Shima Tetsuo [ 島 鉄雄 ] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
iamtetsuo) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2016-08-23 08:45 pm
iamtetsuo) wrote in maskormenacelogs2016-08-23 08:45 pm
Is anyone out there?
WHO: Tetsuo, Kaneda, Daryl, Aerith, Ken, Bull, Jaime
WHERE: Somewhere in Nonah, then Nonah 5
WHEN: August 23
WHAT: Search and Rescue/Aftermath
WARNINGS: Lost limb, lots of trauma. This isn't a fun log.
1. Hunting
[It takes a while for locals to realize that the figure lying in an alleyway isn't drunk or on anything; he's too out of the way, and strategically positioned to catch much attention. The first person to catch sight of blood hurries on quickly about his way. He runs into someone he knows, having a hushed conversation a few streets over.
"Some dead guy in an alleyway..."
"What?"
"Probably killed by a gang or something, I don't know. I saw blood-"
But then the two helpfully move away once they realize anyone's in on their conversation.
Otherwise, while Tetsuo is clearly confined to one city, it's not a small one to comb through.]
2. Tetsuo; locked to Kaneda unless otherwise stated
[Awareness comes in small bursts. One moment, he's aware of his left hand firmly clasped around raw meat. It doesn't feel like it belongs to his body at all, except for a dull, terrifying ache that will not go away. The rest of his body feels cold, and weirdly numb. On the wall in front of him, graffiti sprawls in bold block letters, but he can't make out what anything says. It's in English. And it's on its side.
And then the world blurs again, leaving him with a constant sharp ringing in his ears that doesn't seem to want to leave.
Tetsuo can't get up. He can't find the energy to even try anymore.
The world spins again, and starts to dim.]
3. Healing
[Tetsuo was only dimly aware that he's moving; the absense of motion only dawns on him slowly. He's somewhere else now... but he doesn't register enough to know where that is. It's all too distant.
He isn't alone, however. He can sense that much; there's hands on him, and noise buzzing in his ears. Maybe they're words. Who knows...]
4. Aftermath
[Once healed, Tetsuo stays silent and even more pale on the couch. His left arm is wrapped around his knees to keep holding the stump of his right arm, forming a kind of barrier between him and the world.]
(OOC: feel free to mingle or start your own things if you wish.)
WHERE: Somewhere in Nonah, then Nonah 5
WHEN: August 23
WHAT: Search and Rescue/Aftermath
WARNINGS: Lost limb, lots of trauma. This isn't a fun log.
1. Hunting
[It takes a while for locals to realize that the figure lying in an alleyway isn't drunk or on anything; he's too out of the way, and strategically positioned to catch much attention. The first person to catch sight of blood hurries on quickly about his way. He runs into someone he knows, having a hushed conversation a few streets over.
"Some dead guy in an alleyway..."
"What?"
"Probably killed by a gang or something, I don't know. I saw blood-"
But then the two helpfully move away once they realize anyone's in on their conversation.
Otherwise, while Tetsuo is clearly confined to one city, it's not a small one to comb through.]
2. Tetsuo; locked to Kaneda unless otherwise stated
[Awareness comes in small bursts. One moment, he's aware of his left hand firmly clasped around raw meat. It doesn't feel like it belongs to his body at all, except for a dull, terrifying ache that will not go away. The rest of his body feels cold, and weirdly numb. On the wall in front of him, graffiti sprawls in bold block letters, but he can't make out what anything says. It's in English. And it's on its side.
And then the world blurs again, leaving him with a constant sharp ringing in his ears that doesn't seem to want to leave.
Tetsuo can't get up. He can't find the energy to even try anymore.
The world spins again, and starts to dim.]
3. Healing
[Tetsuo was only dimly aware that he's moving; the absense of motion only dawns on him slowly. He's somewhere else now... but he doesn't register enough to know where that is. It's all too distant.
He isn't alone, however. He can sense that much; there's hands on him, and noise buzzing in his ears. Maybe they're words. Who knows...]
4. Aftermath
[Once healed, Tetsuo stays silent and even more pale on the couch. His left arm is wrapped around his knees to keep holding the stump of his right arm, forming a kind of barrier between him and the world.]
(OOC: feel free to mingle or start your own things if you wish.)
2.
[It was almost muddied, the way it sounds in Tetsuo's ears. Hell, if you weren't specifically listening for it, you could cast it off as some alley animal. Or people muttering in the background as they walk past. Even the sound of a vehicle could make up that white noise.]
