maskormenacelogs | Two Men and a Ginger Baby ( CLOSED )

So eager already, mate? Sure it won't be long.

[ Why no, that it is not a colossal, shit-eating grin on John's face, why do you ask?

A number of well-dressed older women present spare some curious glances at John and his young red-headed bastard of a mate as they meander around the back of the hall. John replies appropriately with a few winks and eyebrow waggles while feigning interest in a lavish edible flower arrangement at the bar. The natural colours of the melons and berries, arranged into floral shapes on skewers, almost look drab compared to the loudness of the neon signs and carpets through out the hall.

One of the bolder little women leans next to John at the bar and they enjoy a spirited and delightful conversation about complete trivialities that ends in John's first drink of the day being purchased for him. It's a kind gesture, even if nothing at the bar appears to be stronger than 5%.

Kyle's bright orange head isn't too hard to spot, the boy being flocked by a half-dozen or so women cooing about his hair, clothes, how skinny he is. John catches his eye and nods, lifting his glass. Enjoying his beer, John isn't in a rush yet to get a seat. No point to settling in when the man of the hour hasn't arrived yet, right? ]

[ He's eager to see the look on Jack's face when they're spotted in the crowd, okay? There's no crime in that. It'll look like every other expression he makes, but he's sure behind that lineface there will be a wonderful cocktail of emotions swirling together. God it's going to be so great.

Also you're drinking, John? The sun hasn't even gone down oookay, well, all Kyle can do is give him a disapproving frown before he's being asked about his parents and his job, if he has a girlfriend and which of these old biddies he came with. ]

Uhmm, actually I came with uhh... him?

[ He points tentatively at John from the bar, not sure quite how to explain his relationship with the guy. He's only met him a few times as Seph's concerts. He also hunts the kinds of creatures Kyle is very much related to, so that doesn't help. It's very complicated stuff. ]

We're here to cheer on our friend.

[ Well. We all have our strengths. Kyle seems to be gifted the flames and spirits of Hell, but a silver tongue not so much.

Draining his glass effortlessly, John saunters over to the boy and his new gang, relishing in any opportunity to stir up trouble. He doesn’t dilly-dally, however, as he'd rather not damage his own image. ]

Don't mind this one, ladies. Kyle’s a good lad. Figured we'd surprise an old sport o'ours at his job.

[ For theatricality, he nods towards the empty stage while clapping on Kyle's back, the sound cushioned by the knit of his questionable sweatervest. The swarm of ladies coo and giggle admiringly, which makes it awfully hard for John to wipe that little grin off his face. ]

Edited 2016-12-07 07:15 (UTC)

[ A good lad? John gets an eyeful for that ~~and for putting him in a sweater vest~~, but then there's a light pat on his back. It quells the brattiness bubbling up inside, because how do you stay annoyed at a man you find attractive? You don't! It's such a curse.

One of the ladies takes a clue and asks them both, "Do you mean Jack?" That gets a few other players' attention. ]

Yeah. He's been feeling a little low lately, so we figured we'd do our best to boost his spirits.

[ You're not the only one that can bullshit if need be, John. ]

[ Atta boy.

John shouldn't be enjoying himself this much, it's dangerous. But having a younger and delightfully naive co-conspirator and enabler is too good to pass up.

His smug expression only intensifies as the gaggle of ladies continue their fussing.

"How sweet of you gentlemen," one asks.
"I never knew Jack had any friends so young and spritely," Another teases.
"It must be his son!" Chimes in a third, "He's got the same wonderful charm, doesn't he? You don't have to be shy, darling."

That gets the girls into a more frenzied chat, and for all his bastardry, John can't bring himself to disappoint them.

Heh. The jig is up, alright. Reckoned we'd let the boy surprise his old man at work fer' a lark, hey?

[ And just so he can milk it for all its worth, he extends his reach towards Kyle, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. ]

[ Oh you sonuvabitch. He won't be letting John get away with this. He will, however, let the guy put an arm around him. That's totally alright, yeah. But he takes it one step further.

Leaning into John, he wraps his own warm arms around him like a good adopted son. ]

Like I'm the only one! We're gonna take him out afterward to celebrate! It's their anniversary. How long've you been married to Jack, daddy?

