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WHO: Kaneki + Open
WHERE: Heropa, Nonah, Maurtia falls, De chima
WHEN: March 1st to March 15th
WHAT: Find Kaneki on the street because he won't tell you he is here otherwise
WARNINGS: Canon spoilers, mentions of violence, gore and cannibalism

[ His arrival back in this world was smoother than he expected. The government told him he was not going to prison for what he did, but due to his violent acts --even if he wasn't in his right mind and was being "controlled" by Hornets-- he had to be put on probation. He was requested to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet for a month and he will have to report to a Registered imPort who will act as his parole officer; the tattoo in his arm now says "criminal" and will remain so for a month. And during all of this, not once Kaneki argued or complained. He nodded and accepted every decision the government made about this situation, and at the end all he did was ask if he still had access to De Chima labs --they said 'yes' because it was necessary-- and requested to now live in De Chima --request accepted-- and that was it.

That's how he returned to this world.

He left an entry over the network, and went to his new place. he is not sure how to address others just yet, but he knows he has to apologize, though you can't really apologize for something like that, not so lightly. He will focus on what he can while he decides the best course of action: the Hornets, the Porter, he will focus on keeping his place in this world, that has been threatened so many times already, and he will protect everyone. He will find what is the better way to do that, since experience told him he can't just do everything blindly. He needs to think.

He will figure it out. ]

HEROPA : Bookstore

[ Even though Kaneki is no longer living in Heropa, he still walks around the city quite often. It's a way to make sure everything and everyone are safe and in case something happens, he will be there to help and protect the people he cares about. He is now working at De Chima bookstore, but he decides to drop by his old workplace; here, only few days passed after he was sent back to his world, but back home it was over 6 months.

He smiles politely at his ex-boss as he comments on the white hair, and he smiles kindly at the man. He also apologizes for leaving and apologizes for no longer working there. With a small bow, he buys three new books and an extra fourth is given to him for free. When he finally leaves the bookstore, he looks around for a second and decides to take off his eyepatch; white hair and black clothes made him pretty weird already, but he figured it was better to avoid looking THAT weird with an eyepatch too. ]

NONAH : Coffee shop

[ He never actually been to Nonah before. It's funny because he was 6 months in this world before, and he never found an excuse to go to Nonah and visit the city. Right now he is only doing so because he wants to know the city, the layout, to see the people, the natives, the imPorts and their locations. He is scouting, that's the only reason he is there. Annie and Reiner live there, so it's important for him to know the place and in case something happens, he can navigate through it.

After a whole morning of walking around, he eventually comes to a coffee shop - a petite and quiet one - and asks for their "best coffee, no sugar, no cream, just coffee". And he eventually sits by the window, looking outside. Doing this sort of things... drinking coffee at a coffee shop, taking a moment to look around without searching for an enemy... it has been a while. ]

MAURTIA FALLS : Streets

[ This was the second city Kaneki was set on getting to know. Like Nonah, he has never been there, but like Nonah, he needs to get to know it in case anything happens. Scouting, learning the layout, learning what you may need to face. If anything happens and he needs to go to this small city again, he will know the place easily. He is also interested in the rumored underground scene going on; these are usually good for information, but given Kaneki is currently a "Criminal" and under Government's observation he knows he can't approach it just yet.

He is carrying his eyepatch today, plus the black clothing and the white hair help a lot for people in this town not to be so suspicious of him. The ankle monitor also brought enough attention, too, but Kaneki politely asks them to go away -with a smile and everything!- as he grabs his cup of coffee and sits down at a public bench to drink it.

This is a really interesting place, actually. Ghouls would probably find it "homy" ]

HEROPA/DE CHIMA : Moving from a city to another

[ Now that he lives in De Chima, he will have to move there. It means going to his old apartment in Heropa and get his things and move them to a different city. At least Kaneki doesn't have much house utensils and necessities, but he has a lot of books and carrying those can be a feat. At least he has super strength and he isn't going to hide that anymore; in his hands, he carries bags full of books, some clothes, some other accessories like coffee.

He can be found carrying his items from Heropa Individual Housing back to De Chima Individual Housing, since it's where he will live from then on. ]

CLOSED : Will Graham

[ Kaneki was assigned Will Graham as his parole officer; he is to report to him and the man already has files on what Kaneki is, thus he doesn't expect having to explain it to him. Hopefully. Though he has a feeling questions and conversations will be had. In any case, Kaneki decides to visit him the second he can.

