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WHO: Hisoka and Chrollo
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Chrollo's home
WHEN: Late 8/12
WHAT: Nightly visit, but after some grave news
WARNINGS: General Hisoka and Chrollo warning. Most likely just near sexual and implied adult situations.

It didn't take him long to see it. Well, see a lack of it. Nobunaga was gone, having tried to contact him Hisoka found out and immediately his mind went to Chrollo. It was unexpected how quickly it happened too. He barely thought about how disappointed he was at the man missing before he was thinking about how Chrollo was handling it. Such a sentimental man, and instead of finding that thought endearing, it just troubled him. An odd feeling, that sickness in his stomach, he wanted to know if he knew, what he was doing. Was it anything like he was when Hisoka himself had left? Why did it bother him to think about?

In the end he went to see. If only to cure himself of this strange anxiety he's still too new to to understand. His worry was novel, worry about Chrollo having difficulty with the porting out of someone he held dear. He was worried he was sad when he shouldn't really care. If anything Hisoka was better focusing on his own very slight sorrow at the lack of any future fight with Nobunaga, and of course he was thinking about it. But not to the degree he found himself curious of Chrollo's condition.

Was he sad?

Probably pensive about it.

He'll probably arrive and he's nose into a book in the near dark of his bedroom, not thinking about it, or trying not to. Or thinking about it in the back of his mind. Not worrying for his ported out friend but longing for him. Already missing him even though Nobunaga can't have been gone more than a week, if that by now. Partially worried that Chrollo would be no fun sad, and while that's true, he's troubled thinking about how that's actually... not the only reason he feels any concern. Were that true he'd merely avoid Chrollo till he was in better spirits, not find himself going to him in haste. But there's a thought there, that if something is the matter, how could possibly...

change it. Well, make him feel better anyway. His skin heats a little with that in mind, setting a hand on the outside window frame as he crouches near the sill outside Chrollo's bedroom. His eyes peer into the glass, seeing curtains drawn over them, blocking his view.

Was this how it felt to care about someone then. To actually care. He used that word now, 'love' but this was strange. Normally he never had to deal with anyone being 'sad'. And if he did he certainly never minded much. But that man, as impressive and powerful as he was, he swept him away, enough that he's here... Here, tapping at the glass of the window and glancing up to see what sort of expression meets him when the curtains pull away.

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Hisoka's imagination may run away with him at times, but in this case it hasn't gone any farther than it ought to. In fact, Chrollo is sitting at home, lying across the bed, a book open in his hands, hovering over his head. Reading, yes, but not to the degree he... should be. At times, he finds himself going back over lines he'd failed to properly digest. and unaccepted line. And...

...it's not. Distracting him.

...

Funny, really. Hisoka had warned him months ago not to become too complacent with his luck. And he'd known at the time that it was proper advice, solid advice. Hisoka's own disappearance had taught him this, as well. So in theory, he ought to be better prepared for this than he is, and yet somehow he finds himself. Silent inside. Dissheveled.

It could be worse, he knows - it could have been Uvo or Paku. Nobu, at least, can simply return to whatever it was he was doing before his arrival here. For those two, there's nothing but emptiness and nothing.

Ah, but then again, perhaps that's part of what bothers him, too. If it happened to Nobu, and to Hisoka, and to Chrollo himself for that matter, and Illumi - twice. Then it could easily happen to--

He blinks when he feels Hisoka's aura - close and coming closer. His chest aches, throat squeezes. Strange. He'd felt quite stable until then, but perhaps it's because...

Emotions, once unlocked, they're just such unwieldy things. And his emotions are never controlled around that man. So, a deep breath - he centers himself. And when Hisoka pulls the curtains back, he looks over - calm, it seems, at least on the outside. But his eyes are tired, like one who hasn't slept or at least hasn't slept enough.

That speaks for itself, in some ways.

