[OPEN] you see, i am the wolf, and this dirty little piggy lives inside of me

[infomodder]

WHO: Will Graham + YOU!
WHERE: All over
WHEN: Month of May (he will not be around the 15th-19th)
WHAT: Making friends. Losing friends. Getting experience with his shadow stag power. Aggressively playing pool. Fishing. Stuff and things, Coral.
WARNINGS: Standard Hannibal warnings apply (cannibalism and murder and sadness and season 2 spoilers). If anything else crops up, I will edit to add.
NOTE: Everything's been written up in prose, but if you'd prefer to do action, just reply with it and I'll match! And if you'd like a specific starter, shoot me a PM or something and I'll write it up in comments.




I. AROUND NONAH: Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet?

He'd have gone to De Chima, had he not been there so recently for work, had he been sure he could keep himself from stopping by the old house. Worse, going into the old house, seeing if Mike Parker was there, perhaps checking in on his religiously conflicted roommate. Going to Virginia for leisure time is bound to end poorly, bound to have him finally giving up and checking in on this universe's version of Wolf Trap. Better to avoid all that inevitable mess by going somewhere else entirely.

So he opts for Nonah, and after going through the city itself, finds a nice patch of woods that doesn't seem too used. Seems more like the place where joggers go for morning and evening routines than anything popular, where parents might bring their children or couples might take to for a quiet, slow stroll. Once the noises fade to nothing but nature, he loses his shadow to its new, stag self, to get a better feel of how it works. They'll walk side-by-side as much as the stag decides to explore, bolting for a particularly playful squirrel, scraping his antlers on a nearby tree for reasons Will doesn't want to think about. Same with any rolling in mud. Probably just enjoying his freedom to be a strange, shadow stag; that's the story Will chooses to take on and believe as true. Every now and then, it might smack as more dog than deer, stumpy tail wagging, but Will doesn't pay that any mind, either. The thing's never far out of his sight—until something (or someone) truly interesting and not yet in Will's line of sight comes around, of course. Leave it to Will to not find this of too much concern and continue to take his time, walking fashion disaster that he is. Don't worry! That shadowy creature means no harm, and the guy following after who doesn't cast a shadow at all despite whatever sunlight is around has covered himself in a truly terrible plaid shirt and jeans that are two or three wears from being worn out. No threats here.

II. HEROPA: have you been herring a lot about the hook line and tinker?

Will doesn't work at the bait shop anymore, not technically. He is, however, still the owner, and that means he has to be involved. He's a little more involved than some of his employees might actually like, but at least whenever there's a minor issue plaguing the place, he can generally take care of it. If he can't, he knows who can. So every now and then, for anyone stopping by (or just looking in), they'll find a still plaid-clad Will Graham sporting a ridiculous hat that's clearly been worn by him for a while, however off and on. It fits his head, and the fishing hook stuck on the brim of it has been there so long it's created a dent. But Will isn't behind the counter or going through the shelves to fix them. Nah, he's the guy in the corner on a stepladder fixing some busted part of the ceiling or wall, or fiddling with wiring. He rather looks like the repairman.

If someone stops by to see him, specifically, here he is. If someone stops by with a question that the staff either can't answer or doesn't feel equipped to answer as well as Will can, he'll be pointed out as well. Yes, go ask the guy making an effort to center the WRIGGLE ROOM sign after it last fell about fishing seasons. That guy who's cleaning the front windows in the wake of the Flare and dragons alike will know far better than the person behind the counter why the hell the lures are different colors. Go pester him, he has the answers, he's the owner.

III. HEROPA 2 NAUTICAL BOOGALOO: We ain’t only fishin’

Will owes plenty of people fishing trips. Want to go fishing? Who the hell wouldn't? His preference is for standing around all day in waders, but if someone would rather go out, he'll get a boat. How accommodating.

IV. HEROPA 3 RETURN TO THE HOMELAND: Flowers and trees depress and frankly bore me

There is a house with a yard that's well kept but not much to speak of just yet. The dogwood tree in the center of it is in need of some nourishment and time without the world being in ruins to get back to its former glory, and the scattered beds of flowers weren't in any particular order. Until today, that is. Will's out with his sleeves rolled right over his elbows, bearded dog providing help by doing the best thing he can in this situation: lazing underneath some shade and taking a nap. He's got all the tools he needs, pots with plants waiting to be transferred over, dirty hands bare instead of covered with gloves. He's not dealing with anything too thorny or prickly, so there's really no need for that, is there?

Except for the fact that the soil he's using contains manure, and says so right on the bags waiting to be tossed out with the rest of the trash. Whatever, it's all as organic as organic gets, he'll just wash them more thoroughly than usual and everything will be fine.

V. MAURTIA FALLS LIBRARY: Take a look, it's in a book!

He isn't even certain if he can check out anything, considering where he lives and all, but he's been through the Heropa library more times than he can count. It's good to expand one's horizons, isn't it? Maurtia Falls could have something on their shelves Heropa doesn't, so while he's there and following the rule of minding his own damn business, he stops by just to see. Curiosity isn't always a bad thing, after all. Will pointedly avoids any sections that have to do with crime, true or fictional. Fiction is supposed to give him an escape, and hopefully nonfiction will teach him about something that isn't his usual. Why even bother looking at books that won't do either? It's always much better to bump into someone who has a stack of books that relate to dogs, fish, the history of railroads, and what appears to be the first in a series about magical cats that can travel through space and have kept their secret from humans for all of eternity, isn't it? Because that's what Will's going for. Magical alien cats.

