Ken Kaneki (金木 研) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
enucleation) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2015-03-01 08:22 am
enucleation) wrote in maskormenacelogs2015-03-01 08:22 am
[ Open ]
WHO: Kaneki + Open
WHERE: Heropa, Nonah, Maurtia falls, De chima
WHEN: March 1st to March 15th
WHAT: Find Kaneki on the street because he won't tell you he is here otherwise
WARNINGS: Canon spoilers, mentions of violence, gore and cannibalism
[ His arrival back in this world was smoother than he expected. The government told him he was not going to prison for what he did, but due to his violent acts --even if he wasn't in his right mind and was being "controlled" by Hornets-- he had to be put on probation. He was requested to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet for a month and he will have to report to a Registered imPort who will act as his parole officer; the tattoo in his arm now says "criminal" and will remain so for a month. And during all of this, not once Kaneki argued or complained. He nodded and accepted every decision the government made about this situation, and at the end all he did was ask if he still had access to De Chima labs --they said 'yes' because it was necessary-- and requested to now live in De Chima --request accepted-- and that was it.
That's how he returned to this world.
He left an entry over the network, and went to his new place. he is not sure how to address others just yet, but he knows he has to apologize, though you can't really apologize for something like that, not so lightly. He will focus on what he can while he decides the best course of action: the Hornets, the Porter, he will focus on keeping his place in this world, that has been threatened so many times already, and he will protect everyone. He will find what is the better way to do that, since experience told him he can't just do everything blindly. He needs to think.
He will figure it out. ]
HEROPA : Bookstore
[ Even though Kaneki is no longer living in Heropa, he still walks around the city quite often. It's a way to make sure everything and everyone are safe and in case something happens, he will be there to help and protect the people he cares about. He is now working at De Chima bookstore, but he decides to drop by his old workplace; here, only few days passed after he was sent back to his world, but back home it was over 6 months.
He smiles politely at his ex-boss as he comments on the white hair, and he smiles kindly at the man. He also apologizes for leaving and apologizes for no longer working there. With a small bow, he buys three new books and an extra fourth is given to him for free. When he finally leaves the bookstore, he looks around for a second and decides to take off his eyepatch; white hair and black clothes made him pretty weird already, but he figured it was better to avoid looking THAT weird with an eyepatch too. ]
NONAH : Coffee shop
[ He never actually been to Nonah before. It's funny because he was 6 months in this world before, and he never found an excuse to go to Nonah and visit the city. Right now he is only doing so because he wants to know the city, the layout, to see the people, the natives, the imPorts and their locations. He is scouting, that's the only reason he is there. Annie and Reiner live there, so it's important for him to know the place and in case something happens, he can navigate through it.
After a whole morning of walking around, he eventually comes to a coffee shop - a petite and quiet one - and asks for their "best coffee, no sugar, no cream, just coffee". And he eventually sits by the window, looking outside. Doing this sort of things... drinking coffee at a coffee shop, taking a moment to look around without searching for an enemy... it has been a while. ]
MAURTIA FALLS : Streets
[ This was the second city Kaneki was set on getting to know. Like Nonah, he has never been there, but like Nonah, he needs to get to know it in case anything happens. Scouting, learning the layout, learning what you may need to face. If anything happens and he needs to go to this small city again, he will know the place easily. He is also interested in the rumored underground scene going on; these are usually good for information, but given Kaneki is currently a "Criminal" and under Government's observation he knows he can't approach it just yet.
He is carrying his eyepatch today, plus the black clothing and the white hair help a lot for people in this town not to be so suspicious of him. The ankle monitor also brought enough attention, too, but Kaneki politely asks them to go away -with a smile and everything!- as he grabs his cup of coffee and sits down at a public bench to drink it.
This is a really interesting place, actually. Ghouls would probably find it "homy" ]
HEROPA/DE CHIMA : Moving from a city to another
[ Now that he lives in De Chima, he will have to move there. It means going to his old apartment in Heropa and get his things and move them to a different city. At least Kaneki doesn't have much house utensils and necessities, but he has a lot of books and carrying those can be a feat. At least he has super strength and he isn't going to hide that anymore; in his hands, he carries bags full of books, some clothes, some other accessories like coffee.
