felix, who have them stitched into the fabric of them far more than Sarissa does, no matter how much she loves them. ) If you're so in love with Cosima maybe you'd be out looking instead of sitting around reading your fucking Atlas. You've given up on her. I haven't.

I was out all night doing just that, mate. [She spent hours combing the city with tech bummed off the Doctor, and trying to trace the sisters' phone signals. All she found were the telltale signs of a Port-out, and a lot of emptiness in her chest.] Their communicator signals are gone, and they've disappeared from the list of available contacts. It's happened to hundreds of people before. I understand loss, Sarissa. It's never right, and it never makes sense, and sometimes it doesn't get better. Sometimes people get destroyed by it, from the inside out, and your sisters wouldn't want that for any of us. You've got to use your head over your heart right now, before you hurt anyone.

[She slaps the road atlas down onto the coffee table, and her hands dig into her hips.] I'm going out of town for a few days. Got plans I have to keep, with someone I've destroyed. You can put a goddamn tracker on me if you want. Follow me in a police cruiser, I don't care. I've broken time and space before for the people I love, and I can't let myself get lost like that again.

[ Sarah can't take this anymore, not least because standing here watching two people in a pissing match over who loves Cosima more is starting to get her pretty pissed off. Clara's got no idea, and neither does Sarissa, when it comes down to it, what she and Alison and Cosima have been through together. What they'll continue to go through for who knows how long. What it really means if they've both gone home permanently. How many sleepless nights Sarah will spend worrying about them, what's happening to them. How it won't ever, ever stop.

All of this shit is just talk, and talk is cheap, and her sisters are gone. That much is obvious. The rest is just trying to get through it with a modicum of dignity.

She moves in between Sarissa and Clara again, pushing lightly at Sarissa with one hand, trying to urge her toward the door. ]

We're going. [ It's said both to Clara and to Sarissa. The meaning behind her words is clear. I'm going, and if you don't come with me, I'm going without you. ] There's nothing for us here.

( She's like to have some smart reply, some retort, but she's got nothing. Her gaze is locked on Clara, and she despises how raw she feels and how obvious it is. Her breath would be more appropriate for someone who's been sprinting than someone just standing there.

It's almost a relief when Sarah pushes at her. Sarissa's gaze drops, dragged promptly back up to look at Sarah, and she gives just one nod. )

Right.

( It's not sorry - deserved by Clara and Sarah and the cat, probably - and it sure as Hell isn't anything helpful.

Taking a step back, and then another, Sarissa looks back at Clara, and some of the rawness has been wiped away. Not much, though, and not very effectively. It's probably the emotional equivalent of trying to clean up an oil spill armed only with paper towel. )

If that's what you want.

( To Sarah, again, before she slightly more cooperatively turns and starts heading out the way they came. )

[Clara watches them both through dark eyes, her motionless chest just adding to the intensity of her glare. She feels frightening, inhuman. Every bit the alien soldier Danny Pink took her for. There's cement in her veins, and she wants Sarah and Sarissa to leave, before her words grow even colder. It occurs to her that she might envy Cosima's family a bit. They all have pounding hearts and passionate eyes, and though there's pain written on each vein, there's no questioning that they're alive.

She toes aside a fashion magazine and a glittery pencil as she halfheartedly follows her guests to the door. The gun's outline is still visible in Sarah's pocket, and it threatens to fuel the anger still choking Clara's throat. There are no goodbyes - just the scrape of the door closing, and the click of the lock. And long after their footsteps disappear down the stairs, Clara stays leaning against the countertop.

Sarissa was right about one thing - Cosima can't be gone. The universe owes her better than that, even after all she's done to damage it.

After all, every lonely monster needs a companion.]

[ Once out of the apartment, door shut and locked behind them, Sarah heaves a sigh. That. Did not go the way she'd hoped it would. It did, however, go about as well as she'd feared it might.

Shoulders tight, she turns to Sarissa, ready to lay into her—what were you thinking, that was exactly what we agreed you wouldn't do, what the fuck is wrong with you? All of that and more is on her tongue, but when she sees Sarissa's face, the emotion she's trying and failing to keep back, the way she's breathing like she's just been running, Sarah deflates, her anger leaving her just as quickly as it came.

The truth is, this is bullshit. It's bullshit it's sad and it's not fair, it's not fair for Cosima and Alison to be gone so soon after meeting Sarissa, and it's not fair for them to be gone when this world was the only god damn break Cosima was going to get from her illness. Just like it's not fair that Sarah's here while Kira's not, or like George and Chloe are going to go back to being dead sooner or later, or like there's a good chance Clone Club might never meet Sarissa once they're all back home. It's just not fair.

So she doesn't say anything. Just slips an arm around Sarissa's shoulders, if she'll let her, trying to say without words that she gets it. She really gets it, and it's not okay, but this is all they can do. ]

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