TETSUO!
[There it rings again, only this time clearer. This time...recognizable as something orange and yellow darts into the alley. After hearing the tip off from a few of the residents of Nonah, Kaneda knew exactly the section they were talking about. With Daryl and Jaime leading the way, Aerith and Ken on standby, and Bull tailing along behind them, Kaneda darts through the alley, past the two and down towards where a dumpster behind a restaurant lay.
And just behind that...]
TETSUO!
[Kaneda's familiar voice echoes through the alley, scrambling over garbage and sidling in front of that dumpster to reach his brother, sliding on his knees.
Something is wrong, he'd told people earlier. He's not dead, but there's something wrong.
Kaneda was known for his good luck, and good guesses. But he never realized just how spot on that was until now. That...and maybe it wasn't even luck at all. Maybe it was something deeper.]
Shit...shit! What happened to you!?
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He doesn't move at first.
It buzzes louder. Whatever it is, it's getting nearer. But Tetsuo doesn't really have an opinion about it anymore; it's just something that's happening. His hand feels sticky and weird when he eventually tries to shift. And with it, a white stab of pain all over again when his fingers brush against bone.
Tetsuo whimpers, trying to force his drained and defeated body to curl up more on the pavement, but it feels too heavy to do anything with. One more sound-
And then he places why it sounds familiar. He knows that voice. He knows those syllables! His cheek drags against filthy cement as he tries to see, and instantly he regrets even that small bit of motion. The world swims around him, threatening to vanish entirely.
It takes a few tries to say anything. By the time he manages it, Kaneda's already at his side.]
Ka ne da...?
[His weak voice sounds eerily loud to him, reigniting the fire in his head all over again. The truth is, he doesn't really know what happened. He's just here, in something that could be a dream if it wasn't so agonizing. He's too weak to even scream anymore.]
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It's the exact same arm.
Kaneda's heart leaps into overdrive, running his hand through Tetsuo's hair frantically to get some sort of reaction out of him. Talking in Japanese to try and get the boy to answer him.
It's the same arm. His mind flashes immediately back to that moment in Neo Tokyo. When the laser rained down from the sky, targeting Tetsuo...burning off that arm of his and disintegrating it a second. All that was left was...
This.
Kaneda wastes no time and taking his tshirt he was wearing and trying to use it as some sort of bandage, no matter how short lived that would be. This was bad--this was REALLY bad, and Kaneda has never looked so panicked since the time Tetsuo had last had an encounter with Pan.
This was Pan's doing. It had to be.]
Hang on, Tetsuo...just hang on.
[Don't die again...please.]
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Here, he's not so lucky; he'll bleed out at this rate.
Tetsuo's other hand doesn't want to move from the ruined remains of his arm. His fingers twitch with what minuscule strength he can muster, eliciting a strangled cry of agony from his hoarse throat. Kaneda would have no trouble at all gently easing his hand away, dripping yet more blood in a spatter around him. White agony sears through his mind as something makes contact directly with his arm - what he'd been trying to prevent! - and then there's nothing...
Seconds later, Kaneda's back in focus again through eyes still wide with half-coherent terror and unbelievable pain. Tears of pain streak a trail down his cheeks, but he doesn't really realize it until he feels them start to cool. There's something around his arm now, pressing raw against the wound. He tries to shove himself away from whatever it is, but barely manages to roll his body at all before falling back.
The thing is still there.]
..hurts...
[The biggest understatement he's ever made.]
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Ken could work his magic--he knew he could stop this.
He just had to be there for his brother.]
I know.
[Kaneda's voice hadn't sounded this solemn since he'd brought Tetsuo home limp in his arms. Truth is, he doesn't even know what to say anymore. This was the second close shave Tetsuo had when it came to Pan, and that wasn't even including the death itself. His mind races, knowing that there isn't a lot of time before he'll die from loss of blood.
Ken's taking care of that, of course. But will it be soon enough? I had to be.
It just had to be.]
We've got you, Tetsuo. We're here.
no subject
We've got you.
We...
This has happened before, in a way. He was lying on the highway shattered and fading, grasping for Kaneda's jacket. The memory is almost more vivid than reality now, and both had Kaneda there, looming over him. But then when he woke up next, no one was there.
