maskormenacelogs | To a faithless man, you must ask…

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To a faithless man, you must ask…

WHO: K-2SO & Cassian
WHERE: De Chima #002
WHEN: Now!
WHAT: Dynamic duo reunion
WARNINGS: Heresy?
NOTES: I love wookieepedia

It's getting extremely hard not to be superstitious.

The appeal of a deity had always been obvious. But for the most part, Cassian had found that very appeal to be what made it suspect. Desperation for comfort yielded self-delusion. Most of the time, he scorned that. Notwithstanding that once or twice, he'd wanted to believe such a thing… and couldn't. Perceiving the universe just didn't seem to be wired in him that way.

But really, across different planets and religions, there were few true believers anyway. Some used religion as a vehicle or tool of power. Others, seeking community. Many used holy names as idiom. Cassian doubted most actually meant to invoke a deity when cursing or coming. Divinity, perhaps, but not necessarily about a separate entity; more deifying the very feeling or experience. —Which was most of them boiled down to, anyway. Any god could be understood as an embodiment or stand-in for a secular phenomenon or cause. The Amphibious God, the Dreamer and the Dreamt, the Esoteric Pulsar, the Vain Goddess, Ivax, the Maker, Sky Seraphs, the Balance (from which the first Fulcrum agent had taken the codename), Yavá, the Force… often as not they could be boiled down to other abstracts like Vengeance, Justice, Purpose, (Cassian's main theory) Confirmation Bias/Coincidence; or tangibles like Nature, Magnetism, Gravity, Hyperspace, Physics, even a particular Star—none of which he thought needed additives to inspire humility and awe, but for some, technology had tamed the concept and required a reinjection of species-centric mysticism; others hadn't reached enough level of technology to perceive any differently… who knew.

At any rate, that was how Cassian locked onto it, to find something personally relatable or compelling, when he had to negotiate or blend in with a cultural/spiritual group. …And found his own variation—however loathe he was to put it in the same category but it did probably belong there—in the Alliance.

Now, though… he found himself thinking in such ludicrous terms as…

…what…

…initially afterlife or hell. Now turned around to the happier but no less hallucinatory earned and reward…

…It was all the same. Let it. He was getting another chance. He and Jyn got not to be collateral of their own war.

And, if it really was the same droid, unchanged by destruction, not resurrected from a backup (which never was quite the same since copies are always flawed), who had maintained the same memories and loyalties and ideas…

Cassian paused a moment to gather his thoughts. Or perhaps impatiently shove back these swirling, useless ones. Grounded himself if possible when still wondering if everything was a dream. …Stop. Logistic brain come back online. Everything could always have been a dream. All one could ultimately do was function from one's senses, unless and until they were proven false. And his senses told him right now that he'd crossed from Jyn's… his… (his and Jyn's… Forceful Esoteric Yavá) …home?… quarters to the next building, where he'd been told he could find his old…

the names we give to the unnameable…

…partner. Co-pilot. Aide. Companion. Bodyguard. Caretaker. To whom he may have been reprogrammer—hopefully something close to liberator; never "master".

Bracing himself, though he couldn't have said against what—perhaps all this organic sentiment for which he'd always welcomed and needed more badly than ever the blunt, literal, mechanical counterbalance—Cassian knocked on Kaytoo's door.

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Reading from a book was not only boring, but it was stupidly frustrating. He would scan a page, delicately turn it with his much bigger hands than the book was intended for, and then repeat. For every page. For every book. Human nostalgia for information being stored organically was sad. There were computers of course, but given their lack of ports he could use, it was almost worse. He had to adjust his photoreceptors so often, and then not use so much force on a mouse so that he doesn't break it... books were bad, but these primitive computers were worse.

He was almost glad for the interruption.

Getting to his feet, he made his way to the door. Couldn't be a roommate, they'd have their own key. Maybe Jyn? ... She wouldn't knock.

No, it's someone he really hadn't expected, when he opened the door.

"Cassian," he said, stupidly, but disbelief is an emotion that causes that sort if unnecessary reaction.

It's entirely possible that this isn't real. That his processor really was damaged, somehow, and this is a simulation gone awry. He's been considering that since he 'woke up.' This is all too farfetched to take without a grain of salt. Or maybe a spoonful of salt.

