Armin Arlert (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blondtactician) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2014-06-09 11:52 am
blondtactician) wrote in maskormenacelogs2014-06-09 11:52 am
Entry tags:
i'm a bad kid and i will survive
WHO: Armin (blondtactician) & Eren (andallbite)
WHERE: Denny's
WHEN: 6/3, late evening
WHAT: Armin comes clean about an incident at school. This is no way influenced by having run into Annie. Really.
WARNINGS: all the normal stuff for shingekids, references to violence, spoilers, angst
[Armin arrived at the diner a short time ago, settled into a back booth where he can successfully avoid any disapproving glares from the servers. He's reading, of course, already halfway through The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire borrowed from Erwin. He's developed a rhythmic sort of pattern of turning the page, nibbling a french fry, and taking a sip of coffee once in awhile.
He knows he's probably gotten Eren riled up by texting so cryptically, but while Denny's late at night is hardly perfectly secure, it's still better than leaving a text record. More than that, he'd rather talk to Eren about serious things face-to-face. He briefly considers texting Eren again to tell him not to worry, but decides against it.
His friend should be here soon. Armin orders a refill on fries and coffee.]
blondtactician) & Eren (andallbite)WHERE: Denny's
WHEN: 6/3, late evening
WHAT: Armin comes clean about an incident at school. This is no way influenced by having run into Annie. Really.
WARNINGS: all the normal stuff for shingekids, references to violence, spoilers, angst
[Armin arrived at the diner a short time ago, settled into a back booth where he can successfully avoid any disapproving glares from the servers. He's reading, of course, already halfway through The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire borrowed from Erwin. He's developed a rhythmic sort of pattern of turning the page, nibbling a french fry, and taking a sip of coffee once in awhile.
He knows he's probably gotten Eren riled up by texting so cryptically, but while Denny's late at night is hardly perfectly secure, it's still better than leaving a text record. More than that, he'd rather talk to Eren about serious things face-to-face. He briefly considers texting Eren again to tell him not to worry, but decides against it.
His friend should be here soon. Armin orders a refill on fries and coffee.]
no subject
[Armin pauses to let that sink in, since he knows how ridiculous an idea that is. He's not aggressive. He doesn't pick fights.
But in this case, he kinda did.]
It happened a little while back. I didn't want to tell you about it because I didn't want you to worry, but there are some nasty rumors going around about it and I thought you might hear something, so, here we are. [Eren's not going to their school, but he might be next year, depending on their situation - and a lot of kids from Armin's school doubtlessly work at, and see movies at, Eren's job.]
no subject
Over just a fight?
[ Those weren't a big deal to Eren, who had been involved with many, many of his own brawls since childhood. And Armin being involved with one wasn't very strange, either; he didn't tend to fight back but he used to be bullied often. Not so much anymore... Which raised another question. ]
What happened?
no subject
[Armin turns his coffee cup around in his hands, frowning.]
This guy had been picking on me for awhile. Knocking my books off my desk, shoving me in the hallway, trying to trip me, and calling me names. Really unpleasant ones.
I guess I'm a heretic wherever I go. The words just change.
[Armin almost smiles, self-deprecating.]
I didn't want to fight back and cause a lot of trouble. If any of us get into problems with authority, it will reflect badly on Captain Levi, after all.
[And Levi reflects badly enough on Levi as it is.]
But... he started messing with me when we were alone in the bathroom. He wouldn't let me leave. So I said something to provoke him, and when he threw a punch, I took his arm and threw him into a sink. He bit his lip when he hit it and required stitched. Bled all over the place.
no subject
C'mon, you should've said something—I could'a kicked his ass for you and you wouldn't be the one in trouble.
[ As... evidenced by his words. ]
Guess he's regretting it now, either way.
no subject
His parents were very upset and were going to get the authorities until they found out I'm an imPort. Levi was cool about it, though. He was actually angry on my behalf.
[Armin was kind of touched by that, honestly.]
I can't have you fighting my battles for me anymore, anyway. Especially since if you beat someone up on my behalf they'd definitely call you my boyfriend.
[A funny thing, that, but what Armin hasn't elaborated to most of the people from his world is how much the bullying seemed centered around some weird perception about his sexuality - and his apparent lack of masculinity because of it.]
no subject
Eren's expression narrows some, but in the end, leaves it at that. It didn't appear as if anything bad came out of it all—Armin gave them what they had coming for them, and that's all that really mattered. ]
Is that it? [ It's said a lot like he was expecting something more. And he is; Annie wouldn't care about that, right? She betrayed all of them, after all; Armin's well being is no priority for her. ] Or was there something else, too?
no subject
I couldn't stand the thought of her knowing something about me that you didn't, even something as simple as this. She's the one who brought up the fact I hadn't told you. [Of course she'd probably been meaning the other things too. Armin hates how easily the partial truths spill from his lips, but it's necessary.
