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WHO: Kaneki + Open
WHERE: Heropa, Nonah, Maurtia falls, De chima
WHEN: March 1st to March 15th
WHAT: Find Kaneki on the street because he won't tell you he is here otherwise
WARNINGS: Canon spoilers, mentions of violence, gore and cannibalism

[ His arrival back in this world was smoother than he expected. The government told him he was not going to prison for what he did, but due to his violent acts --even if he wasn't in his right mind and was being "controlled" by Hornets-- he had to be put on probation. He was requested to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet for a month and he will have to report to a Registered imPort who will act as his parole officer; the tattoo in his arm now says "criminal" and will remain so for a month. And during all of this, not once Kaneki argued or complained. He nodded and accepted every decision the government made about this situation, and at the end all he did was ask if he still had access to De Chima labs --they said 'yes' because it was necessary-- and requested to now live in De Chima --request accepted-- and that was it.

That's how he returned to this world.

He left an entry over the network, and went to his new place. he is not sure how to address others just yet, but he knows he has to apologize, though you can't really apologize for something like that, not so lightly. He will focus on what he can while he decides the best course of action: the Hornets, the Porter, he will focus on keeping his place in this world, that has been threatened so many times already, and he will protect everyone. He will find what is the better way to do that, since experience told him he can't just do everything blindly. He needs to think.

He will figure it out. ]

HEROPA : Bookstore

[ Even though Kaneki is no longer living in Heropa, he still walks around the city quite often. It's a way to make sure everything and everyone are safe and in case something happens, he will be there to help and protect the people he cares about. He is now working at De Chima bookstore, but he decides to drop by his old workplace; here, only few days passed after he was sent back to his world, but back home it was over 6 months.

He smiles politely at his ex-boss as he comments on the white hair, and he smiles kindly at the man. He also apologizes for leaving and apologizes for no longer working there. With a small bow, he buys three new books and an extra fourth is given to him for free. When he finally leaves the bookstore, he looks around for a second and decides to take off his eyepatch; white hair and black clothes made him pretty weird already, but he figured it was better to avoid looking THAT weird with an eyepatch too. ]

NONAH : Coffee shop

[ He never actually been to Nonah before. It's funny because he was 6 months in this world before, and he never found an excuse to go to Nonah and visit the city. Right now he is only doing so because he wants to know the city, the layout, to see the people, the natives, the imPorts and their locations. He is scouting, that's the only reason he is there. Annie and Reiner live there, so it's important for him to know the place and in case something happens, he can navigate through it.

After a whole morning of walking around, he eventually comes to a coffee shop - a petite and quiet one - and asks for their "best coffee, no sugar, no cream, just coffee". And he eventually sits by the window, looking outside. Doing this sort of things... drinking coffee at a coffee shop, taking a moment to look around without searching for an enemy... it has been a while. ]

MAURTIA FALLS : Streets

[ This was the second city Kaneki was set on getting to know. Like Nonah, he has never been there, but like Nonah, he needs to get to know it in case anything happens. Scouting, learning the layout, learning what you may need to face. If anything happens and he needs to go to this small city again, he will know the place easily. He is also interested in the rumored underground scene going on; these are usually good for information, but given Kaneki is currently a "Criminal" and under Government's observation he knows he can't approach it just yet.

He is carrying his eyepatch today, plus the black clothing and the white hair help a lot for people in this town not to be so suspicious of him. The ankle monitor also brought enough attention, too, but Kaneki politely asks them to go away -with a smile and everything!- as he grabs his cup of coffee and sits down at a public bench to drink it.

This is a really interesting place, actually. Ghouls would probably find it "homy" ]

HEROPA/DE CHIMA : Moving from a city to another

[ Now that he lives in De Chima, he will have to move there. It means going to his old apartment in Heropa and get his things and move them to a different city. At least Kaneki doesn't have much house utensils and necessities, but he has a lot of books and carrying those can be a feat. At least he has super strength and he isn't going to hide that anymore; in his hands, he carries bags full of books, some clothes, some other accessories like coffee.

He can be found carrying his items from Heropa Individual Housing back to De Chima Individual Housing, since it's where he will live from then on. ]

CLOSED : Will Graham

[ Kaneki was assigned Will Graham as his parole officer; he is to report to him and the man already has files on what Kaneki is, thus he doesn't expect having to explain it to him. Hopefully. Though he has a feeling questions and conversations will be had. In any case, Kaneki decides to visit him the second he can.

