maskormenacelogs | we need to talk [closed]

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we need to talk [closed]

WHO: Maya Fey and Ken Amada
WHERE: probably Heropa
WHEN: sometime after her fight with Kaneda
WHAT: Ken sits down Maya to talk her through some relationship problems.
WARNINGS: Some warnings for possible mentions of Morgan Fey's abusive tactics, but otherwise this log is expected to be mild.

Ken, at least, didn't trick Maya into this. He texted her prior to this to ask for some of her time, told her that there was a tea shop in Heropa that he wanted to introduce her to, and that he had something important to talk to her about and it'll be nice if they could go somewhere private. A tea shop certainly isn't the place, though, so he bought her a drink and led her an open park a ways away from most imPort hangouts. It's not a barren place, but most of the park-goers here are joggers with headphones or the elderly on walks from their residence nearby. Ken takes her to a wooden picnic bench in a shady spot and sits down, sipping on his drink and slurping up a tapioca pearl.

"How are you doing, Maya-san? I haven't seen you in a few days, since you stopped sleeping over."

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Ken may have noticed by now that Maya's been quiet the entire time they've been out.

She isn't stupid, after all; she knows Ken knows what happened, and she knows how Ken is and how this house works and that she can't escape from another talk.

But this time? She's actually kind of grateful, underneath it all. Asking for help is tough for her, but if someone just offers it.... that's fine, right?

Though she's followed him quietly this entire time, she isn't hesitant to sit beside him and answer.

"I'm okay," she answers as though by wrote, and then adds more sincerely, "It's really nice having Pearly back."

"I saw her. She's sweet. I'm glad she has you this time around." And that the last time without her was short, because things hadn't actually been uneventful that time of year last year.

He's also glad Maya brought up Pearl. He's not really going to talk about her, in the interest of not seeming like he's dragging the little girl into this situation, but because it's a good lead in. He speaks lightly, peering up at Maya to watch her reactions.

"I heard you moved in with her. Or are planning to?"

"Mm."

Immediately after her short response, Maya sighs, shifting her weight so she can rest an elbow on its matching knee and rest her chin in her hand. She stares at the commercial plastic (100% biodegradable corn plastic, the cup boasted in bright green lettering on the bottom) cup of tea in her opposite hand, rocking her wrist to swirl the ice cubes and boba around in a sloppy, half-hearted whirlpool.

"Planning to. I haven't even been staying with Pearly, actually." Furrowing her brow, she continues in a low tone, "Edgeworth left so much stuff."

That's where Ken chokes on his drink, but the choke soon turns into a short laugh.

"He looked like a hoarder, that's for sure. An organized but well-decorated office. Maybe trinkets from old cases." He smiles, laughter fading into a softer, warmer expression. "He was here for a long time, too. Kay, and Franziska... he probably kept things from them."

He turns to her, tilting his head.

"You were with us for a long time, too."

"I guess so, huh?" Maya murmurs, eyes flicking back down to her drink after having savored the victory of getting Ken to laugh. "It feels like everything went by so fast to me."

But then again, she's not used to these long-term things, is she? She shrugs a shoulder after the thought, and looks back at Ken, the corner of her mouth pulling into a half-smile.

"Buuuut I had a feeling that's what you wanted to talk about."

"Yeah."

About half a year ago, he and Maya had a couple talks like this. Those were a lot more tense, he remembers, because Ken had been so tense. He sure did not know what to do about any of his distress. He feels at ease right now, pulling his feet onto the bench and snaking an arm around them, hand wrapping loosely around the opposite ankle.

"I found out about it. Or rather... I realized you weren't around as much, then I remembered that Pearl was here now, so I had to guess. You didn't tell anyone at the house about it, did you?"

"I was gonna tell everyone after I told Kaneda, but..."

But she'd messed that up. She glances away, sitting back up and playing with her straw.

"I dunno," Maya stalls, "I guess I put everything on hold cos he got mad at me, and... I'm not even sure what I did."

