maskormenacelogs | Transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.

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Transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.

WHO: Jesse Pinkman, Joel Miller & Carl Grimes
WHERE: Xavier School for imPorts
WHEN: Afternoon of Tuesday, May 3
WHAT: Consequences catch up with Jesse during a drop gone wrong.
WARNINGS: Violence and blood.

[Delivering cash to the school isn't normally a job that requires a bodyguard. Jesse would have done it by himself, if not for the fact that he hasn't spent nearly as much time with Joel as he'd like. And FanPort was a minor disaster, as far as their relationship (or whatever it can be called) is concerned. The best way to mend it is a return to the familiar: Jesse doing business and Joel accompanying him as the muscle. Besides, it never hurts to have more than one person guarding a duffel bag full of $100,000.

But as far as drops go, this one's far from dangerous. It's a beautiful, sunny afternoon on a quiet school campus. Classes are over for the day, so the halls are quiet as the pair enter the building. Professor Callaghan isn't expecting Jesse at any specific time and the office might very well be empty, which means Jesse will unload the cash into the safe himself and be on his way. All in all, a very simple errand.

Which is why his attention is mostly fixed on Joel and not their surroundings.]

You hungry? I was thinking Cuban, after we're done here.

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[ Yeah, the whole fanport thing. Joel has mostly gotten over that. Mostly. Sort of. He's still pissed off Jesse is still involving himself with that girl, but he's kept tight-lipped about it. He's possibly still holding a bit of a grudge towards Jesse about it, actually. So, perhaps he hasn't quite gotten over it, really.

But, sure. Business is business regardless, even if Joel isn't entirely sure why Jesse wants him around for a seemingly low-risk drop. Or why, for that matter, Jesse is making a drop at Xavier's. Honestly, returning to this school makes him uneasy. Another place that holds too many memories of Ellie.

A sidelong glance at Jesse's suggestion. ]

Sure, I guess.

[ Not a terribly enthusiastic answer. ]

Or, you know, whatever.

[Jesse definitely senses that. The tension. It pushes him to pick up the pace, his steps quickening.]

This won't take long. The Professor's usually too busy to sit around and talk this time of day. I mean, unless he's had a bad day. Then he'll break out the whiskey...

[ Whoever The Professor is. Joel doesn't know, doesn't really care to know. ]

There anything in particular I'm s'posed to be keepin' an eye on here?

[Jesse reads another question inside that question, so he answers that one instead:]

You can go wait in the car if this place is really bugging you out.

[ JESSE, DON'T. Jesse merely saying that is enough to make Joel bristle with a stubborn refusal to admit this place really is bugging him out. ]

Let's just get this over with.

[ Carl forgotten his schoolbag and was going back to one of the classrooms to retrieve it. After reaching his desk, he was about to take the bag when he hears familiar voices. A second later, he sees Jesse through the open door, walking through the hallway, a bag in hand, and Joel following him.

Carl's heart tightens as they walk past and Carl forgets his schoolbag as he walks out of the room.

He's done being nice. Done trying to be a good son. Done pretending to be a good guy. He's no good guy, but unlike Jesse, he's not a hypocrite. He exits the classroom and as Jesse and Joel (why is Joel here? Does it matter? No. The world is empty now, and all that matters is Jesse and Carl) walk past it. ]

The hell are you doing here?

[ He doesn't care if Joel is here. He can deal with Joel another time.

But this?

He won't let this slide.

Never again. ]

[Jesse comes to a halt as soon as he hears Carl's voice, his heart sinking into his stomach. Though he's been warned about that grudge Carl's been nursing, Jesse's not afraid of the kid. It's just the guilt that eats away at him, knowing he's fucked this kid up maybe even more than the shit world he came from.

He shrugs the duffel bag off his shoulder and holds it out for Joel to take, though his eyes remain on Carl.]

The Professor left his bag in my car. We were just returning it.

[But this looks like it might turn into another session of Carl berating him, and Jesse's not going to make Joel sit through that. His next words are to Joel specifically:]

Why don't you go ahead and drop that off in the headmaster's office?