A new stab of fear manages to make the world focus a little more, driving the edges in his vision into sharper resolution. His breath speeds up from the shallow rhythm he'd been keeping. A sudden shiver takes his whole body unrelated to his current predicament. He shifts around a little, tilting his head up.]
Kaneda...
[It takes so much effort, but he rallies his strength, forcing his arm to unsteadily hold up, reaching a shaky hand up towards his brother. Kaneda's right there, but it seems an impossible distance to reach him.]
Don't let them take me.
[ANYTHING but a hospital. That's where you're supposed to go when you get hurt this badly, isn't it... and he knows, even through the confused fog in his head, that this is bad. He's hurt worse than he can really contemplate.]
Please... Niisan...
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Tetsuo would be--had to be--okay.
But had it not been for them, it would have been twice Kaneda would have had to bring home a dead Tetsuo in his arms. And there's something grounding about that. It brings you back down to Earth for one moment.
His hands continue to hold him, run thumbs along his temples as that wound is tended to. Words escape Tetsuo's mouth as he whispers, leaning forward to listen to them...something to let him know that his brother was still with him.
"Don't let them take me.">
He knew exactly what Tetsuo was talking about, and it wasn't going to happen. Not now...not ever. The hospital was never going to be a place Tetsuo would set foot in ever again.
But that's not all he hears. One last word that he could swear was his ears playing tricks on him. But there's no other word for it. Tetsuo's accent flows with it perfectly, and with the words structured around it...
"Niisan."
Eyes snap open wide, staring into the pavement as the word overtakes him. Renewed energy flowing through his veins.]
I'm here.
And we're not leaving you. Got that?
[The confidence in his voice returns, smiling down at him as he tries to direct Tetsuo's line of sight to his and his alone.]
1
Called Kaneda back while he picked a hydrangea from the bush at his feet and waited for it to disappear, then a new on to appear. Let him know he was in the city and at the porter, but wouldn't be there for long. That he had the trail.
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Sure, he could take his bike, but he had trackers to think of and they certainly didn't have wheels. So hoofing it is how it's going to go.
"Oi!"
He slows to a stop when he gets there, out of breath and letting his leg muscles recover from sprinting like that. "This the way?"
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Unfortunately, his speed for tracking was hampered by the fact that the flowers only about 20 to 30 feet away before he had to go and pick one just to get the next to show.
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"They'll lead us, either way."
His head hangs back, the pause in between each bush giving him much needed time to mull things over.
"He's alive, that's all I know."
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"How long you say he been missing?"
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A battle he's been having with himself ever since he picked up the boy's comm. But he had to start trusting Tetsuo, and with that comes a few times that Tetsuo has to leave the nest and try to fly.
And sometimes Tetsuo would fall.
"But nothing really seemed odd until today. It just..-felt- odd, you know?"
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"Yeah." Daryl understood the feeling. He had enough of his own that, were they here, he'd be able to do the same for. "You asked around the city for him? See if anyone seen him the last three days?"
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"Everyone who'd be in contact with him."
He puts on a strained, if trying smile. "He's not exactly someone people like to take notice of sometimes. Not really a people person."
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Which was most people. Everyone liked to watch a train wreck and a car crash. Tetsuo was a little of both.
3. Bugging the healer
[Daryl asked, again, voice quiet and strained with worry. Tetsuo hadn't woken up yet. Not properly. Was just passing in and out of consciousness. More active than Hershel had been when he'd lost his leg, but less active than Tyresse when they'd had to take his arm. Hershel had lived. Tyresse they buried.
He'd only just met the kid, took responsibility for him as part of the group and already he was at risk of losing him. He couldn't help the impatient pacing or the soft question he kept repeating. He needed to know the kid would survive. Tetsuo could get by without a limb, but he needed to live to do that.]
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I--
[She wants to insist he'll be fine. But she can't. This is something serious and they both know it.]
... Tetsuo's... stubborn. He wouldn't give up this easily.
[There, she nearly managed to sound sure of herself.]
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[Daryl huffed out, hating that kind of language. Not always, but for something like this.]
He had ta have lost a lot of blood 'fore we found him. He's lucky to last this long. I know that. What I wanna know is if what you're doin' is doin' him any good.
[It probably was. Tetsuo hadn't actually died yet. But Daryl couldn't really see any change in his condition. Just him laying there.]
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... Honestly... I don't know. I'm doing everything I can.