He can be found carrying his items from Heropa Individual Housing back to De Chima Individual Housing, since it's where he will live from then on. ]
CLOSED : Will Graham
[ Kaneki was assigned Will Graham as his parole officer; he is to report to him and the man already has files on what Kaneki is, thus he doesn't expect having to explain it to him. Hopefully. Though he has a feeling questions and conversations will be had. In any case, Kaneki decides to visit him the second he can.
At least he doesn't bring cupcakes this time.
Kaneki is wearing black, and if Will remembers a gentle black haired kid who smiled and looked too naive for this world, he will now meet a white haired Kaneki who still wears an eyepatch and looks far too tired (and sad). He is still smiling, though. Once he arrives to Will's shop, "Hook, line, & tinker", the first thing he notices is the dog, but after he looks around ] Excuse me...?
WHERE: Heropa, Nonah, Maurtia falls, De chima
WHEN: March 1st to March 15th
WHAT: Find Kaneki on the street because he won't tell you he is here otherwise
WARNINGS: Canon spoilers, mentions of violence, gore and cannibalism
[ His arrival back in this world was smoother than he expected. The government told him he was not going to prison for what he did, but due to his violent acts --even if he wasn't in his right mind and was being "controlled" by Hornets-- he had to be put on probation. He was requested to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet for a month and he will have to report to a Registered imPort who will act as his parole officer; the tattoo in his arm now says "criminal" and will remain so for a month. And during all of this, not once Kaneki argued or complained. He nodded and accepted every decision the government made about this situation, and at the end all he did was ask if he still had access to De Chima labs --they said 'yes' because it was necessary-- and requested to now live in De Chima --request accepted-- and that was it.
That's how he returned to this world.
He left an entry over the network, and went to his new place. he is not sure how to address others just yet, but he knows he has to apologize, though you can't really apologize for something like that, not so lightly. He will focus on what he can while he decides the best course of action: the Hornets, the Porter, he will focus on keeping his place in this world, that has been threatened so many times already, and he will protect everyone. He will find what is the better way to do that, since experience told him he can't just do everything blindly. He needs to think.
He will figure it out. ]
HEROPA : Bookstore
He smiles politely at his ex-boss as he comments on the white hair, and he smiles kindly at the man. He also apologizes for leaving and apologizes for no longer working there. With a small bow, he buys three new books and an extra fourth is given to him for free. When he finally leaves the bookstore, he looks around for a second and decides to take off his eyepatch; white hair and black clothes made him pretty weird already, but he figured it was better to avoid looking THAT weird with an eyepatch too. ]
NONAH : Coffee shop
After a whole morning of walking around, he eventually comes to a coffee shop - a petite and quiet one - and asks for their "best coffee, no sugar, no cream, just coffee". And he eventually sits by the window, looking outside. Doing this sort of things... drinking coffee at a coffee shop, taking a moment to look around without searching for an enemy... it has been a while. ]
MAURTIA FALLS : Streets
He is carrying his eyepatch today, plus the black clothing and the white hair help a lot for people in this town not to be so suspicious of him. The ankle monitor also brought enough attention, too, but Kaneki politely asks them to go away -with a smile and everything!- as he grabs his cup of coffee and sits down at a public bench to drink it.
This is a really interesting place, actually. Ghouls would probably find it "homy" ]
HEROPA/DE CHIMA : Moving from a city to another
He can be found carrying his items from Heropa Individual Housing back to De Chima Individual Housing, since it's where he will live from then on. ]
CLOSED : Will Graham
At least he doesn't bring cupcakes this time.
Kaneki is wearing black, and if Will remembers a gentle black haired kid who smiled and looked too naive for this world, he will now meet a white haired Kaneki who still wears an eyepatch and looks far too tired (and sad). He is still smiling, though. Once he arrives to Will's shop, "Hook, line, & tinker", the first thing he notices is the dog, but after he looks around ] Excuse me...?
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[ Nor does she linger on the thought. Not right now; that's for later, when left to her own thoughts, or left in Reiner's company. Her eyes track Kaneki sipping at his coffee... get distracted by the sight of his hands. She doesn't say anything about that.
She doesn't even look at him when he asks his question. ]
Not in your words.