VI. BARS, BARS EVERYWHERE: He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink

Will keeps a rotation of bars in his head, places with a little more shade than usual. No loud and booming music, no crowd of youths looking to get their groove on. Will's more comfortable in the quiet sorts where the jukebox plays "oldies" and no one has any complaints about it. These are the nights were he slaps his watch over that tattoo to keep himself as much of a nobody as, well, everybody else in the dim, sometimes smoky lighting. His pool game isn't anything to write home about, but he's steadily getting better, with the goal to one day wipe the floor with Hank Schrader. And because some of these bars are the places that don't ask questions, or have family members of the owners (or their friends) coming through just a year or so shy of the legal drinking age, Will keeps his job and this aspect of his life completely separate unless there is a real need for someone to step in. He's not a complete hog at the pool tables, though, and some affable competition is bound to only help improve his game. Loser buys the drinks—what a great deal.

Comments

[infomodder]

Will lets out a soft tsk at the apology, holding onto his cup like Ken just passed him what is arguably the most delicious drink one could ever order. A tsk that turns into a short huff of laughter at Ken's extremely profound understanding of both dogs and people: bed is far more preferable to lots of things. Ken speaks the truth.

"It's fine. I always drink mine black." The more capable coffee is of stripping paint off the walls, the better it is, in Will's book. He doesn't need foam with quickly made designs, or soy or half and half or whatever the hell else. He just needs a scalding hot cup of strong caffeine to do it's job. He figured Ken wouldn't have any of that stuff, either, but it is perhaps the nicer route of reassurance to truthfully claim this is his usual than say that. "Did you ever wonder why I wanted to take you on for...your parole?"

There had been plenty of other questions, why wasn't Will afraid, did the cannibalism bother him...but that's one he can't recall. If it had ever been asked indirectly, Will being the evasive expert he was surely veered it elsewhere, but...with the two of them as equals again, or as close to it as could be considered, the timing felt right. As right as any of this could be.

[enucleation]

he understands it; he really does. You could say that kaneki feels the same sometimes, but he dismisses that and off he goes to do whatever his paranoid mind tells him to do. But there are certain mornings, certain nights, when all he thinks is "I shouldn't leave this bed" and he wishes that could be true. Dogs have it easy, really.

The question leaves Kaneki silent for a moment. Or maybe he is silent because he is taking another sip of his coffee - slowly; it's hot. And mucus membranes are a ghoul's sensitive spots, including the mouth, so he feels burns. Not that pain bothers Kaneki anymore, but he is not a masochist and there is no reason for him to burn his own tongue with hot coffee. Anyway, he does take his sip, and puts down the cup for a moment.

"I figured because I was an interesting case." oh, he is not gloating. But Will mentioned his FBI cases involved weird shit sometimes, and Kaneki certainly can be considered "weird shit" in many people's books. "maybe also because we were housemates, once upon a time." a familiar face is easier to deal with than a strange one, right? even if they were never close before.

[infomodder]

Will isn't bothered by the pain of hot coffee too much, either, but anything that could tie his tongue is to be avoided. So he holds the cup a little looser in front of him, glancing down at the rising steam and waiting for it to show clear signs that it isn't going to burn the hair off his tongue before he takes the dive in.

Ken's answer is a good one—not just because he shares what he thought, but because he doesn't actually ask. If Will had been coming here with the hope that he'd only go through with an explanation if Ken wanted one, Ken just gave him the open door to get out of that entirely. Will had come here intending to go through with it; still, he can appreciate the approach.

Dogs really had it easy.

"That was part of it, yes." Mostly the latter, because the former? Interesting wasn't his favorite word, not anymore. "I'm a cannibal, too, Ken. After it's been cooked, and I wasn't aware of what I was eating when it first happened, but..."

He shrugs one shoulder, looking back at the coffee maker instead of at Ken. Ken didn't understand why everyone didn't find him a monster, why Will didn't find him one. Understanding as Will might have tried to be in ways others were not, he knew that regardless of how his first introduction to cannibalism had happened, most people? Found it awful. Thus: but..I'm a cannibal just the same.

[enucleation]

Well, that's a way to say it. At least Will is blunt about it, but the surprise is still there. probably it would be there regardless of the way he said it, considering it's not an easy subject to digest (aha)

Kaneki is actually glad he put the cup down because Will would have noticed his hand shacking slightly at such confession. But his face betrays him, anyway. Kaneki's eyes go a bit wider too, because of all the things he didn't expect that. Silence also follows, and perhaps a bit of confusion, but he says nothing for now.

First, Kaneki thinks about Will's words. He wasn't aware. BUT. But what? And why? Who fed him cooked human flesh= are you even considered a cannibal if you were tricked or forced into eating such a thing? well, nuances aside, Kaneki can't make much of anything without any extra information.

Explain.

No, that sounds like he is demanding. Kaneki isn't demanding, specially because Will didn't even have to share this.

"Why did it happen?"

[infomodder]

Will places that still too-hot cup on the counter behind him, nose wrinkling as he tries to find a way to explain this. Why did it happen indeed. Hell if Will knew, really. He could go on and on about the Ripper's motivations, his curiosity, his reasoning, but that probably didn't mean too much in the end to Ken. A moment of silence passes before he tosses one hand out as if to say as much, quietly smacking it against his pants leg and drawing it up.

"I couldn't tell you." Honesty, bursting forth in spades today, Will somewhat uncomfortable with the conversation but comfortable enough in its genuine nature to speak on it. It happened, there is no denying it, and he's not even certain if he wants to know why. "There's someone who...kills. He collects trophies in the form of organs. Cooks them, eats them. He'd throw these extravagant gourmet dinner parties and say it was beef or lamb, but it...wasn't always what he said it was supposed to be."

