[CLOSED]

[debauchewy]

WHO: Hisoka and Chrollo
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Chrollo's home
WHEN: Late 8/12
WHAT: Nightly visit, but after some grave news
WARNINGS: General Hisoka and Chrollo warning. Most likely just near sexual and implied adult situations.

It didn't take him long to see it. Well, see a lack of it. Nobunaga was gone, having tried to contact him Hisoka found out and immediately his mind went to Chrollo. It was unexpected how quickly it happened too. He barely thought about how disappointed he was at the man missing before he was thinking about how Chrollo was handling it. Such a sentimental man, and instead of finding that thought endearing, it just troubled him. An odd feeling, that sickness in his stomach, he wanted to know if he knew, what he was doing. Was it anything like he was when Hisoka himself had left? Why did it bother him to think about?

In the end he went to see. If only to cure himself of this strange anxiety he's still too new to to understand. His worry was novel, worry about Chrollo having difficulty with the porting out of someone he held dear. He was worried he was sad when he shouldn't really care. If anything Hisoka was better focusing on his own very slight sorrow at the lack of any future fight with Nobunaga, and of course he was thinking about it. But not to the degree he found himself curious of Chrollo's condition.

Was he sad?

Probably pensive about it.

He'll probably arrive and he's nose into a book in the near dark of his bedroom, not thinking about it, or trying not to. Or thinking about it in the back of his mind. Not worrying for his ported out friend but longing for him. Already missing him even though Nobunaga can't have been gone more than a week, if that by now. Partially worried that Chrollo would be no fun sad, and while that's true, he's troubled thinking about how that's actually... not the only reason he feels any concern. Were that true he'd merely avoid Chrollo till he was in better spirits, not find himself going to him in haste. But there's a thought there, that if something is the matter, how could possibly...

change it. Well, make him feel better anyway. His skin heats a little with that in mind, setting a hand on the outside window frame as he crouches near the sill outside Chrollo's bedroom. His eyes peer into the glass, seeing curtains drawn over them, blocking his view.

Was this how it felt to care about someone then. To actually care. He used that word now, 'love' but this was strange. Normally he never had to deal with anyone being 'sad'. And if he did he certainly never minded much. But that man, as impressive and powerful as he was, he swept him away, enough that he's here... Here, tapping at the glass of the window and glancing up to see what sort of expression meets him when the curtains pull away.

Comments

[cephalothorax]

In fairness, comedy really is easier. Even for Chrollo, it's hard to deny. In the end, who wouldn't prefer to laugh than cry? ...although, Chrollo doesn't laugh much, even when he's happy. Still... there's a certain level of sadness to be expected from loss, and Chrollo has suffered enough of them in his time. Before the founding of the Troupe... and then after. Losing a member to Silva Zoldyck. Losing the #4 that predated Hisoka. And losing Hisoka, himself - though that was... different. Losing Uvogin. And Pakunoda. The latter without even knowing it until far later.

And here as well. Hisoka had vanished once, and Chrollo mourned him in his odd, quiet way. And then he returned, of course. There's no guarantee that Nobu won't, as well - that's the oddity of this world more than anything else. Things arrive and then are lost. Things are lost and then arrive.

It never ends. It's wearying, but perhaps inevitable, like death itself. Or... taxes, that's the phrase, right?

Thinking of it that way almost does make him smile, but... in the end, the impulse dies, and he shakes his head. "A loss is the same, I think, whether one expects it or not. But that doesn't..." ...doesn't... he frowns a little, trying to think of how to form the words. Hisoka... he probably won't understand regardless of how it's phrased - that's his way. But even so. Chrollo tips his head back a little, watches the ceiling for a moment. "...it doesn't change what came before the loss. There is value in that, even when it can't continue any longer.

"It's true that loss is inevitable - even a friendship, a romance, that lasts a lifetime ends with the first life that reaches its conclusion. Like candleflames, they always flicker out. In the end, someone is always left alone. But that's no reason to draw away from connections. No... it's the reason to treasure the connections one has with even greater intensity. Grab ahold of their warmth... and treasure their light. "

Well, maybe it's something that wouldn't make sense to Hisoka, in the end. But even so. That view, that way of approaching things... it's what gives Chrollo's heart direction. And what keeps back the dark, in moments like these. He lowers his head again, but keeps his gaze up, looking at Hisoka's face even as he leans a bit into Hisoka's touch. And as for that question...

"...ah. You came to see me. Without even receiving such a request. What more could I want from you?" He leans his head forward, leaning against Hisoka's shoulder. "...be here."