[ He turns his baby blue eyes up to John expectantly, waiting for an answer to a lie he had started. ]

Edited 2016-12-07 23:28 (UTC)

[ Good Lord. The little brat catches on quick.

But since he's learning from the best, John supposes he can't give him too hard a time about it.

Although behind Kyle's back, he does pinch him briefly, just as a token of retribution. ]

How long? Don't be makin' me count that high in fronta' the nice ladies, kiddo.

[ His facial expression is a bit more forced than it was before, but only by just. In truth, John wouldn't be caught dead with a ring on for anyone, but for the laugh, he'll play along. ]

Edited 2016-12-08 06:16 (UTC)

[ Kyle covers up his yelp with a startled laugh instead, clutching onto John tighter to save face. ]

Ha! Yeah, sorry, dad!

[ All of this new information had the gaggle of women in a frenzy. "I never knew Jack had a family!" one said, delighted by this news. "Well, he never talks about himself. What a shy man." ]

He's a... very private man. You know when he'll come on stage?

[As if on cue a figure emerges onto the small stage, head low and eyes to the ground, silent and perfectly content to pay the crowd absolutely no attention whatsoever. It's better if he ignores them, he finds, saves on having to look at the eager folk and their odd interest in him. Jack doesn't like interest and he doesn't like attention, he's not even sure why he even continues the farce of doing this job beyond the concept of more money.

He drops heavily into the single chair on stage, hand lifting and gaze flicking to the old school bingo machine at the desk just long enough to switch it on and get the balls rolling. Then he's set on staring at the desk before him, leaning in juuuust close enough to the mic to mutter out a dull:]

Hi.

[Another sad stare towards the bingo machine, and then he sullenly continues.]

First game, four corners, one hundred dollars.

[This is as monotone as a human being can possibly get. Boring as fuck and yet somehow still the oldies keep showing up week after week.]

[ Of what John had been able to ascertain of Jack, there were a few things he was confident in:

First, that he was a fuckin' dish.
Second, that he had never heard of reverse psychology in his goddamn life.

Every attempt he made to sound distant, dull and unassuming backfired horribly. It drew people in where he wanted space, and charmed where it should have intimidated. He was so focused on what he wanted people to think of him, they reacted the exact opposite way he had in mind. At least now John had a room of about a hundred little old ladies whom were all swooning to confirm this theory, at least.

John's eyes don't leave the stage - he scarcely blinks, while he's at it, but he mostly dislodges himself from Kyle, save for keeping the boy's arm crooked in his elbow. They had appearance to keep up now, with their little joke. He leans conspiringly to Kyle's ear: ]

Be a good lad n' find us a table. D'you reckon he heard all that?

[ Kyle can agree. Jack's a dish, and the worst part is how attracted he is to him because he looks like Duncan. But if Jack had Duncan's charm, he would have smartly headed for the hills. This guy, on the other hand, is transparent as all hell in his wants and relationships with people, or really lack thereof. He has no interest in making ties, and maybe if he knew what it was like to be as old as Jack he would understand. but all Kyle can do is try and wriggle under his heinously thick shell. ]

God I hope not...

[ Otherwise they would never see Jack again. And it seems like he doesn't even know the two of them have arrived. That's good. That's real good. Kyle wants to keep it that way by finding a table a little further back. ]

[Hating everyone and pushing them away from him has worked just fine in the past. Jack has spent plenty of centuries being a dick to people and never making friends. It's not his fault that this universe seems full of crazies who can't take a hint and leave a poor murder dad to his own devices.

He'll just continue hating himself and everyone else in the hall for now, even as he sadly stares at the bingo machine, starting out the calling with that same, unwavering monotone spoke just a little too far away from the mic that keeps the oldies straining to catch every number. He's slow though, deliberate as he takes each ball, calls it out and very precisely places it in the correct slot before him.

They get through a good four or five numbers before he finally drags his gaze towards the crowd between calls, his eyes immediately locking onto the bright shock of orange hair that stands out amongst the sea of grey and faint colour rinses. There's blonde too, he sees it now. Two motherfuckers who don't belong in the crowd, sitting there and interrupting his perfectly good bingo calling. There's silence. A lot of it as he stares, straight faced, brows lowered, not taking his eyes off the two in the crowd.

