North Dakota (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fargoneconclusion) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2016-08-16 07:47 pm
fargoneconclusion) wrote in maskormenacelogs2016-08-16 07:47 pm
Entry tags:
I come bringing America.
WHO: North Dakota, this shitty NPC I made up, and you.
WHERE: The greatest Florida store of all time.
WHEN: Let's say any evening this week.
WHAT: STUFF. I went through a lot of trouble to invent this place.
WARNINGS: None so far.
In the heat of Florida, there is a man. Stories are told up and down the A1A of his exploits, stretching his character into the Paul Bunyan of the peninsula. Frat boys quiver at the mention of his name.
He says he has come from the heartland of America to save us all… by teaching us how to save ourselves. His name is Jimmy JoeBob Douglas. If he takes to you, you can call him Jujube.
Born in the wilds of Kansas City, Jujube dreamed of running away to fight in 'nam. When asked about his own service, he will wink and say that's classified. To those inclined to notice, his coke bottle glasses and minor case of scoliosis tell of why, now nearing sixty, he is still waiting for his chance to defend his beloved country. In his heart, he knows his day is coming. That's why he's hung his post here, on the edge of the Everglades. Jimmy JoeBob Douglas's Freedom Course and Patriotic Duty Supply (Now With Gun Range!).
It's a popular spot for team building office exercises, college guys looking to outbro each other, and serious training for backyard militia members. Feel free to browse the shop. Here at Jimmy JoeBob's, we carry guns, knives, ammo, camping gear, and all your stockpiling needs. Next door, his wife Suzanna runs a little diner called Diner that serves classic American food and sass. Yes, we do birthday parties.
Behind the till hangs all of the required licenses for such a store. Nearby, a picture of Sam the Eagle hangs majestically over the wall in a carved frame with chipped paint, under an AK-47. There is also a hang-in-there kitten wearing a Rambo bandana and a sign that says "Freedom is God's four letter word."
The rules of the course are posted:
1. No more than two persons on the course at one time.
2. No lolligagging.
3. No foodor drink on the course.
4. By order of the "Health and Safety Board of Florida", Freedom cadets are allowed one (1) container of water.
5. No walking off the course un-escorted. Please use the whistle provided to you so you can be guided safely away.
6. No grenades or incendiary devices allowed on the course.
7. All Freedom cadets must sign a waiver.
8. All Freedom cadets will be patted down prior to entering the course. If you choose to carry a weapon onto the course, there is an additional five dollar charge to cover the necessary insurance fees.
9. The Freedom course has a maximum weight of 300 pounds and a minimum height of 60 inches.
If you're still interested, cadet, see the man himself for waivers and payment. He will grumble about how this documentation has been forced on him and will not question blatant use of pseudonyms.
If you feel uncomfortable with the current set up, you may take your leave, but Jimmy JoeBob will exercise his right to free speech and holler about yellow yuppies.
The Freedom course is a lovingly handcrafted, ramshackle misappropriation of the Ninja Warrior course and the Tough Mudder, as assembled by someone who has seen too many war movies. Ziplines, rock walls, wooden walls, salmon ladders - this course needs upper body strength and a few calluses. Ropes are rope, and the construction is mainly wood. Splinters are a constant threat. Crash cushions are nearly under stuffed, where they exist at all. Most bad landings are cushioned by mud pools.
Large sections of the course are shaded by a rope net draped across the sparse trees. It's been covered with tree branches and leaves to mimic camouflage, like a ghillie suit.
As a cadet begins the course, Jimmy JoeBob will make a decision based on his or her appearance. An adult with a solid build, bad attitude, or admitted military experience will force him to press a big red button under the counter. This gun activates the pitching machines along the course, which will hurl bean bags when their motion sensors are tripped. He has a reputation of being a tough old sonovagun, and he aims to keep it.
The bigger problem is that the button also flips one of the arrows denoting the trail, causing the course to head into the Everglades themselves. The course here is mainly rope bridges and badly anchored floating platforms. Jimmy JoeBob likes to feed chicken to his favorite gators, Patton and Robert E. Lee, so keep a sharp eye.
Jimmy JoeBob is always surprised when the door from the finish swings open. He'll wordlessly point the survivors (no one dies, honest!) to the complimentary showers.
Finally, the gun range is just a gun range. All of the targets are Russian stereotypes though, including a machete-wielding babushka.
[Brackets are welcome! Generic starterswill be up shortly are up! You can start something specific if you like, or PM for something as well.]
WHERE: The greatest Florida store of all time.
WHEN: Let's say any evening this week.
WHAT: STUFF. I went through a lot of trouble to invent this place.
