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WHO: Hisoka and Chrollo
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Chrollo's home
WHEN: Late 8/12
WHAT: Nightly visit, but after some grave news
WARNINGS: General Hisoka and Chrollo warning. Most likely just near sexual and implied adult situations.

It didn't take him long to see it. Well, see a lack of it. Nobunaga was gone, having tried to contact him Hisoka found out and immediately his mind went to Chrollo. It was unexpected how quickly it happened too. He barely thought about how disappointed he was at the man missing before he was thinking about how Chrollo was handling it. Such a sentimental man, and instead of finding that thought endearing, it just troubled him. An odd feeling, that sickness in his stomach, he wanted to know if he knew, what he was doing. Was it anything like he was when Hisoka himself had left? Why did it bother him to think about?

In the end he went to see. If only to cure himself of this strange anxiety he's still too new to to understand. His worry was novel, worry about Chrollo having difficulty with the porting out of someone he held dear. He was worried he was sad when he shouldn't really care. If anything Hisoka was better focusing on his own very slight sorrow at the lack of any future fight with Nobunaga, and of course he was thinking about it. But not to the degree he found himself curious of Chrollo's condition.

Was he sad?

Probably pensive about it.

He'll probably arrive and he's nose into a book in the near dark of his bedroom, not thinking about it, or trying not to. Or thinking about it in the back of his mind. Not worrying for his ported out friend but longing for him. Already missing him even though Nobunaga can't have been gone more than a week, if that by now. Partially worried that Chrollo would be no fun sad, and while that's true, he's troubled thinking about how that's actually... not the only reason he feels any concern. Were that true he'd merely avoid Chrollo till he was in better spirits, not find himself going to him in haste. But there's a thought there, that if something is the matter, how could possibly...

change it. Well, make him feel better anyway. His skin heats a little with that in mind, setting a hand on the outside window frame as he crouches near the sill outside Chrollo's bedroom. His eyes peer into the glass, seeing curtains drawn over them, blocking his view.

Was this how it felt to care about someone then. To actually care. He used that word now, 'love' but this was strange. Normally he never had to deal with anyone being 'sad'. And if he did he certainly never minded much. But that man, as impressive and powerful as he was, he swept him away, enough that he's here... Here, tapping at the glass of the window and glancing up to see what sort of expression meets him when the curtains pull away.

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What an odd and unfamiliar situation. He can recognize it even now - the difference in behavior Hisoka displays now versus his normal way of acting. Even his normal way of acting to Chrollo himself, until the very recent past.

Strange, yes - he'd known things had changed between them. It was undeniable, and he'd never tried to deny it, anyway. But even so. On a given day, it wasn't half so obvious as now.

Odd, too, that it's obvious more from the awkwardness of the moment than anything else. Of course Hisoka doesn't know how to handle it, what to do. How would he? Chrollo doubts it's ever come up before - not simply the matter of disappearing friends, but the matter of being concerned enough about it to come and check on the one left behind.

....really, Chrollo isn't quite sure what to say either.

So he sets the book down, and reaches up. "Sit with me." And then, after a beat. "...thank you."

Odd and unfamiliar for the both of them, that's for sure. Everything about it is odd and unfamiliar, even the room itself, despite having been in here so many times now. Did it always seem this dark, did it always feel this suffocating? Chrollo feels a ghost in the night as he stares down at him, the way he wears sorrow doesn't make it feel fleeting. It's as though it's echoing through him, like some hollow cave gaping in space, wind rushing through it and moaning in it's lonely lament. He looks like he's on the edge of the crying but at the same time looks like he could stay frozen in this expression he has now forever.

Perhaps it's the first time he's ever found beauty in sorrow looking at him like this. And at the same time disliking it entirely.

What is he now, this man, is this really how love feels? It's always played off as something so lovely and special, and right now all it feels like is he's sad along with him. Like whatever thoughts sitting in that mind infront of him are imposing on his own, dragging him down with. His body's first inclination is to leave, to not deal with it, but now he finds himself staying. Awkward, yes, he's silent as he listens.