And then, what seems like minutes later, he reaches slowly for another ball, never taking his attention of the two.

HE HATES THEM BOTH SO MUCH.

Somehow he even manages to read the number without ever looking down at it. Magic.]

B Thirteen. Unlucky for some... ... [Especially you guys once he gets his hands on you. >x]

[ It takes John a moment to notice that Jack is staring back, but there's something in how he calls out the number, a hint of emotion in the word "unlucky" that tips him off.

What, exactly, does an average and mild-mannered person do when a heavily-tattooed man is cryptically threatening them with a Bingo ball?

They probably don't smile and wave back, but this is, rather than an even slightly normal person, John Bloody Constantine. A few of the nearby little old ladies notice the gesture, and start aww-ing and tittering once again.

John takes advantage of the brief noise to lower his hand onto one of the score sheets in front of himself and Kyle, whispering something at it. In a room full of hearing aids it largely goes unnoticed, but maybe John's new adoptive son heard the incantation, and how oddly it sounded like tongues. Why, your "daddy" wouldn't have enchanted their game for luck, now would he? ]

[ Ohhhh jeez. He knew Jack wouldn't be too thrilled, but now they've been called out with targets on their heads. Hopefully he wouldn't straight up kill a teenager, but... ]

He can't kill us so long as we're in public, right?

[ The funny thing? Kyle has B 13 on his card at the top left. He dobs it with his green paint. ]

[These sons of bitches.

At least the kid has the decency to look just slightly like he might be reconsidering his life choices, but John just smugly waving is met with that same unwavering stare. It doesn't help that the oldies seem to love it. Blind bats probably thing Jack's glaring is probably just passionate or some shit. They're forever clueless, that much is certain.

The constant eyeing doesn't stop, either. His attention locked on them for every single ball he calls out, tone never changing. Jack's patient. He can wait this out. Make them sit through an entire bingo game if they want to play this charade out.]

[ Challenge accepted.

Sorry, but John's played the long game before. Jack is far from the first one he's done it on. Just so happens to be the best looking. The length of a Bingo game just for the look on Jack's face? Worth it.

He breaks away from the staring contest long enough to review the cards and marker patterns in front of him and Kyle on the tabletop. They're inching towards a score, the boy diligently keeping track of their numbers. John encourages him with another pat on the back: ]

Kill us? Dunno. Let's find out.

[ This is what happens when you try to be mysterious and antisocial around the universe's biggest bastard, Jack. ]

Edited 2016-12-13 06:38 (UTC)

[ There's a lot of UST flying over Kyle's head as he focuses on the very serious game of bingo. Soon enough one of his cards gets all four corners covered, but he's a little too hesitant to say anything. He has no idea what the protocol is here. ]

Do I say bingo? [ He looks around hesitantly, two of the women beside their table urging him on. ] Uhmm, bingo. Bingo!

[ He raises his hand to get Jack's attention and hopes that flat stare doesn't burn it right down to the bone. ]

[Of course, it had to be one of those two that got bingo. He really wouldn't be surprised if there's some level of cheating going on, but really, he doesn't give a shit either way.

He's just picking out another ball as he hears Kyle's call, heaving a sigh to himself as he nods a vague acceptance. A hand is lifted towards one of the staff members standing near the edges, and then he's slowly rising to his feet, pushing himself up heavily as he leans towards the microphone set before him.]

We'll take a quick break...

[Those two? Still getting the eternal glare as Jack jerks his head to one of the side doors, a gesture for them to follow as he slinks away. They have some explaining to do.]

[ John, you dumb idiot. When the man who looks like he could break you over his knee and tear out your throat is also looking at you like he absolutely wants to, do you follow him through a shady side door?

Apparently.

John gets up from his seat, ushering along Kyle with him, keeping their arms linked so as to continue the father/son charade. The ginger bastard will, of course, pay for the whole "daddy" thing later in some way.

The gang of little old ladies continue their spirited gossip as the gentlemen follow Jack toward the doors, John sharing some grins and winks with them as he passes.

