maskormenacelogs | i think just don't fight it

Entry tags:

i think just don't fight it

WHO: Sarah and Cosima
WHERE: De Chima
WHEN: Backdated to the 9th-ish
WHAT: An overdue conversation
WARNINGS: Probably language, will add as necessary

[ It's not like Sarah's been avoiding Cosima.

Okay, it's a little bit like Sarah's been avoiding Cosima. She's not angry, anymore—wasn't really to begin with, honestly. Finding out the truth about Sarissa had been hard, and Sarah had flung blame wherever it would stick. Cosima'd run the tests, so she was the easiest one to yell at. Sarah feels bad about it, now, which is why it's taken her this long to actually make contact with her sister. And then there was the whole thing with the clone corpses, and stumbling upon Sarissa, and… things had been busy. They're always busy.

But here she is, standing just outside the front door of Cosima's flat (well. technically it's Cosima's now, but she still has a hard time not thinking of it as Clara's). She even lifts her hand to knock before envisioning the kid coming to the door, or even worse, Clara herself, and then having to stand there while Clara not-so-silently judges her for hurting Cosima's feelings. Instead she pulls her communicator out and types a quick message. ]

i'm outside your place if you have time to talk.

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[Cosima has definitely been avoiding Sarah.

Sarah's words, the way she'd lashed out at Cosima after the big test reveal, it'd hurt her more than she'd like to admit. They'd been through so much, Cosima hadn't imagined that one genetic test would pull them apart again. Cosima had needed someone, had been just as upset as Sarah and Sarissa were, but instead of staying with her, Sarah had run off and blamed Cosima for the whole mess. To be fair, Cosima has been blaming herself too.

So, Cosima had taken some time away from anyone who looked like her, spent time with Clara and her lab and her friends that don't have her face. It's been fine, but it's not the same. Something had been missing, and as soon as Cosima gets the text, it's obvious what was missing. Her sisters. Cosima, who had been dozing on the couch, quickly heads to the door, tapping out a reply as she goes.]

For you? I've got time. Be there in a sec.

[ Sarah puts her communicator away and waits for Cosima to come to the front door. When she does, Sarah gives her a little wave and an uncharacteristically shy smile. It's been a while since she and Cosima had one of their fights, and she isn't totally sure how to deal with it anymore. ]

Hey. I thought maybe we could go out and get ice cream or something. [ Or go anywhere they're not risking Clara suddenly appearing, basically. ]

[It's not a real Sarah smile, Cosima knows what those look like. It's strange and too awkward, but still encouraging. Cosima slips her communicator into the bag she has slung under one shoulder and closes the door behind her. She nods, in case that wasn't answer enough to Sarah's request.]

I'm never gonna say no to ice cream. You know a good place around here?

This is your city, not mine.

[ Sarah inclines her head in the direction of the street, though. ]

I saw a place on my way over here.

[Cosima nods, considering, generating a mental map of the closest ice cream shops in her head. She has a system, ranking each of them on a series of criteria from the quality of the ice cream, to the atmosphere, to the variety of flavors, to proximity to her home and lab. The closest ice cream place has a decent rating, but there's one a couple blocks further with a much higher rating. It's actually her favorite.]

That one's okay... [She waves a hand, a dismissive gesture, a forced casualness.] There's a better one a few blocks further if you're up for a walk.

[ Sarah's not that set on ice cream. She seized on it because a) she knows it's something Cosima likes, and b) it's served in a place Clara isn't. But it's not like walking a couple blocks further to get there is going to ruin her day. In fact, it might make this talk a little easier, since it means she won't have to look her sister directly in the eye. ]

I'm up for it if you are.

They have pumpkin pie ice cream this month.

[She says that as if that's answer enough. Which for Cosima it is, though she's also glad for the longer walk. It'll give them more time for this long overdue talk.

She starts off, the opposite direction of the way Sarah came, waving a hand to indicate that she should follow.]

Oh, well, in that case... [ Is this a good time to tell Cosima that Sarah isn't crazy about pumpkin? It's tasty enough, she doesn't dislike it, but she's probably going to get a different flavor. Course, then Cosima would probably launch into a nature vs nurture talk, and Sarah's not sure she wants to invite that. ]

Look, [ she says after a few seconds of quiet walking. Her hands are deep in the pockets of her leather jacket, and she's looking down at her boots as she walks. ] About what happened, I'm sorry.