As he sits down.

Not even on the floor, or a nearby chair, moving it over, he merely moves to the side and turns, sitting down on Chrollo's lap and resting his arms around his neck, ontop of his shoulders. His expression of... nothing in particular, it's as though his face isn't quite sure what expression to make. Has he ever seen Chrollo cry really, he can't remember, it bothers him that he can't. He won't now, will he? Why should he, he expected this, they all had to. But he still stares as if waiting for it, so easily is this person and that expression drawing him in, there was no other choice but to comply when he reached up to him, when he asked him to sit with him.

Thanks him- what does he say to that? He says nothing.

There is, some would say, a certain kind of appeal to sadness - isn't that why it so often carries its own gravitational pull? When one sees sorrow, one tends to stare, and then to absorb, and then to empathize. Or, well, many people tend to empathize, anyway - though some most assurredly less so than others. And, of course, the closer one is to a person, the more likely they are to be pulled into that field as well.

Of course, this may well be a new experience to someone who has spent so little time attached to others. Truly attached, that is, as opposed to attached via a thin string of bungee gum.

Well. Chrollo blinks when Hisoka sits on his lap - it's unexpected in a way that it probably shouldn't be. And Chrollo stares at Hisoka's empty expression, perhaps nearly as unsure to make of it as Hisoka is, himself. but...

...all right. Not quite as unsure, no.

He closes his eyes and leans his head forward, resting his forehead against Hisoka's shoulder. And he doesn't... want to cry. He's almost determined not to, really. So instead, he just starts... talking.

"What an unstable environment, really." His eyes remian closed, but they sting. A little. "Ah... at least I know where he's gone. Nowhere terrible, I assume. At least it was him."

But he already knows to expect more. It's a revolving door, isn't it? People vanish and return or don't. Remembering, or not. Luck comes and goes, too.

Hisoka wouldn't normally say there's an 'appeal' to sorrow, but Chrollo certainly gives it a look that's inspiring enough. He's swayed by it like he's never been before and the feeling is novel and strange but entirely natural. Again why wouldn't he end up like this for a man so impressive? He always finished his obsessions with a kill, or grew bored, but when something was always perfect to watch, when it never disappointed? Yes he could follow them years, yes he could want for it entirely. And yes he could perhaps even love them... It never seemed like a real emotion to him till he finally spent that much time around Chrollo. So often and so closely, he's never spent time like that with anyone before, always windows between where he saw none of them.

And then this place.

And then weekly, daily. Hourly at times, not leaving his presence for huge clumps of time, understanding him more than he's ever understood anyone and yet still finding new things to be surprised by. Like this sorrow in him. Like this look in his eyes. Like the way he feels being right here, next to him, a part of it. No longer is this some slender string tying them together, a Boss and a troupe member, an occasional stalker. It feels so much thicker and cemented, it feels like he couldn't unglue it himself now if he tried.

Chrollo leans on him and he does nothing, just sort of... tilts his head down more, staring at him longer, staying quiet as he speaks. He's right of course. Unstable... not that Hisoka's ever been used to 'stable', most Transmuter's aren't by his measurement.

It's not until that final line though that he's sure of the thoughts in Chrollo's mind, about what is trying trying the man now. The loss of Nobunaga, yes, but the potential loss of those he's already lost before. He doesn't... care. Not for them at all anyway. And he doesn't care about how Chrollo feels about them, not... directly? But hearing him say it makes him feel strange so he replies, though not in the most responsive way.

His hands lift up slowly and he moves to push them up and into Chrollo's hair. Weaving his fingers between black locks as he stares down at him, his eyes slimming a bit more. It's annoying seeing Chrollo like this he'll tell himself. And yet he stays sitting there because he can't look away from him. He can't look away for more reasons than he's really aware of, so he stays and watches. So he keeps his hands in Chrollo's hair, staying quiet, finding himself to begin idly rubbing the pads of his fingers against his scalp before something finally leaves his mouth. Gomen, in their language, as they always speak, and the tone is strange as it leaves him. The word feels wrong and right in his mouth at the same time.