At least he doesn't bring cupcakes this time.

Kaneki is wearing black, and if Will remembers a gentle black haired kid who smiled and looked too naive for this world, he will now meet a white haired Kaneki who still wears an eyepatch and looks far too tired (and sad). He is still smiling, though. Once he arrives to Will's shop, "Hook, line, & tinker", the first thing he notices is the dog, but after he looks around ] Excuse me...?

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[ he never said it wasn't in contrast to that. in fact, it's exactly in the face of the things Kaneki has done then and has done now that he uses that word.

But if she wants a word- ]

Not fucked up. [ he has three ]

[ ... she pauses. then she snorts. ]

Not as fucked up. [ as now. sorry, but you were a little fucked up. (she's biased.) ] Which leaves a lot of implications for the life you've been living since you left.

[ yes, yes he was. But mostly he was pathetic and weak ]

Are you asking or waiting for me to tell you?

It's not my story.

[ she says. ]

What you do or don't say, that's your decision.

[ she doesn't pry. she listens, she pieces things together, she answers when she's asked for parts of her own life, but she doesn't pry. why? probably because it brings around a different responsibility. it's respect, and it's still that distance. ]

Yes, it is.

[ and he won't tell. he will tell no one and explain even less. because there are too many things and too much inside his head. It doesn't really matter here, and the implications aren't important either.

The only thing he will add is: ] I simply realized sometimes, it's eat or be eaten. [ wow what a nice cannibal reference that was.

When ken used it, Nishi was thrilled. And now, Annie knows Kaneki no longer does what his mother told him to follow ]

... Ghouls.

[ And she says that as a sigh, because in his world context, that's what it is. and she has her own context for those words, and it means power, and she doesn't, can't know that there are similarities for him.

eat or be eaten. ]

Do you still straddle both worlds, Ken?

[ it is power. All of it. he ate them to become stronger, to have a stronger Kagune, to take away their power and increase his.

The things Kaneki did for power go far beyond than just a friendly nibble, though. The Kakuja that grows within his cells is there. ]

No. I am a ghoul.

[ there is no "half", or "part of both worlds", or "I'm part ghoul".

In fact, he has been trying to drown the human part of him for a while now. The only reason why that hasn't happened completely yet is simply because of what the manager Yoshimura told him before he arrived, and because of Hide, when he saw him again after so many months. ]

Are you sure that's so wise?

[ He's not truly all or nothing, or he hadn't been; it was the more difficult path to walk, but in immersing himself so much as the one, there's more than a little loss of the other. He could never fully be human, not with hi appetites, but if he was trying to starve off all that had made him human, it's another form of denial to live with as well.

She knows about that kind. It's not always simple to cut out. ]

It's necessary. [ he stops walking, looking back at Annie ] Or do you think I could survive being a human? By being the one that hurt, yet never choosing and thus allowing others to be hurt because of my incompetence?

All of that- it was such bullshit. [ he cracks the joint of his fingers with the help of the thumb - from the hand that isn't being warmed up by Annie's armpit, of course - and eventually begins walking again.

so yes, Annie was right. When she told him it was stupid, yeah - she was so right. And the things he had to live through to finally understand it... he should have seen it earlier, but what is done is done ]

That wasn't a human-limited failing, Ken. That's not what it can mean in remembering you're not just a Ghoul, and you're not just human. If that's all you ever took away from what I was saying about it all being bullshit, you weren't ever really listening.

[ But she's so calm when she says that, tugging his hand forward, looking down at his nails. Yes, it was bullshit. Yes, "being the one that hurt" was bullshit. For the reason he said, but not only that. ]

If your course forward was denying your humanity, that's not strength. That's compartmentalization... it's not the same thing.

[ Says someone who lives on that way too. She brings his hand up toward her face, pressing her lips down on his fingers. It's a chilly, chapped lip kiss. Sorry for the things you've lived. Sorry for the life that's come. But it's inevitable, in the cruelty of the world, to find that nothing really persists as it had been before. ]

Mistakes aren't a human only failing.

No, my inability to act was. [ not use his kagune, refuse to eat others when they try to eat him, to set himself free - that was all because he was human and wanted to keep his humanity.

