maskormenacelogs | OCTOBER CATCH-ALL

Yeah. I mean, a lot of the people I know here are dead back home. So it's a second chance in that way for them. But I've definitely thought something along those lines before.

[Riku smiles, to himself at first, but then he lifts his gaze and smiles to Jaime.]

Thanks. I mean, I could have not said anything. But I thought, since you were asking about me, it... you should know about me, not just what I think of Minato.

I wasn't gonna come barging in here with my metaphorical shotgun and try demanding your whole life's story, [Jaime says, smile a little crooked. He's been trying to pry a little more gently these days, but that doesn't mean he's not still trying in his own way.]

And nothing against you or anything, man, but... someone has to look out for Minato, y'know? Of course I wanna know more about the guy he's decided to start dating. Lucky for you, doing stuff you regret doesn't really count as a mark against you, huh?

[Not that Jaime would have any power over Minato's decisions about who to date and who not to date, but at least it means Riku won't be getting the stink-eye from Jaime over in the corner.]

Yeah. I want to be able to protect him when he needs it. Even though he's pretty good at that himself. I'm sure I'll be able to count on you for that, though. Not to mention his other friends.

[He definitely appreciates having dad's approval over here.]

Trust me, he's got a lot of them watching out for him, probably better than I can. I just do it anyway!

[He admits his own impotency with a smile, anyway. In truth, he only half means it; while there are others looking out for Minato, many of them aren't quite as emotionally intelligent as they could be. Jaime's not looking out for anyone trying to actually physically hurt Minato - he can take care of himself - but someone taking advantage of him emotionally.]

I bet you haven't even met half of us yet.

Well, good. Redundant security is better than thin security.

[It's true, even though Riku doesn't need to worry about Minato getting hurt, he does worry about whether or not he knows whether to recognize something like that. Or maybe he does know, and is apathetic toward it, which might be even worse.]

Um... I don't think so. It's wild.

Well, you'll just have to introduce him to some of your friends and they can do the grilling for a change, [Jaime points out, peaceably enough. He doesn't doubt that Riku has people that would do that for him; he's been here for a while, after all, and it's difficult to be here for long without making a few good friends.]

Do you have anyone from your home here with you, or...?

Maybe, huh? Though I bet most of them are already friends with him.

[He frowns at the question, unsure how to answer. He can't really say he's with them, exactly...]

My friend Sora was here until recently. And there are other people. But we don't really... hang out very often. I just kind of see them around.

Sora...

[Jaime frowns, thinking. He doesn't know any Sora, but the name is familiar, somehow. He drums his hands against the tabletop before his eyes light up with recognition.]

Oh! I think I might've heard the name before -- d'you know a guy named Roxas?

[Riku notices Jaime figure out what he was trying to think of, and then stiffens a little at "Roxas". Does he know Roxas. He hopes Jaime doesn't spot that, though, because he'd kind of... even though he explained a little of how he feels about himself, if he gets into talking about the thing with Roxas... somehow he feels Jaime's opinion of him will change.]

Yeah. He's one of those people. His friend Xion is here, too.

He's my roommate! Nice kid, too.

[Hard life, sure but still -- a nice kid. He's been a good roommate to Jaime even if they don't wind up talking that much, and he's sure to leave food in the fridge for him on occasion, just in case he shares any of Jaime's food-related bad habits.

He pauses, noticing how Riku's stiffened.]

Uh... do you guys not get along, or something?

Um... I don't know how to explain. I'd... like to get along with him. But I don't know that he's into that, so I'm not going to force him. I don't blame him if he decides he doesn't want anything to do with me.

[He shrugs, looking into his mug.] We have some... history, that's all.

...huh.

[Jaime doesn't say much of anything for a moment, rolling this new fact around in his head and trying to figure out how much he wants to pry. He knows that he wants to, but the idea that Riku did something bad to Roxas - someone who he quite likes - and is still dating Minato sits a bit oddly with him.]

You said you've done some stuff you've regretted. Does that have anything to do with Roxas?

[Riku gives a little sigh, setting down his tea.]

Yes. But I can't talk about Roxas until I know how much you know about him. Because I don't want to just... spill all his stuff, either.

[Jaime's looking at him in a way that makes him a little uncomfortable -- he can tell he's uncomfortable, too. Jaime's scent exudes almost no darkness -- personal darkness, perhaps, but no ill will of any sort. Even just based on that, he has a good idea of what he's thinking, because Sora wasn't comfortable with it, either.]

I'm not going to make excuses. I just -- got backed into a corner.

Yeah, but -- I mean, I don't know what you know either. We're not, like, super close, but I know a thing or two about him.

[Most of it is rather unpleasant, and not at all because Roxas himself deserved it. He tilts his cup of tea back and forth in his hands, trying to sort out how best to answer Riku before settling on, a little tentatively,] I know that he didn't have, um, a normal childhood. That wasn't really possible for him.

[Mostly because he didn't exist, not like that. Maybe that will be good enough?]

Okay. So then, he's spoken a little about himself and Sora. That... makes it easier for me.

[He's treading carefully now, because the way he says things will affect Jaime's opinion just as much as the things themselves.]

In that case, you should know that the boy Roxas is connected to is my best friend. We've been together our whole lives, pretty much. I mean, until now, since he's not here.