At least he doesn't bring cupcakes this time.

Kaneki is wearing black, and if Will remembers a gentle black haired kid who smiled and looked too naive for this world, he will now meet a white haired Kaneki who still wears an eyepatch and looks far too tired (and sad). He is still smiling, though. Once he arrives to Will's shop, "Hook, line, & tinker", the first thing he notices is the dog, but after he looks around ] Excuse me...?

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[ while Kaneki is (trying to) relaxing, he is also aware of his surroundings. Ever since he accepted he was a ghoul, that ghoul side he always insisted on never relying on or focusing on, things are different; his surroundings became clearer as he can listen to the footsteps and tell when someone is approaching, he can feel smells and presences much better than before, all of this without focusing too much. Being hyper-aware of everything around him, Kaneki does it as if it's his natural state.

He hears footsteps, someone approaching. By the way that person smells, it's a woman, but he is not a dog, he doesn't recognize people through smell like that. But he knows she is young and she will pass by him in 5seconds... 4... 3...

and suddenly she is right next to him and doesn't pass by: instead he places the journal on the table and for a fraction of second there, Kaneki thinks of pulling out his kagune (he is not good with surprises). But when he looks up and he sees who it is, his surprised look is replaced with something that can't be described but he feels as if his heart is sinking down to his stomach and his throat is dry.

"Hello, Annie. It has been a while; six months, yeah. have you heard that I tried to eat Reiner? I cut off his leg, clean, and gorged myself on it after. How were your past few days?"

It doesn't go like that, of course.

Kaneki smiles; Annie knows his smiles, so she can tell his smile is tired and sad, even if it looks like Ken's normal smiles. His eyes - both uncovered - look down at the newspaper add and there is an amused sound escaping his throat ]

It's not the weirdest. But it sounds a bit desperate to advertise this in the paper, doesn't it?

[ Would he believe that in the many things that have come up, that is not a topic that lingers overlong? Annie herself was destroying Cape Canaveral at the time... and spent days afterward tied up quite literally in bondage ropes by the Ambassador of the city they stand in now.

Their lives aren't meant to be sensible. They're not meant to be easy, or have easy truths - such as devouring others in a literal sense, or devouring themselves in the metaphorical one.

He's tired. He's sad. He's not hiding his eyes, and his hair is white as snow.

Snow white. Only, in that fairy tale, it's her lips and not her eyes that are red, isn't it? ]

I think desperation would be, "bring me partners," but then it'd be less about Salsa, and more about the metaphor for what dancing stood in for... historically speaking.

[ Which is sex, but that's such a non issue that mentioning the European history is the joke from the outset. There's no real humor in her expression - her statement is casual enough. ]

So you're here, then.

[ If this was the pure him, the pure Kaneki with black hair and too naive and awkward for his own good, he would smiles awkwardly, touch his own chin and say something like "you are right". But he is no longer that person, so instead he lets the comment pass, in his mind thinking "so Annie can make that sort of jokes too".

He missed her. He missed how casually she speaks, even if she looks so stern. He misses how serious she is and how right she always looked, how strong she always felt. He missed how down to earth she was, and how he saw her as a pillar of strength, strangely. He remembers how he wanted to be a bit like her. And he remembers how a lot of what she said those past 6 months when they danced and trained together, would have helped him in those six months he spent in his world cannibalizing his own kind for strength and even for the peace of the ones he loved.

She also remembers him of how weak he was then.

How naive.

How pathetic.

How wrong.

And right she was to tell him "be the one who hurts" was just bullshit. Rize told him the same (well. she was an hallucination), and he told himself the same. Annie was right. if only he had seen it then, so many things would have been different, so many people could have been saved.

He nods at her last question (which isn't really a question) and his head tilts to the side softly ]

I thought I could visit the city. I have never been here, before. [ he is not "visiting". But he will call it that. He looks at the girl for a moment longer, before he finally decides on what to say ] I'm sorry. I know there is someone else I'll need to apologize to- [ Reiner ] but I'm still gathering my thoughts. I'm sorry it has taken me so long. [ he is sorry for a whole lot of different things, but he'll get to that soon ]

[ She's silent, only shifting stance so that her back isn't left to the room at large. She's a little surprised he never took to looking around the city after he trained at her residence on Saturday mornings, but it's not surprising, at the same time.

But the way he apologizes now... it's not the same feeling as before. Her eyes narrow a fraction, examining his profile.