The door leads onto a side street where the bingo hall keeps their garbage for pickup. It's connected out onto a sunny main street by a busy intersection, sure, but the alley is pretty inconspicuous. Not much throughway - or witnesses - down in here.

John's about to open with a quip of his usual charm when Kyle runs his mouth first. Bollocks. ]

Oh god, are you mad? Are you going to kill us? [ His arm is still linked with John's as he goes into teen drama mode meltdown. ] If you're going to kill someone, kill me! It was my idea, John had nothing to do with it!

[An alleyway seems like a totally reasonable and not at all odd place to drag these two. It's not like he could have just taken them to one of the backrooms or something, nope. It's easier to murder in alleyways, there's less worry of getting blood out of carpets and woodwork.

Except he's not actually going to be doing any murder, and that previous glaring that had stuck throughout the game turns to a blank sort of confusion.]

Why would I murder you?

Edited 2016-12-18 03:54 (UTC)

[ Either Jack hadn't heard the whole ruse, in which case Kyle just put his stupid foot in his damn mouth; or that Jack was playing dumb.

John nonchalantly unhooked his arm from the boy's, trying not to look too annoyed.

He's about to interject, but then decides, naw. Instead he pulls a cigarette from seemingly out of nowhere and lights it, watching Kyle. Let's see how he gets himself out of this one. ]

Because! You... There was foreshadowing! With B 13, and now here we are in a back alley. Do you know what happens in back alleys? Murder!

[ And the occasional make out session with a super villain, but you know what? This is not the time or place. ]

[A slow glance between John and Kyle. He's still not sure what's going on, why they're here, why they were linking arms, and why Kyle's now freaking out at him. All he'd wanted was to read out some bingo numbers, get his money and go back to his room to sleep. Now he has this to contend with.]

Not always murder. [He points out boredly. Sometimes drug dealing or sex! Murder only happens some of the time.]

Go back inside, collect your winnings and go home. Let me do my job.

[In peace. Without you clowns.]

[ It's not like John's been aching for money since he started his band manager gig. Admittedly, it's an alien feeling. It's not like he's done anything with it other than keep himself in stock of cigarettes and alcohol. He messed with the bingo game for a lark, because it's what he does.

Not that he still won't take the cash, as nice as the ladies inside are. But speaking of them... ]

Alright, mate, if you insist. Just don't get too put off by some of the chatter from your fan club. Little ladies'll say the damndest things sometimes.

[ Uh excuse you, that's Kyle's cash thankyouverymuch. ]

I'm not taking the bullet for that one. John started that! I'm innocent.

[ Sssooort of. ]

[He's ready to just let them go with little more than a roll of his eyes and a glare. But then John speaks and screws it all up for everyone, doesn't help that Kyle's immediately denying all involvement.

Jack's expression sharpens once more, brows furrowing, head tilting.]

What did you tell them?

[ It would be best, John decides, to stay succint for now. Let Kyle dig his own grave so that it deflects suspicion off John. Trying to keep up with this bastard was your first mistake, kid. ]

Technically nothin'. They just like to gossip and I didn't have it in me to disappoint 'em.

Yeah, they might... have a lot of questions for you. Now.

[These are not responses that he wants to hear. These are responses from guilty parties!]

What did you tell them? [He repeats, taking a single step towards John.]

[ Oh bollocks, he's actually weirdly pretty when he's angry. Focus, John. ]

Like I said, nothin'. They just like to gossip an' even a bastard like me couldn't deny 'em.

[ But he might need you to sign some fake adoption papers later for the sake of the charade. John will have to figure out how to get him to do it if he doesn't drink. ]

He told them I was your son.

[ It's every man for himself at this point, John. Nothing personal. ]

[At least Kyle is here to make everything clearer. He's like a bullshit translator, saving Jack a whole bunch of time translating all the crap John talks.

He considers being angry about all of this, but there's little more than confusion etching into his brows as he takes in the information. None of it makes much sense, not logically at least. What could either of them possibly achieve from all this?]

... Why? [He asks to the both of them.]

[ A simple but direct and honest approach which removed Kyle from the line of fire. Boy was learning quickly. It left John almost too proud to take offense. ]

Details. The girls back inside assumed he was yer' son, I just didn't think it'd be right to tell 'em no. Y'know how they get, yeah?