One way to turn the uncivilized into something civilized: feed it to the wealthy elite. At least Will knew, before plenty others. At least he had time to digest it all and come to accept his status as a cannibal, to eventually cope with the ascension from unknowing to both knowing and willing. Ken doesn't have to worry about Will suddenly growing sick with this topic and puking all over his kitchen; he's come to terms with it.

And that would just be rude of him.

[enucleation]

Jesus Christ, that sounds something that a ghoul would do for the sick pleasure of doing it. No, really, it reminds him of Tsukiyama in many ways, except he wouldn't feed humans: he would feed on the humans. kaneki has seen it and Kaneki has, in fact, been a target of those parties, twice already (the last party, he butchered everyone inside. Eye for an eye, things like that).

But moving on from that, this is about Will. And that cannibal person who fed his guests human flesh. Kaneki wants to ask if they are here, wants to ask if he was caught, but there are far too many questions that don't really mean much to Kaneki or interfere with him.

he has to choose which ones to ask first.

"You weren't aware at first. But..?" a polite way to ask for Will to continue his train of thought from back there. But what?

[infomodder]

But I eventually knew and partook anyway.

Conversations he might, one day, be able to have with someone else from Baltimore. Jack Crawford, if he had survived. Will had always had an overactive imagination, he knew that the bubbling brook of blood coming out from under the pantry door couldn't have been real, but how much had been lost anyway? Perhaps he could trust this to Chilton, the only one he had left. But Ken doesn't deserve that, not right away, and there was another line of thought riding on that but, the one he'll weave into.

"But it doesn't matter so much, does it? Still cannibalism, that's...what people hear." People might find the whole he did that to you and you had no idea sickening, of course, but but but there was still the underlying knowing that this guy had eaten human flesh, meat, organs...that stuck, didn't it? How could it not? "Isn't that what people take away from your diet?"

[enucleation]

"It doesn't, to others." but Kaneki is not them; kaneki is someone who has been living with the idea of cannibalism for over a year now and his reasons and why it matters are what keeps him... stable (not sane. kaneki isn't sane). He is someone who does it every week, and someone who the past six months in his world consumed ghouls at a crazy rate, even more than any serial killer ghoul would have consumed in such a time.

He did it because he wanted power. If asked, that's what he will say because that's how it is. It's not just hunger.

Not that a human would be so disgusted to know Kaneki eats ghouls as his primary diet (not anymore, in this world there are only two ghouls and the other ghoul is a friend and he'd never touch her). "Human flesh" sounds a lot worse than "Ghoul flesh" to a human, after all. It's worse if you eat humans.

Ah yes. Will doesn't know there are three things a ghoul can eat: coffee, humans and ghouls. It's not something Ken knew before he was tortured and driven mad. "If I told them that I ate more ghouls than I ate humans, they would still only focus on the human part. Even if I know exactly how many humans I have consumed and the number of ghouls is long forgotten."

But. But but but.

"But I'm not them. And my diet is restrictive; yours isn't, Will." he shakes his head softly. "And what do you take from it - from having consumed humans?"

[infomodder]

A question Will wasn't expecting, and it shows. Truth be told, he wasn't too sure what to expect when he came to this decision, though he had had a daydream of Ken immediately kicking him out. Didn't seem likely, ended up waved off, but he couldn't deny that if Ken did tell him to go, he'd be very much right to do so.

"I."

He starts, stops, brow furrowed, swallowing as he looks at the floor between them for a second. What can he tell Ken that he can't tell anyone else? However unfair it might be to turn to Ken, it's true that Will has no one else to discuss this with. Chilton has already directly told Will that he doesn't want to talk about it, this is no way good pillow talk with April, Mary and John don't need more than what they've already got, many others are young. Youth doesn't make them incapable, not at all, but how poor must it look for someone Will's age to turn to Annie or Sasha, their world is already enough of a mess without him adding onto that? Ken is in that odd area where he's young but he's dealt with it and has shared it...still, seems wrong to even joke about I took away a belly full of human, what else?

Even if Hannibal might find that almost amusing.

"Took away a different view of the food I eat. Made a lot of changes since I've been here. It's been long enough that I've had time to come to terms with it instead of feeling too guilty. Don't mean to sound callous..." But feeling guilty all the time about it would just eat me alive. "Just how it goes. You know?"

Will's older, sure, but there's only one of them who actually has to consume the flesh of others (ghouls, humans, they're still not deer or cow or bird). If anyone would know, it would be Ken, and Will has no issues deferring to him as the more experienced cannibal. That would be stupid.

[enucleation]

To be angry and disgusted at it would be incredibly hypocritical. Consuming humans is a necessity to Ken, consuming Ghouls became a substitute of that necessity that eventually grew into something a lot more fucked up. He has no right to show contempt at Will for what happened, and from the information will gave him, the man didn't even know what he was eating and didn't really have much of a choice (a serial killer, right?).

He waits for the answer as he takes a sip of his coffee, watching Will. There is no judgement; he can't judge. The last person allowed to judge anyone is Kaneki - he can't judge, he can only be judged. He can't talk to others either; his best friend is terrified and possibly disgusted of him so Kaneki has to pretend his best to be a normal human in front of him (and normal humans don't eat people and ghouls), another of his best friends is a ghoul and Kaneki has hurt her too much already, Annie has her complicated life to deal with under the government's thumb, Reiner and him had a fall out after Kaneki tried to eat his leg, Nishi is completely insane and not a friend, and Kaneki has perfect other excuses for not to talk about it with other people.

He would have one for Will, as well, but after those two months of talking to the man and now this... well. yeah. In the end, Will is going to be the only person Kaneki will dare to talk about any of it, probably.