What shocked him so deeply to steal the pigment from his hair? She can recognize those signs, though not always so dramatic - some go white early in life, but not like this. She doesn't ask.

Annie waits for people to tell, if she doesn't need to pull answers out of them for the protection of her interests, or those she considers her interests. ]

I'm not the one you need to talk to. You don't owe me anything.

[ Not apologies, not explanations. She can guess from the timing what happened - she's her own walking example, and she's careful how much of herself she shows even in Nonah, where the imPorts are still considered heroes. Her destruction is there to be found online, spawning a few memes from the tasteless, spurring others into confused statements for and against military interests in the imPorts and their country.

Woof. Looks like she's more the military's pet dog every day. What happens when they order her to bite? ]

[ before, he was very simple minded, he thinks. He didn't see the bigger picture, it didn't interest him either. Back in his world, he rarely left the 20th Ward of Tokyo as well, and didn't ask much about other Wards. He was that sort of person, and it's not the best sort of person.

But he might admit he sort of misses whom he was. Everyone around him does too (in his world, that is). And he doesn't know how to allow that person back anymore.

Kaneki will never speak of what happened to him. He will never admit what he did. He will never explain. It doesn't matter here, it doesn't matter anymore. His now cold, callus and rough fingers, with black fingernails from continuous trauma are things Annie might eventually notice too, but things Kaneki will also never mention.

He nods softly when she says that. It's not surprising that she does, but he apologized for keeping away and not contacting her, but he also figures wanting to apologize for trying to murder her friend will not achieve anything. However- ]

You were right. If I had listened to you, if I wasn't so weak, I think things would have been different. [ if he fed normally, if he didn't fear being a ghoul, if he stopped trying to always be the one who hurt and never hurting anyone. If he stopped listening to his mother's words, how cowardly she and her words were- if he had stopped, it would have been different ] I cannot change what I did, but I can decide what I will do.

[ he will protect everyone. And in this distorted world, everyone in it is distorted. Even himself. So it doesn't matter - he will protect everyone and do everything he can do make that happen. Plucking out interferences, eradicating obstacles, he has been doing that alone.

This time, it might be different from what he did back in his world for 6 months, but the objective won't change.

Everyone he cares for, everyone he loves: they will be alright. Kaneki will make sure of that. ]

[ If she knew what he was thinking, she'd point out yet again that he misses the point - hurting to be hurt, hurting to protect, taking away people's choices to have him defend them from what's out there to hurt him, taking it on himself... it's all the same problem, approached from another angle where he never once stops to ask is this what you want or may I have your permission.

But she doesn't know. She just has what he says now, and it's an incomplete message... it's hearing that she's right, when she also knows she's wrong. ]

The only power we have in this world is the one we find going forward. The past is what it is... we live in the present. When we're lucky, we move toward the future.

[ Another pause. ]

Though it's bullshit if you think what happened here was a matter of willpower, or being strong or weak. We were all caught off guard by how events happened. Whatever you may be implying about the life that turned your hair white back home, be careful how you apply it here.

[ Keep things in shifting context she means. ]

[ A lot of what happened here fits what happened home. When he attacked Reiner he thought at first "I hate imPorts, they deserve to be hurt" but that was quickly shifted into "I am starving". The same with Hide. And with Dorian, he didn't even think about what the Hornets had implanted into his mind; there was only one thing screaming inside his head at the time: FEED.

This happened because Kaneki dangled around his hunger all the time. This happened because he couldn't bare to feed; he was weak and pathetic like that, and just putting the smallest piece of flesh inside his mouth would lead him to want to vomit and cry and feel like he was failing his mother. He may not have a way to defend himself from the mental changes the Hornet's virus had, but he certainly had a choice of not being overwhelmed by his hunger.

Annie told him that, Annie often reminded him of it. And Kaneki always chose to still step the boundaries of hunger and the madness it brought.

He doesn't say a word about that. It's not necessary. if Annie ever happens to ask him again regarding his feeding habits, he will tell her what he did just now. He is taking in account her words now. he is taking in account so much.

He smiles gently at her, instead. No word about the white hair either. ]

How have you been since then? [ he knows she caused quite a lot of trouble too, he has already done his research ]

[ There's no answering smile. There is, sometimes, when dancing, but nothing about Annie is relaxed or in that headspace right now. She also doesn't have much of an answer for his question. How has she been?