[Aerith takes a deep breath and holds her hands out again over Tetsuo, her glowing green healing magic spreading out from her palms to cover him.]
I can't regrow limbs. I'm not sure I can keep him alive if he's not fighting too. This is a bit beyond what I'm used to.
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Instead of answering her, he went back to his pacing. Agitated, without question. But mostly worried and unable to express it in any other way.
Eventually, he stopped and waved at the bandages.]
You need help changing those?
[Not that she'd needed help the first couple times. And the blood had stopped significantly since then. But he needed to do something. He needed to try. He needed to not be helpless, useless.]
no subject
--Oh.
[They could probably use changing, and it's obvious Daryl needs something to keep him busy and feel less helpless. She understands.]
Okay.
[And so she'll get another fresh roll of bandages from where all the first aid materials were laid out after they'd found Tetsuo and hand it off to Daryl. He can take over after she delicately removes the ones already covering Tetsuo's shoulder. Exposed, it's obvious how much good Ken and Aerith have done: the wound is already mostly healed over into a rather scarred up stump.]
It's looking better, but... it's the blood loss that's the problem. I don't think any of even know his type for a transfusion.
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He got finished and sat back, one hand going to rub at his chin before he looked over at her.]
Don't they got testers for that sort of thing? Ones you can buy at the drug store?
[In his world they had, once upon a time. He'd gotten one for himself once, after Merle had gone into the army and his daddy had pulled his belt out on him for the first time. He hadn't known his blood type and as a panicked kid, thought it would be important to know.]
4;
But unlike before, Ken is calm as he walks up to him and holds up a blanket he dragged from one of their closets. Without a word but making sure he makes eye contact with his roommate -- his friend? -- he slowly unfolds and raises it, making to wrap it around him.
"You lost a lot of blood, so you need to stay warm while you recover them, okay?"
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Colors shifting, halfway in his mind and halfway in the real world. Black, and red, and warmth ... Things kept shifting around. There'd be gaps where he remembers an image - Ken was there, in snapshots of distorted sound. Something orange and familiar, soothing warmth as Ken pulls closer... and a soothing familiarity that he'd ended up reaching out for, but the memory ended before he could tell if he reached it. What was it?
He still can't shake that memory of warm support even now, only looking back up as that feeling draws nearer. Slowly, he looks over to its source, and the image in his mind starts to clear...
He doesn't say anything, letting Ken wrap him with uncharacteristic docility. He's too tired to think about fighting much. Part of him really just wants to sleep, and when he wakes up, everything will be normal... He can still feel Ken's presence now, strangely warm and eerily comforting. Before, he can distinctly remember he found that mind by him was closer to maddening. Why did it feel differently?
And in his mind, he's felt himself fall apart over, and over, to where he second-guesses even very vivid pain the moment it's mostly passed. Sound remains distant, accompanied by an eerie, steady whine deep in his ears. The world seems to happen around him, regardless of whether or not he remains part of it. And now, he has a blanket around him, but he only registers it's there a few seconds after he watches Ken gently pull it around him.
"Is this even real? Am I dreaming all this?"
Even to himself, he sounds shaky, his normally soft voice even quieter than normal. A world where he seems to want Ken's presence has to be some kind of weird dream, right? It feels like it.
He would really, really like it to be, given where his hand is...
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It's truly a frightening wound. One that he'll survive and recover from, Ken knows, but that doesn't take away how large of a loss this is or how traumatizing the experience must have been. It may have been more damaging than the time that he died, he finds himself thinking. At least he came back from it whole.
A deep, dark, smoldering sort of rage exists in the back of Ken's mind. He cannot forgive Pan. Will never forgive Pan. But at the same time, he cannot let himself give into those momentous urges for revenge as he had before. He looks at the man sitting across from him now and feels, more strongly than vengeance, the desire to protect and defend. His friend -- that's right, Tetsuo is his friend -- was hurt, and is still hurting, and needs all the support he can get. Right now, he's still in shock. He seems to hardly be there, and as Ken wraps the blanket more securely around him he wonders what could be done -- what could reach him right now, hidden away deep in his mind, and keep him from shrinking too far back into that mental shell?
He's not sure where the answer comes from.
