maskormenacelogs | [OPEN] We're young hearts, look at us go

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[OPEN] We're young hearts, look at us go

WHO: The residents of Nonah’s Ark (aka, Nonah 005) and YOU!
WHERE: Mostly around Nonah 005, but can be used for interaction with the Nonah’s Ark crew just about anywhere if you really wanted!
WHEN: The month of August.
WHAT: A general interaction log for the month of August, including the aftermath of the August Swear-in.
WARNINGS: Obligatory Iron Bull warning here. Also a warning for Kaneda’s dumb teenager hormones and Tetsuo's general crazy.

Starters will be appearing in the comments. If you want something specific from any one person (Charlie, Ken, Iron Bull, Kaneda, or Tetsuo), feel free to drop them a line and ask! Otherwise, feel free to add your own starters for the whole household or individual residents as you like.

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[ Her grip on his shoulders tighten just a little bit as she purses her lips. She's grateful that he's okay, or at least says that he is, but-- ]

Where did you go? I heard that you were missing, and--God, I thought something awful happened to you--

[ Yikes. She's not even going to bother being more subtle about how much she's come to care for him, now. Kasumi only barely manages to catch herself before she keeps going on, and she interrupts herself with a sigh. ]

I'm sorry. You're okay. That's all that matters now, right?

[He winces at that, looking away. Something awful? That whole incident was awful, but was his especially so? Sure, he was away. Sure, maybe Kaneda had thought he was dead, but--]

I was at Minato-san's house. He took me in and healed me because I was injured.

I got hit by the gas. I was injured, but I'm fine Kasumi-san. Were you okay?

[ Her expression falters for a moment; by the way he talks, it doesn't sound like Ken remembers the encounter they had that night. That he mistook her for his mother. That she pushed him away, thinking he'd turned into a Husk.

Awkward. ]

I... [ she clears her throat. ] I got hit by the gas, too. I ran into a few people I wish I hadn't run into, but--I got out okay, right? And so did you. I'm glad someone took you in.

Reika-san found me and took me there.

[Reika. And that brings another frown to his face as he raises his hands, finding the fabric of Kasumi's clothes and tugging, asking her silently to sit with him.]

She's gone, too. I tried calling her, and-- and she's gone.

Reika-chan?

[ Kasumi feels the tug on her clothes, and then moves to sit next to Ken, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him closer so he can rest his head on her shoulder, should he want or need to.

Shit. Kasumi barely got to speak to the girl again after coming out of hiding, and now she's gone. ]

I'm so sorry, Ken. You two were good friends, weren't you? I felt sad when Peter disappeared, too.

[ And she herself got Ported home, only to come back, too, so maybe Reika... but Kasumi doesn't want to say that outright, to get Ken's hopes up just in case... ]

[He doesn't pull away, nor does he fight her tugging him close, although he keeps himself sitting up. He's obviously upset, but upset has been a default for him since the swear-in. Crane didn't completely reverse his recovery since May, but he hasn't been this shaken up in months and he doesn't know what to do about it.

So rather than try to figure it out, like he struggled to do when talking to Jaime or Kaneda before he discovered that Reika was gone, he decides to do absolutely nothing.]

Reika-san had something to return to, and I'm used to it. I've been here for a few months; I've had plenty of people port out already.

[Until a second ago, he was about to seek comfort. But as he pushes out those words, he tells himself this is easier. He doesn't want to break down on Kasumi like he did to the others already, so it's easier to keep himself removed for now.]

... She'll be okay.

[ Kasumi can hear the way Ken forges through his words like he doesn't quite mean what he says; briefly, she wonders what it is about the people she knows (herself, even) that makes it so difficult for them to just admit they're not okay. And then she wonders if Ken doesn't trust her, or something along those lines, and she has to resign herself to that conclusion--she's given him plenty of reason not to trust her. But that doesn't mean she won't give up on consoling him, even if he doesn't want it. ]

We know she'll be okay, but...

What about you? Just because you're used to it doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt, right? I don't think saying goodbye to someone you care about is ever easy.

[Unaware of the mistaken conclusion Kasumi had arrived at, Ken sits quietly in her arms and takes in her response slowly.

It's not that he doesn't want comfort. He just doesn't know how to ask for it. Even when his mother was alive, he did his best to stand taller than he actually was. He wanted to be the one to protect her. He was the stronger one. He didn't need to be babied, because it was him who was going to take care of his mother. And now, in the face of another disappearance so soon after Crane's terror, he can't recall how it was that he managed to ask Jaime to stay with him, how he ran to Minato when he thought he needed to. Just days before, he'd asked Reika to take him to Minato because he found that place safe, but now, that Reika is gone. And once more... once more--]

I don't know, to be honest. Maybe it'll be easier, if I had the chance to say goodbye. Whether it was my mom, or it was that person, Piper-san, Ema-san, or Rose-san [he adds them, listing off the roommates that had come and gone before Kaneda and Tetsuo] or Pearl, or Kay-san, or Miss Franziska, they all go without warning. I only realize after they're gone, so I've never had a chance to say goodbye.