"I don't think you should be guilty of it. It happened, you couldn't have stopped it." Kaneki doesn't care about callousness. He used to feel guilty, he used to cry every single time he put a bit of human flesh into his mouth. Look where he is now, stealing bodies with Touka, cutting them with his own bare hands.

"What changes have you made?" what sort of view does he have now?

[infomodder]

Will's response has been to seek control, to act as master where he can. He doesn't refuse April room in the kitchen, he doesn't have a fit if someone near him eats a hamburger, but he doesn't order off menus that don't show their full list of ingredients and he doesn't back down from that. If it doesn't live up to what standards he has in mind, he'll opt for something different. Hell, he'll eat nothing, or leave, or any number of things that might aggravate whoever he's with. He won't apologize for it, either.

"I don't eat meat, and I try to make most of what I do eat myself. Controlling what goes in my body is really all I can do."

If Will had any reservations about discussing this more thoroughly, more openly, Ken's done well at getting rid of them. His answer is immediate and coupled with him taking to his coffee again. They're just two cannibals talking, nothing to be too concerned with. As long as Ken finds Will enough and indulges this topic, Will's going to be grateful and return it. Should anything happen in the future that has Ken sending him a text or calling, he won't have any complaints. Just get himself somewhere private and listen. Be an ear to gnaw on in the way that doesn't involve devouring.

Misery acquaints a man with strange bed-fellows, but at least Ken's not as strange as he could be. He mustn't think Will too unusual, either, or so he hopes. Completely insane and not a friend? They have so much in common!

"This is really good, by the way. Thank you."

And there it is, the extension of trust he's placed in Ken as he tilts the cup in his direction. For most, it might not be difficult to accept an invitation of coffee, tea, water, or whatever drink is on hand because they're thinking of the ways that drink could contain human remains. For Will? It comes naturally now, whether he wants it or not. Here he stands just the same, in the kitchen of a confessed consumer of human flesh, drinking what he's been given without hesitation or suspicion.

The latter would be rude to both Ken and Hannibal. Ken's never given him reason to think he's sneaky in that way, and Hannibal is just that special in his brand of insanity.

[enucleation]

Control is good, Kaneki thinks, but Kaneki is a control freak of late. or tries to be, but in the end there is just so much that is out of his reach. Still, he believes that Will is right to want that much; to decide what goes in. ken also understands why the man wants it that way; can anyone blame him?

(Kaneki doesn't remember the cupcakes. If he did, he would bring it up, possibly. Mostly to apologize, since Kaneki apologizes for a lot, even when it's not his fault that he didn't know Will's dietary choices and paranoias).

At the compliment, Kaneki nods softly, closing his eyes for a moment. he knows what it means that Will actually drunk it without complaining, now. After all, even if the coffee had been made right in front of him or not, it's still a cannibal offering him a cup of coffee and he didn't even blink at it. This sort of gesture, while something Kaneki isn't unfamiliar with - his best friend drinks it too, with no qualms or questions - it's still important to see such trust.

Kaneki leans back just a bit. "How many people have you told about this, Will?" it0's not that Kaneki wishes to be a special snowflake, but he is curious to how normal people would react to such information. Did they judge him? Did it disgust them to the point of blocking it from their mind?

[infomodder]

"April knows a bit, of course, and a few others...just the bare facts."

the bare bones of it he thinks, almost says, but that's a line probably best left without crossing when it comes to Ken. Sure, Will ate several times without knowing what he was putting into his mouth, and later on ate knowing exactly what it was on the end of his fork. Then there's Ken who...every day, or however often ghouls have to eat to keep going steady and as stable as can be expected for anyone who has to consume the flesh of living things past cows, sheep, pigs. That sort of wordplay with Ken might not go over well, and far be it from Will to be flippant and arrogant in his face. In his house, even, drinking his coffee, which Will finishes off without a single complaint in his head, looks at the bottom of the mug with a half-smile. Good coffee, how could he expect anything less from Ken?

He'll learn, in time. Slowly but surely, as he does with every other cannibal he comes across. Fortunate that Ken not only owns what he does and is but has the advantage of not being a mass murdering lunatic with some tenuous code about honor or rudeness.

"You've probably noticed that people don't want to discuss it. Not a very good topic. Too heavy."

Heavy. Like that one dish that's cooked in lard and sits like a brick in the stomach. Ugh. But then there's Will, who spent the last several months of his life back in Baltimore talking about nothing else, and eventually could openly discuss meal plans consisting of people with his best friend, shadow, and mirror. Still sickening, but he's been somewhat desensitized to it.

If Ken doesn't find this too heavy at any point, then he knows where he can go to vent about cannibalism issues. Will isn't going to tell him to stop, or that he doesn't want to hear it, that he isn't in the mood to have this discussion. The futon in his bait shop is always open to the wanderers he cares about in need of a place to crash; he's the same way when it comes to certain topics. Almost desperate for someone to talk about it with, even.

Almost. Yeah right. That's the whole reason he came here, whether or not he'll say it out loud. He's starved and hunger is a fantastic motivator that blurs what is and is not sound logic.

[enucleation]

Bare facts, uh?

it doesn't offend him nor it feels flippant or arrogant. kaneki has seen a lot of irony in a lot of things, but there is still so much that he lets go; Will should see some of the conversations he is capable of having with someone who doesn't even know he is a cannibal. Often he uses expressions that those who do know, would cringe and certainly find it bad taste of Ken to use. But then you meet certain ghouls who are three times more terrible than this, and you honestly grow to prefer small little expression to that. Let's say that kaneki is one hell of a polite and tactful ghoul, compared to most at least.