Maya follows that with a shaky laugh, twirling a lock of hair around her finger, fidgeting her opposite thumb with the edge of her cup's lid-- simple, subtle, repetitive movements.

"Was I supposed to tell everyone? It's not like I'm not gonna see you guys as much, I mean, the porters-- I can go anywhere!"

Ken listens to her talk. He watches her gestures, letting them happen, and speaks gently. Gentle is important. Gentle, and quietly enough that he can hear her. He sets his own drink down on the bench to free his hand, lifting it into his hair and pushing back his once-again-too-long bangs.

"I wouldn't say that you're supposed to. But we care about you, and when someone important to us is making important decisions, it's nice to know."

It's not that Maya isn't making sense. She is. Ken has no doubts that her bonds with the people of the house are near to unbreakable. But that doesn't mean they can't get strained.

"Maya-san, did your sister tell you about becoming a lawyer before she left your village?"

Leaning back a little and looking at Ken, brows turned up and frown in full swing, Maya exclaims, "Of course she told me! And I wanted to tell you, but Kaneda's acting like I should have asked him!"

Having aired part of the source of her frustration, she turns her pout back to her drink instead of directing it at Ken.

"Nobody ever asks. We just do stuff."

Her mother never asked before she left. Mia'd never asked if it was okay with Maya for her to run off and be a lawyer, to leave her as the new heir. And Morgan? Well. Morgan had never asked after Maya when she'd left, whether it was out in the forest as a child or down to the city later on.

Ah.

He feels like something fell into place. The big piece of the puzzle that brought the picture together. That piece that made you realize you were actually getting somewhere.

Ken's smile doesn't disappear, but the expression grows sadder, his eyes narrowing as he looks down at the grass around the bench.

"Like I said, it's not about what you should, or shouldn't, do. Um... what I'm thinking is, nobody ever asked about stuff at Kurain, right? But I think, in Kaneda-san's home, they did ask. He was the leader for his friends and they all asked him and looked to him, and I think that's how he knew when someone trusted or cared about how he felt. You know... that he mattered?"

He sighs softly and pauses between his words. He doesn't want to make mistakes here.

"I think he felt like you thought he didn't matter, because you guys do things differently and it's easy to forget those differences."

Maya watches Ken intently as he speaks, and when he's done, she frowns again, shrugging her shoulders.

"I-- of course he matters," she says, still quieter than usual but this time, this time she almost says it like it's a math problem she can't figure out, like it's so absurd to have to even say it. She swallows, fidgets in place a bit, and then takes a deep breath, attempting to continue.

"But... Kaneda shouldn't have to look after me. I have to learn to be a leader, too."

"He doesn't have to and he knows that."

Ken used to always protests Kaneda's accusations of him acting old, but now, suddenly, he realizes he really shouldn't argue anymore. Watching Maya he has to hold back an amused sort of smile because it's... kind of cute, he realizes. Like watching one of Dipper's sneeze kittens wiggle around or videos of puppies when they think they're about to get scolded. It must be his mother's fault, haunting him years later with maternal(?) instincts(?) he genetically shouldn't have(?).

He'd been worried earlier about how Maya and Kaneda were going to come out of this, but he feels like he worried way too much for nothing.

"He doesn't think you're incapable at all. But he cares about you, so when you're making decisions he wants to be by your side, and he wants to be the first to support your decisions. Because he sees you as an equal, you know? More than anybody else in this entire place."

Edited 2016-08-17 07:49 (UTC)

"You think?" she asks, not so much as though she doesn't believe him. Rather, she has her eyes open wide like she'd never considered it before. She stretches, puts her tea down and leans back on her palms.

"Boys usually think they're in charge of everything. That's part of why none of them stick around my village."

Edited 2016-08-17 08:02 (UTC)

"Your village is pretty... unique." That is probably a big understatement. But Ken shakes his head as if to say that's not an important point. The village is important to Maya, but no, what he's trying to say is...

"This isn't your village, and Kaneda-san isn't a usual person. Has Kaneda-san ever tried to be in charge of you? Like he tried to get you to do things his way, without thinking about the way you wanted things?"