Not great. She doesn't like having her control torn away and superimposed over with the feelings of a person she will never be. She doesn't like being used to do exactly what she never wanted to be while she was here, and it's tied her in even closer again to the military. To the people who could, would, according to some should use her and the rest as tools to bring this Cold War to an end.

No... she's not looking forward to any of this, and the next three months, she's on probation. She's not allowed on base without an escort; she's switching schools, and sticking to taking the train lines. ]

Surviving.

[ "How" is much more "what" she's been doing since then. In that much, Annie is honest. ]

[ so she had it bad as well. The government was probably pretty pissed with what a Titan could do, and Kaneki was certain it didn't earn Annie a simple ankle monitor and a parole officer, while the tattoo changed to "Criminal". There is probably a lot more in for her for doing what she did, and Kaneki can't honestly blame them. It's expected, isn't? Annoying, and certainly not Annie's fault, but someone had to be punished. Show example. The terrorists were a great excuse but only to a certain extent.

But she said it herself; it hadn't been their fault. Kaneki has a different take on it due to the extra bits he did besides destruction (and the extra bits he took from other people), but they were out of their minds and it was not their fault. So he opts not to reassure her of so. She already knows, and it's just repeating what she said to him just now. ]

How long will they have you under their thumb? [ in other words, how long she will have to "survive" for, until she can return to a seemingly normal life? (as normal as possible in a place like this, he supposes)]

[ the look she gives him is a sidelong one... not amused, though her lips curl up, just a little. oh, Ken. ]

You haven't realized that's how I've been living since August?

[ how careful she's been. how she shows up at the mandated locations. how she plays so very, very nice, for a certain definition of nice - annie isn't social, but she hasn't caused harm.

before now. and yet...

... and yet because of men and women no longer here, because of emotional people like jean and armin, because of being less and more than human, because she's screwed up enough still to balk and wrestle with the concept of friends and allies...

... because of all that, annie has lived under a "perfect citizen" mandate for six months. it's only worse now. she's the perfect reformed monster, just as long as her leash is strong enough. she's under no illusions what life here will be like the moment the military decides not to back her anymore. she hasn't yet come up with a means to escape. ]

[ he hasn't met her before August. He didn't realize much at the time either because "maybe she is just like that, maybe she is trying to make up for what she did wrong and wants to do right, now". Maybe he was a naive boy, but in all honesty, he doesn't remember if he ever really noticed. ]

I meant after the Hornets ordeal. [ unless they never really tightened their grip on her.

But does it matter? Probably not.

It matters to Kaneki if the military is all over him or not because of the things he wants to do, and it's annoying to be under the microscope, to smile, to be registered, to have a parole officer that will report back to the authorities to tell them "Mister Kaneki hasn't maimed anyone so far". He is trying to work around that, but the acquaintances he made those past six month were never the sort of people Kaneki wishes to involve in his problems.

Except Nishi, but Nishi is special. Nishi has invisibility and he is easy enough to please (eat in front of him is a way. Showing him his kagune is another). ]

It doesn't matter. [ he finally says softly and Kaneki reaches for his cup of coffee, taking a sip. He no longer cares if the coffee tastes good or bad, but he can tell this shops "best coffee" is just dark water. Like many other places in America, it seems. When you don't add cream and sugar or additives like pumpkin flavor or chocolate, this is what you get. ]

How is Reiner? [ he should ask him that himself, he knows. But not yet. ]

Do you really want to know the details?

[ She'll give them, matter of fact, but she doesn't see a need unless they're what he wants to know in specific... free from the amusement she felt at the question in the first place. Annie herself has never been "free" here. She is constantly performing - just in ways most don't recognize.

She's finding herself along the way, but it hasn't been easy. ]

Ask him yourself. I'm not your go between.

[ She's said something to that effect before. Tell him. It's all she'll offer time and again. (And Ken, stop going to chain stores. Actual coffee only exists in the places where corporate can't reach.)

Annie doesn't believe in making up for the past. Her belief, the one she's found, is in making decisions to find a different future than the one she'll be going back to whenever it is she finally is ported home for good. ]

I do. I am worried about you, even if it probably won't change a thing. [ maybe it won't. Maybe it will. Kaneki became thirsty for the people he cares about; obsessively wanting to protect them, to fight for them, to keep them safe. He became stronger for that and no other reason.