It isn't that the chances of Cassian being here was impossible. If Jyn was here, it certainly raised those odds quite a bit. He just hadn't thought... Intentionally hadn't thought about what he'd do, if Cassian wasn't here somewhere.

But he doesn't even need to run those kind of simulations anymore.

Of course he wants to say the obvious, like How are we here? and Why us? and I missed you. They are all secondary.

"You look awful," he blurted out, because naturally that's what he would say- while Jyn had just looked very tired, Cassian looks like he actually died and was only half brought back.

For the first time on this planet, in this life… Cassian started laughing.

Yes. This. No subtext. No ambiguity. No niceties. No duplicity. Just Kay.
Thank you. Thank you.

Leaning forward, he meant to push his knuckles briefly to the barrel of Kay's abdomen, as he'd done many times in the past. …But this time, impulsively, he pressed his open palm there instead.

"I'm glad to see you, too, Kay," Cassian said.

Well.

Cassian can't be too bad, if he was laughing. Relief began to trickle into Kay's posture, and it's cemented in when Cassian places his hand on him. He runs a quick analysis, the touch definitely felt like it was really there, and he had at least 89% certainty that this wasn't a simulation.

His most advanced sensors were in his hands. For a multitude for reasons, but as a bodyguard, he needed to not crush who he was escorting, in case there was trouble. He also had been used to interrogate- and it wouldn't do if he had accidentally put too much pressure on someone's skull, or something similar. Can't get information out of someone if they're dead. Having sensors in his hands was necessary.

Kay placed a hand on Cassian's shoulder, looking down at him and running as much of a check on his vitals as he can from this angle. Cassian felt real enough. 99.9% certainty, now.

"We shouldn't just stand in the doorway," he commented, moving his hand away and taking a few steps back to allow the other in.

Cassian nodded and followed the directive. He bumped his shoulder into Kay as he passed, putting his weight against the droid for the briefest moment, but fully. As he hadn't done, even while literally dying, to Jyn; as would never have asked of Draven; had never consciously gotten from his father. Kay was the only being Cassian had ever truly leaned on.

Neither is built for prolonging such moments, though, so it's only a brief pause in Cassian's step as he moves the rest of the way into the room. Looking around, curious, to see what Kay would do with his own space. (He'd never had one before—not because he was a droid, but because neither, really, had Cassian. Not that one could let oneself get too attached to.)

"How long have you been here?" said Cassian, leaving the definition of 'here' open-ended.

He was used to that, by this point. The first time Cassian had leaned on him, he had suspected the other was just falling over.

Since it's the main living area, he hadn't really done much except leave an excessive amount of history books on the nearby tables and surfaces. His own "room" looked completely untouched, and while it hadn't been long enough for it to collect dust, it will eventually. What was he going to do with a bed, anyway?

"I've been... online for five days, thirteen hours, five minutes." No need for seconds, he only brought those up when he was trying to make a point. "You?"

Cassian shook his head slightly. "Longer. I can't be sure. I was hospitalized and sedated for parts of it." That their arrival times don't agree doesn't bother him as it would have a few days ago. It seems to have no bearing, here, in any direction: matching origins, not matching them… the disconnect could happen in transit itself. He needn't have arrived at the same time as Jyn, for example, for them to have been taken from the same moment.

He scans the titles of the books, in his usual mode of not really processing the info in his conscious mind now but it would be stored for retrieval at will later. —Though he did smile at a few. Wondering what Kay might make of them. He could stand to brush up on the history of this place too. He was even starting to be interested in such things again. …Especially to see how the droid processed some of this, he should ask Kay to relate it back to him. It could be about as informative as reading it himself, and possibly much ~~funnier~~ more engaging.

He turned his head back to Kay, the look in his eyes shifting slightly from amused to… something more aching. "I came here with my injuries from Scarif and needed fixing up. What about you?"

He hadn't seen whatever had happened to Kay. But how Kay's voice had sounded over the comm (unnervingly… as if… closer to human) still haunted him.

He wasn't sure he asked because, like prodding an injury, it hurt too much that he couldn't not know; or as a belated reminder to himself that he really should try to confirm all this beyond appearances… or…

…well, whatever. He cared.

Edited 2017-04-14 02:45 (UTC)

Hospitalized and sedated runs through his thoughts, taking into account how Cassian had been here, was here, for not only longer than him, but entirely without his knowing. For days, he had been half avoiding thinking about it, and half presuming the worst. He could have been there for Cassian, and he hadn't- due to his own neglect in looking in the right places.

If he was a human, he'd probably have some kind of reaction. A clenching of his fist, or maybe a tightening of his jaw, in guilt. As a droid, he does neither naturally, but his fingers do curl inward just a little bit, and his tone softens a little.

"I'm sorry, I didn't find you."

If there was at least something consistent about his behavior, it was that he was going to do what he could to protect Cassian, at all times. Even if there was nothing to do for the other while he was recuperating, he should have at least been present.

Back to business.

"I arrived as if nothing happened, which I know isn't true. But the lack of blaster holes and melted plating speaks it's own volumes. I could consider that I was repaired somehow, but that doesn't coincide with the level of technology present on this planet." They didn't even have a recharge station readily available for him.

"I don't know what happened, or how we're here. I've considered multiple times that this is the uncontrolled remnants of an already impossible simulation I had been running before I shutdown. But that possibility, at this point, has only a 0.1% likeliness now. The answers I've received from officials here are useless and vague at best, and offensive to my intelligence at worst." And even still, he's putting it lightly on how he really feels about it.

He could continue, but instead he pauses in his complaining-disguised-as-a-report.

"You should sit down. If you had to be hospitalized for your injuries from Scarif, then you also shouldn't be standing unnecessarily now."

Edited 2017-04-14 18:44 (UTC)

They've never bandied comforting excuses between them—how could you have known, it isn't your fault, and the like. Even if such abstraction were their forte, still a leap to find them satisfying or compelling. Cassian, at least, found Kay a relief from that sort of prevarication.

…Though he is moved by Kay apologizing. Cassian only says, "I'm sorry I didn't find you, too."

The rest of Kay's words are a bit heady, a lot to process, and Cassian doesn't argue with Kay's suggestion to sit down. Only nods and complies, in whatever piece of furniture Kay would indicate.

"I wondered something similar for myself," said Cassian, easing his still-bruised ribcage back. "That an organic brain can keep sending signals as the body dies, and that they may last for what seems like far longer inside them than would be measured without." He flashes a quick, if somewhat overcomplicated, smile up at Kay. "I don't find that entirely likely either… though either way, I've decided, from my own perspective, it makes no different. All of existence is unverifiable outside our own senses. We have to function as though we can trust them. I suppose I'm relieved to find this isn't exclusively organic angst."

Most organic sentients in the Rebellion, and the galaxy at large, didn't specify organic anything. They took it as the rule, not needing a label, and singled out the synthetic/manufactured/technological to qualify/designate. It was one of the first things Cassian had picked up from his slicer contacts, when taking on Kay's reformatting: not to have organic bias but designate OLF (organic life form) and TLF (technological life form) as equal alternatives.

(…though going down that wormhole of thought that made him understand why many other OLFs did not do so. It was humbling and a bit frightening, to think of OLFs as being perhaps as deterministic and mechanical as their TLF counterparts. …For Cassian, though, it made too much sense. And he'd never found comfort in willful ignorance. Unrealized ignorance was dangerous enough.)

The next question is, again, prodding at a wound… but he wants to know. Wants to know everything about what happened to his… friend. And believe it all, again, now. "Dare I ask what sort of simulations?"

The subject was hardly exclusively an organic angst, far from it. What is real, and what is imagined, is a matter of existential perspective.

Existence, for organics, is a lot more straight forward. Organics were born in some manner, their personality shaping how they grew up, obtaining skills as time passed. For droids, and other technological lifeforms, it was nearly the opposite. Being made at their fullest potential with skillsets preprogrammed into them, personalities were not a default but rather gained from experience and a lack of memory wipes. What was perspective if not a byproduct of experience? One has to be aware of the world around them to determine what existence is- and that can all be wiped away in seconds for a droid.

But as Cassian had said, going on as if one can trust their senses, or in Kay's case, sensors, is all they can do. If this isn't real, it feels enough like it is, no matter how unlikely.

"Sentimental ones," he replied, because it was. Once he had realized there was no way for the plan to succeed with Cassian and Jyn alive, the fact he had taken a moment to think about any other outcome was purely for emotional reasons. It wasn't that he would deny he had emotions or his tendency to display them (maybe, with more frequency than Cassian did himself), but to admit to having a moment like he did...

But he was honest. He would always be honest. Holding back something from Cassian wasn't something he would ever do, unless for good reason.

"First I had been running simulations on probable success of the mission with certain priorities assigned. It was bad. I ran them again, deprioritizing you, and there was a chance. I didn't have time to fully explain, as I had already been shot six times, my deactivation was imminent, and I still needed to lock the vault door. But you understood it enough.

"After I said goodbye, my functions began shutting down, and I ran a simulation imagining your survival, despite all impossibility."

Kay didn't feel any emotion like guilt or regret for his actions. He knew the course he took was the best one he could have in the situation they had been in, although he did wish he had lied a little better when he encountered the initial group of stormtroopers.

"It was consolatory."

Cassian blinked. …A few times.

He'd known Kay was loyal to him. Stuck by him, took orders from him where he wouldn't from others, would (and had) put Cassian's welfare above his own. But Cassian had always wondered, at the back of his mind, what it meant that he hadn't given Kay any choice in the matter.

(It was an ongoing debate in slicer circles how much "choice" any droid ultimately had. A lot within preprogrammed parameters, but always in service of that ultimate directive. …But, again, such thinkers' deterministic outlook of organic machinery questioned much choice any being really had… At which point Cassian would tune out and return to how they had to behave regardless.) In Kay's case: Cassian had had to decide not to worry about it. Especially not having been much of a droid person before; especially since apparently his attitude toward and dynamic with Kay was already unconventional enough to cause some discomfort among Rebels who looked at the battle droid and thought of the Clone Wars; and most especially as his own feelings for Kay had exceeded what he'd planned for them to be.

But… it seemed…

Cassian had to look down at his own hands for a moment. Wondered what his expression was and what Kay would make of it.

He'd never used the word "friend" to describe their partnership. He'd not felt right about the word if mutuality/reciprocity was uncertain.

Whatever the slicers would say, what Kay had just shared…

"I think I did the same in my own way," he said at last, after clearing his throat. "I dreamed about you a lot."

Another swallow, internal shaking himself, then glancing over again at all the books. "How has it been? Being self-determined? Unless you've chosen otherwise?"

The thought of Kay committing his service elsewhere… was a tangled one. Though it also occurred to him that Kay might be able to better inform Cassian regarding his own delayed decision to pledge full allegiance to the government that had brought them here.

Cassian had given him his freedom, in a way. There was programmed loyalty, of course, that was required. If he didn't have that, there'd be nothing to deny the hardcoded obedience instinct with, and he would have reverted to type, probably killing Cassian first, and then whatever ranking Alliance leaders he could find before being destroyed.

But he was loyal to Cassian in a way that didn't specifically denote he had to do everything he said. In fact, Kay relished in the wiggle room he had. He could be ordered to do something, but if doing that thing was an unwise order, he could deny it's importance, and take his own actions. So very few other droids were allowed that. It was that kind of freedom that had saved Cassian on at least a few occasions.

His human partner looked thoughtful. Conflicted. An explanation was shortly given.

...Cassian dreamed about him? About... his survival, maybe? Maybe just in general. But that was nice to hear, regardless. Even if it prompted such an abrupt subject change... Would it embarrass Cassian too much to acknowledge it? Maybe. He understood, and maybe words weren't needed.

"I haven't sided with the government yet. I had been thinking about it. It would allow me more freedom and access to facilities, opportunities, and transport. I would also not need to relocate my "housing" here. Overall, it would be beneficial- but that's what would make it an issue. It's too beneficial. I have been reading historical information about this world, but I haven't caught up to more local events yet. Still, much of the past few years is documented over the Network. That's where I'll start, when I finish these."

'These,' being the few dozen books he had out and around. Still, should only take him a day, if he was focused. ...So maybe, two days, because he knew he wouldn't have the attention span for just scanning these books for a day straight.

It was a little tiring of being the only one standing (not physically, of course), and Kay took a seat on the couch as well. "I won't join them if you don't want me to." Not that he had particularly wanted to, but he couldn't deny the benefits.

Cassian twitched another smile. "Actually, I was going to ask for your conclusions. Whether you think I should, either."

Not only could Kay get through much more research, more quickly, than Cassian ever could, he was already almost done. It hadn't been foremost on Cassian's mind when he'd been missing Kay—partially, admittedly, because he hadn't been thinking strategically about any of this situation, just… not wanting it; but having access to Kay's abilities again was an immeasurable asset. It was more than he could have wished—having Kay's help vetting this government. As much as any government could be fully understood by anyone. Some might argue a droid would be less equipped to do so than an organic; Cassian would not be one of them. He'd take Kay's judgment any day.

…Wouldn't always act on it. But wanted to have it.

…Unless there was truly nothing to be done with the data. (Like mid-crash-landing on Eadu.)

But most of them, more often than many considered, time there were choices to be made. Even if all the options were unpleasant.

"We'll revisit that once you've finished your research?"

"As of right now, at the very least if we find it beneficial to join, only one of us should join." It's not exactly a failsafe, but it does mean that if something, or anything, affects those who are registered versus those who aren't- only one of them will be susceptible. It's not great, but it's what they've got. "But we'll revisit it after I finish researching." Which, ugh. Research. So boring.

"So far, I understand a little better how this world is so stunted in their technological growth, as well as very self-involved. The version of humans here never found any other form of life outside of this planet, and so they don't care as much about space exploration. Their most advanced technology is about convenience... except for the device they used to bring us here. That's beyond their average abilities. Which explains why they don't know how to use it in the slightest." But that's overall the most important information he's found out. He doubts Cassian cares about the French Revolution, or the invention of the first flintlock pistol.

"Something to be aware of is that the country we're in, is in a severe situation against a country called Russia. Avoiding anything with Russian ties, for now, would be best."

Cassian nodded, appreciating again how much more relaxed he could be with Kay's partnership than on his own. He'd been suspicious, for instance, of being in government-issued housing, as being the easiest to bug or surveille their imPorts. However, if a security droid specializing in strategic analysis was choosing to openly discuss these topics here, Cassian could safely assume that Kay had swept the place and found it clean. Likewise, with more thoroughness and accuracy than any human.

"If so," Cassian murmured, idly, since actually deciding was premature, and since Kay hardly needed Cassian to point out strategy to him, but more in way of... for them: small talk: "you should probably register and I won't. If true that the Porters are not representative of this government's tech level, which sounds like, you will be likely beyond their abilities to influence if that is an outcome of registration. Whereas I can more easily 'get lost' in the civilian population if there are repercussions from not."

"Can you give me a sample of Russian language so I can recognize it?" Cassian wouldn't need to understand the language, or even hear much of it, to be able to identify its aural fingerprints.

Edited 2017-04-23 20:47 (UTC)

There are more sensitive topics to discuss... but what he's choosing to talk about now isn't one of them. People have said much worse things over the Network itself, much more "traitorous" things than his general disapproval, and assessment of America's feelings on Russia.

"I would agree. I will admit... in this situation, I do not blend in as well as you would. For once." Because he could absolutely blend in before, and you won't get him to disagree with that one. The point still stands that Cassian would be able to find a way out of a problematic situation easier than he could.

As for the Russian language- "Russian almost looks similar to Galactic Basic Standard. It has similar shapes, and looks like this," Kay continues, holding up his communicator with an image displayed. "I don't recommend learning it." Not yet, at least.

So far all they've talked about is this world, their situation, and their past 'deaths.' Par for the course, really, of their lives. But things are different now, aren't they? This doesn't have to be the extent of it. It pays to be knowledgeable, and this wasn't exactly a topic they should have avoided, but-

"How are you?" It seems like a sudden topic change, probably because it is, but it makes sense in Kaytoo's mind. "You've already eaten today, I hope." The tone says, 'I won't be mad, just disappointed,' if the answer is no.

"I will admit… in this situation, I do not blend in as well as you would. For once."

That was a fairly large concession for Kay, and Cassian respected it by suppressing his smile.

"I don't recommend learning it."

"Can I hear what it sounds like for identification purposes?" He'd like to be able to pick out a Russian agent, even without knowing yet what (if anything) he'd do about one.

"You've already eaten today, I hope."

Cassian couldn't reasonably complain about being infantilized, since he had, not infrequently, required Kay's intervention to get him to eat properly.

(He could of course complain unreasonably. But right now, this too fell under the category of how miraculously great to have Kay back)

"I have," said Cassian, "though it was… hours ago."

He's lost all track of time. …Seeing Jyn.

He has no idea for how long they'd embraced in that doorway.

…realizing which makes him very suddenly and profoundly hungry. Though the idea of spending time on so procedural a task as eating, instead of talking to Kay or getting back to Jyn, makes him annoyed and impatient.

(One example of why he'd often needed Kay to make him eat.)

…But there is a point of interest there: "You keep food here? …Or do you have housemates who do?"

"For that, I'll need a moment. They don't have language packs for me to download here." So he was going to have to, once again, just manually learn it. Which is wonderful. Eventually, he switched his communicator to a video channel, and managed to find a clip from a past news report, with a Russian political figure speaking. There were subtitles along the bottom, and he showed the short clip to Cassian.

You know, he hadn't actually thought to check if there was any food here before talking about it. Whoops. "I assume they keep food here. 'They' being the strangers I am being made to live with, who I have never met once, and have absolutely no trust in." So on second thought, maybe food from here was not the best idea.

You could live with us

There were a lot of reasons the words were much slower to come to his lips than into his mind. Far too many analyses for only five words.

But, in order of syntax, since "importance/emphasis" was too tangled:

could
—How not to make it an imposition on Kay's hardcoded loyalty? It was not an order. And though there were many ways in which Cassian would feel most natural (and safe!) cohabiting with Kay…
—there was also the thought of how much more interesting for Kay for the first time to have entirely his own place and not to have his existence constantly linked to Cassian's
—and trying not to be the same beings in the same situation we were in before

live
—literally (we didn't die) and…
—having a life (not a cause, not a mission, not mere survival instinct; but… living?)

us
—things with Jyn were hardly certain… he could hardly dare to try to imagine, let alone anticipate… and still the petrifying thought, if what they wanted did not align…
—on that level and every other, it was emphatically not up to him to be in charge anymore (as if he ever had been with her)… so at the very least, he should ask her before making any such offer to anyone, even Kay…
—and Kay presumably knew Jyn lived so close by since she knew he was here (she was the one who had sent Cassian over right away); and if they'd wanted to live together, they probably would have…? Cassian himself is a variable that could affect that estimation, but, again, he would dread dominating it…
— …and even if things with Jyn did go how he hardly dared to hope, and indications actually were that she might want too… …one of the many dreams he'd had while out of his mind on palliatives in the hospital flickered back to mind. Making love to Jyn with Kay offering blunt technical feedback from the background.

…all in all…

He fell back on his prime principle. Don't impose answers, ask questions. And there's one that will cover much of this ground.

"Did you and Jyn ever consider cohabiting?"

(And, yes, Cassian elides back over the food conversation. …He will, Kay, he promises. But right now… the thought is not appealing. His entire system would need to calm down first. And taking his full attention away from both Jyn and Kay is not the way to make that happen. He needs at least one of them, now. Lest he start to feel like it was all hallucination.

…The man who for the four years between Spectrum and Kay, though of course functioning interactively for the cause, kept himself on some fundamental level alone. Right now, can't be.)

Edited 2017-04-27 01:22 (UTC)

He could always tell when Cassian was overthinking something. He didn't know with absolute certainty if it was from having spent enough time with him, or if it was because when Cassian felt safe, he didn't guard his reactions as closely.

Regardless, that was not the question he had considered as the one he'd be asked, though.

"What? You thought I would live with Jyn?" He might have... considered it, honestly. "I can't imagine it would go over well with her." She seems like she likes her space, and he talks too much. But he does trust her more so than anyone else here, present company aside.

