maskormenacelogs | (no subject)

WHO: Klarion and Shade
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, then ~~the depths of hell itself~~ a certain notorious pizza joint
WHEN: Friday night?
WHAT: The Shade ventures into hell... aka one of those Charles E. Cheddar family restaurants.
WARNINGS: ngl, the animatronics probably won't make it through the meal! Pity the wait staff working this shift.

"... There's strawberries and cream, chocolate with peanut butter icing - I'm still not entirely sure how that works, but it tastes surprisingly good - cookies and cream, and another strawberry one. You're welcome to have your pick, if you like."

This was a new record: two different people visiting Klarion's dinky basement apartment in one week! In this case, the visitor was Shade, and Klarion was just happy to have someone else around that he could push some leftover cake on. The problem with scamming four different birthday cakes out of a network post was that it left him with a truly ridiculous amount of leftovers, and even though he'd pretty much been eating cake for a week and a half straight, he still hadn't managed to make much of a dent in them. Much like the Pumpkin Spice Incident of 2015, he was beginning to get a bit sick of the stuff.

Klarion finally turned away from the fridge (which was about 75% cake, at this point), holding a slice of his own, and raised an eyebrow at Shade.

"... I'd offer you a seat, but I really cannot picture you sitting in a beanbag chair."

The beanbag chair was pretty much the only place to sit, apart from the bed. Klarion's dim little apartment was pretty sparse, and looked more or less like a goth college student's first time away from home. There were lots of bookshelves (some with animal skulls on top!), a clunky old TV set, and a massive kitty condo which dominated a corner of the room. Teekl was perched on top of his rightful throne, watching them both with mild interest.

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For those who knew Shade, they knew the idea -- the very suggestion -- of eating like Klarion had supposedly eaten, was akin to torture, and the immortal? Well, he certainly wasn't having this. From the look on his face alone, it was clear he wasn't precisely pleased, and looking at all the cake, the bean-bag chair, the child with more cake in hand...

Shade honestly didn't know what to do. He could just leave. It wasn't difficult, and the immortal was tempted to do so, more than he'd expected. he suspected that boys would be boys, and all that nonsense, but there was no reason to be this. He couldn't help the way he fastidiously looked over the cake again, decided against it, and then reached out to take the plate away from Klarion.

"No, I think... we need to do something else. You can't possibly keep eating like this," he looked over at Teekl, curious. "I'm sure he could tell me you've eaten nothing but cake, yes?"

"He would tell you nothing of the sort!" Klarion protested, a bit halfheartedly. Under normal circumstances, he would've gotten more worked up about having his plate taken, but he was honestly pretty caked out at this point. "It's fine, the ones with strawberries in them are practically healthy."

The contents of the fridge, and the unimpressed look on the cat's face clearly said just the opposite. If Shade spoke Feline, Teekl would have ratted Klarion out in an instant. Being the witchboy's voice of reason was hard work, ok? Klarion caught the look the cat was giving him and huffed, rolling his eyes.

"Do you have any better suggestions?"

Shade's skeptic looks aid it all, when he looked between Teekl and Klarion, recognizing that yes, actually, he did agree with Shade, and that the boy was honestly trying to cover up for the disaster that was his kitchen.

Shade was honestly insulted that Klarion had invited him here, but then again... he suspected that his home wasn't safe for young magicians at the moment, with Zoom there. Not that Shade minded his guest, but it certainly meant he had to be cautious about guests. Not that Shade was predisposed to guests, regardless.

"I recently heard of a gourmet restaurant for youngsters. It's called," he tapped his chin. "Charles E. Cheesé. Perhaps we should try that?"

It was a good thing that his plate had been taken away, because if Klarion had been eating when Shade dropped that bombshell, he almost certainly would have choked on cake. He barely managed to stop himself from laughing or staring at Shade like he'd sprouted a second head, but it was a close call, and Teekl's reaction was a little more telling - the cat's ears had perked up, and his tail was lashing back and forth across his platform.

On one hand, Klarion had been to that restaurant before with Dorian, and the place had been absolutely horrifying, a chaotic neon nightmare full of squealing children, blaring machines, and a creepy robotic animal band that Klarion had eventually turned to stone just so they'd be able to eat their meal in peace. It was a miracle that he and Dorian hadn't been kicked out.

... On the other hand, the pizza hadn't actually been bad, and a return visit would be worth it just to see Shade's reaction to the restaurant. It would serve him right for calling Klarion a 'youngster', like some stuffy geriatric. Heavens above, the man even pronounced cheese with an accent, if he thought Klarion's apartment was bad...!

"... Yes. Yes, we absolutely should," he managed to say with a straight face. "I'm not sure 'gourmet' is the right word for it, though." Teekl mrow'd. Run, Shade! Run while you still can!

See, Shade had no idea. The place even advertised itself as gourmet for children. Shade just often forgot that "for children" usually meant there were characters and disastrous lights and sounds, things that he wasn't really going to be too keen on. If anything, Shade was going to hate every moment of it, and wouldn't that be Klarion's real reward?

"Then shall we?" he asked, holding out a hand to take Klarion with him through the shadows, even while they started to seep up, inky black goo taking on shape, to start seeping up creating an inky portal into a dark place, the true, momentary respite, before they would step into the bright, neon hell of Charles E. Cheesé.

Klarion might find his hand gripped in horror, at the sight.

Klarion let the existential horror sink in for a few moments before speaking up again.

"Not what you expected?"

Normally, he was an excellent liar. When it suited him (and when he had the patience to do it), Klarion could talk circles around people and lie to their faces without batting an eye. In this case, though, he was trying to sound innocent and failing miserably, because the look on Shade's face was cracking him the hell up. He couldn't quite maintain a poker face, the corner of his mouth kept twitching!

"If it's any consolation, the pizza is quite good." Then again, Klarion enjoyed pizza pockets, and had been eating cake for a week straight. His taste wasn't exactly discerning. "... And we can always go somewhere else." He didn't want to push his luck too much here, if Shade got really fed up, he might not take him out for lunch anymore, and Klarion didn't want to pass up any free meals!

"This is..." he paused, and looked around.

The smell was terrible.

The sounds were terrible.

There were some stuffy children dressed in suits, but most of them were slathering it with pizza sauce because the "gourmet" food that they were being served looked horrible -- or two high-class for a bunch of unappreciative children to eat.

Shade may have gripped Klarion's shoulder, then, and gasped, softly.

"Who hates the planet Earth this much to unleash this on her?"

"Probably the same wretch who created the robot band," Klarion said, nodding at the horrible, lurching animatronics onstage near the back of the restaurant. "I turned them to stone last time, but that was almost worse, they wouldn't stop staring. Full disclosure, Dorian and I went here once, though neither of us knew what it would be like. It was his idea, he thought it was a normal pizza restaurant."

Yep, totally trying to shift the blame for this onto Dorian. Klarion paused for a second, then gave Shade a grin.

"I could do it again! I could petrify everyone in the restaurant, then it would at least be quiet. We could take a look around, all we'd have to do is make sure not to knock anyone over." Also, they could steal pizza. Everybody wins!