He still wants to become stronger more and more. This world requires a different sort of strength, and Kaneki will go ahead and try to master it too, if that's what it takes to protect Annie, and Reiner, and Josuke, and everyone. he has to keep going like that. There is no other way for him. There is nothing else that he wants but to do that.

The answer made his lips curl, a bit amused. he was expecting that. ]

Not yet. [ not yet. Not yet, not yet. There is so much to do before that. There is so much to think about and decide. ] But I'm curious if I'm going to face a really pissed off giant. Have you seen my size? He will squish me. [ it's a joke. He knows it«'s hard for him to make jokes, but it is one.

He also knows Reiner will not be pissed off. ]

I think I deserve a punch or two. [ and yet, punches no longer hurt. Nothing does. ]

... [ Annie pulls out a chair, sitting down in a smooth, deft motion. She keeps it closer to him, but that's more for the angle he's sitting at, and to make it difficult for anyone here to read her lips or overhear much of what she's saying. ]

I have a probation officer for the next three months. No access to the Cape without an escort, military or Registered. Porter access is restricted altogether. Having military backing means showing up where and when they want me to, for whatever ends they need. It doesn't take much in a military loving nation to have people turn against you once the institution they both respect and fear starts saying they consider you a liability and not a victim of acts of terror.

[ She's now paraphrasing what was said on television. Turns out she knows how and when to tune into those kinds of addresses. ]

As for Reiner... you know better than that. For all you both weren't saying what you may have been doing before you... disappeared, you're not oblivious, and neither is he. Though if you're that desperate to be punched, I can always help out with that.

[ Because she's pretty sure by now she can couple any such movement of hers with telekinetic shields a swell, making it far more effective than before - but she lets it be a joke.

After all, she's hit Ken before, and she'd called off the spar they were having to point out that it wasn't one the two of them could have. He wasn't feeling what she hit him with then. That's unlikely to have changed now - but her public files can be their own indication of what, exactly, Annie Leonhart may be capable of doing.</small. ]

[ Kaneki eyes Annie in silence as she explains. Under the military thumb is exactly Annie's current situation. Kaneki doesn't envy her, but he can't help her with this right now; three months go by faster than it appears, though he agrees it's not something you«d just nod and say "it'll go by fast". He hates the idea of her being used like that, but right now, he can't do anything at all, not even for himself.

he can't ask her to what extent she is willing to go through that bullshit, either, though it crosses his mind.

Is it even his place trying to rid her of all of that?

No, no, it is; he has to protect everyone. Even here. He is weak still, look at him now, look at him facing this? So weak. He needs more strength. He needs to move, do more. He needs -

He needs-

he needs--

Kaneki takes a sip of his coffee. It's not the time to go into overdrive right now. It's not time to want to do more than he can; he has to get stronger and know more, and so he will, but right now he has a ankle monitor and a parole officer and a smile to offer everyone involved. ]

Are you afraid of what they might ask you to do? [ he opts to ask t this way, but doesn't expect a straight answer out of Annie.

Kaneki smiles at the rest of her words. Even if Annie was to hit Kaneki hard enough so he'd feel, the way Reiner once hit him, he has come to a point pain no longer means a thing. He was tortured to extremes, he lived 10 days with a centipede inside his ear, eating away his brain; his fingers were cut off again and again, and his eyes stabbed with needles over and over. That's only physical torture - there was emotional and psychological torture as well.

Pain no longer exists.

A punch would just assert a point, he believes. ] Do you know what I did?

I don't know. I do know there are things I'll refuse. I don't know where that will leave me.

[ Nor does she linger on the thought. Not right now; that's for later, when left to her own thoughts, or left in Reiner's company. Her eyes track Kaneki sipping at his coffee... get distracted by the sight of his hands. She doesn't say anything about that.

She doesn't even look at him when he asks his question. ]

Not in your words.

[ It's her invitation for him to speak. ]

[ in the end, she answered his first question, the one he never voiced. Not completely, but it tells him that Annie has limits that not even the military will be able to cross.

It's good, he thinks. Not to blindly follow a mission, anymore.

He hums when she answer the other question. Kaneki places the cup down, looking at it; thinking about everything that happened tires him. Nobody died, but so much happened, and so many people hurt because of him and because of his hunger, that hunger he always pushed the limits of.

