weep not for the memories

[brushoff]

WHO: Everybody!
WHERE: all cities
WHEN: March 4 - March 6
WHAT: it's a catch-all log, sucka! Tag here and thread around for the Dorian Ruins Everything Guilt Extravaganza part of the overall March plot. Please check out this ooc post for details!
WARNINGS: Traumatic memories. Possible talk of murder, death, blood, other nasty things. I'll try to update if the warnings needed but please use content warnings if it gets super nasty!

It starts off on March 4th, the early morning before the sun's even risen. You know those weird mirages that were hanging around the day before? Well now it's getting a little personal.

These mirages come and go seemingly for no reason. They might stay for a minute, they might stay for an hour. The images vary between person but the unifying factor is that the mirages consist of people the player characters have hurt, whether people in-game or from their homes. Whether they murdered them, slandered them, or even had a petty little argument, the unifying factor is the guilt each character feels towards or about this mirage. After all, you know you hurt them somehow. You know their existence somehow makes you feel guilty.

Another unifying factor? The creepy way these mirages just seem to stick to you. They'll follow you if you try to leave, staring you down with their creepy unblinking mirage eyes. And whoops: everybody can see said mirages. Hopefully you're not being stalked by someone you and somebody else both know, wouldn't that be awkward?

Have fun confronting your traumatizing past and/or wondering why your buddy's got some creepy ghost guy following him, imPorts!

( ooc: this is a catch-all log! Make starters of your characters getting haunted by their creepy mirages, have other people react to said creepy mirages, ???, profit. Hit me up on the ooc post if you have any questions! )

Comments

[helpline]

[ hey there buddy. The Doctor turns to look at MK, giving her a little nod as she feeds the squirrels. Yes, good, squirrels gotta eat too.

He also notices the girl standing next to MK. Huh. She looks familiar somehow, in a way that the Doctor can't really place because he is goddamn terrible at recognizing faces. At MK's question, he turns to look back at Donna. ]

Her name's Donna. We used to travel together until something happened.

[ the world's most drastic understatement. With a gesture towards MK's punk rock doppelganger, the Doctor asks ]

Who's she?

[ewenique]

Donna. ( Tall, bright hair. Terribly unhappy looking. MK watches her a moment, because looking at someone else's guilt is easier than examining her own. ) I like her hair.

( Quiet; she's not very good at comfort. )

Justyna. She was my sister, until someone made her disappear.

( Another drastic understatement, though not so dire as the Doctor. ) Same people who hurt Niki.

( There's so many reasons to feel guilty about all of them, but she can't help but wonder if part of it is because she loved Niki the most, if Niki's death is what drives her even more than all of the others. )

[helpline]

That makes sense. The two of you look a bit alike.

[ It's said in a 100% serious tone. He's not giving MK shit or anything, he just truly is that faceblind. However, his next statement is a bit of an understatement as he gives MK a weak smile. ]

Y'know, the more I hear about these people, the less I like them.

[ ha ha! It's a joke! Or, at least, it's the Doctor DESPERATELY TRYING to joke. ]

[ewenique]

A bit.

( Quiet; the Doctor is a bit weird, but she's slowly becoming used to the idea that she's not awful, just oddly straightforward even with the complexities. Blunter, like her. )

There are five others. I have been seeing them sometimes, too.

( A bit abruptly, she asks, ) Is Donna dead, too?

[helpline]

She's not, [ the Doctor responds, with a shake of his head. ] It's...complicated.

[ And because MK deserves to know the truth, he continues. ] Back home, something happened. It's all very complicated and consists of so much time nonsense, but the long and short of it is in order to keep her safe and alive, I had to wipe Donna's memory of all of our time together.

[ It's obvious this is something that the Doctor desperately, desperately regrets. ]

[ewenique]

( MK watches him silently. Sometimes interactions are hard for her; the nuances of expression, the meanings and implications in tone. It is hard for her to react quickly to conversations - while her mind can map out responses, her mouth doesn't like to use any of the orienteering equipment provided, and she falls down verbal and social slopes to end in a depressing, embarrassing slump.

This? She can understand. )

If there had been a way to—

( For a moment she has to stop, collect herself, steady her voice. ) If there had been a way to save my sisters, and the cost was erasing their memories of me, I would have done it. The— the reason we were targeted was because we knew too much, tried to speak out. They silenced us before we could. If there had been a way to erase what Niki knew that made her a target, which would mean erasing me, I would have done it. Better she be alive and not remember.

( Better than the alternative.

The ghost of Justyna sneers, rubs her hand across her mouth, and crosses her arms. ) I think you did the right thing for Donna, even if it hurts you.

[helpline]

[ She's right. As steeped in regret he is, even the Doctor can see that MK's right. The alternative was awful, dying's not something he'd wish on anyone. And, even if it meant Donna would never remember him, if he'd never see her again, at least she was safe. MK's right. And once again, it's so sad that she's had to go through what she has.

