Darin Altway (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgeabettertomorrow) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2020-06-04 06:46 pm
forgeabettertomorrow) wrote in maskormenacelogs2020-06-04 06:46 pm
These Houses Are Priced to Move | OPEN TO ALL
WHO: Darin Altway and you!
WHERE: Heropa
WHEN: Early June
WHAT: Darin's been bored, so he tried his hand at making his home a 'Smart Home.' He made it too smart.
WARNINGS: Stupidity, hilarity, probably some introspection about how a grown man can be so dumb
-NETWORK-
[Darin has been largely quiet since he returned from his sabbatical at sea. This could be seen as a good thing or a bad thing. You might have spied him in one of the shopping centers in De Chima or Maurtia Falls poking around one of those 'Smart home' displays, but aside from his usual business at the Forge and at Helix Station, he's been mostly MIA.]
[That is, until now.]
You know, for months I've been kicking around the idea of looking into these 'smart home' things I keep seeing in stores. Being able to control all of the electronics in a room through voice commands? Doorbell cameras? Integrated stereo systems and temperature control? Pretty nice stuff. What isn't nice? Having to pay someone to install all of this crap when you know you can do it yourself, and do it better! Which is why, since I've returned, I've taken it upon myself to make my home a 'smart home!' That's right! Everything in this house has been rewired and updated for everyone's utmost convenience~! Here, I'll show you.
[He wanders into the kitchen.]
It's really warm in Heropa today, so I'm going to turn on the air conditioning!
[He holds up a remote that looks like it's been cobbled together from five different remotes and hits a button.]
[And the refrigerator starts firing out ice from the dispenser like bullets.]
...Wait, that's not right. Hold on.
[Another button press and the gas range on the stove ignites and starts spewing fire. Meanwhile, the stereo system in the living room starts blasting Smashmouth's "All Star" on max volume in every room in the house.]
Oh crap oh crap oh crap. Okay. Okay. Power down!
[He hits another button and everything stops.]
...Oh thank the gods...
[His relief is cut short as the house starts to rumble. In a panic, Darin scrambles away with the video following until he's outside. The camera pans over just in time to see the house tear itself free from its foundations on metallic shifting columns and start to amble away down the street.]
... ... ...
...I really hope no one was home.
-HEROPA-
[So there's a house ambling around Heropa, swaying in an unsettling way as it wanders without a set destination. There might be someone inside. There is, however, a blue haired man trying desperately to catch up to his house to try and disable it and make it go back...well...home.]
[The house has enough presence of 'mind' to not crash into any other buildings, and it seems to carefully tip-toe around other people and cars. But when there's an open stretch of land? This thing gallops like a dog without a leash.]
[Trying to get in? You might have some issues with the high security system. The windows and doors are all shuttered with thick steel plates. Also, the sound system appears to alternate between 90's pop rock and Broadway soundtracks. Unless you cross it, in which case the soundtrack quickly switches to Speed Metal and a clip of vuvuzuelas blasting on loop. This house does not want to be caught and it's being a general nuisance.]
[All the while Darin is running after it.]
COME ON!! THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY MEANT BY 'HOUSE HUNTING!' COME BACK!! ALL OF MY STUFF IS STILL INSIDE OF YOU!!!
-INSIDE THE HOUSE-
[So you've managed to make your way into the house while it's still moving. Great job! Now the tricky part: Finding the remote or the CPU and getting this thing to turn around and literally go back to where it came from. Trouble is, the house is in defense mode and that's not going to be easy. Not with every appliance in the place coming after you shooting ice, blasting fire, or hurling blu rays like makeshift shurikens. The lights flicker ominously, the stereo is blasting Talk Radio to drown out your plotting...and the toaster appears to have gone feral.]
Okay, we just need to find a way to turn off the security system. That should at least make things easier...
I hope.
WHERE: Heropa
WHEN: Early June
WHAT: Darin's been bored, so he tried his hand at making his home a 'Smart Home.' He made it too smart.
WARNINGS: Stupidity, hilarity, probably some introspection about how a grown man can be so dumb
-NETWORK-
[Darin has been largely quiet since he returned from his sabbatical at sea. This could be seen as a good thing or a bad thing. You might have spied him in one of the shopping centers in De Chima or Maurtia Falls poking around one of those 'Smart home' displays, but aside from his usual business at the Forge and at Helix Station, he's been mostly MIA.]
[That is, until now.]
You know, for months I've been kicking around the idea of looking into these 'smart home' things I keep seeing in stores. Being able to control all of the electronics in a room through voice commands? Doorbell cameras? Integrated stereo systems and temperature control? Pretty nice stuff. What isn't nice? Having to pay someone to install all of this crap when you know you can do it yourself, and do it better! Which is why, since I've returned, I've taken it upon myself to make my home a 'smart home!' That's right! Everything in this house has been rewired and updated for everyone's utmost convenience~! Here, I'll show you.
[He wanders into the kitchen.]
It's really warm in Heropa today, so I'm going to turn on the air conditioning!
[He holds up a remote that looks like it's been cobbled together from five different remotes and hits a button.]
[And the refrigerator starts firing out ice from the dispenser like bullets.]
...Wait, that's not right. Hold on.
[Another button press and the gas range on the stove ignites and starts spewing fire. Meanwhile, the stereo system in the living room starts blasting Smashmouth's "All Star" on max volume in every room in the house.]
Oh crap oh crap oh crap. Okay. Okay. Power down!
[He hits another button and everything stops.]
...Oh thank the gods...
[His relief is cut short as the house starts to rumble. In a panic, Darin scrambles away with the video following until he's outside. The camera pans over just in time to see the house tear itself free from its foundations on metallic shifting columns and start to amble away down the street.]
... ... ...
...I really hope no one was home.
-HEROPA-
[So there's a house ambling around Heropa, swaying in an unsettling way as it wanders without a set destination. There might be someone inside. There is, however, a blue haired man trying desperately to catch up to his house to try and disable it and make it go back...well...home.]
[The house has enough presence of 'mind' to not crash into any other buildings, and it seems to carefully tip-toe around other people and cars. But when there's an open stretch of land? This thing gallops like a dog without a leash.]
[Trying to get in? You might have some issues with the high security system. The windows and doors are all shuttered with thick steel plates. Also, the sound system appears to alternate between 90's pop rock and Broadway soundtracks. Unless you cross it, in which case the soundtrack quickly switches to Speed Metal and a clip of vuvuzuelas blasting on loop. This house does not want to be caught and it's being a general nuisance.]
[All the while Darin is running after it.]
COME ON!! THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY MEANT BY 'HOUSE HUNTING!' COME BACK!! ALL OF MY STUFF IS STILL INSIDE OF YOU!!!
-INSIDE THE HOUSE-
[So you've managed to make your way into the house while it's still moving. Great job! Now the tricky part: Finding the remote or the CPU and getting this thing to turn around and literally go back to where it came from. Trouble is, the house is in defense mode and that's not going to be easy. Not with every appliance in the place coming after you shooting ice, blasting fire, or hurling blu rays like makeshift shurikens. The lights flicker ominously, the stereo is blasting Talk Radio to drown out your plotting...and the toaster appears to have gone feral.]
Okay, we just need to find a way to turn off the security system. That should at least make things easier...
I hope.
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