"You aren't to blame for your actions", but he is, oh yes he is. At least the whole "feeding on my friend's leg" part. ] I starved myself. [ and this happened before the Hornets ordeal. kaneki told her he was weak and that he was to blame for it; going hungry was the weakness he meant. he told Annie she was right; about playing around with his hunger, that's what he meant. ] The month before, I had an episode [ thanks to Nishi ] and I fed on everything I had in my fridge. A ghoul can go for a month without feeding, thus I did not worry about it for the next weeks. When the Hornet virus activated, I was on my way to De Chima. [ to feed.

So, yes. it was his fault.

he starved himself.

No one can tell him otherwise. ]

When I saw Reiner, I remember being angry at him and at all of the imPorts. And the first attack would have been about that, but in the end, it wasn't it at all. It was about satisfying my hunger, the one I brought upon myself. [ he is so tired. kaneki is so tired and so sad, and all that he did was his fault. There is no "fate" and there is no such thing as "bad luck". There are circumstances and situations you meet and Kaneki certainly placed himself in all of them. The things he did when he was so weak and so pathetic.

Kaneki stares at his own coffee, a soft expression on his face; if he was that pure naive boy from before, he would be crying and bawling and apologizing; he is no longer that boy. He is a ghoul now. And it's tiring and sad and painful and so many things that he can barely think. ]

I cut off his leg. [ and he fed on it like the carnivorous beast he was at the time ]

[ She won't tell him otherwise. Annie holds silent - and it's only because she doesn't derive pleasure in "I told you so"s. She can note the differences too... having seen him before and see how he cried, knowing the way he used to apologize. Her eyes narrow a fraction.

She's watching him now. That soft expression, the words he uses, the blanks that she can fill in...

Annie reaches out to place her hand over the top of his coffee. There's no black surface for him to stare down at. She's always had her own way of doing things, her own way to interface.

Right now, she waits for him to look her way. This is not a cafe's conversation. ]

[ Kaneki would prefer to still watch the coffee, as if that brought some kind of fake comfort and peace. There is none of it but he likes to pretend. When his eye notices Annie's hand, it takes him a second to look back at her, but he doesn't say a word.

the place doesn't matter ]

[ She nods her head toward the door. They're leaving.

Now. ]

[ Kaneki nods softly and gets up the moment after, without needing many words or asking why. Talking about this here or there, it won't change a thing at all. If she wants to talk about it some other place, they can.

Kaneki will bring along his cup of coffee, for no reason other than to keep his hands warm - since now they are much colder than before - and his mouth busy. Also to be able to look away from Annie if required, though changing locations will also help him with such.

He heads out, waiting for Annie to come along and choose which destination they should head to next. It doesn't matter to him where. ]

[ He doesn't need to wait; he'll find her matching stride at his side. Once outside, she simply indicates down the road, falling into a walking speed as she does so. ]

What are you planning on doing now that you're back?

[ Annie's question doesn't earn her a glance; he has repeated it to himself over and over again what he wants to do, what his objective is, that it becomes difficult for him to see anything else but that. He is silent for the next moment, glad he brought the coffee cup because he can look down at it as he thinks. ]

I want... to protect everyone. Hide, Reiner, you, Josuke. I don't want to lose anyone important to me anymore, I don't want to see anyone hurt or in pain.

[ Kaneki's fixation on the coffee increases. His eye widens a bit and his expression flashes into something perhaps a bit dangerous. With the free hand, Kaneki thumb presses against the finger right below the joint and forces it down until a "crack" is heard.

Protect everyone. Pluck out interferences, eradicate those who do anything unnecessary. Keep everyone safe, keep everyone alive. No pain, no hurting.

They are fine.

They will be fine.

Not struggling alone, no. He promised Hide, not anymore. he promised Touka, too. he has friends, he doesn't have to do it all alone, it's okay to rely on them. Protect everyone, but keep close.

There is a loud sound in his ear. It scratches and scratches: munch munch, chomp chomp, chew chew- he wants to scratch it, push his fingers inside and search for it to pull it out.

Stop, stop.

Kaneki looks back at Annie, after that weird pause, to continue what he had started to say. Even if he had a pause and had a temporary episode of insanity just now, his train of thought returns fast ]

I know I can't do it the way I did back home. This world is not mine, there are differences and there is a lot I no longer have to deal with, just like there is a lot I need to deal with now. I need a different sort of strength, not just the kind I found back in my world.

[ he will find a way to keep everyone safe. Learn about Hornets and what this government hides. The Porter, how all the pieces fit together and going back home. All of that stills needs to be done. Right now, he has the ankle monitor, so there isn't much he can do. Not even the few months after, since it wouldn't fit well to suddenly go Unsettled after a month of being a criminal. He will play along with the government for a little while. ]

But it won't change, my objective.