[ It's her invitation for him to speak. ]
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It's good, he thinks. Not to blindly follow a mission, anymore.
He hums when she answer the other question. Kaneki places the cup down, looking at it; thinking about everything that happened tires him. Nobody died, but so much happened, and so many people hurt because of him and because of his hunger, that hunger he always pushed the limits of.
"You aren't to blame for your actions", but he is, oh yes he is. At least the whole "feeding on my friend's leg" part. ] I starved myself. [ and this happened before the Hornets ordeal. kaneki told her he was weak and that he was to blame for it; going hungry was the weakness he meant. he told Annie she was right; about playing around with his hunger, that's what he meant. ] The month before, I had an episode [ thanks to Nishi ] and I fed on everything I had in my fridge. A ghoul can go for a month without feeding, thus I did not worry about it for the next weeks. When the Hornet virus activated, I was on my way to De Chima. [ to feed.
So, yes. it was his fault.
he starved himself.
No one can tell him otherwise. ]
When I saw Reiner, I remember being angry at him and at all of the imPorts. And the first attack would have been about that, but in the end, it wasn't it at all. It was about satisfying my hunger, the one I brought upon myself. [ he is so tired. kaneki is so tired and so sad, and all that he did was his fault. There is no "fate" and there is no such thing as "bad luck". There are circumstances and situations you meet and Kaneki certainly placed himself in all of them. The things he did when he was so weak and so pathetic.
Kaneki stares at his own coffee, a soft expression on his face; if he was that pure naive boy from before, he would be crying and bawling and apologizing; he is no longer that boy. He is a ghoul now. And it's tiring and sad and painful and so many things that he can barely think. ]
I cut off his leg. [ and he fed on it like the carnivorous beast he was at the time ]
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She's watching him now. That soft expression, the words he uses, the blanks that she can fill in...
Annie reaches out to place her hand over the top of his coffee. There's no black surface for him to stare down at. She's always had her own way of doing things, her own way to interface.
Right now, she waits for him to look her way. This is not a cafe's conversation. ]
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the place doesn't matter ]
when tags suddenly get short and cryptic A STORY (hello juu)
Now. ]
ACTUALLY half of my tag disappeared??? I don't know how??? sob
Kaneki will bring along his cup of coffee, for no reason other than to keep his hands warm - since now they are much colder than before - and his mouth busy. Also to be able to look away from Annie if required, though changing locations will also help him with such.
He heads out, waiting for Annie to come along and choose which destination they should head to next. It doesn't matter to him where. ]
;laskdflkasd ph dasflk oh no
What are you planning on doing now that you're back?
there we go back to tl;dr
I want... to protect everyone. Hide, Reiner, you, Josuke. I don't want to lose anyone important to me anymore, I don't want to see anyone hurt or in pain.
[ Kaneki's fixation on the coffee increases. His eye widens a bit and his expression flashes into something perhaps a bit dangerous. With the free hand, Kaneki thumb presses against the finger right below the joint and forces it down until a "crack" is heard.
Protect everyone. Pluck out interferences, eradicate those who do anything unnecessary. Keep everyone safe, keep everyone alive. No pain, no hurting.
They are fine.
They will be fine.
Not struggling alone, no. He promised Hide, not anymore. he promised Touka, too. he has friends, he doesn't have to do it all alone, it's okay to rely on them. Protect everyone, but keep close.
There is a loud sound in his ear. It scratches and scratches: munch munch, chomp chomp, chew chew- he wants to scratch it, push his fingers inside and search for it to pull it out.
Stop, stop.
Kaneki looks back at Annie, after that weird pause, to continue what he had started to say. Even if he had a pause and had a temporary episode of insanity just now, his train of thought returns fast ]
I know I can't do it the way I did back home. This world is not mine, there are differences and there is a lot I no longer have to deal with, just like there is a lot I need to deal with now. I need a different sort of strength, not just the kind I found back in my world.
