if you wanna stay

[coppelganger]

WHO: Sarah, Sarissa, Clara
WHERE: De Chima
WHEN: Nebulous points between the 18th and the 26th
WHAT: Just some freakouts
WARNINGS: Will add as necessary



for sarissa: [ After their short text conversation, Sarah goes outside to wait for Sarissa, pacing up and down the street. She doesn't smoke cigarettes, but situations like this make her understand how easy it would be to start. She needs something to do with her hands, besides wring them together, which is what she's doing right now.

Jesus. Can't they ever catch a break? It's one thing after another, and it never seems to stop. ]

for clara: [ Since Cosima and Alison have gone missing, Sarah has taken to spending time at the places they can usually be found. She'll spend a couple hours skulking around near Alison's house, then a few hours at Cosima's, then make a trip to Cosima's lab. Just in case. She knows it's getting ridiculous, but it's a way to pass the day.

On this particular evening, she's wrapped herself up in one of Cosima's old blankets and fallen asleep on the couch in the lab's Chill Zone. She doesn't even wake up when the door to the lab opens and someone appears in the doorway. Whoops. ]

Comments

[coppelganger]

Yeah. Sure.

[ As long as it's not to Alison's place to harass her housemates. Sarah almost adds this last bit out loud, then figures no, better not. Too Soon. ]

Got a place in mind?

[magnitudes]

Bottleshop, bourbon, beach.

( Bit of flatness to it, like she's burned through her anger and now there's nothing left to run on. )

Wherever.

[coppelganger]

[ Sarah squeezes Sarissa's shoulders a bit as she heads toward the car. When they reach it, she takes the gun out of her pocket and hands it back to Sarissa. ]

Here. [ She's keeping the bullets, though, for now. ]

[magnitudes]

Cheers.

( Sarissa sighs a little, spins the gun in her hand and then hides it away in the holster at her back.

Slipping into the driver seat, Sarissa just waits with her hands on the wheel. )

How long have you been here? Do you just-- get used to them ripping into your guts like that? Taking people away?

[coppelganger]

Little over a year. [ She sighs, sinking back against the passenger seat. ] You don't get used to it. You learn to live with it.

[ She looks out the window so she doesn't have to look at Sarissa. ] I used to think—maybe Kira would come here. And I could be a real mum. But she never did, and then I thought... at least I can be a good sister while I'm here, make up for some of the shit I did back home. [ She shakes her head. She's not a good sister or a good mum or a good anything, and rather than helping her fix it, being in this place is only making it more obvious. ]

[magnitudes]

You are a real mum. ( It's weird, sometimes, to look at Sarah and remember she has a kid. She seems as chaotic as Sarissa, sometimes, and then there's other times like tonight when she's the one holding things together.

The words stick in her throat, and she tries to clear it without a good deal of success. ) You're thinking about her. Concerned about her. You want her with you. That's— that's real mum stuff.

( It's edging on too close to things she prefers not to talk about much, and that she definitely has no desire to pile on Sarah now, and Sarissa shrugs. )

I think you're a good sister. Granted, I'm an only child, so. ( A glance at Sarah, a brief grin, and it fades away as she reaches for the ignition and starts the car. ) I wouldn't give praise from me much weight, but.

[coppelganger]

[ She doesn't think that if Sarissa heard about how she's treated Kira in the past she'd be so quick to call her a real mother. Real mums stay with their kid. They don't take off in the middle of the night, they don't choose getting high over spending time with them, and they don't disappear for ten months to live on the beach with bruises all over their back. ]

I think you're a good sister, too. [ When Sarah first met her sisters, she wanted to rob them, to run away and never look back. Sarissa would kill for them. ]

Let's go to the beach, yeah?

[magnitudes]

( A huffed out breath of laughter, and she glances sidelong as Sarah. )

Whatever you reckon, Sarah.

( And, before it can be marked for the radiant self-loathing it is (she hopes) Sarissa tacks on: ) I'm a fucking amazing sister, is what I am.

( Excuse her, just checking the road before she pulls out, it's good, it's fine. ) Think pizza places deliver to the beach?

[coppelganger]

Sure. Beach has an address, right?

[ Besides, they're imPorts. Even if a pizza place won't deliver to native citizens, it'll surely deliver to them, no matter where they are. ]

[magnitudes]

It will do if it doesn't already.

( There's something conspiratorial in it, somehow, as she drives and chucks Sarah a look.

Though, despite her efforts as being calm and casual, the rougher breathing and the tension are still there, and she lapses into a broody kind of silence for a bit, until they finally hit the car park near the beach. She rolls down the windows, and lets the salt air roll in, inhaling deeply as she reaches for her phone. )

How hungry are you?

[coppelganger]

I could eat.

[ She's pretty hungry, actually. Looking for Alison and Cosima has been taking up a lot of her time, and sleeping and eating have fallen by the wayside for now. ]

[magnitudes]

Right.

( The phones already ringing, and she pushes the car door open and steps out. The call involves ordering three pizzas, garlic bread, chicken wings and a bottle of bourbon, which gets a long silence from Sarissa before she just says imPort and hangs up, satisfied. )

They're giving us complimentary churros. ( A pause. ) What the fuck is a churro?

( Sarissa, queen of pizza and also comfort food. )

[coppelganger]

S'like a stick of fried dough with cinnamon and sugar on top. Heavenly.