"Ah... Hisoka." He smiles a little, though it's weary, or sad. It's difficult to... tell. "You came."

It's better to think about all angles, and do so before your mind starts running by it itself. He has such a tendency to get lost in the moment, to lose himself to how he's feeling. So in the moments of clarity he has, thinking about all angles, all potentials and possibilities in order to get the best result or avoid the worst, is something he tries for. Still, sometimes it does get away from him, especially now, especially with this man.

Chrollo becoming what he has has only brought into him things he wouldn't normally worry on. Normally it's 'Do I upset them? Will that gain the best reaction?' or 'If I do this will it make it not as fun? Should I avoid them after?' Everything he thinks about has to do with how he feels, if it will be enjoyable in the end. But Chrollo... now he finds himself wondering how he's feeling, if he's all right, if he can be made to feel better. Thoughts that sit ahead of his want for that fight with Nobunaga. Thoughts that he hears louder than 'will Chrollo be bothersome if he cries.' Now the thought of him crying just bothers him entirely, and yet he wants nothing more than to be the one there to see it.

It's strange but at the same time makes sense to him to worry about this person. Someone he loves, someone he wants everything from. He could kill him and feel it pleasant to his core, but now only because he'd get him back afterwards...

So his concern leads him here, unsure of the man that will greet him. Had it been one of the other two, he imagines Chrollo would definitely not be taking it well, considering where Pakunoda and Uvogin have to go from here. But all of them are part of his Troupe, some... family Hisoka is only starting to understand on a deeper level. So the eyes he's greeted with when Chrollo looks to him as he enters through the window, he expected them.

His eyes look weary, tired, yet glassy, but didn't they always look like that? No, not exactly. His chest clenches slightly and he glances down, his expression lacking the usual jester's smile, something more somber as he steps into the room. The window cries after him silently, the curtains lightly rushing around him, fluttering at his sides. He leaves it be and is silent in response to Chrollo's words. 'He came,' did he expect him to? It sounds like he might have... But that's strange, shouldn't Chrollo have expected him not to come? Considering Hisoka's ran from this sort of thing before. Sorrow, it's not the most entertaining emotion.

"Yes." Is all he'll manage before letting his hand fall from his hip and moving over to him. His pace slow, his heels some how silent on the floor, making his way over to where Chrollo sits and stopping to stand just infront of him, just next to his knees. When he looks down there is no smile, but his expression isn't hard. He stares down at him like some feline knowing something is wrong, but not exactly what, or what to do about it. Just staring, knowing, there because if anything he knows his presence is wanted in some way.

Edited 2015-08-12 16:45 (UTC)

What an odd and unfamiliar situation. He can recognize it even now - the difference in behavior Hisoka displays now versus his normal way of acting. Even his normal way of acting to Chrollo himself, until the very recent past.

Strange, yes - he'd known things had changed between them. It was undeniable, and he'd never tried to deny it, anyway. But even so. On a given day, it wasn't half so obvious as now.

Odd, too, that it's obvious more from the awkwardness of the moment than anything else. Of course Hisoka doesn't know how to handle it, what to do. How would he? Chrollo doubts it's ever come up before - not simply the matter of disappearing friends, but the matter of being concerned enough about it to come and check on the one left behind.

....really, Chrollo isn't quite sure what to say either.

So he sets the book down, and reaches up. "Sit with me." And then, after a beat. "...thank you."

Odd and unfamiliar for the both of them, that's for sure. Everything about it is odd and unfamiliar, even the room itself, despite having been in here so many times now. Did it always seem this dark, did it always feel this suffocating? Chrollo feels a ghost in the night as he stares down at him, the way he wears sorrow doesn't make it feel fleeting. It's as though it's echoing through him, like some hollow cave gaping in space, wind rushing through it and moaning in it's lonely lament. He looks like he's on the edge of the crying but at the same time looks like he could stay frozen in this expression he has now forever.