[ Joel comes to a halt, too, turning on the spot to look at Carl. Normally he'd greet Carl with a Hey, kid - or, more fondly of late, Hey, kiddo - but...

Carl's hostile remark and the cold way Carl is looking at Jesse has Joel throwing an uncertain look at Jesse, then back at Carl. Then back at Jesse as the duffel bag is held out to him. What the hell did you do? he wants to ask Jesse as he slowly takes the bag, because he's never seen Carl angry before.

The Headmaster's office is only a little further down the hall. He can dump the bag so it's out of the way, then find out what the hell is going on. So, he reluctantly continues down the hall. ]

[ The cold fury is tightening Carl's lungs, restricting his breathes into stiff, shallow pants. It's exhilarating. It's terrifying.

It's goddamn right. ]

You are such a hypocrite. You refuse to apologize to my dad for killing him, yet you go offering to heal people, like you are some saint? Just who the hell do you think you are?

[Jesse watches Joel go before turning his full attention to Carl, taking those words in though his face remains impassive. Carl's not going to get a rise out of him. Jesse doesn't have the anger to match his.]

Not a saint, that's for sure.

Clearly, since you have the audacity to tell Dad that he's a bad father.

[ He takes a step closer to Jesse. ]

He told me what happen. Did you shot him because he was really in the way, or because you just wanted some payback?

[That's quite a leap. And a reminder he's talking to a child.]

I don't kill people for being shit parents.

[Honestly, the accusation's absurd. But Jesse isn't laughing.]

I'll say it again, Carl: I killed him to disable the forcefield he was using to block us. That's the only reason. If he'd let us through like we asked, it never woulda come to that. We just didn't have time to argue about it, and I knew I could undo it. He should have listened to us, but he made his choice and I made mine. I didn't enjoy any part of it.

My dad . . . [ Carl points to the stairwell that leads to their room, three floors up. His voice is quiet, but his anger is rising in waves, in growls. ] my dad backed you up! For the entire network to see! All of you! And you had just had to open your stupid mouth and acted like you never hurt him, when he forgiven you for killing him!

[ A small moment of struggling silence. When he speak again, he shouts loudly, the halls echoing his rage. ]

FUCK YOU! You didn't even consider the damage you have done to him! To me! You killed him and acted like you haven't done anything bad to my face!

[Jesse, on the other hand, only gets quieter:]

I know I hurt him. I know I hurt you. I'm not pretending I didn't.

If there was any other choice, I woulda made it. But I wasn't about to risk everybody else's lives just because your dad wouldn't move outta the way.

[ Carl is not entirely sure if he can believe Jesse at this point. It's so easy to be sincere without really being it. ]

Why didn't you apologize, if you acknowledge the pain we feel now. Why can't you just say you're sorry?

Because I'd be lying. I'm not sorry about what I did.

[And he's through with taking blame for someone else's crimes. Rick Grimes was a traitor. Jesse would kill him again and again if faced with the same circumstances.]

[ Carl's face darkens in a colder but also creepier gaze. It will be the same face that will greet a certain man with a baseball bat in Carl's future.

More than ever, he can feel the knife's presence on the holster, hidden by his t-shirt. ]

So our friendship didn't matter to you?

[Every response that comes to Jesse's mind is spoken in Walt's reassuring purr, and his stomach turns at the idea of repeating the words out loud. Promises that it was all in the name of the greater good and won't Carl please understand how much Jesse cares for him? Can't he see how it all makes sense? Why can't he just get over it and move on? Of course their friendship matters, it always mattered. Jesse was protecting Carl as much as anyone else, saving him from his father's decision to betray them all. Jesse cares so much about Carl, can't he see that? Vile, manipulative appeals.

So Jesse says nothing.]

[ Carl gives Jesse a few more moments of silence to come up with an answer. When it becomes apparent that an answer won't be coming, Carl lets out a loud exhale and looks to the side, shaking his head. Carl props his hands to his hips. When he speaks again, his voice is a little different. Like he's sounding a little more like his father, accent and all. ]

I guess that makes things simpler, then.