But he'd have something to say about sanity. Kaneki is by no means sane. In fact, he is the first in line to admit that he is fucked in the head, completely messed up. He hides it, but his head is so loud and he hallucinates and hears things. Feels strange things too. Some might call it PTSD. It's unrelated to the fact that he has to eat human flesh every two weeks (that's how often ghouls have to eat to keep steady), but not unrelated to the fact that he is a cannibal - he just has been cannibalizing other ghouls instead.

Kaneki nods softly. it is indeed heavy and it's one of the reasons why he tells no one. Why he always smiles when someone asks him if he is alright and why he will always say he is fine. because it's so heavy and it's not fair to force another to carry such weight once they've learned. it's better to pretend he is still as human as possible, even if front of those who do know. Not a cannibal, no mention of food, no mention of habits. Normalcy is required when interacting with others.

Will is a bit different. He spoke a lot before with Will during those two months, even if about the most random mundane things. And with this, it is heavier, but it's something the two of them can carry because it's not so alien.

"Heavy to them and heavy to us."

Kaneki looks down for a moment before he shakes his head.

"In my world, I stopped eating humans. I only ate ghouls." and he knows to a human that sounds much better. It's fine to eat whatever you want to eat, as long it's not close to a human's comfort and life. "It wasn't because I was hungry. I wanted power: by eating them, I became stronger. So I ate them all." ken closes his eyes and shakes his head "Funny. if I said humans instead of ghouls, it'd sound a lot more terrible, wouldn't it?" it's not funny at all.

[infomodder]

Of all things, he wasn't expecting that sort of an admission. He goes still at the idea of consumption to gain power and then gingerly sets the mug down on the counter. In the middle, away from him, like if he didn't he might just drop it on the floor by accident. Nothing here is funny, and Will Graham is getting a more thorough look at Ken he won't be able to forget or ignore.

"Depends on who's listening." Vague, quiet, perhaps telling of Will's worry. Concern about how Ken might spill too much to the wrong sort. Even though he can handle his own in a fight, there are other sorts of danger out there. The quiet tone vanishes as he rubs at his neck, facts easy to part with while his head spins in circles trying to put something else together. "Cannibalism has a colorful history among humans. Some societies held it as a cultural norm. Some actively worked to enforce it as taboo, not to be done even if you were starving to death and the people you'd be consuming had already passed on."

But. But but but ghoul biology was not human biology. Humans could in no way gain power from devouring others, that was a fact. Gain the power of a full stomach and fuel to keep going to the next meal, same as anything else (and wasn't that part of the horror, that a human could serve in the stead of a cow or pig or fruit and do no better at it?), sure. No gaining knowledge, additional abilities without working for them, or traits. In the end, cannibalism among humans was simply and disturbingly just another bite to eat with a different meat at the core.

So he has to digest this quickly, and wonder, and ask:

"Do ghouls really grow more powerful by eating each other?"

If that isn't fact, proven scientifically in some form or another...Frederick Chilton's words their last session are going to ring like the bells of Notre Dame are housed in his skull, and Will's going to do a lot of drinking.

[enucleation]

It's good to be creeped out, Kaneki thinks that's how most people would be even without the power excuse. How Will managed not to become weirded out by it so far, it's only because he had been a cannibal as well - even if not out of his own decision.

"In ghoul society as well. It's considered a taboo and something ghouls don't admit to so easily, even if they know it happens." he remembers Uta and a small group of ghouls who were trying to scare him mention it. Kaneki didn't pay mind to it at the time, because as a half-human-half-ghoul, cannibalism is something he does regardless of the species he consumes. "Ghoul flesh also tastes disgusting. Like... rotten fish encased in pig intestines." he is descriptive. Ghouls can't make these comparisons, but Ken manages to be able to do them since he was a human before - not that he has tasted rotten fish and pig intestines, but he has tasted bad food in his life. "Ghouls don't eat each other because they are hungry."

Kaneki ate ghouls instead of humans and he preferred it that way because it was two in one: it ceased his hunger and it gave him power. The power part was the selling point.

He watches Will for a moment. He is someone whose world was normal. Normal as it could be of course. But there were no ghouls and no powerful people, kaneki knows this. He is startled and Kaneki knows this too, but he isn't going to back away after having admitted to such thing. He doesn't really admit it to many people, but in truth? Many people in his world knew what Kaneki's diet consisted of.

"Yes. It is power." he is being literal, but vague. Kaneki could tell Will about how he was tortured for ten days by a ghoul who gained most of his power consuming other ghouls. That Yamori taught him about eating others. But Ken doesn't want to go there; his head is already so loud and he doesn't want to suddenly go.... crazy and make a scene. "Will- I'm going to show you my kagune. Don't be scared; I can control it and it won't hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you." Will probably read somewhere in kaneki's file about a kagune, but it's all weird theory and words until you actually see it.

Kaneki leans back, and rises his shirt to expose his lower back - or the kagune would just rip through his shirt he is always ruining shirts it's a pain in the ass - and from his waist one single red tentacle rips through. It literally rips through the skin since it comes from an organ inside, but there is little blood. limb is red, shiny, with scales, and it'll be smooth to the touch; not particularly hot but not cold either. It looks like a snake, but it's incredibly hard and sturdy.

And it rests on the table, in front of Will.

will, meet tentacle. tentacle, meet will

[infomodder]

Rotten fish wrapped up in pig innards is honestly not difficult for Will to imagine. How could it be? With a long, morbid career like Will Graham's, he's seen plenty of horrifying, brutal murders. That comes with smells, too, and it calls him back to a particular case with intestines of a different animal bringing about poetry to a woman's death instead of letting her rot in a shallow grave like fifteen others.