It might drive a nearly impossible to mend crack between them, but it's necessary. Eren was placed in Levi's care for a reason and he himself has chosen to trust him. Now it's Armin's turn to keep that faith, even as he can see how ugly this will be when the drama eventually plays out.]
She called me a bully. I think she's disappointed in me, to realize that I really am able to return violence with violence. I guess I hadn't already completely destroyed her illusion of me before.
no subject
Seriously? This isn't like her. [ Even if she hadn't turned out to be a titan that had killed so many in the Corps and effectively ruined the expedition, he'd still say the same. Annie was quiet; she rarely interfered, just observed. Her input happened only sparingly. So what's got her feathers so ruffled?
Eren taps a finger on the table's surface thoughtfully, but he doesn't wait on a reply from Armin before he continues on. ] She contacted me almost right after you did. I was starting to think something worse did happen.
no subject
I don't know why she'd do that. [Especially if Eren hasn't burst in here fuming at lies, or gone to try and kick Reiner's ass, or worse. Levi's right, she's obviously trying to stir the pot, but she's overestimating the pull she has with Eren.] What did she say?
no subject
She said to ask about what you're not telling me. [ Everyone has their secrets, sure—but Eren can't imagine that if there was something he needed to know, that Armin would ever hide it from him. His voice reflects these sentiments, because who knew what Annie was trying to accomplish with any of this. ] ... In short, anyway.
no subject
He could try to manipulate Eren, say Well you know I'd never keep something from you, right? Obviously Annie's a liar. How awful of her to confuse you like that. But Eren's not an idiot. Well, he's an idiot through and through in some respects, but he's Armin's idiot (technically: 50% Armin's, 50% Mikasa's). Eren knows Armin's manipulative doe-eyes act pretty well. And it's one thing to pull it when he's trying to score the last bit of meat off the plate, because then either Eren can pretend he didn't want to eat it anyway or laugh it off and eat it himself, but it's another when it's as important as this. If Eren realizes he's trying to pull one over, he's sunk.
And everything goes to hell.
Jean should be here. Jean would spill it all without a second thought, and then when everything's fucked at least it's Jean's fault, not Armin's. If Jean were here right now, Eren could have his answer, and Armin wouldn't have to lie directly. The hammer would come down - because it's going to, it's always going to - but Armin wouldn't be the person responsible for it.
Jean could shoulder that blame. Armin, instead, shoulders the responsibility.
If Armin believed in good like some people believe in it, he'd be feeling pretty awful about himself right now. Like maybe he wanted to puke or cry.
If he believed for a second he was someone truly worth keeping as a friend, he would hate himself for this, making one of the few truly important things in his life into a joke like the sugar-sweet-smile-fest his pretend friendship with Reiner is.
If his ego mattered, if his image of himself mattered, he'd be ashamed.
And he might throw Eren's safety away - all of their safety away - to be honest and maintain the integrity so many people seem to imagine he has.
It's only for a little while longer.]
I can't imagine what she has to gain from stirring the pot like that. You'd think she'd be happy with the fact we're leaving her alone for now. Maybe it's getting to her, that we're not harassing her?
sorry this is a thousand years late
I'm not so sure about that.
[ Because, again, it wasn't like her. In fact, she had just told him the very opposite—she was going out of her way to avoid Armin and doing the same for him. Even Eren can tell there was no reason to lie about that.
They could come up with all the conjecture they wanted, but nothing would come out of it. ]
... Hey, this is just between you and me– [ Because he's a thousand percent certain that anyone else wouldn't approve (he's certain Armin won't, either, but that's different from, say, the Captain or Commander saying no). ] –but I already mentioned I'd go find her. I can get some answers out of her when I do.
i'll always wait for u~
[Armin doesn't condemn his plan yet, doesn't tell him no, exactly. He know he'll get in trouble for not telling Levi if Eren's planning to go somewhere, but just this once, he wants to be more loyal to Eren. On the other hand...]