It might be that he remembered the night up on the rooftop, when he and Tetsuo exposed everything in their minds for the other to see. It might be that he remembered when Minato healed him with Messiah and he felt a connection with the other's Persona, or that he remembered the soothing, cooling feeling of Salvation. He can't put his finger on it, but the answer rises up to him like something floating to the surface of a lake, and suddenly Ken's moving back in. He brings his hands up to the sides of Tetsuo's head, palms gentle and warm over his cheeks. He steps in, raising a knee up on the couch for balance and closing his eyes as he leans his head in until their foreheads come into contact. The closest he has ever been to Tetsuo Shima.
And here, with his eyes still closed, his arms wrapped loosely around the other, Ken lets his mind open up. He's not summoning her, but he reaches into the depths of his mind and calls Kala-Nemi out, recalling the feeling he gets when he uses her to heal and trying to spread it out toward Tetsuo. If this works... if he can get this to work, and Tetsuo picks up on it, maybe this could be of help to him.
"It's not a dream. But... it's also not a nightmare you won't wake up from."
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He knew that feeling ever since waking up in that machine over a year ago, with a glass-edged voice cutting his mind to ribbons.
Some part of him is broken.
Ken's hands reach out towards him again, tightening the blanket around him when Tetsuo can't seem to do it himself. He accepts the action as it happens, not processing anything behind it. His arm aches...
Hands reach out towards him again, not stopping at the blanket this time. They burn on his cheeks, hotter than his body can manage, radiating heat and life so strongly that it almost hurts. Ken's touch is far more gentle than he'd have expected it to be, but not hesitant in the slightest. This has to be a dream. This would never happen. Why is he dreaming something so dumb...?
The absent thought cuts off as Ken shifts even closer, gently moving halfway to the couch with him. His face looms closer and closer. Tetsuo can't understand what he's doing at first, but he's too tired to feel much more than a distant sense of a need to feel alarmed, but without the emotion itself. The disconnect between what he feels and what he thinks grows strong enough to cut his thoughts off completely, his mind letting the scene play out however it was going to. As Tetsuo's wide eyes watch, he presses their foreheads gently together, just like Kaneda sometimes did. He speaks gently, and this time, Tetsuo doesn't just hear it. He feels the words seep into his mind, like a healing salve. That sense he's been feeling intensifies stronger than ever, spreading through his skull and letting the memory that he'd been trying to piece together finally come into focus.
Standing half-conscious of the world around him on a rooftop as the wind dies down, shoving himself deep into an alien consciousness. Something all around him, drawing closer, a timeless ticking of -
Wait.
A strong will to protect and support. A feeling of friendship, and warmth -
Huh? But that wasn't-
And a light so strong that Tetsuo reached for it, keeping the emptiness away as his arm itched. He clings desperately to it, and in answer to his refusal to submit it flows into his body, running across bone and through muscle, spreading soothingly into his consciousness...
"That feeling... I know it."
The words are just above a whisper, recognition dawning slowly in his voice. Ken's hunch isn't wrong; Tetsuo doesn't have the mental fortitude to slam his mind shut like he'd been trained to do. That takes concentration that he can't find right now. Anyone could do anything to him, if they had the same gift, and he'd be helpless to stop it.
But it also means that anyone could call out to him, no matter how strongly, and he'd hear them. Instinctively, Tetsuo's eyes slide shut. It's hard to reach out towards that presence, but like this he can simply let it seep into his consciousness. Slowly, the chill fades away again, taking his slight shivers with it. The light draws his mind farther and farther from trauma he's not ready to think about, further into somewhere paradoxically safe. For a second, instinct makes him almost rebel against the feeling, chaotic remnants of a waking nightmare of darkness and knives twisting through his mind, but like all wisps of half-remembered dreams, it pales into nothing before the feeling of morning.
His own mind is not strong enough to fight. He wore through every ounce of willpower he had left earlier, with no time to recover, but he doesn't remember enough to know why. The last shreds he clung to out of stubbornness were out of a desperate need to survive, leaving him once he didn't feel like he was dying anymore. As the feeling of something outside wraps around his mind and soul like a mental blanket, his brain quits any attempt at fighting anymore, instinctively letting something stronger keep him safe.
Normally, he hates that instinct. Not so for now. For the first time in a very long time, his mind is wide open and all it does is accept. Tetsuo instead lets himself lean forward a little, not shoving Ken off and pushing his head harder against Ken's, needing the contact. It removes any effort on his part to make sense of what his third eye shows him, letting him listen unimpeded. It becomes easier and easier to sense the same split into a dual presence he'd felt before. Nothing else feels like that, in all the minds he's been in. He can identify it now.