And it's still on his mind when Ken continues. He's read about this additional organ in Ken's file, he's wondered about it. Don't be scared? Hell. His run with the FBI had put Will at a higher level of tolerance for the sick, no doubt about it, but he still hadn't been prepared for some of the oddities that plagued this place. Dogs and wolves who could destroy houses, people who could burn others alive with thoughts...but this is still going to be strange. He can hold back fear, he believes Ken wouldn't hurt him (here and now or willingly without Will giving Ken reason to), sure. The way his face pales and his lips thin out as Ken lifts his shirt and flesh tears isn't fear. It's Will knowing the pain of ripped flesh (in more ways than one) and then it's a mix of confusion and alarm at what's happening. What he's being allowed to witness.

That sure is a scaly tentacle Ken just whipped out of his back like most people pulled off their socks at the end of the day. Everything happens so much.

What's he supposed to do? An exposed internal organ—this almost feels obscene. Private, personal, something that's not meant to be shared with others. Or Will's feeling that so vividly because he is a human, and if ghouls are meant to consume them...how many other humans, in Ken's world, see something like this as their last vision before being eaten? Is that how it works? He has never had delusions of immortality. Delusions that he can pull through more than most, no shit, but he knows his time will come. Perhaps this is similar to someone seeing Hannibal as the Ripper for the first time in the way it's meant to be a one time thing. First and last, rest in peace. Any who are given the chance to see and walk away are blessed (or cursed), should take it as a gift, be reminded of their place in the grand scheme of things, and be properly humble before their betters. Humans don't owe ghouls fear; they owe them awe.

For someone who's just had a full mug of coffee, Will suddenly feels like he hasn't had a drink in days and doesn't want to rectify that for worry it'll only come back up. Hello, tentacle. Staring at it, Will realizes he's been holding his breath, something can't do if he doesn't want to end up like the humans in Ken's freezer. So his first response to this new appendage of Ken's is to go a bit blue in the face before sucking in a gulp of air as though he's just been smacked because everything happens so much.

"This doesn't hurt?"

He asks with his hand still near his neck, fingers fidgeting at his shirt collar without him thinking about it. Curiosity, nervousness, or a desire to reach out and touch the snake-like thing, it can be taken in multiple ways. He's a mongoose, after all, he wouldn't be any good at his work if he didn't occasionally touch a cobra, strike first instead of dancing around until they both got away without a scratch. Does it hurt Ken to shred his back, does it hurt Ken to have this organ out, does it hurt Ken if something touches it, does it have the ability to sense human flesh and automatically attempt to digest?

If ghouls grow stronger through sacrificing taste to devour one another...

...if ghouls can eat human flesh raw as their only dietary need...

...what happens if the tables turn and a human eats a ghoul?

He won't ask that, but now that he's gotten to see what some might consider godlike (or demonic) up close and personal, he can't not think about it.

[enucleation]

Everything happens so much is a way to describe life in most worlds; Ken's, Will's and this one included. It's all so alien and all so weird and there is always so much going on and at every turn something else happens and you have to ask what is your life. Kaneki has done so many times, but he has also grown to be used to a lot, desensitized to a lot more and decided to just go with the flow.

The kagune is still but not completely. While it doesn't move from its place, the tip twitches, like it has a life of its own, like staying very still and limp isn't an option; it's mostly because it is alive in a way. it's hard to explain it, hard to explain how Kaneki controls it and hard to explain how it feels. The flesh tears and that hurts, but it's that sort of hurting you have grown so used to that it becomes normal - it's exhilarating to a point, if only because being able to expose the organ without holding back feels refreshing, even if not good. The limb itself doesn't hurt in any way; it's a lot sturdier than any part of a ghoul, but Kaneki feels like just like he'd feel someone pat his arm.

"This is a ghoul's claw. We use it to hunt." that's what claws are for. So indeed, Will is correct - a lot of victims see this only once and never again because that is practically the last thing they do see. It was one of the last things Kaneki saw as a human before he had ghoul's organs transplanted onto him - a tendril just like this one, one belonging to Rize. Will would have disliked Rize and her four extra limbs, but honestly Kaneki would rather not say anything about her right now. It's not about that anyway and that's not why Kaneki is showing him the kagune. "It doesn't hurt." the tip moves again, this time to curl up on itself. "And you can touch it, it won't hurt you." just... don't stroke it like a dog maybe? Kaneki doesn't know. Nobody really had the chance to do this before, Will is the first person, so he has no idea if Will does stroke it like a dog but the idea just feels weird in his head.

"This is formed with special cells that ghouls gain from the consumption of humans. A lot of our body is constituted by these cells." Kaneki moves his hand to grab the limb that coils around his wrist. "A ghoul has naturally a high number of these cells. And when I eat a ghoul, it means the intake of those cells is even higher." Will can guess that more cells means indeed more power, because it's true. "Through the continuous consumption of high levels of these cells, our kagune becomes bigger, better, deadlier, and more cells inside our body means more strength." more power.

[infomodder]

To hunt, ah, the bittersweet feeling of knowing he was right. He won't stroke it like a dog, no worries there. This internal-external organ of Ken's doesn't look anything like a dog, for one, and it's also part of him, for another. Treating it like he might treat a dog could be taken as nothing short of disrespect, and far it be from Will to partake in rudeness here and now. He slowly reaches out, first touching the kagune with a few fingertips, then takes the plunge and rests his full hand on top. Will's had plenty of experience with organs being where they shouldn't, was well-acquainted with a body being all out of sorts. But unlike the times he'd killed, mutilated, refrigerated, and devoured the remnants of Randall Tier, this was very much alive. Alive and not moments from death should help never arrive in time—Will taking Ken's coffee without hesitation or concern had been an extension of trust, was this Ken's way to return that? If the kagune doesn't make an offensive move, Will won't show any sign of fear or disgust. Hell, he's reminded of a snake so much he wouldn't be shocked if it curled a bit more his way. A python constricting around an arm didn't necessarily have to mean it was considering unhinging its jaw and how delicious the human nearby must have tasted, after all.