[debauchewy]

For most yes, crying certainly can prove difficult, but something the urge to do so is so close to the edge that crying really is the easiest. Chrollo might look that type, but Hisoka knows better, even with those big shining eyes. It seems the Troupe leader would rather not do either, not completely anyway. Instead he sits in a state near either emotion, joy or sorrow, tilting more to one side here and there but always having so much more control than Hisoka has. When Hisoka feels sorry, he slingshots the other way into joy. He feels intensely, so something like anger or sorrow, it might hit him harder than he'd like if it ever really did. Again better to feel the positives, those of which he feels without any difficulties.

The sorrow he feels now isn't really his own after all, he's just experiencing empathy with more of... open arms. Normally he'd use empathy as a tactic, but now... Now it's just something he feels along with the other man. Both basking in yet another side to someone he's fallen to love, and hating every moment of the feeling.

He listens.

And it's... not as though he doesn't understand.

He knows what people can be to eachother, how they can become strengths, he sees it all the time. And while Chrollo's words make sense, Hisoka isn't quite just he understands directly. Everything ends yes, so it's better to go into it knowing that, not getting too attached, too deep. But Chrollo believes the opposite. That if you care you should care as much as you can, enjoy it to the fullest even if the pain of a loss will hurt...

As a hedonist that of course, makes sense. Just enjoy, accept all of it, whatever it is, treasure it, even if you know it'll be gone. And Hisoka does that, doesn't he? To a degree... He 'enjoys' and 'indulges' but he doesn't truly treasure, he wouldn't. But the thought leaves him a little ill. He remembers thinking similar things before against a mattress, near Chrollo's chest. Thinking he's never treasured until- now probably. That he's never dreaded a loss before, until now. It's the same feeling he felt then, the way his stomach curls and tightens... Were Chrollo to leave, he'd be something worse than Chrollo is now in his mourning... It's because he treasured then, so it makes sense to pull away knowing that. Even if he's already ended up liking the taste too much, he should've ended it with a fight earlier...

He should leave.

But really it is a bit too late, and Chrollo is... he's right. Even if Hisoka only feels it for one person now, has only ever really felt it for one person. Chrollo is right about how you might grab onto their 'warmth'.

He should leave, but he doesn't. He did come to see him, and Chrollo saying that's all he wants... the heavy beat in Hisoka's chest at that moment has him sliding his arms around him and hugging them against his neck. He ducks his head down, pushing his cheek against hair and staring downwards art nothing. Fine he'll just be here then. Leaving- it would just keep making him feel sick, wouldn't it.

"So be it then. How boring~" A light smirk, but the comment is meant in jest. This... this could hardly be boring.

[cephalothorax]

Boring, then. Chrollo laughs softly, despite having just acknowledged to himself that he is not the laughing sort. Of course he recognizes the comment for what it is - a joke, or rather a light jest. There's never been anything boring about them. Even in the quiet. Even in the silence and the dark.

Even before all this.

What a strange entanglement he's managed to wander into.

"I was here before the others appeared." He says the words before he thinks about them, really. Just a thought the skitters across his mind. "...ah, and of course you were here even before that. It shouldn't be strange to like in a place without Nobu, but it is even so."

He'd just gotten... used to it, that's all. He tips his head back a little. "Hmm... perhaps we should stop by the diner and have a sake later. In his honor?" Even if he's absolutely aware that Hisoka could only ever be indulging him. Even so... it seems like a nice idea.

[debauchewy]

The laugh is nice and he feels himself quickly smiling a little more upon hearing it. Hisoka sits back a little, moving his hands to slide against Chrollo's cheeks, holding them lightly and tilting the other man's head up.

"I've been here for so long..." Said almost- sadly. But that expression, that tone, it won't linger on Hisoka's face for long.

"But it's proven interesting enough to keep me occupied..." Said as he rubs his thumbs over Chrollo's cheeks and leans in, kissing him for a moment, only to pull away and hear those words. Yes, Chrollo would want to do something in Nobu's honours, even something small. After all, Nobunaga wasn't dead... so he at least deserved a toast, right? And while he wasn't always fond of drinking with Chrollo for obvious reasons, he could see dealing with it if it meant he got more of that smile...

As small and melancholy as it is.

"We should." Definitely indulging you. You're lucky he's so willing to- but then, indulging Chrollo has also proven to grant the best results... Though anything that offered him more time with the man Hisoka considered 'best'.

[cephalothorax]

"Oh, I don't know. Technically you've only been here a handful of months." Yes... he hasn't forgotten that disappearance. Nor could he ever. That was... difficult. He doesn't want to say it was more difficult than Nobu's disappearance, but... maybe it was. There are reasons for that - it was his first loss here, for example, and more than that it was...

...hm.

Different. Nobu is Nobu, after all. If he reappears here, or if Chrollo returns home... either way, Nobu will still be the person he knew, the person he knows. But Hisoka is different. To lose Hisoka as he is now, that would mean... a deeper loss. That's the trouble with this place, really. It's ephemeral at best, and so is everything that occurs within the borders of its universe.

