maskormenacelogs | you said i want you, i don't want another.

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you said i want you, i don't want another.

WHO: kirei kotomine & danger.
WHERE: the beach.
WHEN: valentine's day.
WHAT: normal friends, normal walk.
WARNINGS: these characters tho.

[ danger sits on a bench facing the shore, watching as the water laps against the sand and the colors overhead shift into something warm with the approach of early evening. her face is as passive as it ever is, unreadable despite the stream of thoughts running through her mind. she had much to consider after her time spent with dr. gideon-- the physical evidence of which she hadn't bothered to hide. underneath her open jacket, her loose shirt was visibly stained with blood.

she is due to meet with kirei now-- another man who often weighed on her thoughts, perhaps even more so than usual lately. she'd been dwelling on what he'd said to her the other day (all parts of you), letting those words replace the irritation she'd felt towards him after their pseudo-family dinner at the house.

no one had ever accepted all of her before. not even the man that had claimed to love her most of all. ]

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[ He notices the way she leans into his hand; she enjoys this. That kind of simple pleasure eludes him, but Danger understands it. He repeats the motions thoughtfully, his thumb rubbing idly against her cheek. ]

I wonder, how do you classify that, Danger?

What do you expect of me, as your friend?

[ This is a man who has never had nor truly been a friend; he has no grounds for comparison.

And does she, really? He isn't sure. ]

[ there is something about being touched this way by another living, breathing being that makes her feel connected. it was something she had lacked when her sentience was first born-- her loneliness then is a memory she can never let go of. ]

I cannot justify having expectations of you, Kirei. [ she may have them, but if she does, she considers them illogical. ] You yourself hardly know what you are capable of. Taking into account my own inexperience with relationships of this nature, expectations carry a great risk for disappointment.

I am unsure that I am emotionally prepared to face that.

[ not with someone so important. not so soon after the last one. ]

[ Slowly, his hand retreats from her face. He stays close to her, withdrawing only enough to be able to measure the full range of her expression -- for how little it changes, no matter if she is flesh or metal. ]

That is the risk for any human contact. I cannot guarantee I will not bring any harm to you.

[ It's more than just the truth of human error; Kirei Kotomine has a greater risk of damage, both emotional and physical, than any 'ordinary' man. ]

And, in turn, you may harm me.

[ After a moment, he adds: ]

I cannot tell if you would enjoy that or not.

I am not afraid of physical harm. And I am aware that choosing to be close with you carries a great risk of being hurt. But disappointment is a wound of a different kind.

[ there's a vulnerability she conceals in the steady quietness of her voice and the passive blankness of her face. she finds it more difficult to offer emotional investment now than before-- now that experience has taught her harsh lessons. she is still young and still learning, yet gradually, pain chips away at her naivete.

but what he says next catches her attention, making her pause as she regards him. it reminds her of what dr. chilton had implied about her that morning-- about her tendencies. sociopath. sadist. those were the words he had used. ]

Are you asking me if I would enjoy that? Or accusing me?

It's curiosity; not an accusation.

[ He is upfront with that. Usually, he would prod, goad, and twist such a statement, but Danger is unique. With Danger, he does not wish to manipulate her into believing one thing or another; he simply wants to know her impression -- because that is how he will learn. ]

You were created for violence. It would follow that such things... satisfy you.

[ she dwells on her response for a long moment, watching him with slightly narrowed eyes, as if she is uncertain whether or not she should feel suspicious of him. aimless, pointless violence is unlike her-- at her core, danger is a logical and calculating being. but she has enjoyed violence in the past. her violence is focused, directed at those who have hurt her. just desserts, in her mind.

finally, her answer comes in that same quiet, unreadable voice: ]

It can satisfy me, yes. But I have evolved beyond the purpose my creator intended for me. I can be satisfied by a multitude of things.

Oh, by all means. [ He says immediately. ] I do not mean to simply it is all that pleases you; you have far more potential than that.