[ In a small, quick movement, he takes his knife out of his holster, from the small of his back. The blade glimmers softly in the glare of the hallway lights -

and disappears into Jesse's side. Ripped through cloth, skin, and muscle, tearing, ripping. Carl never stabbed a living person before, but all he can think was how Dad ripped a man apart with just a small knife, how the man screamed and cried -

Carl yanks the knife out, red with gore and blood, and stabs Jesse again. ]

[Jesse anticipated more words of hatred, maybe a pair of angry fists.

He didn't expect the knife.

The sound he makes isn't a scream. It's choked back, strangled in his throat as his eyes widen in shock. Sharp, hot pain brings tears to his eyes and he staggers as the knife's drawn out, blood spilling and soaking his shirt, his jeans, splattering on the floor. Rather than reach for the knife, his hands instinctively close over the wound, which leaves him open to that second stab in the gut.]

Carl -

[A whisper. He could call out for Joel, but he doesn't. He could return these wounds to Carl, but of course he doesn't.]

Don't do this. Don't...

[He's too young to kill.]

[ It's far too late to think of that now. Carl's been killing before he met Jesse, and he'll keep killing after this is over. The only thing difference here: Carl isn't killing for self defense.

He's killing for revenge.

He stabs Jesse again. His shirt is stained with Jesse's blood, as well as the hand holding the knife. His sheriff's hat is a dark halo, placing his one eye into darkness. ]

We can't die, remember? So it's not really killing. Just like everyone who ever backed you up in killing Dad ever said to me. It's not murder if we can just come back to life like it's some fucking nap!

[ Carl steps into the pool of blood, staining the carpet. His white shoelaces are stained as well. He shoves Jesse to the floor, kicking him while doing so. ]

Edited 2016-05-05 03:56 (UTC)

[It doesn't work that way for Jesse. The last time he died, he ended up in Hell for a full year, chained and isolated and tortured. He didn't get to wake up a few days later like nothing ever happened. He came back to this world scarred and broken, hardly human. What's he going to face if he dies again? Not a quiet sleep. Not the swift resurrection he gave to Rick Grimes.

He can't plead his case, though, because something's ruptured and blood rises up in his throat as he falls to the floor. When Carl's foot connects with his side, he sputters and the blood spills from his mouth onto the tile, smeared moments later as he scrambles and fights to climb to his feet again. He can't die here again. Not again.]

[ Why is it that people who betrayed Carl died with a blade inside of them? It just occurred to him. Shane died by knife. According to Dad, Michonne stabbed Ron. Will Jesse be the next? Who else will die by the blade? Does it matter?

No. No it doesn't. Because they are all dead, and Carl is still alive.

Carl lunges at Jesse, one hand grabbing his shirt, the other raising the knife once more. This time, he aims for the heart, so Jesse will feel the pain Carl has felt when he learned of how a friend murdered his father. It's a pain no one can ever forget. ]

[ Meanwhile, in the Headmaster's office, Joel is dumping the bag on the floor... and wondering where the hell he's supposed to leave it. Well, he supposes Jesse will know where to leave it. For now, he nudges the bag under the desk so it's mostly out of sight, and just as he's doing that, he hears yelling echoing down the hall. Sounds like Carl yelling angrily at Jesse. ]

Christ, what the hell've you done this time?

[ Muttered under his breath at Jesse. With a shake of his head, he heads back to the door and steps out into the hallway, ready to intervene in what he's fully expecting to just be a verbal altercation.

The sight he's met with down the end of the hall sends a numb shock of horror rocking through him. Jesse on the floor, covered in blood. Carl splattered with blood and grabbing a lifeless looking Jesse by the shirt, wielding a bloodied knife. Colour draining from Joel's face and nauseating numbness rising up in his chest, he launches into a fast and fierce run. ]

Carl! No, no--!

[ Feet pounding on the corridor floor, he comes to a skidding stop behind Carl and lunges down to grab him while repeatedly yelling at Carl to stop in panicked horror. He hauls Carl off Jesse with one arm while his other wrenches Carl's hand free from Jesse's shirt, then grapples for the knife clutched in Carl's other hand. Superstrength makes it seem like Carl weighs little more than a feather to Joel. ]

[The moment he's freed from Carl's grasp, Jesse drops back onto the floor with a hard thud. But - though his skin's going sickly grey - he's not dead or unconscious yet. Sliding on hands and knees through the puddle of his blood, he crawls further out of Carl's reach, making it several feet before he collapses again. That's as far as he'll be able to manage until his regeneration kicks up. Assuming his heart doesn't stop first.