[ he will find a way to keep everyone safe. Learn about Hornets and what this government hides. The Porter, how all the pieces fit together and going back home. All of that stills needs to be done. Right now, he has the ankle monitor, so there isn't much he can do. Not even the few months after, since it wouldn't fit well to suddenly go Unsettled after a month of being a criminal. He will play along with the government for a little while. ]
But it won't change, my objective.
i feel so bad being brief in return lasjkdf just concentrated thoughts here
[ it was part of what pissed her off last time. the presumption, the decision making on his own for others, the not letting there be a sense of mutuality. she didn't miss any of that episode - and to her, it is an episode - but she doesn't reach out. she's seen soldiers vacate the present moment like that before.
things haunt you, when you've seen and lived through enough. ken came back, but he came back with metaphorical ghosts clinging to his back. ]
I wasn't in a position to know at first, but your dead body got paraded around on network. It didn't go over well. Have you spoken to everyone who saw that? Or to everyone you're even naming.
[ She's used to seeing dismembered people, and it was still jarring as hell to know who she was looking at. That kind of sick feeling, that helplessness, it's about what can't be changed or made right. ]
Reiner lived. I don't know what stopped him from Shifting, but as nice as your little fantasy is of being the biggest, baddest creature around, ghouls still crush under pressure. [ he knows that. doesn't he. ] No one is faultless, and no one is blameless, but if you're interested in protecting people, try talking with them first. Making yourself hard to find is one kind of hurt that people don't forget.
[ emotions. she's talking about feelings. physical wounds can be easier - not all of them, of course, but many - because that healing can be assisted by outside forces. emotional ones don't work the same way. they all know that. ]
NO NEED TO TL;DR BACK kaneki just has a lot of FEELINGS
"A silent tragic Hero", that's what Touka called him - sarcasm, obviously.
But while the "pure" Kaneki wanted to protect everyone, he was still around others and listened to others. The "tragic hero" Kaneki downright blocked everyone and kept them at bay while he plucked out the world for them. Killed anyone who was a threat and kept in the shadows because he didn't want to bring anyone into that sort of world. The reason why he changed recently was thanks to Yoshimura and Touka, who literally punched it into him.
The reason why Annie is able to talk to Kaneki right now is exactly that. Kaneki saw that he can't do everything on his own, decide on his own, and never ask to others, either for an opinion, either for help. ]
I am here. [ he is here, he didn't push her away and went back to the shadows. In other words, he is there and he will bother to ask them. If they can answer, of course. There are certain times when it's do or die and Kaneki has become very much "do" rather than "let die", like it happened before when he was innocent and naive. ]
He glances back at her, very matter–of–fact about his own death. ] I saw it.
[ he will address it after. Not now. It also doesn't matter if Annie thinks Kaneki's fears were because he was a "the biggest, baddest creature around". It was never about that, but rather about what Kaneki would do, regardless if someone could kick his ass or not; he couldn't care less about being beaten and overpowered then (now is a different matter, in some ways), the problem was what he could do. He tried to kill Hide again; in fact, if it wasn't for Hide's regeneration powers, kaneki would have gutted him. He literally tried to shove his hand inside Hide's abdomen and pull out his intestines.
It wasn't about being super-powerful. It was about Kaneki's own mind breaking at the thought of the things he wanted to do to his friends.
He won't tell her that. If she wishes to think that Kaneki saw himself as an all powerful person that couldn't be stopped, it's fine. Even now, even if he is stronger now, there are still others bigger than him (Shachi is an example. One eyed ghoul is another, probably, even if they never met). But before he feared it all; his own strength, what he could do, that he'd get hurt and others would get hurt.
Right now, he doesn't fear. ]
I told you I'm still gathering my thoughts. I will talk to them. I don't plan on keeping everyone away anymore, you don't have to worry [ "anymore"- Annie probably doesn't know to what extent he did it. If she assumes it's how he kept to his unilateral "i will protect everyone" mentality, it's fine. She doesn't need to know that for half a year, Kaneki basically shut everyone off. ]
hes an americana song
she understands that, in her way. ]
I'll stop when I have the proof.
[ swallowing the word "worry," letting it hang in the air between them: i worry. and she doesn't know the man she's walking with. not really. ]
Don't be a stranger.
pretty much
There is so much he no longer minds, and there is so much he now minds. People change. he changed. Touka surely hated that change, but it's not something Kaneki can alter now. And even if Annie hated the change as well, he couldn't be anything about it.
he let go of the "pure" him, and he doesn't know how to get him back. If he can.
he shakes his head ] I won't. I'm one communicator away.