But it does, in fact, please you -- which is something most people would not dare admit.

Not everyone would be as understanding as I am about it.

Why should I not admit it?

[ she has some sense that humans might find it socially unacceptable, but much of what encompasses her-- what she is could be considered the same. humans already find her strange and alien. they already separate her. and what comes naturally to her must simply be that: natural. and it isn't as if her violence is undeserved. not in her mind.

it isn't as if she's some mindless killer. ]

I do not require everyone's understanding. The acceptance of those important to me while suffice for the time being.

[ Kirei shakes his head. ] You are free to admit whatever you like, but others may misinterpret, and doubt your control -- considering you a risk, as your name implies.

[ He shrugs his shoulders slightly. ]

Their opinion matters little, but you may not want to create an enemy.

[ It's a slight thing, but he wants Danger to know his acceptance means more... it's essential to him that she knows what he thinks will not be found in others; that she knows this thing between them is unique. ]

[ she can't explain to herself why this line of conversation riles something defensive inside of her. she eyes kirei a moment, trying to discern if he has some alternative motive for choosing those particular words-- words that alienate her from others, widening the divide in her mind, making her dwell on imaginary enemies and betrayals.

finally, she glances away, eyebrows drawing together slightly. ]

Do you not find me capable of dealing with enemies? [ her voice remains soft on the surface, but her words have sharp syllables. ] My violence is elegant. Precise. Reserved for those that hurt me first.

You misunderstand.

[ He says this almost gently. ]

I find you more than capable, Danger, and that idea may frighten others. They fear you the way one may fear a nuclear bomb. Even if they know they have done nothing to warrant unleashing it, they tremble at the idea of its very existence -- of the potential.

People fear what they do not understand.

[ she pauses, letting her stare linger on him as she considers what he's said to her. does she enjoy that idea? the idea that others might fear her, threatened by her very presence, the unspoken power she possesses. fear is not the same as acceptance-- but perhaps lacking the latter, she could be somewhat satisfied by the former. just as revenge had filled the gap left inside her by a lack of love.

she wonders if that makes dr. chilton right about her. ]

But you do not fear me. [ she knows that much, at least. ] You have called me your friend. You have said that you understand me. I am special to you, am I not?

[ He takes her hand again before he answers. This feels important: to be connected to her as he says it, looking into her eyes. ]

More than anyone.

[ He has twisted words before, to his advantage, but this is no exaggeration. It's honest. Danger goes beyond the simple definition, and the idea of losing her--... ]

But no one else feels as I do.

[ ...--the idea of losing her causes him to grip her hand too tight, and he doesn't seem to realize. ]

That is what makes me special to you.

[ it isn't the first time someone has told her how important she is to them. how special. even now, she struggles to put her full faith into the words. she knows how easily words can evaporate into nothingness, how quickly they can be turned against you. but still, she doesn't fight it when he takes her hand, even when he squeezes hard enough that it hurts her-- she submits to him in that small way, a subtle gesture from a calculating killer.

that means something too. ]

You are special to me.

[ she confirms quietly, without hesitation. ]

But that is not a guarantee of anything. Particularly not safety. Nor happiness. It is only a matter of time before you and I harm one another. The only question that remains is how we will choose to respond.

[ There is a quiet moment where he studies her. There is a certain disconnect, between this moment with the two of them and the sunny beach surrounding them. Somewhere, couples laugh and children play in the shallows of the water, and that seems miles away. ]

Would you like to erase that wonder, then?

[ Slowly, his hand tightens more around hers. ]

I would give you permission to harm me, if that would help answer your question.

[ she can hear the sounds of the people around them-- their laughter, their voices, the sounds of their feet moving through the sand-- but her attention remains firmly fixed on his face, even as his grip tightens to bruising on her hand, making the small bones cramp together uncomfortably. ]

I would not hurt you without reason. [ she answers him plainly. ] I could not justify it.

