Two Men and a Ginger Baby ( CLOSED )

[redhott]

WHO: Kyle Conlen redhott, John Constantine heckblazer, and Jack neverdied
WHERE: Betty Black's Bingo Hall
WHEN: Early December
WHAT: Kyle and John come visit Jack while he's working as a bingo caller. Shenans ensue.
WARNINGS: None yet.




This is... a whole thing, isn't it? [ From the outside the building doesn't look like much, but inside... Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen. With tacky carpeting and rows and rows of tables set up for attendees, it reminds Kyle of someone attempting to capture the prestige of Las Vegas in its heyday and failing very very hard.

There's a line for game cards and dobbers, although many of the pros have brought their own. No one in this entire hall is even close to his age, but he doesn't mind. He's getting attention from the old ladies in line beside John. ]

You see Jack anywhere yet?

Comments

[redhott]

[ There's a lot of UST flying over Kyle's head as he focuses on the very serious game of bingo. Soon enough one of his cards gets all four corners covered, but he's a little too hesitant to say anything. He has no idea what the protocol is here. ]

Do I say bingo? [ He looks around hesitantly, two of the women beside their table urging him on. ] Uhmm, bingo. Bingo!

[ He raises his hand to get Jack's attention and hopes that flat stare doesn't burn it right down to the bone. ]

[neverdied]

[Of course, it had to be one of those two that got bingo. He really wouldn't be surprised if there's some level of cheating going on, but really, he doesn't give a shit either way.

He's just picking out another ball as he hears Kyle's call, heaving a sigh to himself as he nods a vague acceptance. A hand is lifted towards one of the staff members standing near the edges, and then he's slowly rising to his feet, pushing himself up heavily as he leans towards the microphone set before him.]

We'll take a quick break...

[Those two? Still getting the eternal glare as Jack jerks his head to one of the side doors, a gesture for them to follow as he slinks away. They have some explaining to do.]

[heckblazer]

[ John, you dumb idiot. When the man who looks like he could break you over his knee and tear out your throat is also looking at you like he absolutely wants to, do you follow him through a shady side door?

Apparently.

John gets up from his seat, ushering along Kyle with him, keeping their arms linked so as to continue the father/son charade. The ginger bastard will, of course, pay for the whole "daddy" thing later in some way.

The gang of little old ladies continue their spirited gossip as the gentlemen follow Jack toward the doors, John sharing some grins and winks with them as he passes.

The door leads onto a side street where the bingo hall keeps their garbage for pickup. It's connected out onto a sunny main street by a busy intersection, sure, but the alley is pretty inconspicuous. Not much throughway - or witnesses - down in here.

John's about to open with a quip of his usual charm when Kyle runs his mouth first. Bollocks. ]

[redhott]

Oh god, are you mad? Are you going to kill us? [ His arm is still linked with John's as he goes into teen drama mode meltdown. ] If you're going to kill someone, kill me! It was my idea, John had nothing to do with it!

[neverdied]

[An alleyway seems like a totally reasonable and not at all odd place to drag these two. It's not like he could have just taken them to one of the backrooms or something, nope. It's easier to murder in alleyways, there's less worry of getting blood out of carpets and woodwork.

Except he's not actually going to be doing any murder, and that previous glaring that had stuck throughout the game turns to a blank sort of confusion.]

Why would I murder you?

[heckblazer]

[ Either Jack hadn't heard the whole ruse, in which case Kyle just put his stupid foot in his damn mouth; or that Jack was playing dumb.

John nonchalantly unhooked his arm from the boy's, trying not to look too annoyed.

He's about to interject, but then decides, naw. Instead he pulls a cigarette from seemingly out of nowhere and lights it, watching Kyle. Let's see how he gets himself out of this one. ]

[redhott]

Because! You... There was foreshadowing! With B 13, and now here we are in a back alley. Do you know what happens in back alleys? Murder!

[ And the occasional make out session with a super villain, but you know what? This is not the time or place. ]

[neverdied]

[A slow glance between John and Kyle. He's still not sure what's going on, why they're here, why they were linking arms, and why Kyle's now freaking out at him. All he'd wanted was to read out some bingo numbers, get his money and go back to his room to sleep. Now he has this to contend with.]

Not always murder. [He points out boredly. Sometimes drug dealing or sex! Murder only happens some of the time.]

Go back inside, collect your winnings and go home. Let me do my job.

[In peace. Without you clowns.]

[heckblazer]

[ It's not like John's been aching for money since he started his band manager gig. Admittedly, it's an alien feeling. It's not like he's done anything with it other than keep himself in stock of cigarettes and alcohol. He messed with the bingo game for a lark, because it's what he does.

Not that he still won't take the cash, as nice as the ladies inside are. But speaking of them... ]

Alright, mate, if you insist. Just don't get too put off by some of the chatter from your fan club. Little ladies'll say the damndest things sometimes.

[redhott]

[ Uh excuse you, that's Kyle's cash thankyouverymuch. ]

I'm not taking the bullet for that one. John started that! I'm innocent.

[ Sssooort of. ]

[neverdied]

[He's ready to just let them go with little more than a roll of his eyes and a glare. But then John speaks and screws it all up for everyone, doesn't help that Kyle's immediately denying all involvement.

Jack's expression sharpens once more, brows furrowing, head tilting.]

What did you tell them?

[heckblazer]

[ It would be best, John decides, to stay succint for now. Let Kyle dig his own grave so that it deflects suspicion off John. Trying to keep up with this bastard was your first mistake, kid. ]

Technically nothin'. They just like to gossip and I didn't have it in me to disappoint 'em.

