maskormenacelogs | Two men walk into a bar

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Two men walk into a bar

WHO: Joel + some open starters + some closed starters
WHERE: Various!
WHEN: Throughout May
WHAT: Bar work, confrontations, and some backdated stuff.
WARNINGS: Nothing in particular but will edit if necessary!

▍DIVE BAR JOEL WORKS AT | HEROPA | OPEN

[ Joel has been pulling beers all night, thumping shots of whiskey or bourbon down on the bar in front of customers, wiping out washed beer glasses, cleaning up spills, breaking up a couple of fights by throwing the troublemakers out onto the dimly lit street… and the later the night gets, the more his patience is wearing thin.

Actually, Joel's patience had worn thin hours ago. Some drunk asshole is wailing away off-key to an 80s ballad on the karaoke machine. Some other drunk asshole is rowdily talking at the top of his voice by the pool tables. Some other drunk asshole keeps selecting Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer on the bar jukebox and drunkenly playing air guitar. Not to mention the constant hubbub of noise and people. Joel is a burly, hard-assed, unfriendly-looking guy on a good day, but that's multiplied at least tenfold right now.

(ooc; Irritate Joel at the bar! Start a bar fight! Maybe your character is the asshole singing karaoke! Or keeps selecting Bon Jovi! Have at!) ]

▍BAR CLOSING TIME | HEROPA | OPEN

[ At 3AM on the dot, Joel throws everyone out. No ifs, no buts, no exceptions. No fucking patience. He shuts the front door firmly and locks it, heaving a weary, disgruntled sigh of relief. Christ, time to head home. Thank Christ he isn't on closing shift every night or he'd go insane.

After he does a quick final round of turning up all the stools, gathering together leftover dirty glasses to be stashed in the dishwasher and does a quick sweep of the floor, he shuts off all the lights, checks he's got his keys, and heads for the back entrance that leads out onto a dark back alley. The hinges squeak as he pulls the door shut behind him, and he mutters in irritation to himself at the door stubbornly refusing to lock on the first go. Old, rundown place needs goddamn maintenance, h thinks to himself. Something he'll get onto during the week.

Pocketing his keys, he turns to start towards his car - and comes to a quick stop at someone approaching him in the dark alley. Probably some drunk asshole. Joel heaves a sigh of impatience. ]

What d'you want? Bar's closed.

▍KOTETSU | SLICE TO MEET YOU, NONAH | CLOSED

[ How he got roped into this, Joel has no goddamn clue, but he's seated at one of the table in Slice To Meet You with his arms crossed defensively across his chest and a flat, aggravated death stare on his face. He's made no particular effort to dress up for the occasion, either: just jeans, a flannel shirt and boots.

It's bad enough that this place is swarming with noise and people and activity, but those goddamn animatronic things up on the stage and the distorted, slowed-down music coming from those creepy things…

Yeah, well. This so-called "date" had better hurry the hell up because Joel is about five seconds away from getting up from the table and getting the hell outta here. ]

▍CARL | XAVIER'S, HEROPA | CLOSED

[ A number of hours have passed, enough time that Jesse is finally, slowly on the mend. Enough time that Joel can leave Jesse's side without worrying out of his mind.

He's got a bit of a clearer idea of what the hell had been going through Carl's mind based on what Jesse had told him. Joel wants to hear it from Carl, though. Wants to find out exactly what the hell happened. And though he's got a better idea of what Carl had been thinking, Joel can't help being mad as hell at him. That survivor instinct of fiercely looking out for his own.

He teleports to Xavier's from the beach house; he notices, as he heads through the lobby, that the blood has been cleaned up. The whole goddamn school makes him uneasy from all the memories of Ellie this place holds, and even more so now after what happened here earlier. Joel forcibly pushes it all to the back of his mind, though, as he takes the stairs up to Rick and Carl's floor.

When he reaches their apartment, Joel pounds on the door. ]

▍JESSE | CAMPING IN THE WOODS, NORTH CAROLINA | CLOSED

[ They arrived here mid-afternoon. Joel had busied himself with setting up the camp, getting the fire pit going, organising food for dinner. Normally, once Joel is out in nature, away from people and noise, he starts to relax, especially around Jesse. Not so much this time. Joel has been mostly quiet, preoccupied.

It's evening now, the last rays of the sun long gone. Joel is crouched in front of the campfire, stirring up the embers with a stick, occasionally nudging the thick pieces of wood the fire is licking around to get some more air flowing through it, to get the fire roaring. The whole point of coming out here was to try and put what had happened behind them, just keep moving on as normal, but to Joel's irritation, his mind keeps wandering back over it all. He's been trying to block out the memory of Jesse bleeding out, trying to make himself stay focused on the fact that Jesse is fine now. It's all past them now. Except there's really a lot more bothering him on top of that.

Without really being aware of it, he heaves a deep, irritated sigh as he pushes himself to his feet. ]

Guess I'll get started on dinner. Brought some meat and… other stuff.