Pressing his hands to the worst of his wounds, Jesse pushes back against the wall until he's sitting up, turning his eyes to Joel and Carl. He tries to say something to Joel, but when his mouth opens, it's just blood that comes pouring out. He coughs and gags and tries again, mouthing voicelessly: Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him. He knows how Joel can be when he's in a panic.]

[ Carl knows, in one corner of his mind, that this was a stupid thing to do. That this isn't some random murder in the woods, where no one knows who dies or even cares about another corpse. But god, this felt right. It didn't feel good, but being right is never felt to be good. But even then - he knows where he is. In a hallway of a school. A school Carl encouraged Dad, Enid, and Daryl to live in. A school he told them as safe and secure. Filled with innocent people. He as good as thrown them out on the streets. Carl knows this. So when he is grabbed and dragged away, he's not even surprised. But he still struggles. ]

Get off! Get off!

[ He slips underneath the blood. He struggles hard to keep his grip on the knife. ]

He has to die!

[ Joel is dragging Carl away from Jesse, fighting with Carl for the knife. What the fuck is going on? What the fuck has gotten into Carl? No time to ask questions, though, not that Joel would even be able to coherently demand to know what the hell this is all about right now.

The part of him flared with panic over the state Jesse is in wants to drop Carl on the spot and rush over to Jesse. He keeps dragging Carl back, though, until he's able to slam Carl up against a wall and pin him there. ]

Stop it, stop it!

[ Finally managing to wrangle the knife out of the kid's hand, Joel tosses it aside, where it goes skittering with a streak of blood across the floor. Then he's grabbing the front of Carl's shirt and staring wildly at him, somewhere between utter bewilderment and dismay. ]

What the hell's gotten into you--?!

[Carl might very well get his wish. He didn't get his chance to plunge the knife into Jesse's heart, but he's done a good job of shredding the rest of Jesse's organs. He's getting cold now, his fingers going numb as he fights to keep pressure on his wounds, but he's only got two hands and they're not working so great. It's taking all of his effort just to keep himself awake, just to stay focused on regenerating. He's losing blood faster than he's healing.]

[ As Carl is slammed against the wall, his breath is knocked out of his chest. His hands - his bloody hands - grip Joel's hands, trying to shove him off. Fat good that done him. Joel is built like a brick wall. He can't even see where Joel has thrown Carl's knife away.

People in his world see Carl as a kid grown up too fast, killed people when he shouldn't've, and a man who came out of childhood in other people's blood, a kid whose attempts at mercy resulted in his face being disfigured. ]

He killed my dad!

[ He points at Jesse's prone, twitching form. ]

He gets to be treated like a hero while people talk to Dad like it's all his fault for dying in the first place! He doesn't care if we were friends in the first place! He deserves what he got!

Edited 2016-05-06 01:38 (UTC)

[ As Carl yells that Jesse killed his dad, Joel stares at him, his hard eyes searching Carl's eyes. That's the first Joel has ever heard of this, and surely Carl is mistaken. Surely Jesse wouldn't kill a kid's dad. Then again, Carl has never striked Joel as the kind of kid to do shit like this out of nowhere.

He throws a wild look over his shoulder at Jesse. Seeing Jesse twitching and gurgling pathetically on his own blood makes that panic spike higher. Makes it even harder for him to process what the hell is going on.

He turns his attention back on Carl. He pins the kid that bit tighter against the wall like he's about to furiously shout at him. Between the wild state Carl is in, Jesse dying, and Joel not being sure what to make of any of this, he hesitates. Does he try and talk Carl down, try and work out what the hell he's yelling about? Or does he tend to Jesse? A second later, he's letting Carl go with a shove. Questions and demand for answers are going to have to come later. ]

We'll talk about this later. Get the hell outta here before anyone sees you. Go on. Go!