This must be a pretty big one, he thinks, but rejects saying outright. Will is a human from an arguably odd world, nothing else. He has no frame of reference for this. Acting otherwise does neither of them a favor.

"So other ghouls can tell what you favor just by seeing yours?"

What must that be like, hmm. Someone who devours humans, who must think themselves superior for it, finally coming up against another and knowing as soon as the back-organ comes rushing out that they aren't really that superior at all? Go down fighting, go down crying, go down in a reckless mad rush out of disbelief or disgust, reveal that they, too, prefer eating ghouls? If Will thinks about this as one serial killer meeting another...disturbing, yes, but easier for him to conceptualize. Par for the course with his imagination, working rapidly, his voice curious in the same way he'd be curious about the breeds present in someone's mutt instead of anything too heavy. They both know this is grave, considered terrible and unholy by a vast majority, they don't have to constantly whisper or keep their voices just shy of breaking.

"Do they have a name for you?"

Humans are so fond of giving their unknown serial killers names, and Will operates from a human standpoint. It's made this place more interesting, more horrifying, and somewhat sadder for it, but it's helped him rationalize the truly fantastic. He might be speaking with the Ghoul Consumer or the Betrayer or the Power Hungry or something else meant to be both slight and awe, to cause dread and panic and interest, but Will's not showing any of that. His interest is not the most unhealthy it could be, and when he pulls away his hand from that organ, there's gratitude.

Perhaps Ken has gotten that from a human before, if he spared any who might have stumbled across ghoul politics. Except instead of running away to clean his pants, shower, and cry at the horror of the universe, Will picks his mug back up to pour another half-serving of coffee as though this is really just The Most Normal Conversation instead of something completely without its marbles.

[enucleation]

It's definitively weird to have it touched. The kagune is a weapon - Kaneki often asks himself if cats and dogs feel the same when someone touches their nails and claws; he can feel the touch, but it's nothing pleasurable or painful or sensitive. The most similar thing to that feeling is when someone touches their own teeth, except it wouldn't hurt if pulled out (in this case, cut off) and except he can control it quite well like a limb. In the end it's not the sort of thing Kaneki can really explain how it feels or compare in order to explain it to others. He feels Will's hand, but his discomfort towards happens to be mostly mental towards the situation and not the touch in itself ("That's a killing thing and Will is touching it, I may have not thought this through"), but he doesn't show much of it, besides the fact that the extra red limb doesn't curl around Will's wrist but sways from side to side with movements like a snake.

The way it is, it's not as big as it can get. Kaneki's kagune can fill up the whole room. He doesn't know how far it can go yet, how big and strong it truly can be, how scary - but he knows it's much more than what Will is seeing. ken can pull out eight limbs and he can even make little creepy hands at the end of each tendril; he can shape it and reshape it to make it look like other people's kagunes and weapons. He steals the shapes of other kagunes and tries to apply it to his own if possible, and he has crazy control over all of this.

"Yes and no. What you are seeing right now is my... non-mutated claw." it'll be an explanation that will relate to that second question of his. But it is a fact that most ghouls who saw Kaneki's mask knew who he was because of it and not the kagune; they'd know right away who Kaneki was and they'd know right away he'd eat them. In truth, a ghoul is known often through a mask they literally wear in order to hide their faces and identities, it's not just their Modus Operandi though it depends greatly on what the Ghoul Investigators can gather from the ghoul in question. Kaneki used to be "eyepatch" because his mask has an eyepatch; Tsukiyama is the "Gourmet", not because of his mask, but because he preys on those people he considers high quality; Hinami-chan is the "Daughter" simply because the Ghoul Investigators knew she is the daughter of a ghoul they killed. It varies.

"The mutate kagune is called "kakuja" and each ghouls that reaches this stage, has a specific shape for his own. Mine is a centipede's tail. So that's the name they gave me.I'm the Centipede." and Kaneki has been posting to the network as the "centipede" too, so he isn't even going to hide that he chose it as his "hero ID".

He falls silent for a moment, to think things over "I did ll of it in hopes to gain power. I wanted it to protect everyone, to keep my place in the world, to pluck out the bad coffee beans. And in the end, I can't control it at all. I lose my mind when the Centipede takes over: I see no friend or foe, I just... eat." it's not something Kaneki wants to do ever again, and the first and only time it happened it was in response to great stress. "I thought to myself that power was what I needed, and in the end, I think that drove me crazy."

[infomodder]

The more Ken speaks, the more Will's underlying fear about someone taking advantage of him starts to solidify. Swaying isn't an attack, and Will goes about refilling his coffee and leaning against the counter again with his eyes off the kagune. It's difficult when it's something so completely out of his experience, but he manages to turn his look to Ken's face more often than not.

...a few glances to the snake-like organ aren't staring, they're just. To be expected, aren't they? This is a totally new experience for Will Graham and he can definitely appreciate that he's been allowed to see something most humans would ordinarily see before their death and get to walk away unharmed. Politeness and respect and his efforts to treat Ken as an equal instead of a disturbed young man who needs to be handled with special kid gloves should help keep it that way, or work in his favor.

I just...eat.

Well.

Maybe not. But at least he can say he tried?

"The power itself or the want for power?" He can guess from what Ken has given him. It seems to be leaning to the former. He gained a Centipede (and yes, Will has seen that around the Network; he files it away without making any mention of it because if Ken can so easily drop little details then far it be from Will to discourage that) and that Centipede runs his mind from time to time, is what Will's hearing. But when it doesn't? What does Ken feel then? Does he still feel crazy, does he still feel like even though he has control, he's one step from having that control taken away and therefore still completely crazy? "Some would argue that recognizing insanity, knowing that's what you are—thinking that's what you are...indicates that you. Aren't actually crazy."

