maskormenacelogs | and when the world has worn you down

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and when the world has worn you down

WHO: Megaman (

megabytes) and Magicman (

hypnotherapy)
WHERE: Magicman's comm
WHEN: After the Seminar
WHAT: Megaman's worldview isn't doing too good in the wake of the Russians and LACKEY and he needs something "normal." Magicman is the closest thing there is.
WARNINGS: Nothing I can think of; subject to change

[He's so tired.

It's a tired he doesn't know how to fix; sleeping doesn't do anything, and no amount of rest helps. Even in the cyber world, he's tired. It's awful and frustrating, and the more he thinks about how tired he is, the more tired he feels.

He hates it. He hates feeling tired, he hates feeling lost, he hates that everything just feels so wrong now. This place is so different from home - he knew that, but he never realized how different. Or just how many other worlds find those differences normal. One world being this different and strange and wrong, he could handle, maybe even a few of them...but the more people he sees and hears reacting in ways that he always thought was abnormal, the more he wishes he could find something normal to hold onto.

Which is probably why he's hovering around the entry point to Magicman's comm, pinging an entry request. He doesn't have his family, he doesn't have his systems, he doesn't have his friends from home...the other navi's really the only piece of normal he has left.]

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That's where that logic fails, I'm afraid.

For that common sense to apply, first we must be seen as people. As someone. For many, that first step never happens.

[ He continues sorting. He sounds a little distant. ] Robots and AI and artificial beings - we're all just components put together to form the mockery of life. There's no connection.

[ He remembers Tempo, worried about reprogramming. Remembers X, so happy to be in a world that doesn't fear him.

He remembers

other things, that he'd rather not. He shuffles them away, in his processing. Those dark and ugly thoughts. ] And if you can rearrange the core programs of a navi so easily, if you can blend them together so easily, then why wouldn't you? Just to see what would happen?

[ His voice turns bitter and sharp, for a moment, and then returns to its distant tone. ] As I said. You shouldn't expect people to know that automatically.

[He just curls in on himself as Magicman talks. This doesn't make sense. They can think, they can feel, how could anyone not see them as people? How could someone set out to make a person and then refuse to treat it like one? Humans...humans aren't that different from navis. ...are they?]

But...but that...

Some people would say that created beings are tools to assist humans. And you don't treat tools as people.

[ His voice is what can only be described as vindictive. There's an edge to it. And yet, it seems like he's repeating the words of someone he's heard before. ] It's fine if one gets broken beyond repair, or even destroyed. You can always make more if you know how. Or you pick them apart, to see how they can be improved.

All just -- worthless data.

[ He shoves the screens aside in a violent motion, letting them disappear - he's done with his work for now.

He doesn't look at Megaman. ]

You shouldn't trust that they'll see you as equal to them so easily.

But there's enough people here to make up for that, I suppose. It's just something to keep in mind.

Edited 2016-02-24 06:13 (UTC)

But...

[No, no no no that can't be right, it can't. It doesn't fit. He can't make it fit. Either that's wrong or...]

No, that's not...that doesn't make sense...

[He doesn't understand. He thought he did - he thought he understood how things worked, he thought he had everything sorted out, he thought...]

[ There is a long, long moment of silence, before he speaks. His voice is tired; almost weak, in a way. Like he's admitting something that he doesn't really want to. ]

It made sense to the person who created me.

But that was before your time.

[His gaze immediately snaps to Magicman at that. Oh no. No, no, no...]

W-what...? [He sounds just as horrified as he looks.]

Well, I suppose 'created' isn't the most accurate term, but it will do.

[ In some ways, he'd created himself. But the catalyst for his birth - that had been arranged. One of many. ]

You've had enough history lessons to know that there was no real coherent scientific body before Scilabs was formed, I trust. And even then, it took a while for them to unite. Your father spearheaded that movement towards better treatment for navis, as I recall.

Many things came out of that. Some survived longer than others. I can't really tell if much progress came out of it, but it was new and exciting technology which could be used for any number of things. [ As always, he's understating it. But Megaman's smart. He should be able to pick up on what Magicman is implying by now. ]

It doesn't happen now, so you don't need to worry about it. It's long past, for your generation.

