[open-ish]

[onlydoubts]

WHO: Bodhi, K-2SO, Cassian Andor + other friends/housemates??
WHERE: De Chima # 003
WHEN: After this and this. Backdated Oct 4th - 7th.
WHAT: Bodhi was murdered by Hux. And now he's back.
WARNINGS: Talk of death/torture, wound descriptions.

Bodhi Rook has been dead to the world, in the literal sense, for two days now. Little has changed since his body had been dumped in a ditch by one of Hux's henchmen after his murder and had been left there nearly a full day. Body wise, at least. The clothing that had been fused to his skin had been cut away leaving him in a soft robe that Cassian had put on him (with a pair of adorable moon and star pajamas hanging nearby for him to wear when he woke up), the dirt of the ditch he'd been found in had been cleaned up, wounds . But they could only do so much when he was still dead, when his body had not yet begun to heal itself in a significant way.

Kay had been by his side, since he'd found him and brought him back to the house, putting him in his room on clean bedding. Bodhi was unaware of this, as he was unaware of everything else.

It wasn't an immediate or very noticable change, unless one was watching closely.

Simply one second, he'd been still and silent and the next, he breathed, a small quiet rasp. And again, and again until his chest is slowly rising and falling steadily. Color began to return to his face, and the dark edges of the burns had begun to recede, as did the rawness of them (considering the severity of them, it'd be several days before his skin showed absolutely no sign of the burns).

Bodhi wasn't yet conscious, though. It would still be some time until he woke up. An hour, at least. Coming back in small twitches, flexing of his hands and feet, a whimper or toss of his head. Even unconscious as he was, he was restless. It wasn't until the stinging from his healing wounds came known to him did he open his eyes, wincing and blinking blearily at the room around him.

Awareness came shortly after, the memories crashing back down and shattering that reality (Hux branding a symbol into his skin, the fire licking at his legs, how he'd smiled as Bodhi had burned and screamed--) drawing a gasp that ended in a fit of coughing as it aggravated his throat. "No--" he rasped, trying to shield himself from more pain -- but it wasn't the same vast warehouse, and there was no more fire. It was his room, his bed and it wasn't the redhead that he first saw, it was Kay that was sitting in the seat beside him.

Safe now, his mind supplied, when words failed him.

Comments

open to other housemates + friends that visit?

[onlydoubts]

Normally three... four days in the house would have Bodhi going a little more than stir crazy. When he'd been working before, downtime was a luxury. Get hurt, there was no lengthy period of recovery. Days spent in the same place, normally also unheard of -- which is why he was always around. Exploring the cities, running an errand or working (not that the last part took much time each day).

That was before he'd been burned to death. Dying takes a lot, which he'd discovered the first time -- and now he's feeling more than a little tired, and the burns were healing -- skin still a little raw looking, but healing. A bit better off for the work that Cassian and Kay had done before his revival.

He didn't really feel like he was healing, though. Bodhi felt tired, and jittery and anxious and he hated it. When not trying to sleep, his mood flipped between snappish and irate to sullen and withdrawn, which felt unfair to inflict on his friends, after all they had done for him. After Saw Gerrera had tortured him, he'd been able to come back from that - even with the threat of losing his mind, maybe because he didn't have time to process it with how quickly everything had transpired. Like he'd never got to process any of it -- till getting here, at least.

Now it felt like he had too much time. To sit and think or catch a glimpse of the fading mark that Hux had put on his arm as he dressed, to look over the various burns and feel the pull of fresh skin reminding him of what had happened.

When he's not in his room, Bodhi stays out of the way, sitting in front of the unit - knees pulled to his chest, or in the front room in one of the comfy chairs with some parts and tools (don't ask what he's doing, he's not even really sure).

[candor1]

There are fine lines between waiting for invitation/consent and not expecting that someone is always able (or should be stuck with the work) to ask for help. It's a particularly hard thing to anticipate, which is which for any individual, even when extensively trained in reading and profiling people.

Bodhi probably would have been a generous, selfless person even if he hadn't worked for the Empire, thus taught (Cassian has a lot of basis to expect) to ignore/doubt his own worth, conform and obey and never be a problem, and get used to self-denial. So while a lot of this Cassian knows he can't help with… in some things, he won't wait to be asked.

