is this real life?

[airshow]

WHO: James Jesse and anyone who wants to put up with his whining
WHERE: Heropa 20
WHEN: Late September, after the SIM extravaganza
WHAT: James recuperates from getting totally owned by a speedster; annoys everyone.
WARNINGS: Nah.

[ So the thing about broken bones — and yes that's bones, plural, a rib and his arm in two places — is that even with nanite-enhanced healing, it sucks. Ever since getting his shit served up on a silver platter to him by the Roadrunner, James has been on a steady diet of painkillers, meaning he's even weirder than normal.

The first few days, it's not so bad. It sucks for him, sure, but he mostly sleeps it off, and the Rogue House is the quietest it's ever been. But the Trickster can only be cooped up in bed for so long. So after those first few groggy days, James takes over the couch with the best pillow fort ever built by someone with only one arm and a whole lot of pain meds in their system. And from there on out, it's an endless stream of home renovation reality TV and what he surely thinks are very charming and polite requests for soup/candy/juice/the remote/someone to tell him he's pretty. ]

Comments

[socialactivillain]

[ Piper's been keeping an eye on James ever since he brought him home from the hospital. It's not that he feels guilty that James got hurt, because he got Roadrunner off of him as fast as he possibly could, but it's just the thing you do when the person you were fighting alongside gets hurt, right? So even though there is very little in this world Piper would rather not watch than a show where affluent families waste money renovating their homes instead of donating said money to build homes for those who don't have them, he's sat on the end of the couch with James, watching away. ]

All I'm saying is these people need a fourth bathroom a lot less than people on the other side of the same town as them need a roof over their heads.

[airshow]

[ He spares Piper a weary eyeroll, unsure whether his friend is being pedantic to annoy him or just because that's who he is. Maybe both. ]

Dude. Piper. You have no idea how TV works. We all think we wanna hear feel good stories and see the world become a better place, but deep down, we all actually wanna yell at a bunch of rich folks with more money than sense tryin' to install a separate bathroom for their inbred wiener dog and imagine how much smarter we'd be if we had their kind of dough.

[socialactivillain]

[ He glances over at James with a grin. ] Well, if that's the case, I guess I'm doing it right. I could yell at these people for the rest of the episode and not repeat a topic.

[ The show goes to commercial, and Piper stands up, heading for the kitchen. ]

I'm gonna go grab a drink. You need anything?

[airshow]

Find me the pinkest thing in the fridge.

[ James flops slowly sideways, oozing into Piper's spot while he's gone. ]

[socialactivillain]

[ It takes him a minute, but he comes back with a glass of pink grapefruit juice and a ham sandwich for James, and a can of soda for himself. ]

This is about as close to pink as it gets.

[airshow]

You're a real American hero.

[ He makes no move to actually move, so, sorry, Piper, you're gonna have to manhandle him if you want a spot on the couch back. ]

[socialactivillain]

I try.

[ He stands there for a minute, waiting for James to move, before sighing and setting everything down on the coffee table before carefully moving James out of the way so he can sit back down. ]

You're supposed to be holding still while your ribs heal.

[pyrogue]

[ There is a dalmatian poking her nose into James's pillowfort, attempting to gain entry. It looks really fun! Please let her in, housemate with the weird smells. ]

Shh, Matches, down girl.

[ Behind her stands Mick, with a very, very hot bowl of soup. ]

Tricks, you in there?

[airshow]

Ain't nobody here but us chickens.

[ But James moves one of the blankets aside to let the puppy in, scritching her behind the ears as he peers up at Mick. ]

Is that for me?

[pyrogue]

Unless you were whining at someone else.

[ He puts it on the coffee table near the entrance of the pillow fort. But he doesn't move away, putting his hands in his pockets. ]

You gonna be okay?

[airshow]

I was whining in general, but you answered the call and for that you're my hero.

[ grabbyhands ]

Come. Enter the fort.

[pyrogue]

How can I resist someone who calls me their hero?

[ Mick doesn't pick the bowl up again (he figures it can cool down a little before James can have some -- he doesn't want another Poptart Incident) and climbs inside the pillow fort like a grown fucking man. ]

Cozy.