But how can you be human when the fingers someone cut regrow again and again? How can you be human when you have a centipede inside your head for ten days and still be able to fetch it when you are free? How can you be human when your bones break, crumble, when you have holes in your chest and body, and watch all of it getting fixed in a couple of seconds? ~~how can you be human and have two spears shoved into your brain and still survive WELL HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT YET~~

But above all, how can you be human when nothing you deal with was "human" anymore?

He watches Annie, and her small gesture is enough for him to feel the itch again. Right inside his ears; scratching and munching and bitting.

Put a centipede inside your ear munch munch chomp chomp

What's 1000 minus 7? ] Nine hundred and ninety-three.

nine hundred and eighty-six.

nine hundred and seventy-nine.

nine hundred and seventy-two.

[ He whispers fast like a mantra, to himself. And that brings him back, apparently.

As if he didn't even pause, as if he didn't just do something weird, Kaneki continues talking: ] The compartmentalization is necessary. I can't be both. [ he has tried ] I have to push him down, the human me. He can't be here.

[ She waits as he counts. He's so obviously not okay, and even if she doesn't have the vocabulary for it, she just waits. No extra movement, no words, not even shifting how she stands. Just waiting. ]

He is, anyway. No matter how deep you bury him, he'll always be there.

[ No matter how much you survive that proves how inhuman you are. No matter how inhuman the opponents. ]

[ he pauses looking at her, actually a bit surprised. Not because of her words.

Mostly because, yes, his human part will always be there and he knows and he wanted him back. The "pure" him. Back home, he decided on it, didn't he? That he'd return to Anteiku, keep going from where he left, stop being like he was, stop burying and shredding apart his human self.

But it's hard to change his mindset when he spend half year like that. ]

I know.

[ Touka was so sad that he had changed. ]

I don't know what is the right path. There is a lot I still don't know. [ he looks away. He wants to keep walking ] It's different here.

[ actually, he is worried about being here because there is a lot he doesn't know and without his environment, it becomes difficult to know. ]

... we will see how it goes.

[ She tugs him along, looking for movement as well. She prefers that to standing here for long; it's easier for her to operate this way. ]

Right and wrong... they're not concrete, unchanging things. Still... may you find what you're looking to learn.

[ She glances at him sideways, dropping their joined hands down. There's only so much one can do to offer warmth where flesh can't take it. ]

I'd like to see there be times for something close to happiness for even one such as you, Ken. Whatever may have happened in that time where you were living your life back home.

[ She looks away again. ]

Find room to breathe while you're here. If you can.

[ he glances down at his own hand, feeling the lingering warmth. Even if his hand won't warm up, he still feels it, and it's kind and gentle. He enjoys it.

And he smiles back at her as he hears her words of hope. He doesn't know if he can. here, maybe he can indeed. Here he has Annie and Hide and he can rest (it's not like he knows he is too screwed up in the head to rest anymore... he still hopes it's just the lingering feeling that will become muffled as the months pass).

Kaneki touches his own chin and smiles ]

I am breathing. Trying to relax too. I have the chance to do that now.

[ She brings both their hands up to cluck his chin. Yeah. Really. ]

Get back to me on how successful that is six months from now.

[ It's not going to be fast, she means. She's speaking from just her experience, but it's what she has most close to rely on. ]

[ he watches Annie for a moment. he knows. These past few days he has been going crazy, the need to do something brought him to scout the cities . The paranoia keeps feeding his attention and he looks at everyone passing by him as a possible threat.

he wants to relax, but he can't. He hopes it'll get better, though, even if these past days it only got worse.

But he chose this. To stop. To go back. He chose it and it's alright, he will go back and even if different, he'll just keep going like before.

He has no other choice.

What else can he do? ]

If I don't get ported out again - I will.

[ Find new coping mechanisms when the old ones fail. But Annie can't tell him what those are. She's a better listener than an informer; she can, from the outside, offer perspective. But she doesn't solve things. People solve their troubles through their own trials and tribulations. ]

Good. In the meantime, if you ever want to talk... you know where to find me.

[ he nods again. He won't make use of that offer because Kaneki still piles up a lot inside of him. A lot he can't talk about or explain.

It's better like that.

But the offer is still something that he appreciates and so Ken smiles for it ]

Thank you, Annie. For everything.

Don't thank me, Ken. I haven't really done anything at all.

[ And in so many ways she can't; so she simply doesn't try. Much. ]

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