Edited 2016-02-24 06:51 (UTC)

[He's shaking his head fiercely before Magicman's even finished speaking. He knows about the founding of Scilabs, sure, but there's a difference between basic history and...this.]

B-but...Gramps, he...he was a g-good person, h-he wouldn't...he wouldn't let...

[Except Alpha still happened, didn't it?]

[ His voice is gentle. No, Tadashi Hikari wanted only the best for navis. This has nothing to do with him. ]

He was only one person, Megaman. He wasn't able to keep an eye on everything. It wasn't his fault.

You should blame those who chose to play with the lives of AIs like they were toys or weapons.

[The reassurance helps; it's at least one thing he can still cling to. One thing he was right about. He's quiet for a moment, just trying to process everything.]

...why would they do that? Why would they create us just so they could hurt us?

[ There are those who treat AIs well, and those who don't, and everything in between. The existence of one doesn't negate the other, but it seems to be an uneven ratio in other worlds. ]

Your family has always pushed for AI rights. Even your mother, I believe, was very active in that regard. [ He definitely remembers seeing her name pop up. A lot. ]

Some people just saw a very advanced piece of technology that could be applied to many situations, without risking human lives. They didn't know or care that they hurt us - they didn't see us as 'alive'.

[ Not that it excuses anything, but people who think that way generally don't see artificial beings as anything more than unfeeling tools. It's a logical line of thought, even if he despises it. ]

And you know there are humans who will hurt for fun, or for profit, or for the sake of progress. It's just...an extension of that.

But we are lucky to live in a world that treats us well, and gives us freedom... Did you ever get to talk to Tempo much?

Still, it just...why did people just let them do that?

[People other than his family, he means. He understands in the abstract that having to fight for AI rights means having to convince people, but concretely...well. He's still having trouble fully grasping just how little people can think of AIs. They can clearly think and feel and have opinions, surely everyone would understand they can at least feel pain, right?]

Um, a little. ...why? [He's not going to like this is he.]

It was a testing stage. Scientists didn't communicate with each other as much, I believe. It was new technology to experiment with.

Some realised their mistakes faster than others. Some never thought of their testing as mistakes at all.

[ He stares into the distance for a moment. ]

She's not a 'true AI'. She has restrictions on the way she can act. It doesn't make her any less of a person, but the artificial life in her world is bound by parameters that they have to obey, including not to raise a hand against humans unless certain conditions are met.

You're an intelligent navi. I'll let you figure out the rest. What kind of fate that would shape for robots.

That's...that's awful.

[Is he referring to the testing or to Tempo's world? Little bit of both, really. Bad enough having to accept that this is normal here, bad enough being told it used to be normal at home...how many other worlds are like this? How many just let these terrible things happen because they don't think AIs are alive?

Just how different is home from everywhere else?]

...it can get better, right? L-like home did? Humans...humans will realize what they're doing eventually, won't they?

[ The answer is: depressingly different. Their world is an anomaly, it seems, when it comes to artificial life. ]

...X - I'm not sure if you met him. But he was happy to work with humans again - he was happy that they viewed him as just an imPort, not something to be feared. He came from a place where war was constant.

He had free will, I think. He didn't mention anything about laws. But - we had the other version of you, briefly. Megaman. They looked...similar.

I don't think it gets any better. [ He sounds worried. ] I believe it gets worse.

[He'd met both of them, but he hadn't had enough of a chance to talk to them to learn anything like that. He'd regretted not getting to know them better, but now...

He whimpers, curling up and laying his head on his knees.]

I don't understand...

...Well, the fact that you don't understand is proof of how things have changed, don't you think?

You weren't created knowing the future that was ahead of you would be bleak. I think you should hold onto that.

[ He has questionable morals, he's not a good person, but -- even with his actions, he is happy for the future that has been created, in his own way. Now more than ever, with those under his care. ]

I guess...