Ah, but isn't there? Maybe that's just Chrollo's mind - a mind full of stories can find beauty in the oddest things - even things perhaps better left avoided by most. Then again, maybe it isn't so odd. There's always been a strong market for tragedy. Of course... Hisoka may be more the comedy sort, at least on the surface of it. Chrollo, for his part, can look quite the gothic hero - the tragic figure, with his pallor and his tired eyes. Even now, casually dressed as he is, he can't help carrying that air about him.

That said. It isn't as bad as it could be. He's aware of that. And he isn't as sad as he could be, which he's glad for. There's a sort of dull ache in his heart, and a sharper edged pain from time to time when thinks on it too much, but...

He'll be all right. In a way that makes the whole thing worse. Even if he knows why - knows Nobu isn't dead, just gone and only from here - it still feels oddly wrong. That's the part he isn't saying, at least not yet. That he went to Nobu's room with Pakunoda, and collecting his things: his clothes and the ties he used for his hair. The ancient katana from that New York museum, and he had been sad but calm and felt a bit guilty for it.

Maybe he's just getting used to loss. Odd.

In the end, Hisoka says that word, and Chrollo shakes his head a little. He almost says It's fine, but it isn't fine, it's just... he isn't sure what it is anymore.

"These things happen." He'll go with that. And his voice is a little far away, almost lost in thought, but not... quite. "I expected it eventually. I expected it to hurt more, actually... though I'd hardly call it painless."

Maybe more like bloodless. Like a punch to a gut instead of a dagger to the heart. Not fatal, and yet it still leaves one reeling.

He pauses a moment. "Ah... I'm sorry you won't have your rematch."

Comedy was easier after all, even tragedy in Hisoka's life was treated with higher spirits. A murderer without much empathy never saw tragedy as tragedy. But now it's more apparent, when he has reasons to feel more in that way. Something Chrollo has started for him... Or rekindled. Hisoka has felt tragedy before of course. When he was younger, weaker. But since he's come to know such power through practice and effort there's less reason to feel pressured by negative things.

Sorrow... There was no need for it really, he knew disappoint more often than anything even close to what Chrollo felt now. But he sees it in the other man now, even feels it himself. And again while he'd rather not... It's something to behold in Chrollo. What drives the Leader is what makes him strong. He was so much more in tune with his feelings than Hisoka really was. Well except Hisoka's feeling of desire and need anyway.

"Isn't it worse that you expected it..." A glance down. Isn't that why making ties was pointless... Because it could lead to this? Wasn't loss always to be expected when you held things dear? He pauses, looking away from Chrollo when he apologizes for Hisoka's loss of a fight.

"Hm." A light laugh, closing his eyes and lifting his chin a little.

"It's really a shame, yes. All of you are so fun..." Flippant of course. Not feeling Chrollo's sorrow, expected or not. Again he has no ties like the Troupe leader has to Nobu. His sorrow no... It's disappointment in Hisoka, of course. But he feels Chrollo's sorrow... Even if he has none of his own.

Hisoka turns his head to look down at him again, taking in a small breath and keeping a barely there smile over his lips.

"I'll find my fun elsewhere though..." Just as you'll find what you need... to a degree. The hole left from a spider leaving can't really be filled for Chrollo, but surely he can find things to help...

His lids get lower, hunching his back slightly and moving to rub his fingers at the sides and back of Chrollo's neck.

" What can I... Do for you?"