[Is this too much? He can't tell. Between what Jaime knows and what Riku tells him, he's sure he'll put the pieces together in between.]

Okay, well, that makes things weird enough for the both of you.

[But he's still not seeing what it is that Riku's done to regret. He props his chin up on the heel of his hand, gaze steady, intent. He wants to know what Riku's done, or at least a little bit of what he's done. He doesn't expect the guy to spill the entire story or anything, but there's clearly a bigger story going on than Jaime had anticipated.]

So then what went down between you and Roxas?

Edited 2015-11-01 07:49 (UTC)

So... well, it requires a little bit of backstory. Sora's... special, you know? And this group, the Organization, thought they could use his attitude to control him, and had a girl change his memories so that he would be able to be manipulated. When he figured out what was going wrong and beat them, she offered to restore his memory to the way it was, and he accepted. So for a year, he had to go to sleep, so she could work on it.

That's where I come in, I guess. I was looking for a way to help him, too. And this guy named DiZ came into the picture, and I guess he was kinda shady, but a friend who was helping, had helped me for a long time, trusted him, so I did too. He had a place we could hold Sora until he was able to be woken back up.

[He isn't sure he can meet Jaime's gaze, but he tries anyway. He owes him that much for making him sit through this crap.]

So... Roxas is like Sora's other half. And to wake Sora up, we needed him. So I was the one to retrieve him.

[Jaime nods along, as if all of this makes sense.

Does it actually make sense to him? No, not really. Sora's ambiguously special, and some group wanted to take advantage of him, and there's more to do with memories, but luckily, it doesn't really matter. All he needs to understand is the part that's important to Riku, and the part that's important to Roxas.

He drums his fingers on the table and says,] Okay, makes sense. You needed to get Roxas to help your friend. So what happens to Roxas if he's used like that?

[He's at least keen enough to know that nothing good was going to happen. Maybe they'd come together as one entire being. Who knows?]

Roxas came from Sora in the first place. So they'd return to being one person.

[He frowns. He knows now that since Roxas had left the Organization that he'd eventually run into Sora. But he didn't know that at the time, and even now, leaving it up to chance feels like it might have been risky.]

So I went to get Roxas, and we fought. Which I guess is to be expected. He beat me, by the way. He's tough. But I had the darkness powers I'd already developed, and I took them and let all the darkness out at once, and I overpowered him.

...that would be another way of just killing Roxas, wouldn't be? If they returned to being the same person, the person he became would be erased, right?

[A definite crease has appeared between Jaime's brows. Perhaps he doesn't understand the full situation, doesn't understand how the heck Roxas came to exist in the first place, but he knows one thing: he's a good kid, and he deserves better than he got.

Much, much better than he got, apparently.]

[Riku's frowning, too, because again, he's backed into a corner with this one. He can only face it, rather than dodging.]

... I don't know, [he admits finally, his voice small.] The girl who fixed Sora's memories... she's the same sort of being as Roxas. She's a good girl. The Organization messed with her, too. Anyway, she told me that... he wouldn't disappear. She said, if he went back to Sora, he might sleep sometimes, but he'd be awake sometimes, too.

I can see him there. Not all the time, but... he's there.

[Jaime's not sure how he feels about that. It's one thing that he's still alive, but Riku backed him into a corner, right? If Roxas was open to the possibility of fusing with Sora, that was one thing, but he hadn't wanted it.

He's hard pressed to think of a greater betrayal of self than to be behest to the consciousness and actions of another for the rest of your life. He glances down at the table, mouth twitching into a frown.]

Does that mean that you were successful? That he actually went back to Sora? Because he's sure as heck his own person here.

[He had at first, but he feels like... in the end, it was a choice Roxas made.]

... Yeah. But he remembers all of it, which means he's past that point. I'm not really sure whether he's from the same time point as me or not, but... it's close enough.

[He's not looking at Jaime anymore -- he can smell the distaste Jaime has for the whole idea, and he doesn't blame him. ]

When I look back on it, I'm... torn, you know? Because frankly, it's unforgivable, that DiZ and I did that.

...so what's there to be torn about?

[He'll ask about how Roxas is the way he is later. Right here and now, he wants to get Riku's honest opinion on the matter. If he's torn, that means part of him thinks it was worth it, right? To get his friend back?

Jaime likes to think that he wouldn't do the same, but he knows how important those lifelong friends are, and how easy it is to become desperate when you think they're in danger. But that's not a path that he ever wants to go down.]

[Now he's looking at Jaime again, eyes flicking back up to his face, and he can't answer for a moment -- the words won't come. What else would he be talking about? But that's a snappy retort, and that's not what he's looking for here. He takes a breath, tries to articulate his thoughts. He's forgotten all about the tea in front of him.]

... I don't... when I look back, I can see all these other options, things I could have done differently. But I couldn't then, and I couldn't see him just... never wake up, either. Even if it means I have blood on my hands instead. I'd rather it be me than him.

[Honestly, if he wanted to, he could point out that he only delivered Roxas, and played security detail, while DiZ did the actual job. But shifting the blame doesn't change anything, and even though he was cowardly at the time, he isn't anymore, or at least, he tries not to be. He knows it'd be a stupid thing to say, anyway.]

I don't know. I'm just... words are just words. I can't give you an excuse, because there aren't any.

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