if you find yourself alone, riding in green fields, do not be troubled

[deadtective]

WHO: Hazel (deadtective), the Doctor (helpline), and Josuke (unbreaker)
WHERE: Heropa 11, house of horrors and insomniacs
WHEN: 11/4
WHAT: Two shitbird teenagers try to teach a cranky old alien how to play Mario Kart.
WARNINGS: Mario Kart. But no, nothing really.

[Hazel's only got a vague approximation of when Josuke will be showing up (assuming his baby stamina doesn't give out after a day of fun at the zoo) but there's enough to keep her busy that the egregiously flexible scheduling doesn't cross her mind at all.

she's spent some of that time by going out and buying whatever missing DVDs she needed for the Alien/Predator bloodbath sure to come after they'd finished mutilating each other over video games - the majority of which are safely hidden beneath the coffee table, only Alien hanging around with the sort of planned carelessness to make it look like it had no association with tonight's events.

now she's settled neatly on the kitchen countertop, feet swinging idly (and nowhere close to the ground) as she keeps a vague eye on the popcorn going crazy in the microwave. there's a half-filled bowl next to her on the counter, but she knows better than to let this shit go with anything but overflowing. it's always depressing to deal with food, but Hazel doesn't trust the Doctor with something even as simple as this. knowing them, there was probably a fight about it already.

hopefully Josuke shows up before she tries to shove the unpopped kernels up her housemate's nose.]

Comments

[deadtective]

[WELL IF YOU WANTED HER TO STOP BITING YOU FINALLY FOUND THE ANSWER

unfortunately the reason that Hazel finally stops adding weeks onto the recovery time for that poor bruise is because she needs her mouth free to start shrieking obscenities at him - and they're close enough together that that's probably extra hard on the ear drums. her progress has been doubly stymied by Josuke's taking a leaf out of her book, but she's far enough in that she can unclench her fist and make a grab at his tongue with the express purpose of being a huge gigantic baby and yanking it around.

this is what you wanted, isn't it???? you wanted her to stop biting you??????

she's begun fighting anew to get out from underneath him now, vaguely sensing weakness from the Doctor and wanting to keep it that way. there's not a lot of hope for her pinned under that kind of bulk, but all that wriggling and fussing certainly can't be comfortable to sit on.

if she gets out she's taking the nuclear option to all this. the room has been warned.]

[helpline]

[ Due to his scrambling to grab the controller on the floor, the Doctor's managed to dodge a few of the pillows and one of Hazel's socks. Eventually, he's got the controller back (and is still in the game, he's got this) and stands up, blocking Josuke's view again...and is rewarded with a sock on his shoulder for his efforts.

Whatever, he can deal with this, socks are only small obstacles on the road to Mario Kart victory.

Thankfully, Hazel's controller manages to miss him. Unfortunately, her controller is flying straight towards the tv. In a moment that would be filmed in slow motion were this an action movie, the Doctor spots the controller, assesses the situation, realizes just how terrible the potential is, drops his controller, and reaches out to grab Hazel's before it hits the tv. Thankfully? He's successful. And now...is holding Hazel's controller. And might have forgotten in his sheer relief that it's not his own. And is currently trying to get Hazel's car back on track, absolutely ignoring her shrieks in the background as he tries to get her cart back on the road and into the game. ]

[unbreaker]

[This is why you don't let senile old men play video games! If the Doctor wins with Hazel's character, she's never going to let either of them live it down! She'll be completely insufferable about having still won despite all the obstacles thrown at her!

And worst of all, she'd be right.

Josuke cringes around the hang jerking his tongue around. He's not sure he likes this better than the way she used to cram her fingers up his nose, it certainly makes returning screams of profanity more difficult! But it's the least of his concerns as he tries to worm his way off the couch and away from her...towards the Doctor's legs. Anything to bring him down. To bring Hazel down! He needs that controller!]

[deadtective]

[is that..? holy shit, it totally is. Hazel notices her own kart starting to finally move in the right direction out of the corner of her eyes, and it only takes a few seconds after that to realize what's happened.

oh hell no is she letting this go down in flames. there'd be nothing more fitting than winning like this.]

Fucking no you don't!

[the nice thing about Josuke trying to get away from her is that she's finally free to struggle out from beneath him. Hazel takes full advantage of that by wrapping her free hand around his neck and kicking at him with everything she's got like some kind of rodeo pro. her other hand remains steadfastly yanking on his tongue to make sure he can't warn the Doctor of his mistake.

TRY AND BEAT HER NOW MOTHERFUCKER]

[helpline]

[ Josuke manages to nudge into one of the Doctor's legs, knocking him off balance. Because it's that kind of a day, trying to get himself further on balance only knocks him off balance even more as he falls backwards, getting one of Hazel's legs to the back of the knee in the process. ]

Knees! Watch the knees!

[ He's still got a grip on Hazel's controller as he's driving and...wait a minute, why's he a girl. He picked Granddad Gorilla, why's his car got a girl in it now? Really, this is silly, why would the game swap drivers for him halfway...

...

oh no.

He's close to the finish line, close to winning, but the Doctor practically throws Hazel's controller behind him as he starts to scramble to find his controller so Granddad Gorilla can properly win the game. ]