[ Probably the longest sentence Joel has spoken to Jesse since they arrived here. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Joel stares at Jesse for a long moment. A flat, furious stare. ]

And when were you plannin' on telling me? Huh? 'Cause it ain't okay with me.

You were gone, Joel. What was I supposed to do? Be alone forever, just me and my giant empty house so I could sit around all day thinking about all the people I didn't have anymore?

I ain't gone anymore, am I? And that ain't even answerin' my question!

Look, I didn't - I didn't know how to tell you, alright? I just wanted to be with you, and not deal with all this shit, and... I don't know, okay? I mean, the whole plan was for us to leave that house anyway. For you and me to get a place out here. I guess I just thought we were still - I thought that was still the plan!

And is your plan to bring her along with you? 'Course she sure seems to have made herself at home around you.

No. That -

[And Jesse realizes quite suddenly this isn't about the house, or letting Daisy past their multiple defenses, or giving her a look at their private lives. His shoulders sink and his voice weakens:]

I want a place for you. Now that you're back. She doesn't have to know.

Oh yeah? You think that's gonna work now she knows about us?

Jesus Christ, she goes-- [ An arm thrown out in an angry gesture as if gesturing to their house back several states away ] causin' all that trouble, rubbing it all in my face while I'm worried outta mind that you were gonna die? [ Now stabbing a finger against his chest emphatically: ] Do you have any idea how goddamn scared I was?

[ Those last words, angrily vented, take Joel by complete surprise the moment they're out of his mouth. Other thoughts he's had stewing in his head for days that he's been trying to shut out. ]

Edited 2016-05-23 12:38 (UTC)

Yes. I do.

[Jesse's been forced to live with that same fear for years while Walt picked off his loved ones, all the while thinking he himself was the one responsible for their pain and their deaths. Jesse knows the fear of losing someone.]

And I'm sorry I made it worse, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. But you know what? I was scared, too. You got no idea what's waiting for me back in my world. All I wanted was to have both of you there. In case I never saw either of you again. Because I was dying.

[ Joel really wants to argue back. Jesse has no idea what loss really is. Not as far as Joel is concerned. Jesse has no idea. You got no idea what's waiting for me back in my world hits Joel in a place way too close to home, though. He doesn't actually know what's waiting for Jesse back in his world but he knows it's bad. And Jesse reminding him that he was just as scared...

Joel sets his jaw and looks away. He says nothing. After a long moment of silence, Joel stretches a hand down for the skillet and sets it down onto the grill set up over the fire with a thunk. He should put the steaks in there, start getting them grilling, but... his hands fall onto his lap instead as he stares grimly into the fire. He gives a small nod and looks down at his hands. For once, Joel doesn't argue. ]

[Jesse takes the opportunity to gather himself, sucking in a deep breath and brushing the tears from his eyes. He doesn't know what to do about any of this. As usual, every move he makes is the wrong one.]

I just wanna be with you. The way it was before everything went to shit. The trouble is, that's what I want with her, too. But you two hate each other, and that's not gonna stop. I don't wanna leave, but I don't know how I'm supposed to stay. With either of you.

[ That's exactly how Joel wants it, too - the way it all was before everything went to shit. It should be easy to shrug off what Jesse is saying, tell him to do whatever he wants because Joel certainly doesn't like thinking of this thing between Jesse and himself as a relationship, even after all this time and after everything that's happened. ]

Sounds like you're just gonna have to choose, then.

[ Joel says it so simply and matter-of-factually, like it's no big deal, but he is tightly silently for a moment afterwards. A heavy, cloying feeling of unease trickles through him.

He abruptly pushes himself to his feet and steps around the log towards their camping gear. He needs to get something out of the icebox. Or maybe he needs to get grill tongs. Or another beer, even though he's already got one. ]

[Jesse goes silent, hugging his knees and staring at the ground while Joel steps away. It's ridiculous, how difficult this is. The choice should be obvious. This was never supposed to be anything.

Jesse and Daisy, on the other hand, have been in love since the beginning. Even managed to fall in love again, after she forgot everything about him. They're meant to be. He wants to marry her, raise children with her, live out the rest of his days with her, like normal people do.

The trouble is, Jesse isn't normal. He's had delusions like that before, and what happened? Brock was poisoned and Andrea was shot in the head. Joel understands that life, understands the way it's shaped Jesse. Violence is their common ground, their reality, their truth. And if all the violence Walter White directed at them wasn't enough to tear them apart, is this going to be what does it? Jesse's wish for a relationship and a life built on fantasy?

It's hopelessly stupid, and Jesse knows it.]

I told her I chose. I told her I chose her. But it's not true, Joel. I can't just not be with you. Not when we finally got a chance. How hard did we fight for this?

[ Joel has moved across to the camping equipment and rummages around with more force than intended for the grill tongs. He's known deep down since the other day that Jesse has already made his choice. It shouldn't come to any surprise to him when Jesse says he chose Daisy. In a way, it doesn't come as a surprise to him, even if hearing Jesse say it out loud causes a black blow to his chest that he immediately tries to ignore.

