maskormenacelogs | Lately I've been losing sleep-

WHO: Phoenix and Tetsuo
WHERE: Nonah 05
WHEN: Sept 30th, Evening
WHAT: Phoenix checks up on how Tetsuo's holding up. Tetsuo is nominally surprised Phoenix gives a shit.
WARNINGS: Likely talking about/around the fact that Tetsuo's missing/replaced an arm. I'll update with others.

Since Maya left, things have been, well, tense, for Phoenix - admittedly, he had managed to get here mostly on the fact that Maya had vouched. And while the others had acclimated to him (hell, they might even like him-), the fact that the house was an eye in the proverbial storm at all times kept him on edge. Especially around Tetsuo.

He understood Tetsuo's deal a little more, that much was certain - but given the latest issues Tetsuo had been going through, Phoenix had been steering clear of him - more out of respect than outright fear. But he knew if Maya was here, she'd be breathing down his neck about how he can't ignore them forever - and she was right.

So it was that evening, cup of tea in a mug (his mug, he needs to keep remembering that-) that he's looking around the house for Tetsuo, trying to figure out where he's secluded himself now in the house of N5-

"Hey, Tetsuo, you busy?"

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"Yes."

He wasn't. Not really. He was lying on his bed flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling and the rock-root edges of the graffiti art Kaneda put on his wall. It had his name on it, in kanji, surrounded by space and rocks, as if it was a hole punched in the side of the room itself.

Now he's lying there specifically listening to the soft bubbling of the aquarium filter, watching the light shadows the aquarium cast dance in random patterns on the ceiling. Being vaguely irritated at just how good his shark has it to not have to deal with household frustrations like working out how to use chopsticks with a mechanical arm.

He'd given that up a while back when he broke his set and stormed up here, leaving it for someone else to clean up. He hasn't moved since.

So right now, Tetsuo's specifically being useless. That counts as being busy.

But answering the call from the stairs was probably a bad choice if he wanted to actually be left alone. It was hard to really get any brooding done when that guy was around, anyway, seemed like he thought louder than half the city half the time. And if Phoenix recognizes the specific bored tone - it's the one he always uses when he's in moods like this, and the one that's never busy...

...Then Phoenix knows he's lying. Or at least trying to keep to himself. Sorry, Tetsuo - he's picked up on some of your tics by now.

"That's alright, I just wanted to check in."

He rested his back against the wall by Tetsuo's door, calling into the room. He looks down at the floor, pondering his next choice of words. It's the first time he's had to deal with something on a personal level like this. He wanted to at least help Tetsuo out, but what could he do about missing an arm?

"Figured I'd at least come up and see how you were doing, after everything."

If he was being honest, he was worried, not because he pitied Tetsuo, but more he wanted to try and breach that sort of sullenness that he knew a little too well.

"Fine."

Tetsuo doesn't so much as twitch to get up. He doesn't look over. Theoretically he wouldn't even need to; he can just look and know, but that also takes too much effort to try today. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe next week.

Whatever.

The dead tone to his voice as he drags out the word isn't going to fool anyone, but it doesn't have to. It's just a way of brushing someone off.

He's not gonna barge into Tetsuo's room, it makes it easier for both of them - Tetsuo is just trying to brush him off, but Phoenix knows better.

"You don't have to pretend, you know."

Phoenix has dealt with his fair share of people dodging the truth, whatever the reason may be - but he's not gonna press Tetsuo too hard, just giving him a chance to let him know he's in his corner.

"If you're having trouble, you can talk about it."

"I'm not having trouble!"

The listlessness is gone for a moment as his voice pitches into a genuine whine. The real answer is 'I don't want to talk about it', but this is Tetsuo who's allergic to using his words in any constructive fashion, so the unhelpful method of communicating anything (by saying nothing and reverting to flat denial) it is.

"I told you! I'm fine!"

Except no one who's fine ever has to defend the comment like that.

Phoenix is more than used to getting little or no information from people talking to him. And that 'I'm fine!' Is a clear signal that it -isn't- fine.

You don't need a law degree to know that.

"Tetsuo, it's not that I don't believe you..." Well, he doesn't, but it's more than that.

"I just... I wanna be able to help you out, if I can. I know this is beyond my experiences, but, hey, we can always talk about it."

To which... Tetsuo says nothing. No, he can't talk about it. He's allergic to that. That's because he has absolutely nothing to discuss right now. There is nothing worth talking about.

Like he said, he's fine. He doesn't need help.

He fixed it already.

So shut up, already.

Knock knock, Tetsuo. He's not opening the door, but he is going to rap his knuckles against the door, twice. Distinctly twice.

"...Look, the reason I know you can't be fine is cause it can't be easy dealing with all this."

He's gonna just talk, maybe keep talking if Tetsuo doesn't respond to this.

"I became a lawyer because I wanted to help people who didn't have anywhere to turn to. I... don't know if I said as much. Or if Maya did." He thinks about how close Maya and Tetsuo are, and he kind of smiles a bit. (She's way better at getting through to people than I am, that's for sure.)

"But I know what it's like to feel like you don't have someone to turn to about this kind of stuff. I know, because it's hard for me to talk about some things, too. So I'm trying to help, because I hate seeing people down and out like this."

But she's gone, Tetsuo's tempted to snark back. Maybe he did. Maybe not. He really can't tell. His head had turned to stare at the door when the man had the audacity to knock on it, watching the doorknob in case it decided to turn.

"It already happened. Forget it."

The doorknob doesn't turn, no matter how long Tetsuo stares. Phoenix isn't going to come into his room, and if Tetsuo doesn't open the door, then Phoenix won't open it, either.

"Just because it already happened doesn't mean you have to act like it didn't."

It's simple words, but ones he speaks from experience - there's not a lot he talks about, that he's just starting to open up about with Maya of all people - and things he can't talk about with her - his ire over Morgan being in the forefront.

"It still doesn't feel good, even if you don't want to think about it. I get that, believe me when I say that. And..."

Phoenix looks down at the ground,a hand balling into a fist.

"I wish I could have done something, anything, so that it didn't happen. You don't deserve to have to deal with this."

Didn't deserve to, Nick says.

He's right. Tetsuo didn't. He didn't deserve to have a lot of things happen to him, he figures. Not before, not now. It's enough to break his attempt at staying stoic.

There's no way he's just going to take that, when it's absolutely true.

"Yeah? Well, it happened anyway! Just like everything else!"

Nick flinches, but doubles down, he's sttill outside the door, and he's not shouting - but his voice does raise a bit, just enough to get that telltale conviction in it.

"That doesn't mean you have to sit in here and try and make it into something that didn't happen!"

It's making him uncharacteristically angry, all the things that happen - all the injustice, all the lack of reason for it. Thoughts bubbling to the surface of change - of wanting to make things better, making connections. Doing things so their life is better.

It's a sort of weird feeling probably for Tetsuo to read, but it's an honest desire for justice.

"Things won't change if we don't do anything about them. It's the same of anything else."

Phoenix isn't someone who typically feels like the world won't change unless you force it to, but there's something about this that gets under his skin, and gets under it bad.

"I'm not! You think I can pretend it didn't?!" He's got the proof right there, grafted to him. "If I knew what happened, maybe I'd be out there trying to get revenge! But I don't and besides, things don't change no matter what you do anyway!"

He gets up finally, needing to be on his feet to properly chew out the door.

"All that talk is cheap, birdbrain. What're you gonna do, huh?"

Lately I've been losing sleep-

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I'm so sorry to delay this