maskormenacelogs | (no subject)

[ Gregor's voice sharpens. ]

Clarify something for me. You describe Amestris as no less militaristic than Barrayar. What response would you expect normally for endangering a sensitive operation?

[That catches him off guard. Punishment really isn't something he ever thinks about.]

Uh... Well Lt. Ross slapped me once for it.

[ Punishment isn't Gregor's style either, but he wants to make sure this is something Edward should've known and he's not taking issue with something he was ignorant of.

He also withholds a withering comment here, because he does understand the urge to be in the thick of things, and wanting to help directly when someone he cares about is endangered. ] I see. When things are serious, we are operating under similar rules. I was personally responsible for the conduct of everyone involved that night-- Captain Illyan himself, Mark, Lord Vorkosigan, and Captain Galeni. Everyone reported to me, ultimately.

You've made a point of being outside of that chain of command, and I accept that. You're an employee, Edward. And a significant combat force in the field. Do you understand what I'm saying?

You made yourself a wildcard and you endangered people I am responsible for.

[Ed glances to the side—almost like he expects someone to be there. There isn't anyone, of course. Just Ed and his own uncertainty here.]

So...what. I'm supposed to just sit around on my ass when one of my friends is in danger?

No.

[ All of a sudden, it's very believable that Gregor is, in fact, Emperor in more than the word itself. Like flipping a switch, his carriage shifts, his diction turns crisp, his tone filters to the subtly iron-laced expectation of someone used to others listening to him for every word. Emperor Gregor is careful, deliberate, and in this moment approaching flinty-- but never cruel. ]

You request permission to participate, and accept whatever you are told.

I respect your feelings for Mark. You need to respect ours, and our judgement, and our capabilities. Or we won't be able to trust you, with anything. [ Gregor speaks as a literal we here, but he does it so smoothly it's not hard to see where it's a short leap to the Imperial We. ]

Edited 2016-08-14 04:09 (UTC)

[Ed's reminded less of emperors and more of fuhrers—unassuming and relaxed exteriors over a shockingly dangerous center. It's enough to leave him unsettled and crossing his arms uneasily.]

...We didn't know what was going on, or who to ask. We just knew Mark was in trouble and the only guy that we knew had any idea what was happening just left without a word.

[ That's not an unfair comparison at all. Classically speaking, that's exactly the sort of emperor Gregor should be. It's just that he's rerouted his priorities to be all altruistic ones, rather than selfish. ]

He did give you a word, [ he corrects. ] He told you to stay put. I appreciate your desire to be on the front lines, [ rather keenly, to be honest, as someone who's never allowed to be himself, ] but more is not always better. This was not a matter that needed additional firepower. If you'd spooked Captain Illyan, you would only have led to a worse outcome. Something Lord Vorkosigan had the vantage point to appreciate and you should have trusted him on.

So you're saying I should just trust all of you blindly. Is that it?

[ He counters smoothly. ]

What reason do you have not to?

[Ed stares for a long moment, head tilted slightly like he's waiting for the punchline to what must be a joke. The longer he waits the more incredulous his expression gets until he finally lets out a soft, vaguely confused little laugh.]

You're not my brother. You're not Winry.

[ That's the trouble with answering Gregor's questions: you fall into his trap either way. ]

It's interesting to hear you apply such a double-standard of expecting us to prove our trustworthiness, while taking it as read that we should accept yours.

Why the fuck would I want you to trust me blindly either? What the fuck, Gregor.

You mean you don't?

Then, you think I should allow you to interfere with recovering my personal liege-sworn from someone directly in my employ when I don't trust you?

[There's a sharp stiffening in his posture as Gregor's tone shifts again. He doesn't move from the doorway but turns to lean his back against the frame, conveniently giving himself a view of both the kitchen and the room behind him.]

What I don't get is why you think it has to be fucking blind. I can believe you don't want to use me and still want to know what your reasons are when you tell me to jump.

In general, I am sympathetic to that. But you are not my only concern, Edward.