The Doctor reaches over to try and take MK's hand, to give it a small little reassuring squeeze. ]

I know that you already know this but once again, I'm sorry about your sisters.

[ewenique]

( The contact startles her - people do not, as a general rule, make contact with her. She does not tend to allowing it. For a moment she freezes up, the way a wild creature might with the shock of being caught, like the instinctive urge to play dead in the hopes that the animal that has captured it might simply lose interest.

Her teeth grind together for a moment, and though she doesn't pull away from the contact, the way she holds her arm suggests she might be trying to figure out a way to detach it from her body.

(And yet, at the same time, it isn't entirely terrible having someone reach out for her. She's simply used to being safer when she's out of reach.) )

Me, too. And I'm sorry about Donna. Being necessary does not make it easy, always. ( There's a moment, where she pauses, and tries to think of something to offer. The Doctor has given her information - he might trust her more if she offers information in return. She nods to the surly teenager before her. ) Justyna was very— aggressive. We didn't like each other very much, at first.

[helpline]

[ He sees MK freeze up. So, after he gives her hand that one reassuring squeeze, he lets go, putting his hands back at his side. The Doctor's not stupid. He can recognize when somebody doesn't like something. And if MK's still a little bit tense with regards to human contact? Then he'll gladly ease off a bit for the moment.

The Doctor can't help but smile though at that statement. Huh, prickly little socially awkward MK not liking people very much. What a shock (said nobody ever) ]

Donna and I liked each other, but it was that sort of friendship that got loud. We argued a lot and got on each other's nerves constantly, but at the end of the day we still remained good mates.

[ He shrugged a little. ] I've had friends like that, though. A couple of my good friends here didn't like me in the slightest when I first arrived.

[ewenique]

Did she laugh a lot?

( The current image of Donna certainly looks like she wouldn't mind shouting, but it doesn't seem like the Doctor would enjoy a person who was only that. And she could understand - she and Niki had their fair share of arguments too, in their short association, but they'd had a fast, intense loyalty and Niki made her smile in even the darkest of times, when generally she wasn't a smiler at all.

MK doesn't smile, now, just bobs her head in understanding. ) Making friends is difficult. Very few people deserve that kind of trust. Maybe those people were just cautious, at first. Smarter.

[helpline]

She did. She laughed in a way that even when she was laughing at one of my mistakes, I couldn't help but give her a grin in response.

[ He's got a warm smile on his face as he looks over to Donna-ghost. Her glare lessens that smile slightly...but that doesn't change the fact that he's still smiling. Creepy ghost or not, he'll still remember Donna and her smile, her laughter, the way she teased him. He's got to remember it. Someone needs to. ]

What about Justyna? You said she was angry, but what else was she like?

[ewenique]

( That gets something of a smile from her, even fleeting, even though she tends to keeping her expressions small - restrained, almost, like she should hide those away, too. )

Loud. She said what she thought. ( For better or worse. MK's smile has fallen far away, and she glances down. )

Like a leader. I didn't— we didn't know each other very long. But she was brave, and very full of life. Clever and rebellious, I think.

[helpline]

She seems like a person I would have loved to meet. [ It's said as a statement of fact, as the Doctor looks over at MK. He teases slightly, gentle smile on his face to signal to MK that he's being a bit of a tease. ]

I wonder what it says about us, that we both found ourselves stuck with loud people.

[ewenique]

( MK's expression remains more stern. Darkness no parents, etc. )

It is to remind how wrong it is that we can't hear their voices any more.

( Bluntly, but quiet as always. ) That is why we were stuck with them. They should never have been silenced.

[helpline]

Points for effort. But Donna wasn't the only ghost I've seen so far. [ It takes the Doctor a while to admit this. He has to pause and collect his thoughts before continuing. ]

Yesterday I was haunted my friend Clara. Who, in case you don't know her, is very much here and very much alive.

[ at least, for the moment. ]

[ewenique]

I know who Clara is.

( Because she is kind of a stalker. Clara is close to Cosima and close to the Doctor, and thus she is aware of her. Talks a lot. Likes the sound of her own voice, it seems; the sort that would give a speeches at any opportunity. Cosima loves her, but Cosima also seems very, very naive, or very foolish. They can be talkative idiots together.

MK is a very sensitive and loving person, really. Underneath all that boiling anger. )

She talked about being dead on the network. 'Dead' is a relative term.

[helpline]

She's dead back home, [ the Doctor explains, as if that solves everything, ] And was dead here for a while, but now she's not. It's complicated.

[ Complicated is the understatement of the century. The Doctor keeps everything calm, talking about this like it's the sort of conversation normal people have on a regular basis. No biggie, just describing the complicated status of if someone's really dead or not. ]