[ and well, since she mentioned before - ] My death- Suzuya. I don't know how you feel about him [ Hide is PISSED at him. And by what Kaneki saw, Josuke wanted to hunt him down. ] But it's better for him to be left alone.
I- actually appreciate what he did. And besides, he only sees ghouls as monsters, nothing else. To him, he did nothing wrong. [ and was he? Can Kaneki claim "i'm not a monster" after all he has done, with or without fault in his actions? ]
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[ Sorry, Ken, she won't give that inch. She understands it. She knows people's jobs. She in no way is advocating extracting anything out of Suzuya.
But she's not going to place him on a list of people she wants to know or keep close for anything other than a sense of the danger he can also be - his potential for violence. Because of the Hornets. Because none of them are guaranteed control of their own goddamn minds. ]
He's dangerous like so many are dangerous. I don't care about his personal moral compass. If he becomes a threat, he'll be dealt with.
[ Just like anyone else she isn't close to. ]
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So very everyone, honestly. He wasn't expecting them to say "oh no, you are right, we are going to forgive him"; he doesn't want them anywhere close to Suzuya. But Ken also doesn't want them to go out of their way to beat Suzuya up - he can face ghouls, and that scythe of his can cut through anything (like a kagune). While Kaneki doubts he'd kill humans, after fighting Suzuya, he is pretty sure he is not as right in the head as some might imagine him to be and the Dove would be very okay with using "self-defense" as an argument.
But Kaneki doesn't blame him. He is far too young to have decided the career on his own, and Kaneki is almost certain he is one of the orphans caused by ghouls. The Anti Ghoul Committee is known to adopt that sort of children and ask them to fight the beings that murdered their families. Kaneki doesn't know for certain Suzuya's situation (if he did he would pretty much tell everyone "NO Suzuya IS right") but he accepts that there is a lot to him and a justification, too.
regardless, Kaneki tilts his head slightly, before he looks down at his own hand holding the cup ]
I will deal with him myself. If he interferes, I'll pluck him out. [ that last part came a lot darker than he intended, and he squeezes the coffee cup. He comes back to his senses half second later but yes, that just happened and Kaneki just threatened Suzuya. He never said he'd kill him, but Kaneki can't promise that - there are times when it's eat or be eaten.
Of course it'd come to that only if the people he cares for were in danger.
His voice returns to its soft tone ] I have spoken to him and we have accepted to be civil. Not to mention, his prey is Rize-san, so he isn't truly interested in me. What happened was solely because I went on rampage -- and he wanted my kagune to make a quinque. [ Suzuya's mindset is hard to understand. Any Dove wouldn't ignore ghouls and only focus on their assigned case. But The other isn't... well. So normal. ]
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If he interferes with anything I'm protecting, then I'll deal with him. It doesn't seem likely, but that isn't your call.
[ She doesn't care if Ken wants to stake a claim. She's just pointing out, clearly, what she means about her own kind of protection - and this from someone who has never confessed to enjoying killing. She's not expecting anything will come to any sort of head with the man in question - as Ken says, he has no interest in specifics outside of Rize or the weaponization of a dead ghoul, but that's neither here nor there. She doesn't have to expect trouble to acknowledge it.
She does what she needs to. She doesn't aim to know Suzuya. In ways, that will always make it easier.
But past that, it's seeing these moments in Ken, the cut of his voice, the way he searches for something to reflect back in his coffee... she shakes her head. ]
Good to know you're come to an agreement, either way.
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He doubts Suzuya would interfere with Annie directly, or anything she is protecting. But then again, kaneki is not in control of Suzuya; if the Dove wishes to mess with Annie, ken is certain the other could handle him and Suzuya would also have to handle Kaneki at the same time.
( But if Suzuya messes with Ken, kaneki is the one who will deal with this and would rather not involve others. Because it's a different sort of thing, he supposes. He is still trying to figure out the whole "ask for help from your friends" deal. )
He hums softly, finally taking a sip of the coffee he constantly stares at. ]
Annie-
I'm sorry, but I will have to call off our dance lessons. [ he knows it won't surprise her ] And the training- well... [ he looks at her with a smile ] I reached the control I wanted. Being a a ghoul, my kagune, i have all of it in the palm of my hand now. [ he is no longer training to avoid using it. He is training to use it. To be better at it, more and more. ]
no subject
it's not a surprise. not weeks out, and knowing it's another future that had nowhere to go. she can place it as part of her past, though she's not so unaware to know she won't miss it.
and she won't say a damn thing. ]
Of course. Congratulations, Ken.