Sometimes he just appears in the space Bodhi's in. He won't invade Bodhi's own bedroom—though he might knock to check in—but in the front room or on the steps: he'll take his own seat, not initiating conversation, just scanning the network or reading whatever piece of Earth text he's onto in his self-assigned reeducation or just idly watching the sky. Just keeping himself available to Bodhi in case he wants to speak, and being ambient company even if he doesn't.

Sometimes he invites Bodhi to join him on excursions—for food, for a walk in the woods, to watch a class at Neojedha. He doesn't seem hurt or surprised to be turned down. But he never stops offering. And at least once has said outright that whenever Bodhi wants to go anywhere, he doesn't have to go alone.

He doesn't care that it's easily conspicuous that he's suddenly spending more time back in De Chima than he has since opening the dojo in Maurtia Falls. He doesn't need to disguise his purpose.

And one night after hearing sounds from the other bedroom, Cassian left his and Jyn's bed and crossed the hall to knock on Bodhi's door.

[onlydoubts]

Sometimes Bodhi thinks that Cassian can read him better than he can read himself. It feels unfair because he is not gifted with that same ability, observant as he may be. Although particularly now, one doesn't need to be a spy to see how well he isn't handling recent events. More than once, Cassian had received some of ill placed ire and yet he still showed up in the room with Bodhi, never pushing, merely suggesting things.

Offering things. An extension, to help acclimate himself with routine, get him out of the house. It's obvious what he's doing.

He can't seem to make it right, or equal. And while Bodhi wants to go out on a walk, well -- if Hux had wanted to make him scared, he got that much out of it. It's only been a few days, though -- it would pass. It would.

Because he was determined to not let some slimy bucket of bantha piss dictate how he lived the rest of his time here.

In the meantime, it was still frustrating. And difficult.

Nightmares had always plagued him. Even growing up, and they'd been on and off since arriving here but now all it takes is for him to close his eyes and he's sitting in a chair while a tall man in armor or a man with red hair, or sometimes both at the same time hurt him.

Or his friends.

This is exhausting but he's pulled out of whatever current dreamscape by a quiet knock on the door. Bodhi nearly leaves it to go back to sleep but he's already dragging himself up out of bed towards the door. He blinks, a little owlishly and is not surprised to see Cassian standing on the other side. For what purpose he doesn't know.

"Cassian. Is something wrong?"

[candor1]

"Yeah," said Cassian.

…Who usually isn't this invasive, but he doesn't wait for invitation before somehow interposing himself between Bodhi and the door. Languidly, like he's keeping all this as close to being asleep as he can, yet so fluidly as to seem like a single move, he's stuck his arm through Bodhi's, swiveled them both around, and closed the door behind them.

Seamlessly following the first word: "I earned my nightmares. You're not supposed to have worse ones than me."

[onlydoubts]

He hadn't been expecting that. Bodhi is surprised enough by the action that all he does is goes along with Cassian, while he leads the both of them back into the room. "Uh." He supplies, helpfully.

There's a flare of annoyance which he shoves back down with a look at the other man. "Look, I didn't mean to wake you but you don't have to stay--" and put your life on hold to take care of me

"I think I'm entitled to a couple nightmares after that."

[candor1]

"You are," agreed Cassian, walking them toward the bed. "You've been doing good work dealing with them." Like he was talking about… who, knows, something else, more external and mundane trauma… before plunking down on the bed like it was his own and stretching back onto the far side, somehow taking up little enough space that there'd be room for Bodhi and a gap between them. "You've earned a night off."

[onlydoubts]

Bodhi huffs, a slight humorless sound in disagreement. Not being able to sleep, or dream without living something awful hardly feels like doing well. He watches, a little stunned as Cassian climbs into his bed as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, leaving him wondering if he was still asleep.

"Isn't Jyn gonna expect you back?" He sits down opposite Cassian, but doesn't lie back down yet.

[candor1]

"Nope. She almost came in with me. Kaytoo'd probably join us. You know, if we wanted to spend the night like in a barracks with no power on Hoth. …Which is one way to go. But since I don't need nightmare relief for the moment, thought better to bombard you less for a test."

He gestured oddly, moving his hand somewhere in the vicinity of Bodhi's shoulder. To… what? Suggest he lie down, or gauge the height, or…?

"Watch your head."