"Well--"

No. Not recently, anyway. But by the flush of embarrassment in Maya's cheeks, it seems she might have realised she does... exactly that.

"No... Not really..."

He wasn't expecting that embarrassment. It's telling, though. He thinks he can guess exactly why she's reacting that way, and he lets her chew on her realization for a couple of seconds before continuing.

"Then I think we can say Kaneda-san is different from the men from your village."

Maya apparently has next to no experience with people who aren't women, not just no experience outside her village. This is more complicated but also more simple than Ken hs anticipated.

"We're all different from each other in the house."

Maya's shoulders drop again, but this time she follows it by rubbing at the back of her neck, as though trying to work through the sting that is realising you've done something wrong.

"Yeah, I guess I forgot about that," she says in a sigh before taking a short sip of her now-slightly-watered-down tea, "It's kind of... embarrassing, admitting there's stuff I don't know, but. I guess I'm not really used to hanging around... any of you guys."

Yes, Maya had been there at N5 for quite a few months. But nine months of doing something you're used to feels a lot quicker than, say, nine months of learning about a completely new kind of living style.

"There weren't exactly crowds of them where I came from, and..." She hesitates, "Well, they dooooon't exactly have any... say in things."

Which isn't to say, perhaps, that Maya's unused to men having A Say; she's lived with Nick for years. That doesn't mean she doesn't realise that maybe, maybe, just a little tiny bit, she might not exactly entirely act like she really cares about their opinions. Ever. Even when she does.

"That makes sense. There's less of them, and they seem like they're seen as less important, compared to the women."

Ken, whose life really lacked any sort of close formal social structure after his mother's death, has very little experience being indoctrined to a system. However, he realizes he can apparently recognize the signs. Seriously, this is why everyone calls him old isn't it.

"Hey, Maya-san. If your sister asked you before she became a lawyer, even if the results wouldn't have changed, do you think something would have been different?"

"Well, maybe," Maya mumbles, immediately looking away again and frowning, leaning forward again. It's almost as though she's curled in on herself, shifting like a cat that's been bothered.

"I really don't know. I mean, she had to go."

Because that was it, wasn't it? To clear their mother's name, to save their village-- it's what any rightful heir would have done. It's what the best mystic Maya'd ever known had done. It's what Mia had to do, whether Maya wanted her to or not.

"Mm. But I think it's a matter of preparing."

Ken picks up his tea again to sip it before it gets totally watery. It's a hot day out in Heropa like any other summer day.

"I think... there are times when people just have to do things. Sometimes there's no choice. But still, when you're making an important decision, we want to support you. Kaneda-san and I... none of us think you're incapable, Maya-san.

"We just want you to know you're not alone. And Kaneda-san wants to know he's not alone, but he's scared that you're leaving him. He's had a lot of people do that, and he's opened up to you in a really special way."

Maya lowers her gaze again, sipping her tea quietly while Ken talks.

"Yeah... he was probably trying to tell me that," she admits, "I just... didn't get why. He kept saying, because he's my boyfriend! And I get that, but, like--"

She laughs a little, short laugh, suddenly, and finishes, "It's not like I actually know how to be someone's girlfriend."

There's a pause. And Ken finally moves. He sets down his tea again, braces his arms, and scoots himself sideways until his arm bumps against Maya's and he leans back, head tilted to look up at her.

"Even if Kurain, or the people who raised you, had rules for how to be someone's girlfriend it won't apply here." He grins. "Kaneda-san might act cocky but he doesn't know how to act around you either. He's head-over-heels and doesn't know what hit him half the time.

"You're someone important to him, and he's someone important to you. I think what's important to you guys is realizing where you're different, and thinking together about how to bridge those differences."

"No he's not," Maya insists with a smile, staring down at the ground, not quite like someone who believes that but everything in the world like a person saying it out of flustered obligation. She sighs after, this time much more theatrically.