[ there's no congratulations here. getting to where people think they want to be is not the wonderful journey that naive minds might envision. life tries to break people.
holding anything in the palm of a hand is to wonder if you won't crush it or let it bite into you over time. ]
no subject
... I'm not in a place I can pretend I am who I was. The pure me... [ he doesn't finish. No. She doesn't know, she doesn't know what he became and she doesn't know he has been missing and pushing everyone away for six month, that he pushed the human side inside his mind so deep, tried to drown it, and pretend it wasn't there.
He is no longer doing that. So she doesn't need to know.
the things Ken did and the things Ken became ] I can't go back, but I can try to continue where I left of. Not being what I was, but trying to follow that path again, at least. [ because the path he chose before was wrong. ]
But there is still change, too much of it. And I still need to figure it out. Up until few days ago, I was pushing everyone away and telling myself I couldn't bring anyone into the world I belonged. And Touka kicked my ass because of that.
[ there is still a lot in his mind, it's all too fresh. And Kaneki can't pretend from time to time he feels like shoving his fingers inside his brain and pull something out, or that he doesn't hear Rize and Yamori or that he still has so many questions about everything.
Kaneki is nowhere near where he wants to be. But where he wants to be right now, is exactly the opposite of Annie, who wants to stay quiet; he wants to keep moving, gain strength, become stronger and better. ]
no subject
or she falls behind. ]
Good luck.
[ she never thought of him as pure in the first place... but her words, she can't imagine they're ones of comfort. and he's not asking for her thoughts right now.
so annie will hold her silence, because her own council is the one thing she can always keep. ]
no subject
Even if only after he gets his brain pierced with spears fun times).but it's with that "Good luck" that he finally gets bored of holding that horrible coffee - that has gone cold by now - and places it inside a trash-bin when they pass by one. The distraction for his eyes and thoughts are gone, but he doesn't feel like he needs it anymore.
it's silent, inside his head. At least for now. ]
no subject
she glances skyward, breathing out as she examined the interplay of blue and gray. it's a nice day. she's still breathing, and she doesn't exist in pain.
it's a nice day. she hopes it's a nice day for ken, too. ]
no subject
Today is a good day because he doesn't hear a thing anymore.
And they are sill walking, so that's good too. Kaneki still needs to see the rest of the city and memorize what coffee shops are there. The ones to avoid, too. Good coffee, he wonders if that even exists here.
The silence is only broken after he looks down at his own hand and remembers Hinami-chan asking him to hold hands. At that time, he thought how nice it was, the touch of another person, of someone you care for, after so long of only using your hands to hurt and eat. And that's why he will spread out his callous and always cold hand and offer it to Annie ]
Can we hold hands?
[ it won't mean a thing to her, but it means to Kaneki. Even if she refuses for whatever reason, he won't mind, but he still wants to ask. ]
juu......................... /fluffs his hair
but she doesn't knee jerk respond. doesn't ask why, either, though she thinks about it. instead she holds out her hand, awkward, but trying. she's been trying so hard for so long to be anything more than the person she'd thought she needed to be.
if it meant holding someone's hand when they asked (you can count on me, he'd said, that night as the train roared by in the distance), she can offer that much. especially when she's still glad he's back; glad and so many more complicated things. ]
Mm.
he missed her ok!!!!
And when their hands touch, kaneki goes silent again and that is enough for him.
Holding hands is not a science. he does it because it's kind. It's one of the few kind things left in his life; Hinami reminded him of that by asking him the same. Now that he thinks about it, he was very glad to hold her hand that afternoon. Hands are means of contact, and to him, the comfortable silence becomes comfortable warmth - even if his hands are cold. ]
he just got back what's to MISS
no comment, just doing what she can in her own way. ]
six months is a lot even if he didn't remember her )8
yeah he does have a slew of things to remember now good work ken
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