[ she pauses, her eyes flickering away to follow a small child that runs closer to her than the others. ]

Do you wish for me to invite your harm?

[ He moves his other hand, touching one of her fingers between his own. He pushes, applying pressure -- just a meager demonstration of what he could manage. ]

I do not need convincing.

[ That is the difference; that is why Danger is a greater person than himself. Kirei needs no reason to inflict harm. It would delight him to do it. ]

If it would make it easier, I am certain I can find you a reason.

[ her eyebrows pull together when she feels the slight force of him pushing at her finger. the fragile little bones protest even that much, though she doesn't flinch away, not yet resisting him. perhaps that in an of itself is permissive-- or she isn't certain if he means to do more than that mild demonstration. ]

You want to hurt me. [ that isn't a question-- no, more an acknowledgment. but there's a slight pause, as if she were testing her next statement: ] You want me to hurt you.

Wouldn't it resolve your feelings of dread, Danger?

[ He says this like it's the most natural conclusion to draw. He does not deny either statement that she declares; there is no point. He will not give her petty lies. ]

You say it's only a matter of time before we hurt one another. That unknown remains intimidating -- so, we should erase it.

[ It's broken logic, which may lead to broken fingers, but he does not push that hard on her hand.

Not yet. ]

[ it's true that she feels naturally inclined towards violence-- especially as a means of solving problems. not to say that her methods aren't usually calculated, even elegant, but violence is still violence all the same. even now, she feels tempted towards harm, aware of the threat he poses even just by holding her hand. that pressure on her fragile finger is a reminder of that.

when she answers, her voice is low, her syllables careful: ]

There is no further need to make excuses, Kirei. [ she watches him steadily. ] If it is inevitable, and this is your desire, then do what you will. I will respond accordingly.

[ That was not the reaction he expected.

It's not a bad reaction; it's merely different. As such, he isn't sure he should proceed. This is all so new to him, and spoiling it would be foolish beyond all measure.

This may not be the ideal time for a test like this. Later, perhaps, would be more suited. Slowly, his grip loosens on her hand, and returns to a more casual grip. ]

You are a fascinating being, Danger.

[ Instead of breaking her fingers, he touches his mouth to them, curious and considering. It doesn't inspire much in him, as he expected -- he is not sure why he thought it may be different.

Then he changes the topic, as if it is the most natural thing in the world. ]

You are correct: the beach is uninspired. You should decide the next location, should we make another attempt.

[ she isn't sure what to make of it when his hand loosens around her own, easing the pressure that had threatened to become pain. it makes her pause, the way he kisses her fingers-- even though she knows very well that the gesture is superficial, meaningless.

the subject change goes without her commenting on it. instead, she simply answers: ]

Did it make a difference this time? [ the question, like her face, is unreadable. ] If it did not, I would be unwilling to waste our time again.

It did. [ It's an honest response. ] I believe I learned something, Danger. More and more, I realize how valuable you are to me.

[ She makes him reconsider, where another being would not. She is worth something more, deeper than any simple, petty entertainments. ]

But that reverie did not require this setting. [ A gesture is made to the beach around them. ] It's quite unnecessary.

[ it shouldn't matter to have her worth reaffirmed by anyone. she'd taught herself to be more independent of others than this-- but that was the trouble with emotional attachment of any kind. she had to let people in to achieve friendship, to achieve more than that. she came to want and need them in small ways that would have been illogical, if she'd been a machine and nothing greater. ]

Acknowledged. [ she finally responds, taking one more cursory look at the water and the sand. ] Do you wish to go home?

[ It is an oddly domestic setting, to go 'home' together as one. Even if the arrangement is not meant that way, there is a novelty involved. Usually, that sort of concept only serves to irritate him, but Danger has a different influence altogether.

He squeezes her hand, and he grins faintly. ]

Yes, I believe we should.

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you said i want you, i don't want another.

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