These Houses Are Priced to Move | OPEN TO ALL

[forgeabettertomorrow]

WHO: Darin Altway and you!
WHERE: Heropa
WHEN: Early June
WHAT: Darin's been bored, so he tried his hand at making his home a 'Smart Home.' He made it too smart.
WARNINGS: Stupidity, hilarity, probably some introspection about how a grown man can be so dumb

-NETWORK-

[Darin has been largely quiet since he returned from his sabbatical at sea. This could be seen as a good thing or a bad thing. You might have spied him in one of the shopping centers in De Chima or Maurtia Falls poking around one of those 'Smart home' displays, but aside from his usual business at the Forge and at Helix Station, he's been mostly MIA.]

[That is, until now.]

You know, for months I've been kicking around the idea of looking into these 'smart home' things I keep seeing in stores. Being able to control all of the electronics in a room through voice commands? Doorbell cameras? Integrated stereo systems and temperature control? Pretty nice stuff. What isn't nice? Having to pay someone to install all of this crap when you know you can do it yourself, and do it better! Which is why, since I've returned, I've taken it upon myself to make my home a 'smart home!' That's right! Everything in this house has been rewired and updated for everyone's utmost convenience~! Here, I'll show you.

[He wanders into the kitchen.]

It's really warm in Heropa today, so I'm going to turn on the air conditioning!

[He holds up a remote that looks like it's been cobbled together from five different remotes and hits a button.]

[And the refrigerator starts firing out ice from the dispenser like bullets.]

...Wait, that's not right. Hold on.

[Another button press and the gas range on the stove ignites and starts spewing fire. Meanwhile, the stereo system in the living room starts blasting Smashmouth's "All Star" on max volume in every room in the house.]

Oh crap oh crap oh crap. Okay. Okay. Power down!

[He hits another button and everything stops.]

...Oh thank the gods...

[His relief is cut short as the house starts to rumble. In a panic, Darin scrambles away with the video following until he's outside. The camera pans over just in time to see the house tear itself free from its foundations on metallic shifting columns and start to amble away down the street.]

... ... ...

...I really hope no one was home.

-HEROPA-

[So there's a house ambling around Heropa, swaying in an unsettling way as it wanders without a set destination. There might be someone inside. There is, however, a blue haired man trying desperately to catch up to his house to try and disable it and make it go back...well...home.]

[The house has enough presence of 'mind' to not crash into any other buildings, and it seems to carefully tip-toe around other people and cars. But when there's an open stretch of land? This thing gallops like a dog without a leash.]

[Trying to get in? You might have some issues with the high security system. The windows and doors are all shuttered with thick steel plates. Also, the sound system appears to alternate between 90's pop rock and Broadway soundtracks. Unless you cross it, in which case the soundtrack quickly switches to Speed Metal and a clip of vuvuzuelas blasting on loop. This house does not want to be caught and it's being a general nuisance.]

[All the while Darin is running after it.]

COME ON!! THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY MEANT BY 'HOUSE HUNTING!' COME BACK!! ALL OF MY STUFF IS STILL INSIDE OF YOU!!!

-INSIDE THE HOUSE-

[So you've managed to make your way into the house while it's still moving. Great job! Now the tricky part: Finding the remote or the CPU and getting this thing to turn around and literally go back to where it came from. Trouble is, the house is in defense mode and that's not going to be easy. Not with every appliance in the place coming after you shooting ice, blasting fire, or hurling blu rays like makeshift shurikens. The lights flicker ominously, the stereo is blasting Talk Radio to drown out your plotting...and the toaster appears to have gone feral.]

Okay, we just need to find a way to turn off the security system. That should at least make things easier...

I hope.

Comments

Heropa

[pidgewidgeon]

[ Green had been on her way to visit Darin when she picked up strange mechanical sounds. It reminded her of the Robeasts Zarkon had sent after the Paladins but, the sound was coming from the direction of Darin's house so she was willing to get Darin had done something silly. Thank the comet that her pilot had more sense than Darin did.

She was about to turn around to go get Pidge when she registered Darin's voice and decided to go see how urgent the problem was.

It only took a minute or so to track the sound back to it's source and she was greeted to the sight of a house walking around while Darin chased after it, pleading for the house to return home.

