maskormenacelogs | it's goodbye, but we've got one more night

Entry tags:

it's goodbye, but we've got one more night

WHO: Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey
WHERE: Nonah 005
WHEN: September 5th, Evening-ish.
WHAT: It's the anniversary of the day two best friends met - and the day they lost the person most important to them.
WARNINGS: Talkin' bout murders.

September 5th.

There are few days that Phoenix feels he needs to keep to himself -or a strict few people. September 5th is one of them. He knows it's a loaded day - Maya's been out with Kaneda. But- When she comes back, his attitude is solemn, he's more than a bit contemplative. Or, as Maya might say -

He was being a sad sack.

That doesn't change thee facts, it's been... what, four years? Four years, and it feels so... strange. He needs someone to talk to about this, and there's only one person he knows who'd feel the same way-

"Maya?" His voice is... wavering. It's unlike Phoenix's usual demeanor. But it's an important day, after all. "You got a moment?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's not as though Maya's somehow forgotten what today is. It's not just the day. It's the year. She lives in 2020, and here it is again.

September Fifth, 2016.

But it's easy to think that may be what happened, considering how she regards Phoenix with a smile and shoves him in the shoulder.

"Yeah yeah," she tells him, taking hold of his arm as though she's reading his mind. "I took the day off."

Phoenix's response to the shoulder, smiling gently - he was never as good at hiding his emotions, and it's easy to tell there's something... not quite right, right now.

"Planning ahead? That's a bold move, coming from you." He tries to play it off, jokingly, and he would almost succeed, were he not in there with the master of playing it off.

He smile is genuine, if there's a hint of sadness, there. She's just as aware of it as I am, he thought to himself. It's weird that... it technically happened today.

"Anywhere you uh. Wanna sit down at?" He tries to pick up the train of thought, awkwardly so. He knows it's probably better they get somewhere where they can really... talk.

"Hey! I make plans all the time! I just don't tell you about them," Maya informs him, patting his arm and giving him her signature smirk. She rests her head against his shoulder for just a moment and then nods.

"Let's go to the study," she suggests, pulling him along to make sure he knows it isn't really a suggestion. The boys won't bother them there, she's sure.

"Yeah, well how would I know that if you don't tell me?" He shoots back, once again managing a laugh. It's easier, now that Maya's bouncing off his comments. It's always been easier that way.

"Yeah, the study sounds perfect." He says, already being lead over there. The only one who would maybe bother them is Ken, but Ken out of all of N5 knows how to read a mood.

Of course, when they get there, it might be a bit strange, but comforting to know just how much Nick has made it a home-away-from-home. The furniture is different, but there's a small little cactus plant in the window with 'Charley Jr.' written on it, and the papers on the desks are all haphazardly arranged - just like the office back home. Phoenix didn't waste any time making this space his again after coming back.

"It's a good place to relax. It... reminds me of home, I guess." He says to Maya, not moving her from his shoulder unless she decides to move first. Does this mean he's getting led around a bit?

Yeah. But he doesn't mind.

Maya doesn't mention the decor, but she does squeeze Phoenix's hand before she pulls aside one of the study chairs and places it across from another. She sits then, hands crossed in her lap, and gesturss to the seat in front of her, waiting like she used to when Phoenix would enter the office and pace and wait and think too hard and need to talk it all out.

"Yeah, right? I mean, it's even stoll full of books you haven't read," she says, smiling up at him.

"So? What is it?"

"H-hey! I'll get to read them! Eventually!" Phoenix stammers out, trying to rebound from Maya's teasing. He laughs as he takes a seat, in front of Maya. So many days spent pacing. So many times looking across at Maya. Talking, figuring things out. Solving...well.

Solving cases. Cases he got from... her.

"I was... wondering how you were holding up today, you know." He looked down to his lap, back at Maya. "If you wanted to talk about it."

When Phoenix inquires, Maya tenses up, despite clinging to her smile. Her hands pinch the gauze of her sundress and she quite obviously sucks her teeth.

Her face pulls into a more forced smile.

"It's my boyfriend's birthday today," she informs him, as though that fact (and her posture) alone could answer Phoenix's questions.

Phoenix knows where to look, sees the signs, and... honestly takes a moment. Reeling back. It hadnt quite hit him how big of a day it was for Maya... in that way, at least.

He looks down and away, as if he didnt see her try to put on the smile that doesnt come close to convincing him.

"That's... not what I meant."

"I know that," Maya answers quickly, fidgeting with the skirt again, pulling her lips into a line. It's always been tough to get Phoenix to read between the lines when she doesn't want to say what she needs to say.

But she remembers how they told her to speak to Tetsuo-- how she had to learn to be direct with him, and she urges herself--

"But today? What kind of luck is that?"

She looks down into her lap, letting her hair fall over her face.

Phoenix laughs. But its not his usual laugh. Instead there's a hint of bitterness about it. Laughing in spite of the cruel joke.