[ Another shove, harder this time, in the direction of the stairwell. It's only because Carl is a kid - a kid that Joel cares about - and it's only because he doesn't know what to make of Carl's accusation that Joel holds back from beating the shit out of him. ]

[Carl's words echo through the hall and sink into Jesse like another thrust of that blade. If the world was a just place, Jesse would die now for his betrayal. He knows that it would be the right thing, in the same way it would have been right if Jesse had killed Walt for what he'd done.

But Jesse's ultimately selfish, determined to stay in this world for as long as he possibly can. He swallows back the blood that's filling his mouth, clinging to consciousness and focusing all of his power on maintaining his heartbeat even while his veins are running out of anything to pump through it. If he can keep this up, stay awake and stay focused, then he might just have a chance.]

[ Carl tenses as Joel stares him, his lone eye angry and wild and defiant. He doesn't know or understand how Joel is involved in all this - was he just a casual friend of Jesse's, or something different - but he knows the costs of attacking someone close to a fellow survivor. But that is exactly what Carl is doing, what any survivor worth their salt is doing.

He's not doing anything wrong. He's doing something right for a change. So he stares back at Joel defiantly, just daring Joel to do anything -

- which took him by surprise when Joel shoves him to the stairwell. He wasn't expecting that, not from Joel. He stumbles, nearly falling, and he gets a confused glance from Joel. He looks at the knife, glinting in shiny gore, tempting. And god, he wants to do it. One final stab in the heart, and it will be over.

But Joel is larger and faster. Carl knows this. And he would stop Carl before he could even take the first step.

It's already over.

Carl gives Jesse one final, cold look and pushes at the door, leaving behind partially bloody handprints. His shoes squeak red, making a trail. He goes up the stairs, the trail of blood becoming faint with each step, until he goes into his and Dad's apartment. ]

[ Joel half expects Carl to fight him, or attempt to dodge around him in effort to resume his attack on Jesse. For that reason, Joel stands rooted on the spot, watching Carl retreat with that same hard, dangerous look on his face. It's only once Carl is fleeing up the staircase that Joel lets out a shaky breath he didn't realise he was holding as his shoulders sag, hard expression dropping to a numb, bewildered shock again.

He whirls around to Jesse and rushes towards him, his boots skidding through a thick puddle of blood as he drops down in front of Jesse. Alarmed worry is now written across his face, especially now he can see up close just how bad a state Jesse is in. He wedges an arm behind Jesse's shoulders, his other arm scooping underneath Jesse's knees. ]

C'mon. C'mon, I got you.

[Jesse had honestly expected Carl to take the opportunity to finish the job, Joel's presence be damned. Even if he couldn't get past, the scuffle between them might just have caused a delay long enough for Jesse to bleed out. It's lucky for him that Carl retreats instead.

By the time Joel reaches him, Jesse's lips have gone blue and his skin is freezing. His arms are too weak to keep pressure on the wounds any longer. They go slack as Joel draws him up.]

Don't let me - Don't let me...

[It's hard to get the words out around a mouthful of blood. But Joel understands, right? He'll die if he passes out.]

[ The blue lips and how cold Jesse feels freaks Joel out. Joel has been there before, with someone he cares about bleeding out and dying in his arms. Sarah's lips had turned blue and her skin cold not long after she died.

He yanks his arm back out from under Jesse's knees to quickly slap Jesse's cheek a few times, firm and urgent with a trembling hand, to try and force Jesse to stay conscious. ]

Stay with me. C'mon, stay with me.

[ That arm snatches underneath Jesse's knees again with a hurried fumble, hoisting Jesse's limp body up into his arms. Joel isn't aware of it but his breathing has picked up, growing increasingly panicked.

Okay, he needs to concentrate. Needs to think about a place he knows where he can take Jesse. The living room in the beach house is the first place that comes to mind. He squeezes his eyes shut to concentrate on it hard. Black mist starts coiling up around him, enveloping Jesse and himself like ectoplasmic snakes. A second later, they vanish from sight and the black smoke clears.

(ooc: continued here)]

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Transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.

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