She was so glad Pidge had at least a modicum of sensibility. ]

Re: Heropa

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Even with his super-human abilities, keeping up with the stride of a house was no easy task. Which is why, when Darin spots the familiar emerald frame of Pidge's lion, he skids to a brief stop.]

Green! Green, thank goodness you're here! Do you know where Pidge is? I could really use her help!

[pidgewidgeon]

[ Green just stared at Darin, huffed, and broke into a lope back towards the Beach House and towards Pidge. Her pilot's head was going to figuratively spin around and explode. It was good to have Darin's chaos back honestly.

It took her about ten minutes to get back to the Beach House and she hit the button to let herself back in and padded down to the lab. Pidge was, predictably, typing away at her computer and ignoring her surroundings so Green grasped the hem of her shirt in her mouth and tugged to get Pidge's attention.

It took a bit of time, Pidge was entranced by whatever she was doing apparently, but eventually she looked up and stared at Green in confusion. ]

You don't normally bother me while I'm working. Is the world on fire?

[ Green tugged again, pulling Pidge to her feet and started dragging her out of the house ]

Okay! Okay! I'm following! Stop dragging me around!

[ Success. ]

HEROPA

[patchricide]

[Hey.]

[Hey, Darin.]

[Hey.]

[Your communicator is making noises.]

[Someone is trying to call you.]

[Maybe you should pick up?]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[He answers without looking to see who's calling.]

A little busy here, can you call back later?!

[patchricide]

This really cannot wait.

[Uh oh. She has that 'right on the verge of exploding' tone.]

Darin, I just arrived at our... [She almost says 'home'. Yeah. About that.] ... our street address. Do you have any idea what I found?

INSIDE THE HELL HOUSE

[adamantlyardent]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[the acoustics in her room don't really carry that, unfortunately; Darin's seen to keenly soundproofing her space up for her, so that bit of banshee shrieking may just have to go unheeded save for whatever gods are laughing at her now.

also? the door to her balcony is sealed off? what is happening.

of course, once she does manage to get to her door without being pelted by more books flying off her shelves with each shaky step, her voice...may be a bit more perceptible. both inside and outside.]

WHAT! IS GOING ON! I--EEE! [she ducks a wall-mounted decoration that has decided to become unmounted.]

DARIN! ALLURA! FUU?! UH--

[oh gods.

who was the other one?]

S-SMILEY...BLOND...MAN...MUS-MUCLES? OMIGODS WHO CARESI--!!

[NO!!!!!!!! NO, SHE IS NOT GOING TO GO FLYING DOWN THE STAIRS. NOT THIS TIME. SHE DOES THAT ENOUGH WHEN THE GROUND IS STABLE.

also. the noise. oh GODS the noise the hellish musical soundtrack to the shifting and tilting and shaking...! she's going to go deaf. she knows it. it's inevitable. this is how she dies: tremors and vuvuzelas.

a miserable wail:] WHAT IS GOING OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-?!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[HEY CECE YOUR COMM IS RINGING]

Please pick up please pick up please pick up...

CECE, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NO—

...Is that Phantom of the Opera in the background...?

...Oh no.

[adamantlyardent]

[yes.

yes it is.

the phantom is asking for his angel of music to sing, but really all he's getting is Cecelia squeaking and yelping with each jitter and shift of the house.

after some grunts, scrambling, and fumbling:]


DARIN THE HOUSE IS BEING ACCOSTED!

HELL HOUSE

[monster_san]

[It is taking ALL OF FUU'S DEXTERITY STAT to keep her feet right now. Especially considering she's got an armful of paintings, teacups, and random tchotchkes that she's rescued from gravity.

she's just wondering if she's the only one in the house right now and where the safest route of escape is and god you know she has been through earthquakes and earthquake drills in her time but THOSE DON'T LAST THIS LONG AND ALSO AREN'T ACCOMPANIED BY INAPPROPRIATE POP SONGS]

Cecelia! [GOD. THE HOUSE. IT'S MOVING. WHY IS IT MOVING, WHY IS IT WALKING, HOW DO YOU TURN IT OFF] Are you all right?!

[adamantlyardent]

I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!