"It's really terrible luck."

It feels like that was how things were a lot of the time. Just bad luck, from case to case. But this isn't a case.

...The next question comes a bit out of the blue. But its something he's thought about more than a few times.

"...You never saw her when you were... channelling her. So I know it's... got to be a lot harder. For you."

It honestly felt like cheating. The last time he'd 'seen' Mia. 'Talked' to Mia was months ago. Maya... at least, he thought she never remembered the time in-between challenelings. She never even got to say hello.

Maya shrugs then, still downcast.

"It's like being a radio, I guess," she admits. "But it's fine. You can't just channel the dead and like, not know they're dead."

She'd resigned herself to it only around a year after Mia was really gone. But things the past year and a half had been rough on her, from Dahlia to Labyrinthia to ImPortship. She's received quite a bit of support here, but on days like this, it's tougher for Maya to maintain her happy facade.

"And-- and I got to see her when Pearly channelled her. It's fine."

"Mmm."

Phoenix may be... oblivious. Very oblivious. But he isn't stupid. He knows how it can be hard. She's still bottling it up, even now...

There's a moment. When she says 'it's fine' that something makes sense. Something he probably should have realized a long time ago.

"...No it isn't."

It's quiet, but it's said clearly. Three simple words -

"It isn't fine."

Where Maya usually has some sort of quick quip of a response or can lead him along, now she falls silent. She looks up at Phoenix quickly and with wide eyes, brows knit at the middle in-- confusion? sadness-- and fingers balled up tight in the fabric of her skirt, so much so that the ends of her bike shorts show.

It's an expression that says more than she will say right now, as the words don't seem to find their way through to Maya's throat. Instead, all she can do is stare at him like this, waiting for him to continue, lost in her own speechlessness.

It's not like he hasn't been able to tell, at least a little, that Maya's hurting. She hides it well - even from him. But there's only so much she can hide from him in a one on one conversation. He looks away after a moment, realizing he's starting to look too intently at this - that he's starting to get too emotional, himself. But he's not Maya or Edgeworth - it's hard for him to keep his emotion out of his voice, his actions. His shoulders tense as he opens his mouth.

"Why do you say it's fine? Why can't you just admit that it's hard? It's not... it's not a thing to be ashamed of-" His voice cracks a bit, and he has to stop. Compose himself.

"I... I miss her too. And she was my mentor, not my sister, so I can't imagine how much you must be hiding from me, to say it's fine."

"She told me to take care of you," Maya protests quietly, her expression unchanged. "Of course I miss her... But I have to be okay."

Things have to be fine, if she ever wants to be anything like Mia.

Phoenix is taken aback, his mouth closing as he tries to choose his next words carefully. Maya isn't going to give this up easily.

I need... there needs to be something I can say to her, anything.

He's still thinking on it, but he keeps talking. "She would want us to take care of each other. That means I have to be able to help when you aren't okay!" His voice has an edge of worry in it, but more than that - it almost sounds like pleading.

Please, let me take care of -you-. Let me help. I want to help...!

Maya looks down into her lap again, her shoulders tightening.

"You're always taking care of me," she insists, quieter. "Everyone's always taking care of me now. I don't--"

But Ken's words ring in her head. Phoenix's. Kaneda's. Tex's. All this time, they've been trying to get her to see the same thing, that she isn't a burden. That her pain deserves to be comforted.

"I'm sorry."

It's those little words that break down Phoenix's resolve - how many times has he heard Maya say 'I'm sorry', just like that? Maya doesn't apologize. Not often, anyway.

"Heh...I dunno if I can take care of you that much these days." He's trying to keep that sentence from wavering, but he fails. There's a crack in his voice, and he masks a sniffle by trying to turn it into a snort.

But there's a misting over his eyes he can't quite disguise.

"You're... You're really strong, Maya. You've- if... I'm being honest, I'm jealous. You've found a lot of... great people here, and you've clearly shown you can take care of yourself- I'm..." he quite can't force the word 'jeealous' out, it rings hollow. He isn't jealous, he's...

"I'm really glad for you, Maya. You've more than show you can be strong enough to handle yourself, sometimes I wonder if you really neeed me around. you know?" This was too much, he didn't mean to share this, it's something that had been building up, but- and he's already chastising himself. If Maya's going to be honest, why shouldn't he?

"So- I want you to be able to share with me if you're feeling down. Because I can at least still do that, for you. I think." Shit, no, hee's not gonna cry. On this day of all days? No way. He's holding it back.

Edited 2016-09-09 20:40 (UTC)

Maya listens quietly, her mouth drawing into a tighter and tighter line each time as she tries to swallow the lump in her throat. The more he talks, the more she burrows in on herself, eventually hugging herself.

When he finishes, she spits words like they're falling out of her, like she's been trying to hold onto them and can't anymore.

"Are you gonna leave again too?"

It shakes and wobbles the way it's said, mimicking how she herself has begun to shake.