[It's not much of a consolation when he's had his worldview shaken like this. It doesn't change the fact that he was wrong about so many things...or make him stop wondering how many other things he might be wrong about.

He's silent for a while - long enough that Magicman might think he's done with the conversation entirely. Eventually, though, he lifts his head just a little bit to look at Magicman.]

...are humans really that different from us?

No, they're not.

We see the world differently, of course. We move in different spaces. We're separate - there are some things that we have trouble with understanding, or aren't able to share, but--

Well, the world we come from is proof enough, isn't it? Humans and navis...despite everything, we live happily together. Side by side.

[ He laughs a little, after a moment. ] Even if that partnership isn't always beneficial to everyone else. [ He is a criminal, after all. But he has the choice to be that way. ]

[He snorts at that last bit, at least. Progress, even if he is stuck in a mental rut now.]

But...they can still think like that. We...we really can't. We can't claim humans aren't alive. [It's a little hard to think that way about the beings that made you exist. Even Forte didn't seem to think humans weren't alive.] And if they can think like that...what other things can they think that we can't? What can we think that they can't?

[And if humans and navis are even more different than he thought, then just what the hell is he?]

Oh, I don't know. It depends on profession, I'd think. [ He's sure some navis might have a chance develop that mindset, over time, but he's never seen it happen. In the Undernet, perhaps. ]

Don't worry about it so much. You'll tie yourself in knots with overthinking, otherwise. If we were really so incompatible, something like Cross Fusion wouldn't be possible. We wouldn't be able to exist side by side in the way we do.

[ He's trying to be reassuring, at least. ]

[It doesn't help - it just makes him want to point out that Cross Fusion just doesn't happen in his world and that...well. It's a pretty painful reminder that they technically come from different worlds, too. And the more he learns about just how wildly different worlds can be even when they feel similar to home, the more he wonders just how deep the differences between their versions of home run. Humans and navis being similar enough to Cross Fuse is Magicman's version might not mean anything about how different they are from each other in Megaman's.

Even with another navi here, he's still pretty alone. There's nobody else from his home here. He's the only one.

He's always the only one.]

...you don't have to be incompatible to be different.

[ Magicman is more used to being alone, more emotionally resilient about it. It doesn't mean he likes it, in any sense of the word, but- he can handle it better than a navi who's never been away from his operator before. ]

And the world would be boring if we were all the same. [ He is both the worst and best person to be saying this. Their worldviews and experiences diverge in many, many ways. ]

Humans are capable of doing and thinking more than one thing, and so are we. There is no unified mindset. And we are - they are - capable of change.

Is difference such a warning signal to you? [ Everyone diverges in all kinds of ways. Even those who look exactly the same won't act that way. ]

[He can't really come up with a retort to those points - Magicman is right, after all. Doesn't mean he has to like it. He'd rather be bored than be "creepy."]

It's not that. It's just...sometimes being different isn't a good thing. If people can't understand why others act a certain way, or think a certain way, or have certain habits, then isn't that bad? It means fighting, or bullying, or being lonely.

[He rests his head back on his knees and looks away. He sure doesn't sound like he's speaking hypothetically...]

[ Well, he can't say he doesn't understand something like that. He's always been afraid of being lonely, after all. Deep down.

But - at his core, he thrives on chaos, too. Not uncontrollable, not like the way he doesn't want to think about, but there is love there for his teammates, abrasive at first and then affectionate. The clamour of voices, the suddenness of action, the bonds humans and navis share between them, little moments that he cherishes in his memory. Despite their differences, they connect all the same. ]

Just because some differences are the cause of strife doesn't mean all of them are. Pain and joy walk hand in hand, sometimes. Everything is connected. [ Ah, he sounds like a fortune cookie...but it's still what he thinks. ]

...People are cruel, that's true. You can't prevent that. But surrounding yourself with those who love you makes it a little better, I would think. And there are always those who accept you regardless, aren't there?

[ Megaman has friends. They are all different, but they befriend him regardless. And he seems to gather them, honestly. ]

[He certainly does seem to collect friends like moths to a light - and if not friends, certainly a great deal of respect and allies and friendly rivals. Maybe not as much as the Megaman that Magicman knows, but in time. He still has a lot of life to live.]