"I felt it earlier... you did something."
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The spell's name rolls off Ken's tongue as naturally as ever. He likes that word, the sense of usefulness it brought along with the knowledge that it was truly a spell meant for helping. Tetsuo's arm isn't coming back, but it was with this spell that he was able to close the wound, that he was able to anchor him to this world still. Ken's genuine relief for Tetsuo's well-being translates automatically to an even warmer feeling to that glow as he smiles and keeps the other enveloped in his arms.
This sort of touch, he thinks, is important. He doesn't know why nor is he looking for any hard-fact reasons. He just feels such a connection when in contact with people like this, and he wants to be able to share that with Tetsuo now too to let him settle somewhere in his mind that isn't cold and lonely and chaotic. He needs to heal, and more than just physically.
"I called Kala-Nemi to heal your arm. You were in and out then..."
no subject
Someone told him those were a part of a person. Probably Minato...
In Minato's mind he could feel them lurking like sharks in the night, always circling and distant. They could be distant monsters then, unidentifiable and watching. He could accept there were monsters lurking in people's minds. Nightmares existed for a reason.
Here, a presence stays blindingly close, but it doesn't feel like any monster would. He pulls closer and closer to it, letting the pain and cold horror of his own mind melt into the irrelevant distance. There was strength here. There was warmth, and a strange, intense ... was that affection? He can't place the emotion, even as he finds himself reaching for it. If he can hold those things for himself, maybe he can pretend it'll all feel okay for a while..
"You."
He doesn't ask why this time, after all the year demanding or obsessing after the question. This time, he doesn't feel a need to. With this connection, for now, the answer comes in instinctive knowledge. Ken wanted to save and protect him. There's nothing to ask. The relief that he's okay is something almost entirely foreign to him, and something he realizes that he wants to know. That he feels cared about, for his own sake...
With a contact like this, they're not linked on the surface, where thoughts are. That would take too much conscious effort for him, and the connection of holding multiple minds in his would be too painful for his burned out power and drained body to handle. This is somewhere deeper than that, just a connection he can't describe. Something that anchors him even more than Ken's grip on him, an instinct of someone right there with him. And it's that instinctual knowledge that starts having trouble separating the two. Ken and Kala-Nami... Which is which, exactly? In this place beyond thoughts, lost in the emotions below, they don't feel different enough.
His grip on his arm loosens. He's not paying as much attention to his body, and therefore not tensing it or breathing less than it needs. The escape is more than welcome; he doesn't want to think about what happened.
Hell, he doesn't even know what happened.
"I remember. I saw- I felt-"
He can't even begin to describe it, half through a mindscape interpretation, a kaleidoscopic image of dizzying color and sounds that should make sense. He gives up.
"You saved my life..."
Not Kala-Nemi. Not 'your pet monster' or any other description. You.
no subject
With this moment of resonation, it should be clear to Tetsuo how loudly Ken's mind rings. How open the sound is, how honest it is. There's no hiding anything, not right now or ever. And Ken's warm hands press closer and protectively against Tetsuo's hair as he holds him close. The ticking continues softly but without fading, tying the two of them to this moment and every moment that follows, seeming to mask everything around them but also anchoring them to this world. It's a feeling of security born from Kens' full-hearted desire to protect and preserve.
"No matter what it takes. I will be here, and Kala-Nemi, too."
no subject
Half a year ago, Tetsuo knew that Ken was an enemy. A little over a year ago, he'd been a friend. Half an hour ago, he was sure he was dying, lying on the pavement half aware he was somewhere, drifting away.
But just like the relentless ticking that signaled Kala-Nemi's presence, the world kept turning anyway, and Tetsuo was still part of it. By now it's starting to really sink in, thoughts rearranging into something more coherent. Shock wears away as calm seeps in, wrapped around with a feeling of safety.
He can't really remember what happened. It's like a dream; darkness and eyes watching him, fears out of the shadows manifesting through the trees. A feeling of hunting for something that he couldn't find... and then finding something he couldn't hunt. Slowly, the nightmare filters back into his mind, devoid of answers or reason.
For the first time in days, a feeling of safety fills the void in his heart gnawed wide open again by constant terror. A dark sense of finality follows. It's over. ... he lost. Whatever happened out there, he lost so completely he almost wishes he'd died instead. It wells in his throat, rising up out of him until he can't stand it. The one thing he hates more than losing is feeling powerless.