Edited 2017-04-27 03:11 (UTC)

(Kay learning how to read him and Cassian emoting more openly in the safety of Kay's company: yes, both.)

Cassian's smile, for example, while genuine and amused, has more sadness and weariness and lingering or remembered physical pain than he'd generally show. "I didn't think… anything, Kay. For any of us.

"But if you've any interest in roommates you already know, I'd be glad to see what Jyn thinks. If you'd rather keep your own space, I see benefits to that too and I'm just glad to have you nearby. …I'm glad to have you back at all."

"I'm glad to have you back too," Kay said softly, but without any form of delay, as if he'd been looking for a chance to say it but didn't know when would be appropriate.

"I thought it would make more sense to live with you, if I was going to move." Which maybe... wasn't what Cassian wanted, given the specific question regarding living with Jyn. Or maybe he was worried again about this being a conflict of programming versus choice? "But I could live with Jyn as well. As long as she doesn't snore. You don't snore, and I don't think I could just get used to it now."

I'm glad to have you back too. Cassian looked down—again, moved.

He didn't imagine physical contact affected Kay the ways it might for OLFs, for bonding or pleasure or comfort—though it occurs to him (only now, shouldn't it have before…) that despite knowing Kay's construction including sensor distribution, that wasn't actually a subject he'd questioned Kay on. Skies. Probably a lot to read into Cassian's state of mind for that blind spot. Some other time. If he ever felt like further introspection; what he'd been cosmically forced into so far was too much already.

Still. It's the only way Cassian can think to communicate his current response. So he shifts over on the couch to, again, gently and noiselessly bump his shoulder into Kay. And stayed leaning there.

Though Kay's next response made Cassian simultaneously want to laugh and to blanch.

Again, he would avoid imposing or revealing his interpretations if there was a way to clarify first. So didn't jump straight to I didn't mean all in the same room—at least, not all three of us… …with all the further questions he might have to be seeking answers to soon enough, just not with Kay… and started instead with the more open-ended/indirect. "You can hear snoring through walls?"

(Glad as he was for the confirmation that he'd succeeded in being conditioned to sleep silently. Most efficient use of time if one had to stay hidden was either to surveille or to rejuvenate. —He had to have disturbed Kay with some nightmares over the years… but since the issue wasn't "awakening" the other, they were unrelated.)

Edited 2017-04-28 09:03 (UTC)

Kay shifts, adjusts his posture when Cassian leans into him to be less upright, and more relaxed. Sure, he can't feel "leaning" in quite the same way a human might, but he can sense the weight against him, and understands the motion as a sign of trust. He gets more out of the motion from knowing that than he ever would on a physical contact level. He... likes being trusted, like this.

"If she's loud enough. Maybe she sounds like a Wookiee when she sleeps." He knows she doesn't- she had fallen asleep on their trip to Jedha, and she was perfectly quiet then. Still, he's just complaining for no reason, as he tends to do. He really has no genuine reason to opposing living with her, and especially so if both she and Cassian will be in the same place, and he might be beginning to actually like her a little. Maybe.

"I don't have a problem with it, if she doesn't. It would make the most sense for me to move in as well, for as long as we're in these units. I should at the very least do the same security sweep in your unit as I did in mine, but I don't think I'll find anything- I didn't before." It's best to be on the safe side anyway.

"I'd like that," said Cassian quietly. …A bit sleepily. Leaning against Kay, feeling safer than he could under any other conditions (there was literally no way to be better defended), the events of the day—the week—the month—the new lifetime—caught up to him all at once. "I'll talk to Jyn tonight."

…Jyn… the way she'd folded herself against him… what would happen when he went back to her…

Part of him has been aching to get back to her, would have left her for absolutely no one other than Kay. Much as he wanted to see Kay for himself, he'd also wanted to let the droid know Cassian was back. Right now… he imagines Kay would be all right either way. But, feeling the overwhelming at the back of his mind and behind his eyes… how much he needed Jyn (and wanted from her) that she might be full willing to share but he was still so worried about demanding too much… in his gladness to have Kay back in the world and his life, and not to avoid Jyn but to avoid his own exhausting second-guessing brain, he chooses to stay in the refuge of the unconditional, no-guesswork-needed partnership a little longer.