In fairness, comedy really is easier. Even for Chrollo, it's hard to deny. In the end, who wouldn't prefer to laugh than cry? ...although, Chrollo doesn't laugh much, even when he's happy. Still... there's a certain level of sadness to be expected from loss, and Chrollo has suffered enough of them in his time. Before the founding of the Troupe... and then after. Losing a member to Silva Zoldyck. Losing the #4 that predated Hisoka. And losing Hisoka, himself - though that was... different. Losing Uvogin. And Pakunoda. The latter without even knowing it until far later.

And here as well. Hisoka had vanished once, and Chrollo mourned him in his odd, quiet way. And then he returned, of course. There's no guarantee that Nobu won't, as well - that's the oddity of this world more than anything else. Things arrive and then are lost. Things are lost and then arrive.

It never ends. It's wearying, but perhaps inevitable, like death itself. Or... taxes, that's the phrase, right?

Thinking of it that way almost does make him smile, but... in the end, the impulse dies, and he shakes his head. "A loss is the same, I think, whether one expects it or not. But that doesn't..." ...doesn't... he frowns a little, trying to think of how to form the words. Hisoka... he probably won't understand regardless of how it's phrased - that's his way. But even so. Chrollo tips his head back a little, watches the ceiling for a moment. "...it doesn't change what came before the loss. There is value in that, even when it can't continue any longer.

"It's true that loss is inevitable - even a friendship, a romance, that lasts a lifetime ends with the first life that reaches its conclusion. Like candleflames, they always flicker out. In the end, someone is always left alone. But that's no reason to draw away from connections. No... it's the reason to treasure the connections one has with even greater intensity. Grab ahold of their warmth... and treasure their light. "

Well, maybe it's something that wouldn't make sense to Hisoka, in the end. But even so. That view, that way of approaching things... it's what gives Chrollo's heart direction. And what keeps back the dark, in moments like these. He lowers his head again, but keeps his gaze up, looking at Hisoka's face even as he leans a bit into Hisoka's touch. And as for that question...

"...ah. You came to see me. Without even receiving such a request. What more could I want from you?" He leans his head forward, leaning against Hisoka's shoulder. "...be here."

For most yes, crying certainly can prove difficult, but something the urge to do so is so close to the edge that crying really is the easiest. Chrollo might look that type, but Hisoka knows better, even with those big shining eyes. It seems the Troupe leader would rather not do either, not completely anyway. Instead he sits in a state near either emotion, joy or sorrow, tilting more to one side here and there but always having so much more control than Hisoka has. When Hisoka feels sorry, he slingshots the other way into joy. He feels intensely, so something like anger or sorrow, it might hit him harder than he'd like if it ever really did. Again better to feel the positives, those of which he feels without any difficulties.

The sorrow he feels now isn't really his own after all, he's just experiencing empathy with more of... open arms. Normally he'd use empathy as a tactic, but now... Now it's just something he feels along with the other man. Both basking in yet another side to someone he's fallen to love, and hating every moment of the feeling.

He listens.

And it's... not as though he doesn't understand.

He knows what people can be to eachother, how they can become strengths, he sees it all the time. And while Chrollo's words make sense, Hisoka isn't quite just he understands directly. Everything ends yes, so it's better to go into it knowing that, not getting too attached, too deep. But Chrollo believes the opposite. That if you care you should care as much as you can, enjoy it to the fullest even if the pain of a loss will hurt...

As a hedonist that of course, makes sense. Just enjoy, accept all of it, whatever it is, treasure it, even if you know it'll be gone. And Hisoka does that, doesn't he? To a degree... He 'enjoys' and 'indulges' but he doesn't truly treasure, he wouldn't. But the thought leaves him a little ill. He remembers thinking similar things before against a mattress, near Chrollo's chest. Thinking he's never treasured until- now probably. That he's never dreaded a loss before, until now. It's the same feeling he felt then, the way his stomach curls and tightens... Were Chrollo to leave, he'd be something worse than Chrollo is now in his mourning... It's because he treasured then, so it makes sense to pull away knowing that. Even if he's already ended up liking the taste too much, he should've ended it with a fight earlier...