[ Kasumi, on the other hand, doesn't quite relate as much to the feeling of losing someone you've met here. She's done well to keep her circle small, just the way she'd like it (and one might argue that it's even bigger than she should rightly allow herself given her extracurriculars), and the few times she'd found someone had left, they came right back. Ken's words make her feel grateful, in that regard, although the truth of the matter is that for people to stay in Kasumi's life is rather a new concept for her, too. When you're on the run for all of your life, people come and go. Keiji came and went. The Normandy crew came and went. That's just the way it is--or was; she's still learning that it doesn't have to be that way.

Ken's words also make her thankful that she could say goodbye. There's a part of her that still wishes she didn't have to say goodbye to Keiji--or at least that she had a real opportunity to. That their goodbye didn't mean her leaving him for dead so she could save herself at his behest--a regret that's been dredged up despite her best efforts at moving on from it over the last few months, all thanks to the Swear-In.

The most important thing, however, is that Ken's words make her remember how they acted during that event. At the mention of his mother, her grip around his shoulder tightens ever so slightly, and her body gets a touch tense. ]

It's... I think it's easier when you have a chance to say goodbye, too. Based on my experience... But there's something to be said for the fact that even if we don't get to say goodbye to the people who get Ported out, they're going on to live their lives. It's... much different when it's a goodbye for another reason, yeah? I know that feeling pretty well, too.

I'm not that selfless a person.

[He's well aware that people go on to live out the rest of their lives, however long or short they are, after leaving here. For some of them, it might end up being nothing because they're dead. For some people, like him, it's apparently survival, though he doesn't know what lies ahead of him. All he can think is that it's nothing he wants over the time he has here. Like this, sitting here with someone's warmth around him for the first time in years.]

Either way, you don't get to see them again. So it's the same thing from my point of view. Sometimes you just... want to see them again, even if it's a hallucination.

[ Even if it's a hallucination. That certainly hadn't been the case for Kasumi that night; maybe she would have wanted to see him, sure, but the way she saw him that night was just a cruel, cruel reminder of how she'd seen him the very last time she ever saw him in person: dying and begging her to leave, little bird, please, you have to live. So to Ken, she only offers a half-hearted response. ]

Yeah... I guess you're right.

[ Half-hearted because no, Ken's not wrong. Kasumi had wanted to see Keiji so many times since he died, and for a while that desire was granted by her greybox. She's not sure when that stopped being enough, or when it started bringing more pain than anything else, when she started feeling like she couldn't keep on going on like this, but she knows that it wasn't too long ago. (And she knows that being here and being with people had a part in it.)

But, perhaps more important than her own feelings right now are Ken's. ]

... Was it good to see your mother again, even if it wasn't real?

[ Her lips draw into a thin line. She feels like she already knows the answer--she pushed him away, after all, even though she hadn't known what was happening. ]

... I was able to see her clearly.

[That's no true yes or no answer yet, but Ken murmurs his answer, dropping words one by one like pebbles into still water. They barely create ripples in the stillness of the room.]

I don't have anything of her left, really. No photos, no videos. It's been years. I was worried if I remembered her at all. Maybe I don't... remember her correctly, but I was still able to see her face.

[ Another long and slow exhale part Kasumi's lips, trying to navigate the conversation carefully in the same way that Ken's words come out.

...Maybe Ken doesn't remember that he was pushed away. And maybe she shouldn't tell him the truth. It wouldn't be difficult for her; lying is a tool of her trade, after all. ]

I'm glad you got to see her. I... Your mother must have been a great person.

[He nods at that, his expression softening into a smile. No matter how troubled he is, memories of his mother, now, are able to evoke that sort f emotion. It's easier, being able to remember her as she was alive than in her death.]

She was a wonderful person. She raised me all by herself, and she protected me until the very end. Even though it would have been easier for her if she didn't have me... even if she might've survived if it weren't for me.

[He finally looks up, leaning back in his seat and also against Kasumi. There's an undeniably sad look on his face, but even then, he's... still able to smile.]

I'd been afraid of her hating me for what I did, before I came here. After trying to waste my life when she gave hers saving me. So when I saw her at the swear-in, that's what I must've seen.

[ She turns her head, casting a deeply sympathetic, affected expression down at Ken's bittersweet smile before she moves to rest her cheek against the top of his head affectionately. ]

She couldn't have hated you, Ken. You've done so well after everything you've been through.

[ And really, that's more than she can say for herself, relatively speaking. ]

When you saw her at the Swear-In--maybe you're right, maybe you saw what you thought she might be like--but I don't think for one second that your mother would have really pushed you away, Ken. She loved you so much.

[Ken hasn't pieced together that it was Kasumi he saw at the swear-in, but he does know, consciously, that her gestures remind him of his mother. The weight of her cheek against his head reminds him of her, too, although he keeps it to himself. Kasumi cares for him despite all her efforts to keep her solitude, and such a confession would only discomfort both of them. But he accepts it, even leans into it.]

I know... I know. I'm sad that I lost her, but I was really, really lucky to have her. I was really happy when I was with her.

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[OPEN] We're young hearts, look at us go

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