[Open] Are You Sure You Want to be a Dumbass?

[fireandhoney]

WHO: Finn Onaru and YOU
WHERE: Various locations
WHEN: Month of August
WHAT: August catch-all, for general as well as kryptonite plot stuff.
WARNINGS: TBA


Herpa 005 (Open to housemates)
Finn honestly didn't think he'd find something like this since coming to Earth. He thought it only existed in Morrowind. Yet, when he went into that little specialty grocery store, there it was. He bought a single bag, just to experiment with and see if it was anything like the kind he was used to.

Flour made out of crickets instead of wheat. Saltrice flour was still out of the question, since that plant didn't exist on Earth, but he took what he got.

Finn stands in the kitchen, rolling out another batch of cookies. There's a plate of finished cookies next to him, which he made to look like various insects, including beetles, crickets and butterflies. They're made of cricket flour, so he felt it was only fitting.

Hearing someone enter the kitchen, he looks up and smiles. "Want a cookie? They're fresh."

Black Kryptonite
He should know better at this point than to pick up weird things.

Yet when Finn went to the park and spotted something in the grass, he went to pick it up. It was a black crystal and the second he picked it up, he put it in his pocket and went right back into town, strutting around like he owns the place.

He's also currently singing a weird, off-key song to the tune of One Night in Bangkok.

"One night in Nonah and the world's my oyster,
The people love me but they don't realize,
I'm here for trouble and I've got the power,
To rule them all with just three words.

Red Kryptonite
"You had enough, or do you really just want me to set your hair on fire?"

Finn happened to be at the right place at the right time to stop an attempted mugging. His intervention let the would-be victim run off, while the mugger honestly thought he could pick a fight with the Dragonborn. A quick zap of electricity made him drop his knife.

Then the guy takes a trashcan lid and swings it at Finn, before kicking the can in his direction. Unfortunately, there's a red crystal inside the can and it lands right near Finn's feet. Red eyes suddenly fill with rage as the alley is awash in lightning and fire. Fortunately, Finn's too emotional and unfocused to really hit anything.

The mugger runs out of the alley, screaming about a 'homocidal elf'. Finn pokes his head out of the alley to yell something to his almost-victim, looking over at a newcomer and snarling, "What are you looking at?!"

Wildcard!
[ooc: If you want a special prompt, feel free to ask for one!]

Comments

House

[pidgewidgeon]

Pidge had smelled something (cookies? It sort of smelled like cookies, but not) cooking and had walked into the kitchen. Lo and behold, there were cookies! But they were shaped like insects?

Cautiously Pidge grabbed a cookie of the cooling racks and gave it a cautious sniff. "Why are they shaped like insects?" The cookie didn't smell bad, and she doubted Finn would poison her, so she took a bite.

"Not bad."

Re: House

[fireandhoney]

"I felt like being creative, plus it felt kind of fitting." Finn takes a cookie for himself, taking a bite. Just like his mother used to make.

"They're made from cricket flour."

[pidgewidgeon]

Her immediate instinct is to spit out the bite of cookie she took, but she manages to stop herself. The thought of eating crickets is a bit gross, but there had been some pretty strange cuisine on some of the planets they'd been to, and Finn was from a very different world.

She tried to keep her face neutral as she chewed and swallow, but doubted she was completely successful.

"Did you say 'cricket flour'?"

[fireandhoney]

Finn catches that brief moment where she nearly spit the cookie out, but doesn't say anything and just keeps chewing on his cookie with a casual expression.

"That I did." Finn reaches across the counter and picks up the bag, placing it in front of Pidge, so she can see the label clearly.

[pidgewidgeon]

A look confirms that the bag does indeed say cricket flour, and Pidge debates putting down the cookie before she decides fuck it and takes another bite.

"This would gross me out way more if I wasn't like ninety percent sure that the food I was eating back home was expired by ten thousand years."

[fireandhoney]

"Believe it or not, but this is actually pretty normal for me," Finn takes another bite of his cookie, before setting it aside to continue preparing the next batch, using a knife to cut out shapes.