It doesn't mean they understand. [He loves his friends dearly - utterly adores Roll and everything she does to make him feel less alone, to understand as much as she can - but there's still hiccups. Trains of thought they can't follow, instincts he can't explain, quirks and habits they've simply learned to ignore even though he knows they find them odd. Shrugging off his strangeness because he's always been that way doesn't make him feel any less strange.

It's painful, being stuck so completely in the middle of two very different things that neither side can fully comprehend you. Especially when you're the only one.

Especially when you technically weren't supposed to happen in the first place.]

...Magicman? Why were you made?

Edited 2016-02-29 04:44 (UTC)

As long as they accept you, I think it's enough. [ There's no possible way for anyone to understand everything about you. Operators, maybe. But humans can't even understand each other well most of the time, and they were the same species. ]

Why was I...?

Ah...well. I wasn't really meant to be. And then again, I was...but that doesn't clarify things very well, does it?

You can...coax viruses to merge, under certain conditions. If they have an enticing supply of power, they'll gather. If you can force them into a state in which they begin to merge, they become a little more...malleable. They can be moulded.

[ He shrugs. ] One of the most effective ways of pulling them in and inducing that reaction is through cores. Viruses by themselves create something uncontrollable, like Gospel; a core stabilises it. Or, of course, you can use a navi that already exists, but that's if you don't care about the pain they'll go through.

For a while, there was some interest in trying to create...hybrids. A navi that could pass standard antivirus checks, but wasn't...well, pure, I suppose. Something that could infiltrate without being detected, and corrupt from the inside.

[ His voice is...heavy. Sad, mostly. ] But virus and navi data is incompatible. Trying to merge the two together only forces them apart. The navi is destroyed, or what does meld becomes...unstable. It hurts for them to exist.

Well, except for me. [ His voice is sharp, suddenly. Bitter. ] I was perfect. A balance of two things that shouldn't come together. So naturally, when you find something new, you experiment on it. You take parts of it away and force it to obey orders. You cause it pain-

I don't even know how long I was there for. They kept taking memories away from me...

[ He trails off, then shakes his head. That's enough information for now. ]

...So I suppose the reason I was made was 'just to see'. Just to see if it could be done. I shouldn't exist - but I do, regardless.

[ His voice is just kind of flat. ]

[He's already looking horrified when Magicman decides to lead off with talking about viruses. He's a smart kid, he can guess where it's going.

He didn't exactly guess it would be that bad, though.]

I'm sorry.

[He means it. It certainly explains a lot about why Magicman...reacted the way he did to their initial conversation. It's also about a thousand different kinds of sickening. And he'd thought how he'd imagined the Russians treating LACKEY was awful...

Even so...there's at least part of it that he can understand, a little.]

...back when Lan was a baby, dad was working on a new way to generate navi core data. So we'd be more human-like - have some kind of personality right away, instead of just being a blank slate. They did it with, um, human DNA. The operator's. Something about genetic predispositions, and making sure the personalities would be similar.

[He shrugs awkwardly.]

I was the only one that worked.

[ He just kind of...shrugs a bit. He appreciates the sincerity of the apology, but it's long past. Something he can't control.

It's something he has to live with, in the end. He didn't choose this existence, but here he is regardless. ]

...It's fine. It's passed.

[ He listens carefully to this next part, though. He doesn't say anything until he's certain Megaman is finished. ]

..Ah. So you were created with human DNA, and created to be more human-like...I see.

Well, that explains a lot. [ Megaman does have a lot of odd tics, after all. But...it doesn't really matter, does it? Odd tics are nothing to worry about. ] Including your loneliness.

It seems like you've had a hard life. Though I believe, personally, that anyone who finds you odd is just being... [ He considers his possible choices of words and picks the most child-friendly, least acidic ones. ] ...Unnecessarily picky...?

We have free will, after all. To some extent, lesser or more, we choose what we want to be. And if there are things we can't help, then - well, I think that's fine.

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and when the world has worn you down

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