Well. No point in thinking about it too much. He leans into that kiss, and then kisses Hisoka's chin after that. "It's a plan, then. Just. Don't let me get too drunk, hm?"

For reasons, okay. For reasons.

[debauchewy]

Well, it could be easier remembering that he himself won't know of it either. They both will return to their world as if nothing ever happened... Though Chrollo certainly doesn't seem the type to be comforted by naivity. He won't remember Hisoka ever being this way with him, just as Hisoka won't remember what it was possible for him to feel and for who.

This place took death from them, and offered something incredibly more annoying.

"Hm..." He smiles, closing his eyes and almost obediently tilting his head for that kiss at his chin.

"Let you? I might be inclined if you offer me amusing enough banter. But yes." A light sigh, shrugging up his hands.

"We can't have you getting too emotional, Chrollo. You wouldn't want to lose your head." Its the most impressive part about you after all. Another small laugh and he leans his arms on Chrollo shoulders again, leaning in as he takes a deep breath.

"I love you." Said for himself more than Chrollo actually. But he sure its not something Chrollo's opposed to hearing either. And it's accompanied with a lean in and near nuzzling from his head. Ah, what has he become, its so comedic- but he can't escape how good it feels go say it. It's quaint and yet...

Oddly satisfying.

[cephalothorax]

...not much of a comfort, really. Actually, he tries not to think about that, too. In the end, if they could anchor themselves... but these things aren't possible. Really.. what a drag.

So, enjoy the moment. The time with his... family, and the time with this man - the one he loves... yes, the only one he's ever loved this way. And try not to think too much on losses, future or past. Or present, really, in Nobu's case.

"My head will remain intact, I promise." Err, assuming he doesn't drink too much. The last thing he wants to do right now is drown in excessive emotion. It's too maudlin, even for him. Or rather... it's exactly the sort of thing he'd do, and at the moment, he'd rather not be too much like himself. And he would have left it at that, moved to the next topic instead, but Hisoka says those words, and his heart... his chest... they squeeze.

Not the first time. Not the last. Actually... he wonders if he'll ever stop reacting that way.

"Ah." Chrollo smiles a little, a soft smile. It is quaint, isn't it. And yet, appreciated. Especially now. But also every other time it's been said. "...and I love you."

He wants to say "always." But there's no sense in making promises in a world where he hasn't the power to decide whether or not they're kept.

[debauchewy]

It wasn't so much of a comfort for Hisoka as it was something that was merely inevitable. The idea that once they left nothing would seem to exist seemed easier to him than remembering and no longer having it. And the idea of feeling this way back home where death was returned to permanence seemed of issue to him.

But it wouldn't ever be something they'd have to confront again anywhere else, would it? When returned... He could love this man again if things played out similar. If he drowned himself in Chrollo that 'death' would be this love. Just as if Chrollo killed him back home. Just as Hisoka killed others, death meant something of ownership to him. So he could drown in who Chrollo was and fall for him just as he had here. The potential was always there... But judging from how their lives were back there... It might never be.

And it might never be for Hisoka again at all.

But such things are hard to say and he'd much rather focus on Chrollo in front of him now. The face he made in reaction, how he returned the phrase, his own heart twisted and his smile glued.

"And you'll have to forgive me. My inner clock has never been any good." Keeping his smile, he leans in, hugging his arms around Chrollo's neck and lightly scratching into his hair.

"If the diner is open now, or if we'll be going later. I'll leave that up to you.". A breath in deep, eyes closing. "Just say it again. Will you?"

[cephalothorax]

Hisoka's inner clock - oh, Chrollo remembers that quite well. It was always a bit of a mess, although frankly he suspects that has more to do with Hisoka's disinterest in following its edicts than anything else. He never seemed overly interested in keeping to a specific time, or schedule, even when he had one.

...honestly, though, lack of scheduling is infinitely more pleasant to think about that the other topic, so Chrollo lets himself linger on that, and on Hisoka's smile, and presence - so solid and so here.

"It's open." Quite so. Actually, he's almost 90% sure it's always open - though he did leave that question to that manager he'd hired. "So, now is good." Better than sitting here. Yes... much better than sitting... or even sitting and reading. And as for that last bit. He smiles a bit, and leans closer.

"I love you." His voice is quiet, almost gentle. And he kisses the side of Hisoka's face when the words fade away.

said drinking and mood raising and what not we can continue to log or handwave, up to you

[debauchewy]

He'd be right. His sense of time and timing was rather impeccable. It was fun to purposely be late for things just to get a rise out of certain people. Uvogin for example. He always reacted in an amusing way.

"Mhmm~" Smiles, his lips curling up childishly at the sides of his face. He snakes his grip around him tighter, tucking his face in against his neck and breathes in deep. That smell of him, soaking it in in silence for a moment before finally pulling away his mouth enough to speak.

"I love you too." So to drinks then.

Just- not too many.