maskormenacelogs | (no subject)

WHO: UNDYNE AND ALPHYS
WHERE: THEIR APARTMENT
WHEN: VALENTINE'S DAY
WHAT: ROMANCE???
WARNINGS: ROMANCE

Valentine's Day.

Undyne is no stranger to this holiday. She's watched enough documentaries on human culture to know what a vitally important day this is. It's more than just an aggressively commercialized day to sell chocolate and flowers -- no, this is a day to remember. It's about love! Romance! Igniting your soul with the fires of passion!

This is going to be Undyne and Alphys' first date on the surface -- everything has to be perfect.

Which is why Undyne called up Papyrus for his superior interior decorating skills.

For his superior everything skills.

Undyne "drapes" herself "dramatically" across the chocolate pile on the couch in the living room, covered in an avalanche of petals, a single rose delicately clenched between all five million of her razor sharp shark teeth.

The stage is set. The curtain rises.

This is going to be a night for romance.

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It's been a very long day.

Okay, it hasn't been too bad. Really, sleeping in was pretty nice (even if it's all you've done since you got in), and the more Alphys thinks about it the nicer the human world is. There's just enough sunlight that you can walk out into it if you want, and just enough buildings to hide inside and not have to deal with the sun!

The only thing that's been kind of a pain is the whole Valentine's thing. She's had a chance to use, as Papyrus so eloquently called it, "the Google;" she gets that this whole affair is a day that humans celebrate their human souls and human soulmates through the power of cards, pink, and highly public smooching sessions. Which isn't really a problem, except for the part where every bit of that she's had to see today is a strong reminder of how nobody really likes her, and how nobody's ever going to like her. (The customized ads didn't really help matters. "Alone on Valentine's Day? Buy consolation chocolate in bulk!" She got nearly a pound.)

So when she finally makes her way out of her room, head ducked low as she tries to quietly make her way to the kitchen, she can't help but notice that the place is illuminated by candlelight. And halfway to the sink, she looks over the small island to the living room and freezes as she finally notices Undyne, posing on the couch with a rose between her teeth.

Alphys doesn't say a word for a moment. It's kind of hard to when you're trying not to focus on how stupidly dreamy your roommate is. The faucet is going. The flat soda she's trying to wash out is overflowing onto her hands. Everything is awful.

"Um." Okay. Okay, she can do this. No pressure. "A-am I- um. Am I interrupting something? I can go back."

Okay. Okay. Keep it together, Undyne. You're not good at being sappy and romantic. You're not good at expressing emotions that aren't HOTBLOODED SHONEN FURY and FRIENDSHIP. But this isn't the time for that! It's Valentine's Day! This is the one holiday where you're allowed to be as obnoxiously shmoopy as you want and no one is allowed to call you out on it. You've practiced for this exact moment. (With Papyrus.)

She waggles her eyebrows, seductively. Saxophone music begins to play.

"HNNRPTNG?? THE NNLEE THNG YRR--"

Oh wait, that's right. She spits the rose out of her mouth. The stem comes out in pieces, shredded by her teeth.

"The only thing you're interrupting..." She drops her voice down to a husky, passionate whisper. It still sounds like it's in the ballpark of barely-contained screaming. "...is my fantasies of you."

It doesn't really hit her at first. She's not interrupting anything, and that's the most important thing - it means she can rinse the flat soda out of this cup and maybe refill it with the slightly less flat one at the back of the fridge. She tries to make idle chatter as she finishes what she's doing at the sink and turns to the refrigerator. "Oh! W-well, uh, I'm glad I'm not..."

And then she finally comprehends just what Undyne said, and her voice just kind of dies in her throat as she whips around to face the fish. Fantasies? Of her? Those three words are so inappropriate in the same sentence that she only barely notes the totally sweet reference to Heartly Crime Scene, which means they've gotta be pretty darn inappropriate. Did she hear her right? She can't have. It's gotta be a misunderstanding, right? That sexy saxophone is meant for someone else...

...but Mettaton talked about this, didn't he? He mentioned it on the network earlier, and she'd kind of assumed he'd found her fanfic stash again, but this- this definitely didn't seem like that. Okay! Okay. So maybe her and Undyne were dating in some weird, hypothetical parallel universe. And this Undyne was from that parallel universe. That's good, right? That's good! That means she's dating a totally dreamy hunk of monster.

Oh god, she's dating Undyne. She's dating Undyne and she can't even remember the words she'd figured out for this situation, in the several dozen times she's envisioned literally this exact situation. All she has to do is not blow it, right? Just breathe. In, and out. Her breathing gets faster and faster, she finally opens her mouth to squeak out-

"Th-that's nice!"

-and promptly collapses like a sack of sweaty bricks backwards into the open fridge.

It's a good thing Undyne was used to Alphys keeling over like some kind of poor baby goat whose only defense mechanism is helplessly fainting. Undyne rushed to her side, laying her out flat and hoping she hadn't taken a nasty hit on the head.

What had she done wrong? Her form was perfect. Her technique was flawless. She had studied and practiced this over and over with Papyrus -- was there something they both had missed?

No. Maybe... maybe she was too good. Maybe her attempts at passionate seduction had simply been too effective. Maybe Alphys had been unable to handle the combined power of her SMOOTH MOVES and PASSIONATE CHARM.

"Hey, you doing okay? I guess I, uh, came on a little strong, huh?" she asked when Alphys started waking up. "Sorry, I wanted to knock your socks off. I think I succeeded a little too well!"

The SMOOTH MOVES and PASSIONATE CHARM definitely have something to do with it, though in all honesty Undyne could have romantically headbutted her and the response would probably have been the same. (Almost definitely, actually, right down to collapsing into a refrigerator.)

The first thing Alphys notes as she begins stirring is how uncomfortably cold the floor is. She's no stranger to lying on a linoleum floor and feeling like garbage, mind you, but the floor back in Hotland... it's so much warmer, you know? Nice and toasty, perfect for basking or curling up into a ball and crying. Where was this going? Oh, right. The second thing Alphys notes is Undyne leaning over her, flashing one of her signature giant grins and saying something about how strong she is.

"Uh, y-yeah! Yeah. Right." That's the right response, isn't it? Undyne's definitely strong - they've established this several times before, in conversation and in writing. Also, Undyne wants to knock her socks off and holy shit Undyne was just posing for her she just remembered.

She nearly faints again. But now's not the time for that. Now's the time to rally - to gather up her inner strength, to let Undyne know just how incredibly deeply she returns what she can only assume is a hideously strong infatuation.

"My socks are sure knocked, ehehe. They're... p-platonically knocked right off." Nope, only kidding. Time to go back to that part where she can't even possibly imagine a universe where Undyne would like her. "You say that sort of thing a lot! You're so strong about... our friendship, hahaha."

It looks like your LIZARD GIRLFRIEND is trying very hard to not start crying. This may have something to do with the subject matter, or the mild concussion she has. What do you do?

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1/2; hope u enjoy this <3

2/2

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