"Well, that'll be a lot easier when he's not too mad to talk to me," she mumbles. "He keeps turning up the music when I go in the garage."

"It'll be different this time."

Ken's sure it will be. Maya is not the same as she was just ten minutes ago when they started talking. He shakes his head.

"I don't think he's mad at you. I think he's scared. Even if you end up alone, sometimes you think it feels easier to push other people away first. He thinks you're walking away from him. I think all you'll need to do to talk with him again is to reach out for him first."

Maya is silent for a few moments, swishing the last of the mostly-water-now tea around in her cup before she leans over closer to Ken.

With the most serious face she can manage, Maya tells him,

"You are such an old man."

"Wha--"

And ironically, despite Maya's comments, Ken's face turns red and he puffs up in a hilariously childish way.

"I was trying to help and I was just-- just speaking from things I learned!"

Maya isn't able to hold her composure much longer, her lips spreading into a grin as she's overcome with little giggles. She reaches an arm around Ken to pull him into a one-armed hug (holding her cup, now dripping cold sweat all over Maya's knee, away from them both) and give him a squeeze.

"I know, I know," she says. "Thanks, Ken-kun."

"Uuuuugh."

He groans but he's definitely not resisting her hug, although he does reach up to pinch her cheek lightly with one of his hands.

"I'm counting on you. I don't want to see Kaneda-san sad. You, either. Even if you have to lean on other people sometimes, it won't make you any less of anything."

"It's not like that," Maya replies. "I just don't wanna be any trouble for you guys."

She lets him go and shrugs again, adding-- "Actually, I've never felt like, more capable than before I met everyone here."

And it's true; it's hard not to feel like you can do anything when a mercenary is steadying your hand and telling you you can do it, or when a curmudgeon of a teenager is challenging you, or when a red-clad hero looks you in the eyes and asks you why you can't do it. She doesn't think the others think of her as incapable at all-- she just wants to stay capable for them.

"Maya-san, look at me. Think about me. Think about Tetsuo-san."

Ken says this with utmost seriousness. It may seem like he's trying to brush it off with a joke, making deprecating comments about himself and the other, and sometimes he is doing that but not right now.

"After all of the problems we caused, do you look at us and consider us nothing more than trouble?"

It's certainly been a worry -- and cause for defensive anger -- for both boys, but Ken likes to think he's here because those worries just weren't based on truth. Kaneda kept them close because they mattered to him, and the rest of the house has to agree, right? Right?

"You're not going to be trouble for us. But we'll worry if you try to take on everything on your own and hurt yourself trying."

All things said, Maya really can't argue against that. She can tell Ken how much she loves him and Tetsuo, sure, but that doesn't make them any less hell boys that did things people certainly can't do in her world and would be arrested for if they could.

Her shoulders fall and she leans into Ken to nudge him gently with her shoulder.

"Okay," she tells him, "I guess sometimes you have good points."

Edited 2016-08-26 16:56 (UTC)

"I know. I surprise myself sometimes, too."

He lets her nudge him, but he also returns a gentle elbow to her arm.

"You can cause us trouble. You can bother the hell out of us. No matter what happens, we love you very much, Maya-san. Especially Kaneda-san, and we all know that. But I think it's important that you reminded each other once in a while anyway. He'll probably give you a really dumb smile."

It doesn't take long after Ken's done talking for Maya to put her tea down and wrap him up in her arms, giggling a little to mask the bittersweet tang of hearing something like that.

From the beginning the plan was never to leave Nonah 05's boys alone. She'd never felt so much like people wanted her around, really, not without Pearl. To be loved by a group of people like that? Well. Home had left her starving for such attention for more than sixteen years.

"I love you too, you know? All of you," she tells Ken past a smile and a squeeze, an unsaid thank-you.

Maya is, as always, such a comfortable person to hug. He feels like he can sink right into her, and he smiles to himself as he raises his arms to return the embrace. He doesn't need to hear her thanks to know it's there in her gesture.

"I'm glad I met you, Maya-san. I'm glad we all met."

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we need to talk [closed]

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