As it always seems to, time stretches. Hands fold around his head, fingers gently threaded against his hair. He sinks deeper into the embrace, letting his remaining hand finally move, letting go of his own shoulder to reach out to Ken. His fingers find an arm, wrapping around it in some form of return embrace.
The more he comes back to himself, the more he's aware of emotions waiting for him, too sharp and painful for him to know what to do with. Fear. Anger - at himself, at anything else, it doesn't matter. Grief. Helplessness...
He can't bury himself in Ken's mind. His own head throbs, making the world threaten to spin around him at the thought of using his powers deliberately. But he tries anyway, turning to the emotions he's linked to in a desperate bid for self-preservation. He's not even aware of the tears until he feels them hot on his cheeks, his grip on Ken tightening for support, eyes squeezed shut.
no subject
He only felt something close to this, once, in January, as he watched Minato wake up after his ordeal in Pan's Neverland and the memories hit him like a Megido spell. Painful, aching, seemingly neverending pain that makes you wish it would just all end.
"Shh..." The sound comes from him before he even realizes, and his hands are moving before he thinks about it. Minato didn't recognize this touch; he's not sure if Tetsuo will take any comfort from it either. But the memories that resurfaced after two years is clear in Ken's mind, and he looks to her for guidance as he tucks Tetsuo's head against his shoulder and runs his fingers through his hair. His mother would have held him like this. She would have held Tetsuo like this too, had she been here. He knows she would have, and as her son he can pass this along...
"It's going to be okay," he murmurs. "You're going to be okay, Tetsuo-san. You'll get through this, and we'll be with you."
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It could occur to him that he's placed himself at the mercy of someone who he's given so many reasons to wish him harm, but against the gentle ticking in the back of his mind and remembered feelings between them in moments of shared mentality, it no longer does. Ken is safe now, safer by far than being alone, and his hand shows no sign of letting go. Not even to improve his grip on him to cling properly, so great is his fear of losing anything even for a moment.
Ken's voice is soft. He can't hear it reverberate much.
It doesn't feel like anything will ever be okay again. Still, he clings to those words as desperately as he clings to their speaker, hoping against all reason that there's something to them anyway. He's wanted it to be okay for so long...
"I don't know," his voice counters on its own, in a stark confession of honest weakness he's too tired and scared to avoid anymore. Between the blurred distinction between thought and spoken word, all ability to pretend is stripped away, and with it the strength that stubbornness gave him. "It's too much..."
There's no adrenaline to ride this through, only hollow nightmares. No emotional strength for rage. Nothing, not now.
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A comparison that may not mean anything to Tetsuo. But Ken whispers it so, his voice like a layer of snowdust over them, as he leans his head to press a cheek against Tetsuo's hair. Thick, white hair pricks his skin. He doesn't mind it at all.
"But you aren't Atlas. There's no sky on your shoulders. If it's too much, we'll carry it with you, Tetsuo-san."
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Would it matter if he died? It's awful to wonder, but she knows the nanites in their bodies would bring them back anyway. Would it bring Tetsuo back with his arm?
They'll know soon enough if she can't keep him alive.
She's cheating, honestly, since beating death goes beyond even her healing powers - she's holding his soul in her grasp as she sends waves of her healing magic through him, even though she can't be sure how much good it's doing him.]
Can you hear me?
[She checks in every few moments, waiting for any sign of consciousness.]
Tetsuo?
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His mind vaguely offers up the thought that might not be a good thing, but it can't be helped. Surrender doesn't come easily to him; if he's aware of anything, he tries to fight it.
For one moment, he's not. The bright flame of his mind dims, more and more, flickering dangerously against encroaching oblivion.
Then.. he is. Sliding alongside his mind in the darkness is the feeling of not being alone. Someone's here with him. His body doesn't move, but his mind twitches, turning to reach for that feeling. He can sense a name- his name, that's him! While he doesn't manage to answer in thoughts,he can reach out with emotions, acting on instinct instead of by any conscious decision.
The reply she gets, reaching weakly from his soul out to her, is a confused sense of questioning. There's still something here.]
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She closes her eyes and dives deep into his soul.
It's weak, isn't it? They were right to be worried. There's no dreams, nothing to form or shape - just this darkness. She calls out to Tetsuo again, letting it echo through him. He can still get through this. There's still some part of him reaching out to her and as long as they have that, she can pull him through this.]