[onlydoubts]

"Oh." Of course he'd woken up Jyn too. Somehow, he's appreciative that they weren't all crowding in here to stare at him, make sure he sleeps well. Not that he doesn't appreciate that they're worried (well, it's good to know they care so much but in honesty -- he doesn't want to feel like a bother. Which he does).

"Hoth? Isn't that a literal ball of ice?" Never a place that Bodhi visited -- but he'd heard of a few species coming up from there (you hear all sorts of stories in a catina, during a game).

He nods, but still remains sitting for the time being.

tw depictions of a panic attack, vomiting, hallucinations

[couldbebeautiful]

Veronica had a panic attack, the first day.

She'd taken one look at Bodhi's dead body and—couldn't stay, not for long. Her throat had closed up on her, bile bubbling up from her stomach, and her heart hammered against her ribcage, faster than it should. She'd excused herself, stumbled to the bathroom, and thrown up in the toilet, until there wasn't anything left to throw up. Then she'd cleaned up and, in a dreamlike haze, staggered back to her room.

It took her two hours to uncurl from her curled-up position against her door, eyes shut and hands over her ears, trying to breathe and ignore her own ghosts, Heather's taunts ringing around in her head. Small consolation: she wasn't the one at fault, not this time, but Heather had laughed anyway and said and what kind of comfort is that?

She's still shaky afterwards, even days afterwards, but life still goes on. There's still school, then work, but for once she skips her usual routine of exploring the cities and coming back somewhat late to come back early, taking a different route from her usual, ignoring the ghosts on her heels and determinedly not looking at anyone else's, should they show up.

When she steps in today, having bought some donuts, she spots Bodhi with parts and tools.

"Hey," she says, lifting up a box full of donuts. Deelicious Deelights, the curly print on the lid reads. "Do you want some? They're still fresh."

[onlydoubts]

Of course, Bodhi would have reacted similarly, if it hadn't been himself that had died. He wasn't aware of her reaction (obviously), but having been dead in his room for nearly two days had to have made things... difficult. For anyone. While most of the more severe burning had been healed by the nanites, the process had only begun to really take effect when he came back.

It was probably an awful sight. An awful thought.

Veronica has been busy with work and school so he hasn't seen that much of her since he'd come back -- and he's been moping around the house, skirting between moods and trying to isolate himself while still remaining around.

He looks up as Veronica enters, with the smell of freshly made sweets and gives her a small smile. "Hi." Even with the recent lack of appetite, they smell too good to pass up. "Yeah, I'll have one. Thanks." However, once tools are out of his hands and he's in possession of a glazed with filling, he doesn't bite into right away.

"How have you been?"

[couldbebeautiful]

The worst part is? It's not the first awful sight Veronica's ever seen. Just the first one she doesn't personally hold herself responsible for, which is not a comfort at all, considering what she thinks she's responsible for. She tries not to look at the scars now, tries to keep the smile on her face and the cheer up in her demeanor so she doesn't fall apart.

It doesn't last when he asks her. Her smile falls, her cheer fades, and she breathes out tiredly, sits down in front of him, the box of donuts in her lap. She could lie. She could say she's been doing okay, as okay as anyone can be expected with a friend who died and came back to life. She could say she's been completely fine, hasn't been throwing looks over her shoulder and wondering if she's next.

She could say all of that.

Instead she says, heavy and tired, "You're maybe the—fourth? fifth dead body I've ever seen, and the first one to come back." The first one whose death she didn't personally witness, just the aftermath. "I'd. I'd like to stop seeing dead bodies belonging to people I know."

[onlydoubts]

Bodhi pulls himself out of studying the pastry in front of him to look at her -- she's young. Much too young to have seen so many terrible things. Friends dead. But he knows that it doesn't work like that. Jyn and Cassian both grew up as soldiers, and he'd lived in Jedha during the occupation, saw firsthand (and later had a hand in) some of the Empire's atrocities.

But you don't need to live in war to know tragedy.

It wasn't his first time of coming back.

"I'm sorry." There's no way to promise that something like that will never happen again. Bodhi knows this, not with Hux running around -- not with how they have another unknown enemy that can steal faces. His friends are Rebels with a capital R, and with so many different factions present ... "That you've been dragged into this. That you've had to see... any of that." Cassian would likely have something more profound to say here. "When he was -- when I was --" dying "I didn't want anyone to find me. Not until after."