WARNINGS: None so far.
In the heat of Florida, there is a man. Stories are told up and down the A1A of his exploits, stretching his character into the Paul Bunyan of the peninsula. Frat boys quiver at the mention of his name.
He says he has come from the heartland of America to save us all… by teaching us how to save ourselves. His name is Jimmy JoeBob Douglas. If he takes to you, you can call him Jujube.
Born in the wilds of Kansas City, Jujube dreamed of running away to fight in 'nam. When asked about his own service, he will wink and say that's classified. To those inclined to notice, his coke bottle glasses and minor case of scoliosis tell of why, now nearing sixty, he is still waiting for his chance to defend his beloved country. In his heart, he knows his day is coming. That's why he's hung his post here, on the edge of the Everglades. Jimmy JoeBob Douglas's Freedom Course and Patriotic Duty Supply (Now With Gun Range!).
It's a popular spot for team building office exercises, college guys looking to outbro each other, and serious training for backyard militia members. Feel free to browse the shop. Here at Jimmy JoeBob's, we carry guns, knives, ammo, camping gear, and all your stockpiling needs. Next door, his wife Suzanna runs a little diner called Diner that serves classic American food and sass. Yes, we do birthday parties.
Behind the till hangs all of the required licenses for such a store. Nearby, a picture of Sam the Eagle hangs majestically over the wall in a carved frame with chipped paint, under an AK-47. There is also a hang-in-there kitten wearing a Rambo bandana and a sign that says "Freedom is God's four letter word."
The rules of the course are posted:
1. No more than two persons on the course at one time.
2. No lolligagging.
3. No food
4. By order of the "Health and Safety Board of Florida", Freedom cadets are allowed one (1) container of water.
5. No walking off the course un-escorted. Please use the whistle provided to you so you can be guided safely away.
6. No grenades or incendiary devices allowed on the course.
7. All Freedom cadets must sign a waiver.
8. All Freedom cadets will be patted down prior to entering the course. If you choose to carry a weapon onto the course, there is an additional five dollar charge to cover the necessary insurance fees.
9. The Freedom course has a maximum weight of 300 pounds and a minimum height of 60 inches.
If you're still interested, cadet, see the man himself for waivers and payment. He will grumble about how this documentation has been forced on him and will not question blatant use of pseudonyms.
If you feel uncomfortable with the current set up, you may take your leave, but Jimmy JoeBob will exercise his right to free speech and holler about yellow yuppies.
The Freedom course is a lovingly handcrafted, ramshackle misappropriation of the Ninja Warrior course and the Tough Mudder, as assembled by someone who has seen too many war movies. Ziplines, rock walls, wooden walls, salmon ladders - this course needs upper body strength and a few calluses. Ropes are rope, and the construction is mainly wood. Splinters are a constant threat. Crash cushions are nearly under stuffed, where they exist at all. Most bad landings are cushioned by mud pools.
Large sections of the course are shaded by a rope net draped across the sparse trees. It's been covered with tree branches and leaves to mimic camouflage, like a ghillie suit.
As a cadet begins the course, Jimmy JoeBob will make a decision based on his or her appearance. An adult with a solid build, bad attitude, or admitted military experience will force him to press a big red button under the counter. This gun activates the pitching machines along the course, which will hurl bean bags when their motion sensors are tripped. He has a reputation of being a tough old sonovagun, and he aims to keep it.
The bigger problem is that the button also flips one of the arrows denoting the trail, causing the course to head into the Everglades themselves. The course here is mainly rope bridges and badly anchored floating platforms. Jimmy JoeBob likes to feed chicken to his favorite gators, Patton and Robert E. Lee, so keep a sharp eye.
Jimmy JoeBob is always surprised when the door from the finish swings open. He'll wordlessly point the survivors (no one dies, honest!) to the complimentary showers.
Finally, the gun range is just a gun range. All of the targets are Russian stereotypes though, including a machete-wielding babushka.
[Brackets are welcome! Generic starters
no subject
no subject
[ North is confused by the historical timeline of events, having thought vigilantes died out with the Wild West, but he has no real qualms with the hobby. ]
You did say they were kidnappers. Jimmy JoeBob sells guns, if you were wondering.
no subject
[A shrug. Oh well that's humanity for you, he supposes.]
His name is Jimmy JoeBob. I'd be more surprised if he didn't. My problem is this guy's been going out of his way to turn this deathtrap against people he decides he doesn't like. A couple people have gotten seriously hurt from projectiles or floors that just seem to give way at the wrong moment. Any complaints against the guy seem to go unheeded by the cops, so I got called in.