[ Sarah steps out of the car and leans up against the hood, watching the surf. She's glad Sarissa ordered the bourbon. Nothing makes the beach nicer than a cold drink. ]

You live near the beach when you were in Australia? [ She... honestly is just kind of assuming everyone in Australia lives near a beach. ]

[magnitudes]

Huh. Sounds kinda like tulumba.'Cept uh, that's got syrup, not cinnamon.

( Sarissa, meanwhile, hitches herself up to sit on the bonnet, leaning back against the glass. For a few seconds she's silent. )

Not where I grew up. We had seas of sheep and grass and scrub. Vast oceans of dirt. ( There's a wry fondness to her tone. ) Melbourne's got St.Kilda but you're two minutes from stepping on a needle most of the time. Sydney has better beaches, but you'd have to go to Sydney.

( Gross tbh )

[coppelganger]

Never been. I'll take your word for it.

[ Sarah takes a deep breath of the salty air. Yeah, this was a good idea. Especially after all that's happened. ] I bounced around Brixton 'til I was twelve. Then Toronto. Always kinda liked the idea of the country. Not so many people, more space. I still like the thought of it.

[magnitudes]

I worked in London for a year after high school. Which, to be honest, was me getting wasted and working in a potpourri factory for a year. ( Her smile xarries a twist of self mockery.) Swear I smelled like "Festive Cheer" for months. More 'round Elephant and Castle, but.

Being rural... I liked being able to just tun and nowhere. Sometimes, anyway. ( A flicker of a frown. ) You ever wish you'd stayed? In England, I mean.

[coppelganger]

Yeah... sometimes.

[ She taps a fingernail against the hood of the car. ] I was happy to leave at the time, though. A fresh start seemed like a great idea. [ She tilts her head the slightest bit, looking at Sarissa. ] Know what I mean?

[magnitudes]

Yeah, I know.

( Quiet; not quite flat, but skirting it. )

Stratton... just because it was home doesn't mean it should stay that way.

( Swallowing, for a moment, takes more effort. Maybe Melbourne was the same, now. She'd had too much carved off her to fit the puzzle any more. )

I'd give anything to go back, and I never want to see it again.

[coppelganger]

[ Sarah knows what Sarissa means. Brixton... it's full of so many memories, but they're all fractured, good splintering into bad. Mostly she remembers the people. Women, kids. A revolving door of them. And the families before S. If she can call them that. ]

I went back to Brixton not too long ago. It was—different. It's different, when you're older. [ She glances up at the sky, watching the clouds. ] I couldn't go back to live there. Besides, Kira... She should be around her aunties. [ That brings out a wry little smile. ]

[magnitudes]

( Sarissa can't help but huff out a bit of a laugh. )

Yeah. Family's important.

( Which is a heavier, more complicated admission than she really meant it to be. Is it really an admission, when the reason they're out here is partly because Alison and Cosima are gone, and partly because of Sarissa starting to pull apart as a result? She's not even really all that sure. )

What's she like? Kira.

[coppelganger]

[ Sarah hesitates before answering, not because she's not sure what to say about Kira, but because she doesn't think anything she says can really convey what she wants to express. Sarissa might never meet Kira. This might be the only way she ever gets to know her. ]

Kira's way too smart for me, honestly. She's got this way of looking at a person and just—knowing about them. What they need. She likes art and animals and she plays that bloody Minecraft game all the time lately, it's awful. [ She cracks a smile at that. Clearly she doesn't mind the Minecraft as much as she says she does. ] She's still my baby, but she's getting older. She gets angry with me for going away so much or for her dad being gone. She can roll her eyes like a teenager already.

We call her Monkey. [ She bites at her bottom lip until it hurts, then asks, ] Do you like kids?

[magnitudes]

Monkey, I like it. Good name. ( Angry kids, though, kid being — that feels like an echo, even if the circumstances couldn't be more different to what Sarissa grew up with, she's pretty sure. ) She sounds like a great kid.

( And an exhale, rolling her shoulders against the glass of the windscreen. )

I like kids, yeah. Not that good with them, though. I think kids deserve a better adult than what I am, most of the time. I don't really know what you should do with 'em, you know? Got long list of 'don'ts', but.

( A look at Sarah them, a sort of does that even make sense? as she tries to muddle through her thoughts. )

[coppelganger]

Yeah, I know. I never thought about having kids, really. Not like Alison. I just wanted someone who was mine, yeah? My family. [ A pause. ] I mean. I realize how ironic that is now that I've got more family than most.

[ She slides off the hood of the car to walk close to the beach, kicking at a rock as she goes, then turns to face Sarissa. ]

Anyway, she'd like you. You'd be up high on the list.

[magnitudes]

Obviously. You said she was smart.

( So much radiant ego, though there's something quietly pleased and self-mocking woven into her smile. She sits up, listening to the distant sound of gravel as what she thinks might be their pizza arriving. )

My dad kind of—

( She tilts her head, shrugs. )

I only thought I should ever have kids if I knew I was never going to be like him. Probably shouldn't be around people. ( It's too serious a moment; ) 'Cept the world would be a darker place, obviously. Can't go depriving people of the Sun.

[coppelganger]

[ Sarah knows about people who shouldn't be parents. The foster system was rife with people who were only in it for the paycheck, who didn't care about the kids at all, or who thought they could beat the badness out of them. It was awful enough getting pushed around by people she knew weren't her real parents, people she knew weren't supposed to love her. The thought of someone being afraid of their own dad, or growing up and deciding it'd be better not to have kids because of him, makes her sick. She swallows, thickly. ]

You wouldn't. Just the fact that you're worried about it proves that.

[ She looks down the road, wondering if it'd be better if the pizza guy interrupted this conversation or if it'd just make things weirder. ]