[couldbebeautiful]

Got away from JD's "war," only to get dragged into the spillover from an actual war universes away, a war she'd only seen on the silver screen before. What luck she's got, she thinks, that she doesn't even want to be a soldier, hasn't ever signed up for either war, but here she is anyway, dealing with the fallout.

She leans back on her palms, teeth running over her lower lip. In a way, she's almost glad he didn't promise that it wouldn't happen again. At least it wouldn't surprise her, if it does happen once more. (If it drags her in all the more, and hey, it turns out that the war she watched on a movie screen in Sherwood is much less fun up close and personal, who knew?)

"Don't be." She reaches up a hand, pushes her hair back from her face. She tries to summon another smile, but it feels brittle and shaky on her face. "You're the one who got murdered, you shouldn't be apologizing for it. Not to me." She laughs, but it's shaky, bordering on slightly hysterical. "I mean, shit, as long as we're being sorry for things out of our control, I'm sorry I didn't think to go looking for you. Even if—"

She falters.

"It's not your fault," she says. "That I got dragged into this. I could've gotten out at any point, you realize that, right? But I'm staying here, because you're my friends and I don't want to lose any more of them."

[onlydoubts]

Bodhi sighs, and it's his turn to disagree. "You couldn't have known something was wrong. Any of you. You or Jyn, or Cassian or Kay... this was something that he'd planned for a while now. I might've been careless in my dealings with him, or thought he wouldn't dare try anything more, surrounded by so many rebels." He had thought that, and he'd been stupid enough to believe that Hux would let him go. He'd done exactly what the other man had wanted.

"He's dangerous. More so than I think any of us gave him credit for." Duh. Save for maybe Poe. "And he expects someone to go after him for it, and I don't want anyone to fall for it." The others understand. But Bodhi will continue to stress this point, and hopes that nobody will play right into his hands. Even if she is not involved in the war, Hux using their other friends to get to his enemies doesn't seem too far out for him.

At that he gives her a small smile. "Yeah, I guess you're right." It'd be easy to move out, find another place, away from this. "For the record, I am glad that you're still here. " Drama aside.

This is the part where he'd give her a hug, but doesn't want to overstep anything. Also they're both still holding sticky pastries.

[couldbebeautiful]

"I'm not going to go after him, I promise." Even if some tiny little part of her wants to. Even if the part of her that might've briefly fantasized about burning the whole school to the ground wants to strangle Hux. Practically speaking, it wouldn't work out in her favor anyway. "I—knew someone a little like him, once. They pick on the people they think are weakest, even on their own side. The best way to combat that is to show that you're not, but that part's tricky."

Bodhi can't exactly find a way into the First Order like Veronica did with the Heathers, after all. So instead: "There's this thing called 'strength in numbers', back in my world. If you banded together with other people like you, the people I talked about wouldn't target you specifically, at least. You had some protection in a group, but if you weren't..." She shrugs, and mentally marvels at the fact that there's apparently a lot more parallels between the Empire and Westerburg High than she thought. "That might work."

She smiles again. This time it's less brittle. She sets the box of donuts aside, and says, "I'm going to hug you now. Let me know if anything hurts?"

She can afford getting icing on her clothes, anyway, they're secondhand and she knows how to work the washing machine. She goes in for a tentative hug.

[onlydoubts]

"People like him exist in every galaxy." His smile, a little wan, falters a bit. "He's always gone after me. Ever since he learned I defected, he -- doesn't act this way towards the others, and I'm not any kind of soldier. I was just the easiest target. And I'm not sure how to go about that, now. I thought I had showed him, but..."

It made things worse. "I know the concept, yeah." Bodhi can stick close, with the others as he's been doing, refuse to leave the house and hide more. But her way, sounds better. Doable.

Not gonna stop living his life out of fear, when it's what Hux would want.

When she offers the hug, he smiles again, this time in full. He wraps his arms around her in return, only grimacing a little bit when the action pulls or she brushes a still healing wound.

[reexamined]

Someone is watching closely.

Kaytu has been browsing the Network, reading what he can to suppress his boredom, but steadfastly refusing to leave Bodhi's room for longer than a few minutes. Over time, as he'd known, the human's injuries began to fade. Eventually his skin returned to the right shade it should be, and he looked less like a dead body on a bed, and more like a person sleeping.

Given the silence and typical creak of the house, any other noise from within the room might as well be like a foghorn. The beginning of Bodhi breathing might be barely noticeable to someone who wasn't looking for it, but to Kay, this was a very big deal. He nearly stands up from the chair he'd commandeered from Bodhi's room, and instead just grips his fingers around the seat. Breathing didn't mean awake, he soon realizes, as Bodhi continues to breathe but to have no other reaction.

Alive.

Not awake yet, but alive.

Kay's relaxes in his seat, and continues browsing the Network, with a bit more anticipation. In the mean time, he temporarily catalogs every minor reaction Bodhi has, somewhat surprised some of his movements indicate fear, like he's having a nightmare. However, unlike when Cassian is having a nightmare, he doesn't dare try and wake Bodhi from this, just in case.

Eventually, it results in Bodhi's full wakefulness, triggering a coughing fit along the way. At this point, Kay's out of the chair and on his feet, closing the space between the chair and bed with only a long single step.

"Bodhi."

A large droid hovering over them and their bed is probably not what most would find reassuring, but he sounds so relieved to see Bodhi awake.

[onlydoubts]

Bodhi could be waking up anywhere. He knew, even in the early stages of wakefulness that his last moments conscious were leading up to his death, and that he'd probably come back. But he didn't know where that would be

And while he'd been afraid of his friends being the ones to find him, it is a vast improvement over the idea of waking up to Hux's maniacal features yet again, promising another round of... that.

He swallows, winces like his throat has been dry for the last two days, which it had been, as he stares up at the droid. Kay might think he'd not be the first thing that Bodhi would want to see, but in this moment, he can't think of anyone he'd rather see more (and he would believe this, if it were Jyn or Cassian, sitting in his place -- as the three of them are his friends, his family). Regardless, his current presence is the reason Bodhi hadn't made himself small, shaking with panic, or stuck deep in his memories. "Hey." His voice sounds a little more clear, but there's still a rasp to it.

[reexamined]

He's awake, and alive, and honestly, it's a little strange. Humans just didn't do that, and this was a result of the strange bacta-like nanites running through his blood. But even bacta couldn't bring the dead back to life.

But Kay's nothing if not pragmatic, and when Bodhi sounds like he can barely get the words out, he's already assessed what's wrong, and how to fix it.

"You need water," he asserts, and begins to leave the room.

[onlydoubts]

One thing he was aware of was his pulse jack hammering away -- if it's a result of having been dead for two days and the body needing to... readjust to being alive again or fear or a combination of the both Bodhi couldn't say.

He's died twice now. That's not normal. Even home, they couldn't just bring someone back -- not with all the bacta in the galaxy. Because he's well aware, remembering everything clear from those last few moments and knowing there's no way he'd survive being burned alive.

When Kay stands and makes to leave, he reaches out, surprisingly fast and flailing. "Wait."

It's impulsive and he knows the others are there in the house but ... he doesn't want to be alone.

[reexamined]

Kay waits, turns to look at Bodhi (he'd predicted the chance of Bodhi not wanting to be alone as very high, but he also thought that the necessity of water still took a high enough priority unless otherwise requested). This was a request.

It makes sense he wouldn't want to be alone.

The droid returns, but doesn't sit on his seat as he had before, and instead sits at the foot of Bodhi's bed.

"You should have water, but I won't leave if you don't want me to."

[onlydoubts]

While those memories are clear, everything else feels slow and sluggish and his entire body feels, well... like he'd been sleeping for the last few days.

Suppose he has, in a way. He's not sure how he came to be back in his room (obviously), so Kay or Cassian must've found him. Brought him back.

(Or Hux could've dumped him right on the front steps for them to find, and can't hide the shudder at the thought).

Either way, Bodhi scrubs a hand over his face - willing himself to calm down it's fine, it's safe. And his throat does feel as parched and dry as the desert in Jedha's driest season.

And yet...

"Please stay."

[reexamined]

"Then I will stay with you," Kay says, and adjusts his position to face Bodhi more properly while still sitting on the bed. It sinks pretty deeply underneath him, given his weight, but it shouldn't break as long as he's careful.

[onlydoubts]

Warmth spreads throughout his chest, more so when Kay moves to sit on the bed. Bodhi reaches out again, hand brushing against a metal arm and keeping it there, not wanting to lose the contact.

Telling him it's real.

It's reassuring. "Thank you." He manages. "Did you bring me here? How long have I --?"