If you do something like that, I should go with you. I'm going to catch heat if anyone finds out you went after her on your own anyway, so I might as well help you out.
kya •3•
Unfortunately (or, perhaps, fortunately for everyone else), this wasn't home and the laws were different. Their status as soldiers didn't count here; Erwin couldn't pull some strings again to get Eren out of any consequences he'd have to face. He has to play by this world's rules, so he couldn't very well exact the revenge he wishes he could on the person who did it.
He isn't very good at it, he knows, but Eren supposes as long as he can keep himself—his emotions—in check, then...
Then, who knows. ]
I don't think she's interested in fighting. [ Not in the way Armin suspects, he thinks. ] But I can't just... ignore Annie's here, too.
[ It would drive him too mad to simply go about life with that knowledge. ]
That might not be a good idea, either. [ Well—everything about this was a bad idea, but he can't do anything that would make her feel threatened off the bat, either. ] I'll do it, Armin. I don't want you to end up worrying about it too much.
no subject
You're always -- even when it's me and Mikasa, you want to go it alone.
[And leave us behind.]
Please don't do this. I know this place better than you. If you get yourself into trouble, you'll need me to help talk us out of it.
no subject
It's not something he does wholly intentionally, but it's true—Eren has a habit of barreling ahead so hard that he completely fails to let others catch up, doesn't slow down to allow others to stay at his side. It's also not something he's very aware of, either, so Armin's words... do hit him unexpectedly.
Eren's posture stiffens, although he's still slouched over on the surface of the table. ]
I'm not trying to leave you behind anything, Armin. [ He's a little worked up. And fuck, he's beginning to think, should he have said anything at all? ] I won't do anything to her—I can't.
no subject
He wishes he could tell Eren just to stay out of things for his own good, that Armin is trying to keep things from going to shit in the worst way. He can barely imagine how badly Eren will take Reiner and Bertholdt's betrayal: he only knows it will be ten times worse than how crushed Armin was (is, still, honestly) by the knowledge, coupled with Eren's righteous temper and his ability to turn into a rampaging giant. Eren won't think of the big picture then. That's why he won't speak of it, can't commiserate. Yes, he's following orders, but he wouldn't if he thought telling the truth would bring about a better result.
The only problem is keeping a secret just means the secret has power until it's revealed. And Annie and Reiner both have the power to release all that power, for better or worse.]
Do you really think just because you can't do something to her she won't do something to you? We know next to nothing about your shifting and she's an expert. What if she knows some way to get you into trouble? If you transformed or something, and caused some property damage accidentally - or worse - who knows what the government here will do to you. At the very least they'd isolate you and keep us all apart. All of us.
no subject
Annie has been laying low and he assumes she'll keep doing so, that she won't do anything more to draw attention to herself while here; and that includes doing harm even when he'd be presenting the perfect opportunity to do so.
It's sad. Eren resigned himself into accepting Annie as an enemy, a traitor, and if someone nudged him ahead and said kill her he'd do it in a heartbeat. And yet, there was still a small part of him that trusted her that much. Mikasa gave up on Annie like it was nothing, and perhaps Armin was right there alongside her—but it was never very easy for Eren to let go.
He lets out a disgruntled, sharp exhale through his nose as he pinches the bridge of it between two fingers. He squeezes his eyes shut for a long moment, struggling between the choice of agreeing with his friend or telling him no, no matter what sort of logic he threw at him. In his own ways, though, Armin stands his ground firmly; Eren suspects there's no chance of him ever relenting, because it's true—who knows what kind of risks he's taking here.
(Or, there could be none at all, but he should know better than to hold his breath on that one.) ]
I... shit. [ Eren can't help but sound frustrated. ] Alright, okay. I won't tell you no.
no subject
On the other hand. [Armin takes out a packet of sugar, tearing the corner and pouring its contents slowly into his coffee mug.]
I can't deny she could be a potentially good ally in the future. [What Armin suspects is that they may have to rebel against the government here, but he's not about to talk about an uprising where others can hear it.]
But we can't ever trust that she wants the same thing as us, or her methods of getting them. [This is probably unfair: Annie and Reiner both spared Armin's life, and Armin knows in his heart he would not have done the same. He wouldn't help them. This hurts him, actually, like an actual, physical pain, sharp and bleeding, but it is what it is.] We don't even know if she has use of you here, which means we're at a disadvantage, because we'd still very much like her.
I won't ask you if you've spoken to Levi about this. I'm sure you know what he'd say. If... if you think you really need speak to her on your own terms, let me talk to Levi about getting me a weapon permit. Something small, like a taser, nonlethal. I've had this incident with bullying, it'd make sense.