[redhott]

Yeah, they might... have a lot of questions for you. Now.

[neverdied]

[These are not responses that he wants to hear. These are responses from guilty parties!]

What did you tell them? [He repeats, taking a single step towards John.]

[heckblazer]

[ Oh bollocks, he's actually weirdly pretty when he's angry. Focus, John. ]

Like I said, nothin'. They just like to gossip an' even a bastard like me couldn't deny 'em.

[ But he might need you to sign some fake adoption papers later for the sake of the charade. John will have to figure out how to get him to do it if he doesn't drink. ]

[redhott]

He told them I was your son.

[ It's every man for himself at this point, John. Nothing personal. ]

[neverdied]

[At least Kyle is here to make everything clearer. He's like a bullshit translator, saving Jack a whole bunch of time translating all the crap John talks.

He considers being angry about all of this, but there's little more than confusion etching into his brows as he takes in the information. None of it makes much sense, not logically at least. What could either of them possibly achieve from all this?]

... Why? [He asks to the both of them.]

[heckblazer]

[ A simple but direct and honest approach which removed Kyle from the line of fire. Boy was learning quickly. It left John almost too proud to take offense. ]


Details. The girls back inside assumed he was yer' son, I just didn't think it'd be right to tell 'em no. Y'know how they get, yeah?

But you might, Kyle, explain the rest like a good lad.

[ Sorry kid, but John still has more practice than you. ]

[redhott]

...... [ Goddamnit, John. His blue eyes stare into him hard before answering that. ] Okay, just so we're clear. John started this competition. He told them I was your son... So... I may have told them... ....... John was your husband? Just to get back at him! That's—That's all!

[neverdied]

...

[None of this makes any sense. The explanations just don't cut down to the bare bones of why the two are here in the first place and why either of them thought it'd be a good idea to show up and start lying about being related or married. What are they achieving from all of this?

And so he repeats:]

Why?

[heckblazer]

[ Since John is already having the sort of day where he isn't denying himself things, he can't help but squint back at his fake spouse: ]

Mate, have you ever...told a joke? [ Or flirted? ] Once in your life?

[redhott]

[ Kyle has heard Jack make jokes on several occasions, but they are always beyond dry. To the point where maybe they aren't even jokes at all. Hmmm.

But regardless, Kyle is totally keeping quiet for now. ]

[neverdied]

[There's a serious pause for thought here, his brows furrowing lower as his gaze drops towards the ground. It's a lot of years he has to think back on, especially when so much of that is spent dull and humourless.]

Uh. No. Never.

[Which is a total lie, but it's deadpan enough to possibly be true! Or maybe it's a joke! Who knows? Not even Jack knows for sure.]

I don't get it. Why is this a joke? It's not funny... [He needs the punchline explaining.]

[heckblazer]

[ Too bad John's got a twisted sense of humour, because he's still clearly enjoying this whole ambush. Closest they've managed to a date thus far. ]


S'a prank. We were meant to surprise ye. Stir up some confusion. Funny t'me, anyway.

[ Then he just takes a long pull on his smoke and goes for broke instead, bored of passing the buck between himself and Kyle. ]


Besides, half the joke's the look on yer' face. That's it's own reward, mate.

[redhott]

[ Kyle has to agree, it was pretty funny. You know, until Jack called them out and then likely murders them in a second. ]

I don't think his face even changed...

[ Just fyi John. ]

[neverdied]

[Jack disagrees entirely. It's not funny and if it is a prank, it's a highly unamusing one. Nobody wins anything from this beyond some bingo money.]

Right. [At least Kyle's right about the whole face not changing thing. Jack's maintained a steady lineface for this whole ordeal, only mixing it up slightly with the glaring in the bingo hall.]

So, you both spend your time lying to old ladies? Good to know.

[He's especially looking at you, Kyle! Shame on you, young man!]

[heckblazer]

[ Unfortunately, Jack is the ongoing subject for John's new seduction technique: annoy them into liking you. And so far he's finding the results hilarious.

Just to add to his own personal joke he decides to gang up on Kyle in his own Disappointed Patriarch sort of voice: ]


Exactly, lad. I taught you better'n that. You're meant to lead 'em into their own assumptions, conceal the truth. But outright lie? Tsk tsk.

[redhott]

Wh—? Ah! [ Kyle is totally without words at this betrayal! His blue eyes flicker between the two of them, then settle directly on John. And suddenly a giant fire ball bursts right in front of the man with a snap of Kyle's fingers. It's not meant to hurt, only to startle him.

After that he turns and storms off with a disgruntled growl. ]

[neverdied]

[Well. That sure was an exit. Jack stares after Kyle for a few long seconds and then back to John, with an expression that almost borders on amusement. Almost. Mostly it's just a slightly disgruntled "well that happened" stare.]

Doubt that's the last you've heard of that one.

[Poor little Kyle.]

[heckblazer]

[ Even though the startling worked, John makes a point not to show it. The fireball wheezes out uselessly in front of him, and all it seems to have accomplished is widening his smug expression.

Is that...amusement on Jack's face at last? By Jove, John, you've done it.

Pleased with himself thoroughly, John commits to the role, turning back towards his "husband"; ]


S'all yer fault, y'know. You were much too lenient with the boy's upbringing.

[neverdied]

My fault. Right.

[Sigh! John, why are you like this? It clearly pains Jack judging by his expression.]

I'm going to go do my job. Are you going to make that difficult?