He should leave.

But really it is a bit too late, and Chrollo is... he's right. Even if Hisoka only feels it for one person now, has only ever really felt it for one person. Chrollo is right about how you might grab onto their 'warmth'.

He should leave, but he doesn't. He did come to see him, and Chrollo saying that's all he wants... the heavy beat in Hisoka's chest at that moment has him sliding his arms around him and hugging them against his neck. He ducks his head down, pushing his cheek against hair and staring downwards art nothing. Fine he'll just be here then. Leaving- it would just keep making him feel sick, wouldn't it.

"So be it then. How boring~" A light smirk, but the comment is meant in jest. This... this could hardly be boring.

Boring, then. Chrollo laughs softly, despite having just acknowledged to himself that he is not the laughing sort. Of course he recognizes the comment for what it is - a joke, or rather a light jest. There's never been anything boring about them. Even in the quiet. Even in the silence and the dark.

Even before all this.

What a strange entanglement he's managed to wander into.

"I was here before the others appeared." He says the words before he thinks about them, really. Just a thought the skitters across his mind. "...ah, and of course you were here even before that. It shouldn't be strange to like in a place without Nobu, but it is even so."

He'd just gotten... used to it, that's all. He tips his head back a little. "Hmm... perhaps we should stop by the diner and have a sake later. In his honor?" Even if he's absolutely aware that Hisoka could only ever be indulging him. Even so... it seems like a nice idea.

The laugh is nice and he feels himself quickly smiling a little more upon hearing it. Hisoka sits back a little, moving his hands to slide against Chrollo's cheeks, holding them lightly and tilting the other man's head up.

"I've been here for so long..." Said almost- sadly. But that expression, that tone, it won't linger on Hisoka's face for long.

"But it's proven interesting enough to keep me occupied..." Said as he rubs his thumbs over Chrollo's cheeks and leans in, kissing him for a moment, only to pull away and hear those words. Yes, Chrollo would want to do something in Nobu's honours, even something small. After all, Nobunaga wasn't dead... so he at least deserved a toast, right? And while he wasn't always fond of drinking with Chrollo for obvious reasons, he could see dealing with it if it meant he got more of that smile...

As small and melancholy as it is.

"We should." Definitely indulging you. You're lucky he's so willing to- but then, indulging Chrollo has also proven to grant the best results... Though anything that offered him more time with the man Hisoka considered 'best'.

"Oh, I don't know. Technically you've only been here a handful of months." Yes... he hasn't forgotten that disappearance. Nor could he ever. That was... difficult. He doesn't want to say it was more difficult than Nobu's disappearance, but... maybe it was. There are reasons for that - it was his first loss here, for example, and more than that it was...

...hm.

Different. Nobu is Nobu, after all. If he reappears here, or if Chrollo returns home... either way, Nobu will still be the person he knew, the person he knows. But Hisoka is different. To lose Hisoka as he is now, that would mean... a deeper loss. That's the trouble with this place, really. It's ephemeral at best, and so is everything that occurs within the borders of its universe.

Well. No point in thinking about it too much. He leans into that kiss, and then kisses Hisoka's chin after that. "It's a plan, then. Just. Don't let me get too drunk, hm?"

For reasons, okay. For reasons.

Well, it could be easier remembering that he himself won't know of it either. They both will return to their world as if nothing ever happened... Though Chrollo certainly doesn't seem the type to be comforted by naivity. He won't remember Hisoka ever being this way with him, just as Hisoka won't remember what it was possible for him to feel and for who.

This place took death from them, and offered something incredibly more annoying.

"Hm..." He smiles, closing his eyes and almost obediently tilting his head for that kiss at his chin.

"Let you? I might be inclined if you offer me amusing enough banter. But yes." A light sigh, shrugging up his hands.

"We can't have you getting too emotional, Chrollo. You wouldn't want to lose your head." Its the most impressive part about you after all. Another small laugh and he leans his arms on Chrollo shoulders again, leaning in as he takes a deep breath.