Perhaps it's the first time he's ever found beauty in sorrow looking at him like this. And at the same time disliking it entirely.

What is he now, this man, is this really how love feels? It's always played off as something so lovely and special, and right now all it feels like is he's sad along with him. Like whatever thoughts sitting in that mind infront of him are imposing on his own, dragging him down with. His body's first inclination is to leave, to not deal with it, but now he finds himself staying. Awkward, yes, he's silent as he listens.

As he sits down.

Not even on the floor, or a nearby chair, moving it over, he merely moves to the side and turns, sitting down on Chrollo's lap and resting his arms around his neck, ontop of his shoulders. His expression of... nothing in particular, it's as though his face isn't quite sure what expression to make. Has he ever seen Chrollo cry really, he can't remember, it bothers him that he can't. He won't now, will he? Why should he, he expected this, they all had to. But he still stares as if waiting for it, so easily is this person and that expression drawing him in, there was no other choice but to comply when he reached up to him, when he asked him to sit with him.

Thanks him- what does he say to that? He says nothing.

There is, some would say, a certain kind of appeal to sadness - isn't that why it so often carries its own gravitational pull? When one sees sorrow, one tends to stare, and then to absorb, and then to empathize. Or, well, many people tend to empathize, anyway - though some most assurredly less so than others. And, of course, the closer one is to a person, the more likely they are to be pulled into that field as well.

Of course, this may well be a new experience to someone who has spent so little time attached to others. Truly attached, that is, as opposed to attached via a thin string of bungee gum.

Well. Chrollo blinks when Hisoka sits on his lap - it's unexpected in a way that it probably shouldn't be. And Chrollo stares at Hisoka's empty expression, perhaps nearly as unsure to make of it as Hisoka is, himself. but...

...all right. Not quite as unsure, no.

He closes his eyes and leans his head forward, resting his forehead against Hisoka's shoulder. And he doesn't... want to cry. He's almost determined not to, really. So instead, he just starts... talking.

"What an unstable environment, really." His eyes remian closed, but they sting. A little. "Ah... at least I know where he's gone. Nowhere terrible, I assume. At least it was him."

But he already knows to expect more. It's a revolving door, isn't it? People vanish and return or don't. Remembering, or not. Luck comes and goes, too.

Hisoka wouldn't normally say there's an 'appeal' to sorrow, but Chrollo certainly gives it a look that's inspiring enough. He's swayed by it like he's never been before and the feeling is novel and strange but entirely natural. Again why wouldn't he end up like this for a man so impressive? He always finished his obsessions with a kill, or grew bored, but when something was always perfect to watch, when it never disappointed? Yes he could follow them years, yes he could want for it entirely. And yes he could perhaps even love them... It never seemed like a real emotion to him till he finally spent that much time around Chrollo. So often and so closely, he's never spent time like that with anyone before, always windows between where he saw none of them.

And then this place.

And then weekly, daily. Hourly at times, not leaving his presence for huge clumps of time, understanding him more than he's ever understood anyone and yet still finding new things to be surprised by. Like this sorrow in him. Like this look in his eyes. Like the way he feels being right here, next to him, a part of it. No longer is this some slender string tying them together, a Boss and a troupe member, an occasional stalker. It feels so much thicker and cemented, it feels like he couldn't unglue it himself now if he tried.

Chrollo leans on him and he does nothing, just sort of... tilts his head down more, staring at him longer, staying quiet as he speaks. He's right of course. Unstable... not that Hisoka's ever been used to 'stable', most Transmuter's aren't by his measurement.

It's not until that final line though that he's sure of the thoughts in Chrollo's mind, about what is trying trying the man now. The loss of Nobunaga, yes, but the potential loss of those he's already lost before. He doesn't... care. Not for them at all anyway. And he doesn't care about how Chrollo feels about them, not... directly? But hearing him say it makes him feel strange so he replies, though not in the most responsive way.

His hands lift up slowly and he moves to push them up and into Chrollo's hair. Weaving his fingers between black locks as he stares down at him, his eyes slimming a bit more. It's annoying seeing Chrollo like this he'll tell himself. And yet he stays sitting there because he can't look away from him. He can't look away for more reasons than he's really aware of, so he stays and watches. So he keeps his hands in Chrollo's hair, staying quiet, finding himself to begin idly rubbing the pads of his fingers against his scalp before something finally leaves his mouth. Gomen, in their language, as they always speak, and the tone is strange as it leaves him. The word feels wrong and right in his mouth at the same time.

Ah, but isn't there? Maybe that's just Chrollo's mind - a mind full of stories can find beauty in the oddest things - even things perhaps better left avoided by most. Then again, maybe it isn't so odd. There's always been a strong market for tragedy. Of course... Hisoka may be more the comedy sort, at least on the surface of it. Chrollo, for his part, can look quite the gothic hero - the tragic figure, with his pallor and his tired eyes. Even now, casually dressed as he is, he can't help carrying that air about him.

That said. It isn't as bad as it could be. He's aware of that. And he isn't as sad as he could be, which he's glad for. There's a sort of dull ache in his heart, and a sharper edged pain from time to time when thinks on it too much, but...

He'll be all right. In a way that makes the whole thing worse. Even if he knows why - knows Nobu isn't dead, just gone and only from here - it still feels oddly wrong. That's the part he isn't saying, at least not yet. That he went to Nobu's room with Pakunoda, and collecting his things: his clothes and the ties he used for his hair. The ancient katana from that New York museum, and he had been sad but calm and felt a bit guilty for it.

Maybe he's just getting used to loss. Odd.

In the end, Hisoka says that word, and Chrollo shakes his head a little. He almost says It's fine, but it isn't fine, it's just... he isn't sure what it is anymore.

"These things happen." He'll go with that. And his voice is a little far away, almost lost in thought, but not... quite. "I expected it eventually. I expected it to hurt more, actually... though I'd hardly call it painless."

Maybe more like bloodless. Like a punch to a gut instead of a dagger to the heart. Not fatal, and yet it still leaves one reeling.

He pauses a moment. "Ah... I'm sorry you won't have your rematch."

Comedy was easier after all, even tragedy in Hisoka's life was treated with higher spirits. A murderer without much empathy never saw tragedy as tragedy. But now it's more apparent, when he has reasons to feel more in that way. Something Chrollo has started for him... Or rekindled. Hisoka has felt tragedy before of course. When he was younger, weaker. But since he's come to know such power through practice and effort there's less reason to feel pressured by negative things.

Sorrow... There was no need for it really, he knew disappoint more often than anything even close to what Chrollo felt now. But he sees it in the other man now, even feels it himself. And again while he'd rather not... It's something to behold in Chrollo. What drives the Leader is what makes him strong. He was so much more in tune with his feelings than Hisoka really was. Well except Hisoka's feeling of desire and need anyway.

"Isn't it worse that you expected it..." A glance down. Isn't that why making ties was pointless... Because it could lead to this? Wasn't loss always to be expected when you held things dear? He pauses, looking away from Chrollo when he apologizes for Hisoka's loss of a fight.

"Hm." A light laugh, closing his eyes and lifting his chin a little.

"It's really a shame, yes. All of you are so fun..." Flippant of course. Not feeling Chrollo's sorrow, expected or not. Again he has no ties like the Troupe leader has to Nobu. His sorrow no... It's disappointment in Hisoka, of course. But he feels Chrollo's sorrow... Even if he has none of his own.

Hisoka turns his head to look down at him again, taking in a small breath and keeping a barely there smile over his lips.

"I'll find my fun elsewhere though..." Just as you'll find what you need... to a degree. The hole left from a spider leaving can't really be filled for Chrollo, but surely he can find things to help...

His lids get lower, hunching his back slightly and moving to rub his fingers at the sides and back of Chrollo's neck.

" What can I... Do for you?"

In fairness, comedy really is easier. Even for Chrollo, it's hard to deny. In the end, who wouldn't prefer to laugh than cry? ...although, Chrollo doesn't laugh much, even when he's happy. Still... there's a certain level of sadness to be expected from loss, and Chrollo has suffered enough of them in his time. Before the founding of the Troupe... and then after. Losing a member to Silva Zoldyck. Losing the #4 that predated Hisoka. And losing Hisoka, himself - though that was... different. Losing Uvogin. And Pakunoda. The latter without even knowing it until far later.

And here as well. Hisoka had vanished once, and Chrollo mourned him in his odd, quiet way. And then he returned, of course. There's no guarantee that Nobu won't, as well - that's the oddity of this world more than anything else. Things arrive and then are lost. Things are lost and then arrive.

It never ends. It's wearying, but perhaps inevitable, like death itself. Or... taxes, that's the phrase, right?

Thinking of it that way almost does make him smile, but... in the end, the impulse dies, and he shakes his head. "A loss is the same, I think, whether one expects it or not. But that doesn't..." ...doesn't... he frowns a little, trying to think of how to form the words. Hisoka... he probably won't understand regardless of how it's phrased - that's his way. But even so. Chrollo tips his head back a little, watches the ceiling for a moment. "...it doesn't change what came before the loss. There is value in that, even when it can't continue any longer.

"It's true that loss is inevitable - even a friendship, a romance, that lasts a lifetime ends with the first life that reaches its conclusion. Like candleflames, they always flicker out. In the end, someone is always left alone. But that's no reason to draw away from connections. No... it's the reason to treasure the connections one has with even greater intensity. Grab ahold of their warmth... and treasure their light. "

Well, maybe it's something that wouldn't make sense to Hisoka, in the end. But even so. That view, that way of approaching things... it's what gives Chrollo's heart direction. And what keeps back the dark, in moments like these. He lowers his head again, but keeps his gaze up, looking at Hisoka's face even as he leans a bit into Hisoka's touch. And as for that question...

"...ah. You came to see me. Without even receiving such a request. What more could I want from you?" He leans his head forward, leaning against Hisoka's shoulder. "...be here."

For most yes, crying certainly can prove difficult, but something the urge to do so is so close to the edge that crying really is the easiest. Chrollo might look that type, but Hisoka knows better, even with those big shining eyes. It seems the Troupe leader would rather not do either, not completely anyway. Instead he sits in a state near either emotion, joy or sorrow, tilting more to one side here and there but always having so much more control than Hisoka has. When Hisoka feels sorry, he slingshots the other way into joy. He feels intensely, so something like anger or sorrow, it might hit him harder than he'd like if it ever really did. Again better to feel the positives, those of which he feels without any difficulties.

The sorrow he feels now isn't really his own after all, he's just experiencing empathy with more of... open arms. Normally he'd use empathy as a tactic, but now... Now it's just something he feels along with the other man. Both basking in yet another side to someone he's fallen to love, and hating every moment of the feeling.

He listens.

And it's... not as though he doesn't understand.

He knows what people can be to eachother, how they can become strengths, he sees it all the time. And while Chrollo's words make sense, Hisoka isn't quite just he understands directly. Everything ends yes, so it's better to go into it knowing that, not getting too attached, too deep. But Chrollo believes the opposite. That if you care you should care as much as you can, enjoy it to the fullest even if the pain of a loss will hurt...

As a hedonist that of course, makes sense. Just enjoy, accept all of it, whatever it is, treasure it, even if you know it'll be gone. And Hisoka does that, doesn't he? To a degree... He 'enjoys' and 'indulges' but he doesn't truly treasure, he wouldn't. But the thought leaves him a little ill. He remembers thinking similar things before against a mattress, near Chrollo's chest. Thinking he's never treasured until- now probably. That he's never dreaded a loss before, until now. It's the same feeling he felt then, the way his stomach curls and tightens... Were Chrollo to leave, he'd be something worse than Chrollo is now in his mourning... It's because he treasured then, so it makes sense to pull away knowing that. Even if he's already ended up liking the taste too much, he should've ended it with a fight earlier...