[she bangs the closet door open and spills out, absolutely fuming in multiple senses.

...as in, there's literal steam coming off of her.

she clutches the door frame and shoots Fuu a violent glare.]

GUESS WHO CAUSED THIS ONE, FUU. ONE GUESS.

voice;

[recommendations]

[ Ring ring, Darin. Ring ring! ]

Re: voice;

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[He answers, out of breath.]

Y...Yes? Darin Altway...sp...speaking...!

voice;

[recommendations]

Darin-san! Thank goodness. Something has happened. Cecelia-san has become trapped in her house during some kind of localized earthquake, and I fear the worst.

[ Darin wouldn't have anything to do with that, would he?? ]

Inside the house

[onederfulhero]

Toshinori had been taking an afternoon nap when everything suddenly began going to hell. It's but a moment for him to assess that there is Danger Happening, even if he doesn't know specifically what's going on, before he transforms into All Might... or tries to. This time, he's left with his head and a pair of beefy legs disproportionate to his body size.

"Damnit. Of all the times-"

But for a while, he gets trapped in his room by an overzealous Roomba and the oven leaning against his door; not having the upper body strength to break out, he instead tries to reason with the house.

"Appliances, please do not worry! I am no threat!"

But alas, the appliances do not listen, and Toshinori is left sticking his upper half out of his bedroom window in a feeble attempt to call for help.

"... Heroes, please? Anybody? The appliances seem to be rebelling!"

[forgeabettertomorrow]

If All Might cranes his head a little further, he'll see his blue haired roommate sprinting at top speed, attempting to keep pace with the house that's...

...Taking the on ramp to the freeway. Oh that's probably bad.

"HEY!! HEY! HANG ON, MAN!! I'M COMING! I PROMISE!"

[onederfulhero]

"I think the oven is angry!" All Might shouts back cheerfully, despite the danger and, frankly, ludicrousness of the situation. "It seems to think I am the enemy! Although it was quabbling with the refrigerator a moment ago. Should I just toss them both out the window? We can always order replacements!"

comm call

[monster_san]

[there is the sound of things falling and breaking in the background and maybe ice sliding across the floor, but the voice over the comm sounds as untroubled as if she's asking where he left the spare key.]

Excuse me, Mr. Darin--do your upgrades to our residence have an emergency shutoff? And if so, where would it be?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

So, good news! They do! They're in the garage!

Bad news! There's no guarantee shutting it down will actually...

Um.

Shut it down.

I was kind of in the middle of troubleshooting and the house decided I had enough.

....Oh gods, Fuu, are you in there?!

[monster_san]

Oh! Of course. [the garage. the place with tool racks and tall shelves and things made out of metal and basically a TERRIBLE PLACE TO TRY AND GET INTO unless you actually want those things to fall on your head.] Yes, Miss Cecelia and I are both in here, it seems. I think Yagi-san may be as well.

Is there any other way to access the mechanisms? Or... is it all wireless?

network, we'll get to action eventually

[h2no]

Did you do that thing where you didn't test it at all and assumed it would all work?

[IS THAT A THEME WITH YOU, DARIN?]

OH BOY OH BOY

[forgeabettertomorrow]

So...this actually was the test.

[h2no]

You... you didn't test the stuff individually?

[look, he's not a scientist or engineer himself, but he oversaw a lot of the stuff that went on in the aqua base and he knows enough to know you gotta do that shit bro]

heropa!

[obediences]

[ Luther is sitting peacefully on a park bench, enjoying the sunshine and a sandwich, when there's a deep rumble underfoot. He pauses. Is it killer robots? It's usually killer robots.

Except— a few moments later, the moving house lumbers into view along with a familiar blue-haired figure running down the street, yelling. Luther's gaze pans from left to right, following Darin's path. An arched eyebrow. (It really is like something he might've seen back home, in his own city.)

He sets down his now-abandoned sandwich a little wistfully, leaves the bench, and then breaks into a jog at an angle until he's able to intercept the other man and fall into line beside him. ]

Morning, Darin. What the hell?

[ said fairly peaceably, all things considered ]

Yaaaaas!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Luther! Hey!

How's it going!

Just taking the house for a walk. What's up with you?