"I love you." Said for himself more than Chrollo actually. But he sure its not something Chrollo's opposed to hearing either. And it's accompanied with a lean in and near nuzzling from his head. Ah, what has he become, its so comedic- but he can't escape how good it feels go say it. It's quaint and yet...

Oddly satisfying.

...not much of a comfort, really. Actually, he tries not to think about that, too. In the end, if they could anchor themselves... but these things aren't possible. Really.. what a drag.

So, enjoy the moment. The time with his... family, and the time with this man - the one he loves... yes, the only one he's ever loved this way. And try not to think too much on losses, future or past. Or present, really, in Nobu's case.

"My head will remain intact, I promise." Err, assuming he doesn't drink too much. The last thing he wants to do right now is drown in excessive emotion. It's too maudlin, even for him. Or rather... it's exactly the sort of thing he'd do, and at the moment, he'd rather not be too much like himself. And he would have left it at that, moved to the next topic instead, but Hisoka says those words, and his heart... his chest... they squeeze.

Not the first time. Not the last. Actually... he wonders if he'll ever stop reacting that way.

"Ah." Chrollo smiles a little, a soft smile. It is quaint, isn't it. And yet, appreciated. Especially now. But also every other time it's been said. "...and I love you."

He wants to say "always." But there's no sense in making promises in a world where he hasn't the power to decide whether or not they're kept.

It wasn't so much of a comfort for Hisoka as it was something that was merely inevitable. The idea that once they left nothing would seem to exist seemed easier to him than remembering and no longer having it. And the idea of feeling this way back home where death was returned to permanence seemed of issue to him.

But it wouldn't ever be something they'd have to confront again anywhere else, would it? When returned... He could love this man again if things played out similar. If he drowned himself in Chrollo that 'death' would be this love. Just as if Chrollo killed him back home. Just as Hisoka killed others, death meant something of ownership to him. So he could drown in who Chrollo was and fall for him just as he had here. The potential was always there... But judging from how their lives were back there... It might never be.

And it might never be for Hisoka again at all.

But such things are hard to say and he'd much rather focus on Chrollo in front of him now. The face he made in reaction, how he returned the phrase, his own heart twisted and his smile glued.

"And you'll have to forgive me. My inner clock has never been any good." Keeping his smile, he leans in, hugging his arms around Chrollo's neck and lightly scratching into his hair.

"If the diner is open now, or if we'll be going later. I'll leave that up to you.". A breath in deep, eyes closing. "Just say it again. Will you?"

Hisoka's inner clock - oh, Chrollo remembers that quite well. It was always a bit of a mess, although frankly he suspects that has more to do with Hisoka's disinterest in following its edicts than anything else. He never seemed overly interested in keeping to a specific time, or schedule, even when he had one.

...honestly, though, lack of scheduling is infinitely more pleasant to think about that the other topic, so Chrollo lets himself linger on that, and on Hisoka's smile, and presence - so solid and so here.

"It's open." Quite so. Actually, he's almost 90% sure it's always open - though he did leave that question to that manager he'd hired. "So, now is good." Better than sitting here. Yes... much better than sitting... or even sitting and reading. And as for that last bit. He smiles a bit, and leans closer.

"I love you." His voice is quiet, almost gentle. And he kisses the side of Hisoka's face when the words fade away.

He'd be right. His sense of time and timing was rather impeccable. It was fun to purposely be late for things just to get a rise out of certain people. Uvogin for example. He always reacted in an amusing way.

"Mhmm~" Smiles, his lips curling up childishly at the sides of his face. He snakes his grip around him tighter, tucking his face in against his neck and breathes in deep. That smell of him, soaking it in in silence for a moment before finally pulling away his mouth enough to speak.

"I love you too." So to drinks then.

Just- not too many.

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said drinking and mood raising and what not we can continue to log or handwave, up to you