[ And here, here he stops leading and starts explaining. ]

There are times when others supersede your claim on Our attention. Mark Vorkosigan swore himself personally to me, under great duress and as a great risk, and We will not have him disproven in trusting Us no matter what that demands of you. In addition, Simon Illyan has served Us relentlessly since We were five years old. If he makes a mistake, it is Ours to correct, or Regent Vorkosigan's at minimum.

I will explain to you, as I am now, after the fact where I am able. But I will not necessarily tell you the whole story, [ he says bluntly, making no pretense; yet his words are softly delivered, far from being bludgeons but rather immutable truths, the weight of a duty Gregor has finally learned how to bear up under. ] There is more here than you can appreciate, decades of history, of hurt. On all sides. Your desire to be included is only one of many factors I must weigh.

If you mean the story about why Mark was made and by who, I know that already. He told me himself. [Ed keeps his tone similarly mild; it isn't as if Gregor would know what Mark told him. There's just no sense wasting extra time on the story if that's the one he means.]

...Do you even want me to be involved? With any of the messes you keep finding yourselves in?

No-- [ He waves a hand. ] There is more than that. And more to that.

[ The whole sorry mess leading up to Mark's creation in the first place is far more personal and painful to the parties involved here than is probably appreciable from the outside. Hell, Duv Galeni himself was personally involved in some way. To a man, none of these stories were for Gregor's to tell, not just Mark's. ]

I must make a distinction for you that I fear I have not made sufficiently already. [ He's probably going to sound schizophrenic, but oh well. This often does, to outsiders. ] Do I want you involved? Yes. You are competent, capable, dare I say formidable, and have proven yourself trustworthy in the past. We wouldn't have invited you to live with us otherwise. And you care for Mark.

Do I as Emperor want you involved is another matter completely. One wholly dependent on context, on the specific situation. I cannot afford to confuse the two.

[...Yes. That is quite a confusing explanation.]

That sounds like a complicated way to say you don't actually want me involved. Do you even—[He cuts short, clenching his jaw for a moment.] Are you really sure I belong here yet?

[ God, galactics. Gregor has to muster up some of his thankfully considerable patience. ]

That's something you decide for yourself. All I can do is make a place for you. Whether that place is sufficient for you is your own decision.

[ Gregor shakes his head. ] You wouldn't be the first person to find this horrifically overcomplicated, but it is how it is. My personal feelings can never be more important than what I owe those who have sworn to serve me. [ Grimly, ] When they come into conflict, there is no debate. [ And if that seems like a difficult way to live... Well. There's a reason Gregor has all those fantasies of running away. ]

[He glances away again, frowning at the absence of a person beside him.]

So...if I want to stay here, I have to do whatever all of you say without question. Have I got it right?

[ He takes mercy and lays it out plainly. ]

No. In matters that could be classified as internal affairs-- things that deal exclusively within our group-- you cannot take action without proper permission. To expedite things, I recommend asking me directly.

It's not a bad idea to do that with any combat action involving one of us, asking either myself or Lord Vorkosigan, but it's excusable not to in the heat of the moment. [ Which this was not, he doesn't say, but it, in fact, wasn't. ]

Wait for an order or beg for permission, huh? Yeah, I got it.

[Ed snorts and rewards Gregor with a mockery of a salute.]

Is there anything else I should know, or can I be dismissed now?

[ Damn. That... hurts. Gregor had forgotten that, the specific sharpness behind someone seeing him only as emperor and ignoring him as a person. It hasn't happened in quite a while. But that had been his life for so long, the touch on it now reverberates a whole lifetime of sorrow behind it.

Correspondingly, he goes blank, a studied, neutral expression taking over his face; his tone smooths to quietly uninflected. ] You may dismiss yourself at any time. I have no call over you.

[Something in his face closes off abruptly, a slight tightening around his eyes as he ducks his head almost imperceptibly. He doesn't speak again, only nods shortly and turns to leave the way he came.]