Jesse's last words hang heavy in the air as Joel continues to rummage around for the grill tongs. Can't find them because he can't focus, so he stops. He finally turns a dark look over at Jesse. ]

Why would you tell her that if you don't mean it?

Because I'm an asshole. Because she wanted to hear it. Because I didn't think -

[This sounds harsh, Jesse realizes, just as the words are tumbling out of his mouth.]

Because I didn't think you'd care. You and me were always a secret. There's always been others, with me. You never cared before.

Yeah, I never cared 'cause you never went bringin' anybody into our business! Think I wasn't gonna care 'bout you bringin' that woman into our business without telling me? Huh? The hell kinda idiot d'you think I am?

I'm the idiot. Is that what you wanna hear? I'm the fucking moron who ruined everything. Again. I can't do anything right.

[Jesse pushes himself to his feet, finally.]

Thank god you don't have to deal with me anymore.

[ You're goddamn right you're a fucking moron!, Joel wants to shout at him. How many times has he told Jesse that Skye - Daisy - is bad news? Ever since she damn well was going to blow Jesse's brains out? What Jesse says when he stands up distracts Joel from shouting any of that.

Heatedly: ] What the hell is that s'posed to mean?

[Jesse crosses the campsite to gather up his backpack and supplies.]

I promised her I wouldn't see you anymore. I lied to her just so I could be here. And I'm starting to figure out now, that's another stupid mistake.

[ That same heavy, cloying feeling of unease trickles through him, colder and thicker this time. Joel watches Jesse start gathering up his things, trying to remain impassive about it. He's known deep down that Jesse has already made his choice, so that should be the end of it, shouldn't it?

And then who will he have? As much as Joel wants to stubbornly believe he'll be fine on his own, that he doesn't need this bullshit in his life anymore because god knows he's had a whole goddamn lifetime of bullshit, he finds himself swallowing thickly.

It's so stupid that 'Don't go' is the immediate thing that erupts in his head and almost blurts out of his mouth. Joel quickly makes himself look away from Jesse, then sinks down onto the log, his back to Jesse. If Jesse is going to leave, Joel doesn't want to watch.

Several long beats of silence with just the sound of Jesse gathering up his things. All the fire has gone out in Joel when he finds himself quietly saying: ]

So, that's it, is it?

[Jesse stops, dropping his backpack onto the ground again so he can turn and face Joel. He heaves a sigh, looking skyward for a moment before meeting Joel's eyes.]

I'm gonna tell her I lied to her. And then I'm gonna tell her I can't do this. Any of it. Because I can't.

You can have the house. I'll go back to living outta motels. She won't come around and bother you anymore.

[ Joel looks away from Jesse again. Don't be stupid, he thinks to snap but he doesn't trust himself to speak. It takes Joel another long moment before he can muster himself to turn his head and look back over at Jesse. Except doing that makes that cold, uneasy feeling in him sink even heavier, so he returns his attention to the fire. ]

The whole reason I wanted us to come out here was 'cause I just wanted things to go back to the way they were.

[ Which is more or less repeating, in his own way, what Jesse had said only earlier. He means it, though. Despite his anger and despite how everything has gone to hell, it's the truth. ]

Yeah, see, that's the problem. I'm not who I used to be. And this... pretending... It's not gonna work for any of us. There's not enough of me left for one person. There sure as hell ain't enough for two.

I gotta be alone. At least 'til I figure out who I am now, what I want. Anything else ain't fair to you or her or me.

[ Yeah, that is the problem. Jesse hasn't been the same since... Well, Joel hasn't let himself think too much about how different Jesse has been since Walt killed him, but he's definitely noticed it, and Christ, he's tried to pretend everything is fine. Things happen and you move on. That's just the way it is. Or was, until Daisy started making things even more complicated.

Joel doesn't say anything. Doesn't look at Jesse because he can't. That uneasy feeling is growing heavier and heavier, like cold lead sinking down, down, down into his chest and his gut. A hundred different things start buzzing through his head, don't go being the loudest. He pinches his lips into a tight line instead. ]

Okay.

[ Quiet, flat, strained, while he sits on the long with his shoulders hunched, back facing Jesse. ]

[Jesse knows what Joel's feeling, because he feels it, too. The choice to have nothing isn't an easy one. It's the reality he's running from, the one awaiting him in his own world. It would be easier to throw himself at Joel's feet, beg him for an ultimatum and have the decision made for him, like just about every other decision in his life. But then he'd just be turning Joel into Walt - or worse, into Todd. And that's poison.

He picks up his backpack and shrugs it onto his shoulders.]

It's not the end of the world anymore. There's other people besides me. I hope you find a good one, Joel. You deserve somebody who can give you what you're looking for.

[ Joel says nothing. The silence stretches and the heavy feeling in his chest starts to squeeze like a vice, and Joel suddenly, impulsively pushes himself to his feet and hurriedly turns around to look at Jesse. ]

Jesse.

[ A clumsy silence. It's not like Joel even knows what he wants to say. His mouth form the start of words that he struggles to commit out loud. He has to take a deep, steeling breath before finally making himself speak. ]

No one else here matters to me like you do.

Two men walk into a bar

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