Edited 2015-03-09 08:03 (UTC)

Are you actually bothering to ask any of us this time?

[ it was part of what pissed her off last time. the presumption, the decision making on his own for others, the not letting there be a sense of mutuality. she didn't miss any of that episode - and to her, it is an episode - but she doesn't reach out. she's seen soldiers vacate the present moment like that before.

things haunt you, when you've seen and lived through enough. ken came back, but he came back with metaphorical ghosts clinging to his back. ]

I wasn't in a position to know at first, but your dead body got paraded around on network. It didn't go over well. Have you spoken to everyone who saw that? Or to everyone you're even naming.

[ She's used to seeing dismembered people, and it was still jarring as hell to know who she was looking at. That kind of sick feeling, that helplessness, it's about what can't be changed or made right. ]

Reiner lived. I don't know what stopped him from Shifting, but as nice as your little fantasy is of being the biggest, baddest creature around, ghouls still crush under pressure. [ he knows that. doesn't he. ] No one is faultless, and no one is blameless, but if you're interested in protecting people, try talking with them first. Making yourself hard to find is one kind of hurt that people don't forget.

[ emotions. she's talking about feelings. physical wounds can be easier - not all of them, of course, but many - because that healing can be assisted by outside forces. emotional ones don't work the same way. they all know that. ]

[ If Kaneki had arrived three-four days ago to this world, Annie would face a Kaneki that didn't even want to approach. Well, no. In fact, chances were she wouldn't even be able to face or see him, and he'd downright avoid her and everyone. He'd apologize with notes and messages, only to keep hidden after.

"A silent tragic Hero", that's what Touka called him - sarcasm, obviously.

But while the "pure" Kaneki wanted to protect everyone, he was still around others and listened to others. The "tragic hero" Kaneki downright blocked everyone and kept them at bay while he plucked out the world for them. Killed anyone who was a threat and kept in the shadows because he didn't want to bring anyone into that sort of world. The reason why he changed recently was thanks to Yoshimura and Touka, who literally punched it into him.

The reason why Annie is able to talk to Kaneki right now is exactly that. Kaneki saw that he can't do everything on his own, decide on his own, and never ask to others, either for an opinion, either for help. ]

I am here. [ he is here, he didn't push her away and went back to the shadows. In other words, he is there and he will bother to ask them. If they can answer, of course. There are certain times when it's do or die and Kaneki has become very much "do" rather than "let die", like it happened before when he was innocent and naive. ]

He glances back at her, very matter–of–fact about his own death. ] I saw it.

[ he will address it after. Not now. It also doesn't matter if Annie thinks Kaneki's fears were because he was a "the biggest, baddest creature around". It was never about that, but rather about what Kaneki would do, regardless if someone could kick his ass or not; he couldn't care less about being beaten and overpowered then (now is a different matter, in some ways), the problem was what he could do. He tried to kill Hide again; in fact, if it wasn't for Hide's regeneration powers, kaneki would have gutted him. He literally tried to shove his hand inside Hide's abdomen and pull out his intestines.

It wasn't about being super-powerful. It was about Kaneki's own mind breaking at the thought of the things he wanted to do to his friends.

He won't tell her that. If she wishes to think that Kaneki saw himself as an all powerful person that couldn't be stopped, it's fine. Even now, even if he is stronger now, there are still others bigger than him (Shachi is an example. One eyed ghoul is another, probably, even if they never met). But before he feared it all; his own strength, what he could do, that he'd get hurt and others would get hurt.

Right now, he doesn't fear. ]

I told you I'm still gathering my thoughts. I will talk to them. I don't plan on keeping everyone away anymore, you don't have to worry [ "anymore"- Annie probably doesn't know to what extent he did it. If she assumes it's how he kept to his unilateral "i will protect everyone" mentality, it's fine. She doesn't need to know that for half a year, Kaneki basically shut everyone off. ]

Edited 2015-03-09 20:28 (UTC)

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when tags suddenly get short and cryptic A STORY (hello juu)

ACTUALLY half of my tag disappeared??? I don't know how??? sob

;laskdflkasd ph dasflk oh no

there we go back to tl;dr

i feel so bad being brief in return lasjkdf just concentrated thoughts here

NO NEED TO TL;DR BACK kaneki just has a lot of FEELINGS