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WHO: Minato and Tetsuo!
WHERE: Nonah #005 probably?
WHEN: Today!! Gasp.
WHAT: Parole check in.
WARNINGS: None.

[ Minato belatedly realizes he should perhaps do his job. He's only heard encouraging things about how Tetsuo's been doing from Ken, who surely of anyone would know, given their past history and the fact they're living together again... but his conversation with Mr. Edgeworth had pointed out to him that he should be more proactive.

All the insanity of the occupation this month had put that off, but Minato is here finally, letting himself in and seeking out Tetsuo. If he's not here today, well, he's just going to try a different day. That's the sort of person Minato is. ]

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[ To make his point, he goes on thoughtfully, casually, ] You could always give them up if it's not worth it.

...

[He starts to say something, then pauses. Whether or not he cares about the others, he really couldn't say. But losing Kaneda again... he's not strong enough to go through that again.

Shit.

Even during the seminar, when he almost lost himself again, or before, when the news hit, and fear of instant annihilation was high, he hadn't felt this trapped. He'd tried clinging onto the idea that he could, maybe, get out. He'd constantly asked Kaneda for answers, almost to the point of begging. But he'd never asked that question.

Had he been too afraid to? Why did it scare him now?]

[ This lack of response just confirms his suspicion.

He nods like Tetsuo had spoken. ] Then, to keep something like that, we have to face our fears sometimes. It makes sense. We can't get something for nothing.

[Okay but not all his fears right just one? just one. Good.]

It's not nothing! Enough happened already!

[He died for this, isn't that enough? He saved Kaneda's life, too, wasn't that enough?! But that isn't true; not to Tetsuo's paranoid delusions, nor to Minato's logic.

All this really is is excuses to not actually deal with or address this, but Tetsuo's not self-aware enough to acknowledge that.]

[ Well, okay. One at a time, then.

Minato doesn't even have to think about that one. ] Life doesn't stop. If you want to keep something, you have to keep going.

[ What he's not saying is how much he'd had to struggle to learn these words himself. Minato wouldn't have been able to put this so concisely even a couple months ago. ]

I know that!

[But it keeps asking everything he's got to give out of it. More, probably. Not that he'll say that, not that he'll even admit that much to himself, but the feeling of being cornered by something unseen never abates or fades. Frustrated, he snaps out the first argument that comes to mind, nevermind that it's a bit too honest, nevermind that he'd hesitate to confess to it if he had taken a second to think.]

But there's nowhere to go!

[Physically, or mentally, or just metaphorically. All apply.

It used to be, just a snap of a pill bottle and it all could be made easier to handle. Back when reality wasn't quite so real, and the nightmares weren't quite so distinct... and all his problems were at least ones he had ownership of somewhere. It used to be if he didn't have answers, he at least knew who to blame. Things can't go back to how they used to be; not even Tetsuo wants to return to that.

That doesn't change that sometimes it feels like it'd be easier for a little while...]

... Where do you want it to go?

[ Goals are important. Minato would never be able to put this concisely or articulately, but the fact of the matter is that all the times in his life where he hadn't bothered to push forward toward something, he'd been the most accepting of death he'd ever been.

It seems to him like trying to get Tetsuo something to work toward would be beneficial. ]

Somewhere...

[He had goals, once. And at one point, he worked hard to get there, every day. He endured everything both his world and this one threw at him without once surrendering to it, but what did it matter? Where had it led him, in the end?

Where COULD it lead him, later?

That's one more answer he just can't find anymore, unless he's willing to accept 'nowhere' as an answer. It's one he never even needed to search for.

Or maybe he'd just never really asked that question until more recently, in the fear that's the only answer he'd find. Tetsuo adds after a pause,]

I don't really care where.

[Just being able TO go somewhere's at least something.]

It doesn't have to be something concrete. I thought... that it did, or everything felt too uncertain. If I didn't have a specific goal, how did I know I was going anywhere at all?

[ A moment's pause to reflect on that before he continues. ]

But that's not really true. My goals now... are to support my friends, and protect those around me. As long as there's something like that to hold onto, it's not so scary.

What if there isn't?

[It's half hypothetical, half ... very much not. He's here because of Kaneda, but Kaneda doesn't really need protecting. Tetsuo himself has tested this to the ultimate conclusion- aside from a few very important weaknesses, there's just no point.

And... everyone's probably willing to do that, anyway.]

Or.. what if it's not enough?

That's something you have to decide for yourself. What it is and if it's enough. We all do.

Yeah... I figured.

[From there, he lapses into silence.]

... Any guesses?

[ Minato is not that easy to shake off. ]

[A shrug.]

It shouldn't have to be a guess.

Sometimes you don't know how true it is until you air it out loud.

Look, if I knew, you think we'd be having this talk?!

... No, we're having it because you don't know. So you should speculate.

...

It doesn't even matter.

It does. If there's nothing you can look toward in the future, it's hard to know why you're going forward at all.

That's just it. This place... it doesn't have one, does it? Not for us.

[Cut to spending months being a useless shut-in who plays video games all day.]

I used to wonder that. But I think it's the opposite.

I'm dead at home, [ Minato says plainly, no trace of grief. ] So if I don't find a purpose here, then I might as well still be dead.

... And I'd rather not be. [ No sign, as he says that, of what an immense, world-altering revelation that had been for Minato. Here it's presented as simple fact. ]

Back where I came from, I-...

[It's almost frustrating. Every point he makes, Minato's somehow got a counter for.]

...forget it.

... What's holding you back?

[Tetsuo doesn't reply verbally, but his eyes flick up to meet Minato's in a silent question.]

From telling me what you meant to say. From deciding what you want.

You're hesitant.