"Tell me more about your life here," murmured Cassian. Almost as a child would ask for a story. "What do you do with yourself day-to-day?"

Edited 2017-05-02 03:07 (UTC)

More about life here... Well. It's strange to think about. Having a "life" here, really. This is the sort of life that many droids idolize (in their own way)- a nice place to live, their own room, treated with respect and as an equal, and it's all very peaceful. He doesn't have any real qualms with it, outside of the lack of advanced technology.

"I haven't left this housing unit much, upon realizing I don't have anything to recharge with. I have been conserving energy since. But before that, I was most likely banned from a toy store in Heropa for damaging merchandise, and theft."

And this is why Kay can't be left alone. Sorry if you wanted a nice, calming bedtime story, Cassian.

Not at all, this is much better.

He'll follow up on the charging station issue in a moment… But first things first:

"What in space did you want in a—"

Oh. Cassian craned his neck to look wryly into Kay's photoreceptors.

"It was for a toy blaster, wasn't it?"

"It fires foam darts with suction cups on them."

Yes, it was a toy blaster.

"I got two."

He sounded so delighted at this fact, as well as that he got to tell it to Cassian.

Edited 2017-05-04 20:29 (UTC)

Cassian laughed. "You'll have to show me, later."

He sobered a bit, looking across the way at nothing.

After a moment, in a slightly distant voice, he said, "…What do you think of the probability… or consequences… of me… never using a weapon again?"

"I think that is your choice. The consequences remain to be seen, but overall outlook seems positive given the level of peace here for the time being. If the outlook changes..."

Kay paused and glanced down to Cassian. He might not have much in means of the ability to physically reassure someone, but...

"I would protect you. I always would."

There were any number of factors to blame. Including literal atomization. For uncommonly vulnerable exhibits.

…Uncommon but not unprecedented. Not with them.

Cassian turned his head. Closed his eyes. Put his forehead against the cool metal of Kay's casing.

keep me awake let me rest please be real who cares what's real get back to jyn let kay look over me forever let go

Murmured, "You always have."

locking the vault door now—goodbye

"You did."

Edited 2017-05-06 23:04 (UTC)

He did. And he would continue to, as long as he was able to.

"You're thinking too much. Again. And I think I see a grey hair."

Kay doesn't need to even look down at Cassian (although he is in this moment doing just that), to know that much. He had always thought stress was going to be the death of the other, if it wasn't a blaster bullet. Turns out, it might wind up being both.

He could let Cassian fall asleep like this. It wouldn't be the first time he's had the other pass out on him (literally). If that happened, he should at the very least put the other back in his bed.

Cassian laughed. He doubted Kay did it deliberately, but the droid happened to be rather good at driving back memory with something vividly new. "Thanks, Kay."

The life expectancy of an Intelligence Operations agent was five to ten field missions. Cassian had gone on…
…more than that. So at twenty-six years old he was probably at about 120% of personal life expectancy. Having any hair left at all was doing pretty well.

No, it definitely wouldn't be the first time. But Cassian tried to avoid such self-infantilization—allowing himself to put Kay in that position—if serious injury wasn't involved. (And intoxicants only that… two…? ish… times.) So, stirring himself, Cassian pulled himself upright.

"I should go back. Jyn and I sort of paused our reunion when she realized I didn't already know that you were here."

"Yes. Right. Jyn." He doesn't sound a bit amused, but it's not like he'd argue the matter, either. Humans doing human things has always been something he regarded with a certain distance. Aware of it happening, but not entirely caring about it, or the details involved.

"I'll expect to see you later, in one piece. I'll be blaming her if you aren't."

"I'm going to regret asking," said Cassian, showing how much he'd missed Kay by asking anyway: "but why is my structural integrity in question?"

"Have you met Jyn?"

He's kidding, though. But she definitely carries knives like Cassian carries lockpicks. So maybe only mostly kidding.

"Go on. I'll be here if you need me."

Cassian gave Kay another smile—the likes of which Cassian really didn't give anyone else in either universe. And headed back.

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