[Cosima's heels clack down the sidewalk as she walks. She wraps her scarf more tightly around her neck, shielding herself against the slightest fall breeze. She slows at Sarah's apology, looking over at her.]

... I think that's my line. I did the test.

That's what you do, isn't it? Run tests.

[ She kicks at the sidewalk, scuffing the sole of her boot along the concrete. ] I shouldn't have blamed you.

Yeah. But I'm trying to only run the necessary ones from now on. We run into enough trouble without me generating more in the lab.

[Cosima reaches for Sarah, catching her wrist in her hand. She gives it a reassuring squeeze.]

... Did you mean what you said?

[ Sarah winces, not out of pain, but out of guilt. She can barely remember what she'd said to Cosima that day out of anger. She just knows it was bad. ]

Which part?

[It wasn't anything Sarah said directly, but the force behind her words when she sided with Sarissa. When she confronted Cosima, asked why she ran the tests without telling them.]

... You blamed me. Me and my stupid tests.

No.

[ Sarah shakes her head. She still can't bring herself to look Cosima in the eye. ]

I blame myself. I should've... I just assumed, when I saw her, and I never thought to check. I should've asked you to run the test months ago, before all this— [ She cuts herself off. A huge part of her wouldn't want to go back, to change anything. Sarissa being a part of their lives is so important to her now that the thought of doing things differently is a little horrifying. But she has to admit to herself that Sarissa, at least, would have been better off. ]

[The lack of eye contact doesn't go unnoticed by Cosima. She takes Sarah's hand, entwining their fingers together, a welcoming gesture. She wants Sarah to understand she's not mad. She understands why Sarah said what she said, even though it hurt her.]

Hey, don't go blaming yourself. I'm glad Sarissa's in Clone Club. We all made a lot of mistakes getting her there, but the end result? Sarissa being part of our family? That wasn't a mistake. Things are messed up now but... We'll fix it.

[ Sarah looks up, then, and smiles again. It's still not a real smile, but it's realer than the shy one she gave Cosima at the start of their conversation. She gives Cosima's hand a squeeze. ]

I know.

[Any smile is better than the awkwardness that Cosima was greeted with when she opened her door. She knows it'll take time, but it feels like things are getting fixed already. She squeezes Sarah's hand back, practically skipping forward.]

Buy my ice cream and you've fixed things on my end.

[ Well, that was... surprisingly easy! ]

I can do that.

[It was almost too easy, right? The conversation is far from over, Cosima just wants to make sure she gets her ice cream before going into interrogation mode.

She keeps walking, swinging their arms back and forth. The ice cream shop's in sight, a small hipster-y looking shop sandwiched between a used bookstore and a coffee shop. It's no wonder Cosima found this place.]

Even if I get two scoops?

[ Almost. But Sarah's too pleased to overthink things. She's just glad they're not fighting anymore. ]

You can get three, even. And toppings.

[ As they approach the shop, Sarah raises her eyebrows. Yep. This is definitely a Cosima-esque place. ]

[Cosima notes the raised eyebrow but doesn't acknowledge it. Sarah can judge all she wants, but this is the best ice cream in the city, there's no denying it. It isn't Cosima's fault that it also happens to be exactly the type of store she'd frequent.]

Hot fudge? They make their own here. It's like, the best you'll ever have.

Sure.

[ When they enter, Sarah slips her jacket off and hangs it over the back of a chair to claim them a table, then gets in line. Despite Cosima enthusing over the pumpkin ice cream, she orders chocolate chip cookie dough. Then, after a pause, asks for hot fudge, because she doesn't want to completely break Cosima's heart. ]

Go on, get whatever you want.

[Cosima nods approvingly at Sarah's ice cream choices, though she's not passing up the pumpkin (she also gets a scoop of cookie dough and something that claims to have "everything" in it) with hot fudge. She grabs spoons for both of them before making the way back to the table Sarah's claimed.]

I can't believe you've never been to this place before. I found it like, my second week here.

[ Sarah pays for their ice cream and then slides into the seat opposite Cosima. She shovels a spoonful of ice cream with her spoon and pauses before she takes a bite. ]

'Cause I don't live in De Chima and when I walk around I'm not looking for ice cream parlors? Do I seem like the kinda person who walks around looking for new places to get ice cream?

[Cosima pauses, leaning close, as if she's giving serious thought to Sarah's question. She twirls her spoon in one hand, grinning.]

Not really, but I also didn't think you seemed like the kinda person who would makeout with Clara, so what do I know.

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