But you might, Kyle, explain the rest like a good lad.

[ Sorry kid, but John still has more practice than you. ]

...... [ Goddamnit, John. His blue eyes stare into him hard before answering that. ] Okay, just so we're clear. John started this competition. He told them I was your son... So... I may have told them... ....... John was your husband? Just to get back at him! That's—That's all!

...

[None of this makes any sense. The explanations just don't cut down to the bare bones of why the two are here in the first place and why either of them thought it'd be a good idea to show up and start lying about being related or married. What are they achieving from all of this?

And so he repeats:]

Why?

[ Since John is already having the sort of day where he isn't denying himself things, he can't help but squint back at his fake spouse: ]

Mate, have you ever...told a joke? [ Or flirted? ] Once in your life?

[ Kyle has heard Jack make jokes on several occasions, but they are always beyond dry. To the point where maybe they aren't even jokes at all. Hmmm.

But regardless, Kyle is totally keeping quiet for now. ]

[There's a serious pause for thought here, his brows furrowing lower as his gaze drops towards the ground. It's a lot of years he has to think back on, especially when so much of that is spent dull and humourless.]

Uh. No. Never.

[Which is a total lie, but it's deadpan enough to possibly be true! Or maybe it's a joke! Who knows? Not even Jack knows for sure.]

I don't get it. Why is this a joke? It's not funny... [He needs the punchline explaining.]

[ Too bad John's got a twisted sense of humour, because he's still clearly enjoying this whole ambush. Closest they've managed to a date thus far. ]

S'a prank. We were meant to surprise ye. Stir up some confusion. Funny t'me, anyway.

[ Then he just takes a long pull on his smoke and goes for broke instead, bored of passing the buck between himself and Kyle. ]

Besides, half the joke's the look on yer' face. That's it's own reward, mate.

Edited 2017-01-03 07:10 (UTC)

[ Kyle has to agree, it was pretty funny. You know, until Jack called them out and then likely murders them in a second. ]

I don't think his face even changed...

[ Just fyi John. ]

[Jack disagrees entirely. It's not funny and if it is a prank, it's a highly unamusing one. Nobody wins anything from this beyond some bingo money.]

Right. [At least Kyle's right about the whole face not changing thing. Jack's maintained a steady lineface for this whole ordeal, only mixing it up slightly with the glaring in the bingo hall.]

So, you both spend your time lying to old ladies? Good to know.

[He's especially looking at you, Kyle! Shame on you, young man!]

[ Unfortunately, Jack is the ongoing subject for John's new seduction technique: annoy them into liking you. And so far he's finding the results hilarious.

Just to add to his own personal joke he decides to gang up on Kyle in his own Disappointed Patriarch sort of voice: ]

Exactly, lad. I taught you better'n that. You're meant to lead 'em into their own assumptions, conceal the truth. But outright lie? Tsk tsk.

Wh—? Ah! [ Kyle is totally without words at this betrayal! His blue eyes flicker between the two of them, then settle directly on John. And suddenly a giant fire ball bursts right in front of the man with a snap of Kyle's fingers. It's not meant to hurt, only to startle him.

After that he turns and storms off with a disgruntled growl. ]

[Well. That sure was an exit. Jack stares after Kyle for a few long seconds and then back to John, with an expression that almost borders on amusement. Almost. Mostly it's just a slightly disgruntled "well that happened" stare.]

Doubt that's the last you've heard of that one.

[Poor little Kyle.]

[ Even though the startling worked, John makes a point not to show it. The fireball wheezes out uselessly in front of him, and all it seems to have accomplished is widening his smug expression.

Is that...amusement on Jack's face at last? By Jove, John, you've done it.

Pleased with himself thoroughly, John commits to the role, turning back towards his "husband"; ]

S'all yer fault, y'know. You were much too lenient with the boy's upbringing.

My fault. Right.

[Sigh! John, why are you like this? It clearly pains Jack judging by his expression.]

I'm going to go do my job. Are you going to make that difficult?

Two Men and a Ginger Baby ( CLOSED )

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