Hey, hey bossman, what do you say?

[socialactivillain]

WHO: Hartley Rathaway and James Jesse
WHERE: A local farm a ways outside of Heropa
WHEN: Sunday morning, 8/7
WHAT: Oranges, rats, and chickens.
WARNINGS: Fowl humor? I'm sorry.


[ Sunday morning should, by most people's accounts, be a morning for sleeping in, but no one in Roguehaus exactly qualifies as "most people". Nonetheless, Piper was still up earlier than usual, because finding ways to undermine capitalism requires an early start. What he doesn't realize is he's not the only one up early, at least not until he's headed out to the driveway to his newly-acquired hover Jeep, only to find James loitering, several inches above the driveway, with a smile on his face and a yo-yo in his hand.

Which is how he winds up with a plus one on his trip out to a farm a few hours drive outside the city, all vibrant citrus groves and picturesque red barns. ]

See? I told you I wasn't going anywhere exciting.

Comments

[airshow]

[ James steps out of the car with a skeptical and unimpressed look writ large across his face. He sets his hands on his hips, squinting out at a barn. What on earth... ]

Piper. I gotta say, ol' buddy ol' pal, this is boring, even for you.

[socialactivillain]

This is why you should believe me when I tell you things. Anyway, I'm performing a public service.

[ He heads up toward the nearest barn, where someone in overalls and a trucker hat who couldn't be possibly be anyone but a farmer is waiting for them. ]

[airshow]

A boring public service? Ah, man, I shoulda brought my lasso.

[ Not that he can see any horses. Are those goats off in the distance? ]

[socialactivillain]

Why do you own a lasso? On second thought, don't answer that.

[ The farmer waves as they approach, then reaches to shake Piper's hand, thanking him for his help, and Piper assures him it's no trouble at all. ]

[airshow]

Why would I not own a lasso, [ he replies, then reaches out to shake his hand introduce himself as well. ] James Jesse, like the outlaw but backwards. Howdy. Nice place you got here, lovely goats, and say, are those tangerines?

[socialactivillain]

[ The farmer tells them yes, indeed they are, and they're welcome to help themselves to the ripe ones if they'd like, it's the least he can do to thank Mr. Rathaway for his services. ]

Yes, well, and the donation we discussed. But we can talk about that after I actually do what I came here to do.

[airshow]

[ James nods sagely, and then, in a very obvious stage whisper: ]

What did you come here to do, by the way?

[socialactivillain]

Pest control. Come on.

[ He thanks the farmer and heads into the barn. There are crates of fresh produce all around, and a fat, scruffy orange tabby cat lounges lazily on top of one of the crates, blatantly ignoring the rats fleeing from an up-ended crate. ]

[airshow]

Wait, what? [ He doesn't like the sound of that. That sounds like dozens and dozens of rats that are going to be going somewhere he really doesn't want to think about. Fortunately, he's momentarily distracted. ] Kitty!

[ James flounces over to the cat, bending over at the waist to wiggle his fingers in its face. ]

Aww, someone's not doing their job. Me too, buddy. Meow?

[socialactivillain]

[ The cat sniffs James' fingers, then headbutts his hand, "mrowr"-ing in response. Piper huffs a short laugh, but stays focused on the task at hand, which is coaxing the rats out of hiding. ]

Come on out, you guys. We're not here to hurt you.

[airshow]

[ James manages not to "eurgh" or anything tactless like that, but he still gets twitchy when they swarm. ]

Piperrrr.

[socialactivillain]

What? They're not going to hurt you, either. I'm just here to convince them to stay out of the fruit storage.

[ One of the rats near the front of the swarm chitters at Piper, taking his attention back from James. ]

...Well, yes, I can certainly understand that. But if the cat didn't deter you, and I can't convince you, there are much worse measures they can use.

[airshow]

[ Oh, are we negotiating? Is that what's happening? ]

It rhymes with sex terminator.

[ What? He's helping. ]

[socialactivillain]

...James, why don't you go pet a goat or something.

[airshow]

Are you insulting my rat bantering skills?

[socialactivillain]

I would never.

[airshow]

Fine, whatever. You guys have fun being weird together. I'm gonna go make Poptart the miniature horse all livestock jealous.

[socialactivillain]

[ Piper considers calling after him to ask how he'd be able to tell, considering Poptart never seems to do anything but stare blankly into the distance, but it's probably not worth it. He has an important task at hand with rat negotiations, trying to convince a horde of rats why they can't just eat every last bit of produce on the farm.

Yeah, this is gonna take awhile. ]

[airshow]

[ Well, fine, James is just going to wander. If Piper needs him, he'll be communicating with farm animals. ]

[socialactivillain]

[ The thought here is there's only so much trouble James can get into with farm animals, right? Really, Piper ought to know better, but he's distracted by the great rat debate. He knows he could just command them, but weirdly, being able to hold a conversation with rats makes him feel like he should be asking, instead of just telling. ]

[airshow]

[ It's a nice thought. Very flattering. Somewhat tampered by the fact that whenever Piper's finished, James will be waiting near the exit to the barn, holding a softly peeping box in his arms. ]

[socialactivillain]

[ By the end of the discussion, he's convinced the rats to relocate back to the city with him, where they'll have plenty of food that isn't farm produce. The other rogues clearly won't mind a garage full of rats, right? Right. He's just finishing up the last negotiations when he hears the peeping sound behind him, and he turns around with a slight sinking feeling at the sight of James holding a box. ]

...What's that?

[airshow]

What, ain't you ever seen a box before?

[socialactivillain]

Not one that makes noises like that.

[airshow]

I bought some fancy oranges.