[airshow]

See, flattery will get you places.

[ It IS cozy. There's a floral patterned sheet that he got from god knows where draped over one wall, and the light is all pink and totally hardcore. ]

Not bad for a secret lair, right? I mean, it's no ball pit, but it's pretty sweet, I think.

[helpline]

[ How did the Doctor get the address of Rogue Haus? Who knows! But he somehow did and put together the world's most obnoxious care package because he doesn't care about the other rogues and if there's one thing that'll keep James busy, it's an otomatone.

Someone let him in. Or the Doctor let himself in, who really knows. Anyway, he's got a big grin on his face as he walks up to Trickster's room. ]

Hullo! James, are you in?

[airshow]

[ After all the breaking and entering he's done over the years, he's learned not to question it when it happens in reverse. Besides, he's on a not-insubstantial amount of painkillers, and so he might sound just a little bit less sharp than usual as he pokes his head out of his pillow fort. ]

Doth mine ears deceive me? Space grandpa?

[helpline]

The one and only! Or, at least, the one and only in this universe.

[ With a grin, he enters James's room, presenting him with the present, which...is actually halfway decently wrapped! Good on this Doctor for actually caring about things like presentation. ]

A gift, in the hopes that it entertains you during your invalid state and drives your housemates up the wall.

[airshow]

I think I love you. Is that weird? Come into my pillow fort while I unwrap this thing. That wasn't a come-on, by the way.

[helpline]

I wouldn't say no even if it was.

[ So yup, here goes the Doctor, trying to move all of his gangly stick insect body into James's pillow fort. Eventually he gets it. ]

[airshow]

Ooh, nice job! Wasn't sure you were gonna make it, but you stuck the landing. Very talented!

[ And now it's time to tear into this gift like a kid at Christmas. ]

Neato! It's a— what the heck is this this thing?

[mostlysunny]

[She is not here to visit James. She's not even really here to visit any humans. Kara is here to visit Matches, and to see if Charcoal has turned up. The potential to cuddle two dogs at the same time is too much to resist, plus she could get an introduction to Piper's rats if he's home. But she can hear voices in the living room, which turn out (once she's inside) to be just James conversing one-sided with the people on TV who are painting a room an alarming shade of green.

She's carrying Matches like a newborn calf, all four paws dangling, when she peers inside.]

Um. Hi. It's James, right? We met a few months ago?

[She's given up on wearing her glasses since she got back, it's anyone's guess whether or not she really looks that different without them.]

[airshow]

[ It could be, weirdly enough, that the painkiller fog in his head actually helps him recognize her without the glasses. He's good with faces — you have to be, if you're gonna be any kind of a con man at all — but still, it takes him a good few seconds to put it together. James squints, tilts his head — and then beams. ]

Miss Sunshine! To what do I owe the phenomenal pleasure? Or are you just here to visit the puppy?

[mostlysunny]

Well...

[Kara grins and lifts the puppy higher, the better to cuddle her and get a face-lick at the same time.]

I sort of was just here to visit the puppy, but it's nice to see you again too. Are you, um. Okay? You're arguing with the TV.

[And he's...different somehow, maybe slower, not quite the ball of energy that she'd collected cocktail umbrellas with a few months back.]

[airshow]

You'd be arguing with it too if you'd been here long enough.

[ He says, like a totally reasonable person! ]

I caught an unlucky break with one of the new baby speedsters running around, that's all. [ James shrugs, winces, and regrets it. ] Can't win 'em all, right?

[mostlysunny]

That...might be true. [Can't argue if she hasn't tried being laid up with nothing to do but watch TV, after all.]

New baby speedsters?? Oh jeez. [Now she and Matches will come closer, and perch on the arm of the couch out of his way, but this is something she wants to hear more about.] What happened? Does B—does the Flash know? Ugh, I wasn't even gone that long at home but it was a whole month here, I feel like I've missed everything.

[airshow]

Tony Stark made a smartphone app that gave a bunch of people superpowers, or something like that. Which sounds a little nuts, I know, but then again, maybe I'm just getting old.

[ Nice save on the secret ID. James arches an eyebrow, his mouth quirking into a grin. ]

So you know Barry!