Small comforts.

All he can really give, in a voice that implies Will has dealt with plenty of the insane. And yet here he stands anyway, carrying on a conversation with a confessed power-hungry human/ghoul eater without seeming to have a single complaint.

[enucleation]

They can try; in all honesty, Ken has been manipulated all through his canon and he doesn't even realize that. But downright trying to use him, they'd have to be smart about it - it can certainly happen, given Kaneki is very about "saving the people I love, keeping them safe" and going to insane extent for exactly that. But he isn't an idiot either, and it's necessary to know what buttons to press. But in the end, Kaneki is a bomb that will awaken at the worst timing. He knows that. He has seen and lived that.

Kaneki's kagune moves further, this time rising from the table it's resting on when Kaneki reaches to touch it. It doesn't wrap around his arm, but it twists in response to Ken's own mind - he should put it away, but Will seems interested in it. ~It makes no difference to Kaneki to have it out, neither he minds the curious gaze and touches, so he will allow it like this for a while longer.

He doesn't answer the first question, mostly because he doesn't know how to answer it. Kaneki has been tortured and he thinks that drove him insane too; did he want power because he was mad? And that power in turn made it worse? He doesn't know. All he ever did was to protect the people he loves, he assumed this was the best course of action, without truly knowing what it could entail in the end. Was he mad for it, or was he mad because of it? He never thought there was a difference.

But it's Will's next words that cause him to blink and eventually he smiles - wide, too. It'd almost be like a chuckle trying to escape his mouth, though kaneki rarely laughs. "Annie told me exactly the same thing, you know?" the tendril seems to relax a bit as Kaneki pulls his hand away from it.

"I think... insanity isn't about recognizing it or not. It's just... amplification of the self. How you see the world and suddenly it all becomes louder for no reason. Some admit to it, some don't." Kaneki is still smiling, as if he isn't talking about himself. "I told Annie I think becoming insane can be an appropriate response to reality. People go crazy, not because they are crazy, but because it's the best available option at the time. It was the only appropriate response I had to it."

[infomodder]

Will doesn't mind tentacle-kun's presence. It still feels like something of an honor, however humbling and mortifying it may be. He's in the same area as something that generally ends a human life so that it may take power from said life and unless this goes horribly awry, Will knows he'll walk out of here none the worse for the wear. How is that not an honor, twisted though it may be? Will is no stranger to being allowed to walk freely away from something (and someone) who would ordinarily not let such a thing happen to anyone else...in a way, it's familiar. Comforting, despite the fact that having an external internal organ dedicated to murder is really really weird.

Will returns that too-wide smile with one of his own, one with closed lips. Like hell is he going to go around baring his teeth to Ken in any manner. A toothless grin as he reaches out to pour the rest of the coffee in Ken's mug, since it seems proper while Will's already doing so for himself. This entire conversation, this whole meeting could be deemed insane. Will's reaction is to keep it going instead of stanching anything, and since ghouls can't have alcohol, shit, might as well use coffee as the social lubricant granted by the cannibal gods.

"If the reality you live in is already insane, going insane in response is arguably the only appropriate and sane course of action." He tilts his head, that smile fond just before it disappears altogether. Had that been what he and Annie discussed on their journey stargazing? Laying beneath a vast night sky and talking about what being insane was like, whether or not either of them were actually insane? Oddly endearing, Will thinks. Which is probably a bit insane, too, but oh well. "This place is insane in its own way, too, don't you think? Perhaps making the best of it instead of having a complete and utter meltdown is the most insane response, but it's...probably much nicer than the alternative."

Trucking along under the delusion that everything might be absolutely crazy but it'll all work could be far more insane than just giving into the madness and turning into a barely functioning wreck, but at least one of those comes with some sense of freedom.

Even if that freedom is a damn lie.

[enucleation]

Kaneki's best friend is terrified of it; the ghouls who have met Ken are too. So he doesn't really know about honor or comforting or anything of the sort. He sees "tentacle-kun" as a necessity rather than interesting, and he saw more destruction from it than anything gentle - but it's probably because he never tried using it for anything other than that, and if he has, nobody else saw it. But not all kagunes are tentacles, and not all are weird or creepy; if Will ever saw Touka's kagune, he'd probably find it "beautiful", like Kaneki has and even other people who have seen it before. Sometimes, beautiful things can be deadly, kaneki knows (oh, he does).

As Will pours more coffee, he nods politely and mutters a small "Thank you, Will" while he reaches for his cup after. It is appreciated and ghouls can have alcohol. Blood whine; basically fermented blood. Yeah. It exists. But nobody needs to know about it here. and though it doesn't work like alcohol, it helps to digest this insane conversation. Kaneki knows it is, to most people anyway.

"I think so, yes. And people insists on seeing it as normal, attempt to lead normal lives, in hopes they don't find themselves drowning in that insanity. I can understand why." he does try to do the same, whenever someone tells him they are from mars or they had a lusus as a mother or that can grow into a 20 feet tall humanoid being called titan. He can strangely accept those things a lot easier than his own reality, the reality that he has been tortured for ten days straight and that he has has a carnivorous centipede shoved inside his ear, and that he had been eating ghouls for 6 months. Other worlds aren't the problem.

"I think in the end, we all could profit from a counselor and psychiatrist, but I have a feeling they wouldn't even know what to do with us." he is amused at the thought. he can't even imagine what it'd be like to tell someone all these things and hope for professional help from them; at best, the doctor would be the one wanting professional help after all of this. "I'd also pity them."