[pidgewidgeon]

"Every time I learn something new about your world my mind is blown just a bit more." She finishes the first cookie while watching Finn and reaches for a second.

"Were you expecting me to freak out about it being crickets?" She's aware most people would, so it wouldn't surprise her if Finn had expected that reaction.

[fireandhoney]

"Maybe a little. Even in Tamriel, humans tend to find the idea of eating insects strange. But in Morrowind, we have different fauna and flora, so naturally our food is different."

Finn actually had to be taught how to skin and prepare rabbits and other mammals, lest he find himself out in the middle of nowhere with no food. It's not like skinning a guar.

[pidgewidgeon]

"Sorry to disappoint? But we kept ending up on planets with food very different from Earth's, and Coran kept feeding us Altaen food goo while we were in the Castle." She takes another bite and chews while she thinks.

"Do you think chocolate chips would go well with this flour?"

[drivesadesk]

There was never a time that the question 'do you want a cookie' was ever met with anything other than 'yes' when it came to Jonathan, so naturally, he picks up a cookie and takes a bite.

"Wow, this is delicious!" It tasted amazing, as most Earth food does, but something about it seemed slightly different than the other cookies he'd had, but in a good way. "What's in it?"

[fireandhoney]

"Check this out," Finn picks up the bag of flour he used and places it down so that Jonathan can see the label. "Flour made from crickets. I didn't think I'd find this since I left Morrowind." Finn sounds like he got a winning lottery ticket.

[drivesadesk]

"Oh, neat! I didn't even know humans made food out of insects! You learn something new every day."

And now he's wondering if there are any other insect based foods he didn't know about available on this planet.

[fireandhoney]

One of the many beautiful things about dating a Reptilian, having him not think anything weird about baking with flour made from insects, or eating insects in general.

"I found it at some exotic grocery store. In Morrowind, our flour is usually made from crickets instead of wheat. So it was pretty strange to me when I went to Skyrim and tried the Nords' version of bread for the first time."

Finn takes a knife and starts cutting out more pieces to shape into insect parts.

[drivesadesk]

"Nice! Yeah, Reptilians are too lazy to mess with making flour. It's good, though. Maybe I should check out that exotic grocery store sometime."

[fireandhoney]

"They have all kinds of teas, fruits that I've never even heard of, and, check this out," Wiping his hands on his apron, Finn goes over to the counter and reaches into a nearby grocery bag, returning with three suckers. The suckers have crickets in them.

"I even got one for your friend, Kurt, to try."

[drivesadesk]

"Oh, wow!" he says, taking two of the suckers. "I never thought I'd get something like this on Earth! Thanks, Finn, these are amazing."

And from what he'd known about humans, entirely unexpected.

"So humans eat this?"

[fireandhoney]

"According to the clerk at the store, only adventurous humans." Finn lays out another batch of insect cookies, readying them for the oven.

"Morrowind's fauna is mainly insectoid, so I honestly didn't think much about it, until I went to Skyrim. First time I tried to order a plate of grasshoppers, the innkeeper looked at me like I'd sprouted a second head." Another patron had impolitely told him to go forage in the dirt for bugs.

Black Kryptonite!

[criminallysane]

Joker's just stepping out of his new favorite donut shop, box in hand, when he hears someone absolutely mangling Murray Head.

Now, Joker himself could take or leave Murray, really. But he has a hard-and-fast rule when it comes to song mangling in general: if you're gonna do it, it had better be funny. And this mangling, why, it barely merits a scoff! Where's the punchline? The unexpected twist?

No, no, it's all wrong. And what sort of monster deliberately befouls a pleasant evening with an unfunny mangling, anyway?

He sets off in pursuit of the mangler, hustling down the sidewalk with the box of donuts held aloft in one hand like he's a waiter in a very frou-frou donut cafe. He's half a dozen paces behind the man, too far back to see the mangler's face, and he doesn't recognize the body language, either. But Joker does know a douchebag when he sees one, and this, friends and neighbors, is certainly that.

"Yoo-hoo! Begging your pardon, oh Mister Mangler, but you're gonna need a little help with that chorus."

[fireandhoney]

Finn comes to a halt, and he thankfully goes quiet. He just stares ahead for a second, then slowly looks over his shoulder.

"And you need a little help not looking like a s'wit."

Which is more or less a Dunmer word for 'dumbass'. Not that the clown would know that. Finn's trademark snark is still there, but it sounds a little more mean spirited than usual.

[criminallysane]

Bless his soul, it's his old pal Draggy!

Joker lights up at once, chuckling. "You know, that's exactly what my Pops used to say." He doesn't know what a s'wit is--though context makes its general meaning apparent enough--but it can't possibly be the worst thing he's ever been called. And coming from Draggy, it just seems amusing. "Right before he'd give me a good s'wat with a s'witch! Charming man."

He catches up with Finn in a few easy strides, and goes to sling his free arm around the man's shoulders. "But enough about me. What's got you butchering chess tunes on a weeknight?"

[fireandhoney]

If Finn were in his right mind, he would be telling the Joker that he has three seconds to take his arm off him or he gets a jolt in the ribs. Yet today, he finds that he dislikes the Joker a little less than usual.

"Guess I just had an epiphany. I'm the fuckin' Dragonborn, why should I lower myself to being some glorified court mage for everybody?"

[criminallysane]

Experience has taught Joker that any conversation that includes the words epiphany and fuckin' in close proximity to one another stands a very good chance of leading to entertaining shenanigans, so he's fully on board with this.

"Well! Right you are, Draggy, old boy. Right you are." He gives Finn's shoulder a squeeze, then lets go so that he can offer up the box of donuts. "Here," he says, opening the box to display the dozen delightful choices arranged within: fruit-filled, cream-filled, sprinkle-crusted chocolate glazed, he's got 'em all. "Let's celebrate with a little deep-fried sugar, shall we? And you can tell me all about it."

[fireandhoney]

Finn eyes the donuts suspiciously, then takes a chocolate-coated one. He likes donuts, but given that he heard the candy at the block party was spiked with something, he's more than a little suspicious. Hence why, rather than biting into it right away, he breaks off a little piece and throws it to a nearby pigeon.

"You know, my lover actually was part of a whole thing to take over the world back in his reality? I'm starting to think he should have stuck with it, rather than going rogue." He's already got images in his mind of himself and Jonathan, side-by-side as co-dictators.

"Not right now, obviously. Got to be realistic about these things. Start small, and whatnot."

[criminallysane]

Joker chuckles as he closes the box. Ah, another would-be conqueror of the world! He's seen enough of those to populate a small town, and the more power they obtain, the blinder they become. You want to talk crazy, look at those folks! So caught up in their delusions of grandeur that they never realize they're pulling the exact same tired routine as everybody else.

From virtually any other would-be tyrants, talk like this would merit a full-out mocking, and perhaps even a bit of amusing sabotage. Nothing livens up a dull day like watching the Lex Luthors of the world get their haughty feathers ruffled, after all. But coming from Draggy, it's just entertaining.

"Well, not to put a cramp on your semantic stylings here, but you might start by dropping the 'my lover' bit." Joker manages to say this part, at least, without laughing, because it really is important. "It makes you sound like a-- well, like a s'wit, and not in the fun way."

He gestures grandly with the donut box. "Call him... Oh, 'my partner,' or 'my boyfriend,' or 'the ringmaster of my circus (if you know what I mean).' Anything but 'my lover,' come on, now. Nobody'll ever take him seriously like that."

[fireandhoney]

Okay, the pigeon's not dead, so the donut's probably safe. Finn bites into it, looking a little annoyed at the Joker when he opens his mouth. He waits to swallow his bit of pastry before answering. Just because he's flipped a switch doesn't mean he has to be gross.

"I want your advice on what to refer to the man I have sex with as, I'll have my people call your people."

Finn has no people. Technically he did, at one point, but he got ported out.

"For that matter," Finn reaches into his satchel and pulls out a pencil. "Let's see how much you're laughing if I were to jab this up your nose and into your frontal lobe." Now he's just trying to be intimidating.