He should leave.

But really it is a bit too late, and Chrollo is... he's right. Even if Hisoka only feels it for one person now, has only ever really felt it for one person. Chrollo is right about how you might grab onto their 'warmth'.

He should leave, but he doesn't. He did come to see him, and Chrollo saying that's all he wants... the heavy beat in Hisoka's chest at that moment has him sliding his arms around him and hugging them against his neck. He ducks his head down, pushing his cheek against hair and staring downwards art nothing. Fine he'll just be here then. Leaving- it would just keep making him feel sick, wouldn't it.

"So be it then. How boring~" A light smirk, but the comment is meant in jest. This... this could hardly be boring.

Boring, then. Chrollo laughs softly, despite having just acknowledged to himself that he is not the laughing sort. Of course he recognizes the comment for what it is - a joke, or rather a light jest. There's never been anything boring about them. Even in the quiet. Even in the silence and the dark.

Even before all this.

What a strange entanglement he's managed to wander into.

"I was here before the others appeared." He says the words before he thinks about them, really. Just a thought the skitters across his mind. "...ah, and of course you were here even before that. It shouldn't be strange to like in a place without Nobu, but it is even so."

He'd just gotten... used to it, that's all. He tips his head back a little. "Hmm... perhaps we should stop by the diner and have a sake later. In his honor?" Even if he's absolutely aware that Hisoka could only ever be indulging him. Even so... it seems like a nice idea.

The laugh is nice and he feels himself quickly smiling a little more upon hearing it. Hisoka sits back a little, moving his hands to slide against Chrollo's cheeks, holding them lightly and tilting the other man's head up.

"I've been here for so long..." Said almost- sadly. But that expression, that tone, it won't linger on Hisoka's face for long.

"But it's proven interesting enough to keep me occupied..." Said as he rubs his thumbs over Chrollo's cheeks and leans in, kissing him for a moment, only to pull away and hear those words. Yes, Chrollo would want to do something in Nobu's honours, even something small. After all, Nobunaga wasn't dead... so he at least deserved a toast, right? And while he wasn't always fond of drinking with Chrollo for obvious reasons, he could see dealing with it if it meant he got more of that smile...

As small and melancholy as it is.

"We should." Definitely indulging you. You're lucky he's so willing to- but then, indulging Chrollo has also proven to grant the best results... Though anything that offered him more time with the man Hisoka considered 'best'.

"Oh, I don't know. Technically you've only been here a handful of months." Yes... he hasn't forgotten that disappearance. Nor could he ever. That was... difficult. He doesn't want to say it was more difficult than Nobu's disappearance, but... maybe it was. There are reasons for that - it was his first loss here, for example, and more than that it was...

...hm.

Different. Nobu is Nobu, after all. If he reappears here, or if Chrollo returns home... either way, Nobu will still be the person he knew, the person he knows. But Hisoka is different. To lose Hisoka as he is now, that would mean... a deeper loss. That's the trouble with this place, really. It's ephemeral at best, and so is everything that occurs within the borders of its universe.

Well. No point in thinking about it too much. He leans into that kiss, and then kisses Hisoka's chin after that. "It's a plan, then. Just. Don't let me get too drunk, hm?"

For reasons, okay. For reasons.

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...RATHER THAN MAKE UP A SEGUE I DECIDED TO JUST START A NEW THREAD HOPE ITS OKAY

WORKS FOR ME

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o-ooh... that icon, oh... c-chrollo chan

he is sort of unfairly cute, huh

rubs my faaace no no

fans you

me oh my the vapors

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