maskormenacelogs | (no subject)

... I think so. Yes.

You don't know for sure? Have you talked about it?

Gregor and I have. He asked me if I was sure and I said I was.

[ And that would still be his honest answer - nothing's changed. Even so ... ]

Ah. So is it not a full triangle then, with only Gregor being what ties you together?

Well - yes and no. I wouldn't be sleeping with Kitty if not for Gregor. And I've slept with both at once and Gregor only, but not Kitty only.

[ Her eyebrows raise higher. ]

The three of you already? I'm almost impressed at how quickly that happened. I thought you and Gregor would have been wrapped around each other for longer.

We are. Or were, until his mother arrived.

Ah. Yes.

[ She leans a little more over the couch to look at him. ] Are you coming back up here any time soon?

[ He groans again, softly. ]

No, I've decided to live under the bed for the rest of my life.

[ She rolls her eyes, but in an unexpected move, she shifts down to sit on the floor beside him. ]

[ Oh. He scoots over a bit, then, to give her room. ]

... I don't know how it's going to work out. I think ... I do really think we're balanced, but not equal.

It rarely is with more than two people. Or even with two people.

Really?

People are rarely so neat and tidy, love. It's full of compromise and accommodation and understanding.

What's something you compromised with Da on, then? Other than Barrayar.

[ She huffs through her nose, not quite a snort. ]

That's a pretty big compromise if you ask me.

Well. Yes, but. Could you have gone back to Beta Colony?

Not at that time, no. And not yet still, for me now. That was an accommodation I chose to make for him, or sacrifice if you want to word it that way.

Either, I suppose ... What did he accommodate for you, then?

Hmm ... You'd have to ask him for specifics, but he accommodates me and my particular neurosis every day.

You have a neurosis?

I live on Barrayar, don't I? Doesn't everyone there have their own neurosis?

[ She teases, elbowing him very gently, more of a nudge. ]

... Point taken.

[ Still. Now he's trying to think what it could be. There's a moment's silent as he considers... ]

Did you ever want to have any children other than me?

[ Her expression and manner sobers at that, but she stills has a smile, more sad than anything now. She reaches for his hand though, threading their fingers together. ]

... When I was first pregnant with you, I dreamt of having two. But then this was Barrayar where there was no restriction on parenting; no license to apply for, no forms to fill out. I could have three if I wanted. And when I was feeling especially greedy, I even thought about having six. I used the excuse that the Vorkosigan clan needed to be built back up to validate such greedy thoughts.

Six ...

[ Well, if that's greed, he's certainly feeling some of it now. A paternal greed instead of maternal, perhaps. He heaves a longing sort of sigh. ]

That sounds about right to me.