"No!"

The answer is immediate, it's one he doesn't have to think about, and it's so sudden he's surprised at himself- he reels it in.

"I mean... no. No, I won't. I... I want to be here, Maya. I-"

He's clearly on the back foot, trying to reel himself back, the more he does, the more the words come spilling out. Reacting to those words Maya tossed at him - she doesn't want him to leave. He doesn't want to, either.

"That's- that's not what I mean. I don't want to leave. I want to be here, for you. I just... I- I wonder sometimes that I'm not the burden! You're so good at looking after everyone that you need to cry sometimes. And you don't, and I want you to be able to share that, because-"

...A lawyer doesn't cry until it's all over.

He slows down, finally catching up to himself, finally taking a breath, his hands are shaking, as he presses them into his pants. His fingers balled up as well.

"Because even if you can't cry until it's all over, you need to cry when it is over."

Edited 2016-09-09 21:51 (UTC)

"I'm always crying!"

Maya shouts, finally, letting herself move for once, letting the force of the yell push herself forward. Didn't he understand what a baby she's been? How dependent-- how much she's needed him, Mia, everyone-- how bad she is at doing anything on her own?

Didn't he understand why she'd left in the first place, not even a year after she'd first me time-- and still never felt like she was independent enough to be a true partner to him?

She was nothing like Mia, nothing like the sister that had been taken from her, she wasn't strong enough--

"I'm tired of always being the one who's crying! Everyone's-- everyone's always saving me!" It's then that she finally looks at him, eyes glistening with tears.

"E-even in Labyrinthia, I made you worry about me and-- and I'm sorry."

It's Phoenix's turn to fall silent. Maya's words shocking and stunning him. Maya apologizing for Labryinthia? And suddenly...

"I'm the one who should be apologizing."

He looks down after a long moment of eye contact, just looking down as his hands.

"Even when you needed me, I didn't - I couldn't do anything. I was a mess. You saved you then, I was just along for the ride."

"Even here! I... I don't see the Maya who says she's always crying."

His hands ball up tighter, not out of anger, but of some quiet resolution.

"Tetsuo, Kaneda, Ken, Bull... none of us say it, but we the Maya who's grown up, who's strong, the girl who's been living out her dreams out here!" His voice cracks a bit as he says it, his eyes misting up, his body tenses up. He's not gonna cry. He's not gonna.

"You may think you're crying... you may think that we're saving you... but the one who's doing the saving around here is you, Maya."

She doesn't want to be someone who needs saving...

"Did Mia ever tell you? That case where we met? I was... I was a huge crybaby." He sniffles, trying to chuckle and give a sad smile Maya's way, looking back up at her. "So I know - what it's like, to think you're always the one crying. It's okay to talk about it - from one crybaby to another... it's okay."

Maya listens, and with still-wet eyes, she sniffles and swallows and stands. It's only a pace or two between them, and she wraps her arms around him the moment she's close enough.

She can't think of anything to say. There aren't words for how she's feeling. It's a mixture of pride and anger and heartbreak and love and joy and appreciation. It's the warmth of knowing Phoenix believes in her, of knowing all of this, and the bitterness of being told the opposite her whole life.

She doesn't know what to say, and it aches almost as much as her heart, and she can feel the ugly, scratchy feeling of her tears pushing up into her throat. She finally hiccups and lets out a sob, burying her face in Phoenix's shoulder.

"Y-y-you're still a crybaby," she manages between shaky breaths, her tears rolling into the collar of Phoenix's shirt.

It's easier to make fun of him than to tell him that he's really the first person outside of Mia who ever made her feel like she mattered. That she can't force herself to accept what she's saying.

That she loves him for saying it anyway.

Maya catches him by surprise, in that briefest moment, his guard is down, and his whole body is shaking with the effort that it's been taking to keep composed.

He gives a small smile, arms wrapping tightly and clinging to Maya like he's scared of letting go. Altogether his body stops trembling, and she might feel something wet start streaking down his cheek as he pulls her into a hug.

"Yeah. I know."

He couldn't keep it in any longer, the tears running freely down his cheeks as he hold Maya close, those warm tears forming quiet, gentle rivers down the sides of his face.

"But it's okay. I don't think... I don't think she'd want us to bottle it up like this. I think... she always wanted us to be able to help each other when we needed it most."

It hurts, his chest is tight and his stomach is in knots as he's crying, as he's talking about Mia, and just letting himself lean into Maya - did she always feel so... strong? No. This place made her stronger than ever. In a different way.

But she's always been strong to him.

Edited (I wasn't happy with some bits of this so I FIXED THAT) 2016-09-22 14:20 (UTC)

For once Maya doesn't protest, fight back, or whine-- instead she just stays close to him, holding him tight. She lets herself cry for a moment, and once she's calmed a bit, she manages,

"I miss her too. More than I miss mom."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

it's goodbye, but we've got one more night

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject