( there's no man's land )

[dormition]

WHO: Minato and others (closed; PP/PM me for a thread).
WHERE: Various.
WHEN: January at various times. Much backdate. So past.
WHAT: Various.
WARNINGS: None probably except general sadness.

Comments

KEN { post Pan plot }

[dormition]

When Minato wakes up, it's to a wicked headache.

He's sick. Did they stay too late in Tartarus last night...? It takes a few long minutes for reality to return to him, blinking up at his ceiling. Ah. No. That violin poster... He's in his house in Heropa, his new home. His real home, really, since he'll never be able to go back to the dorm.

Slowly the memories fade back in, like reverse evaporation, and the guilt of attacking Ken is immediate and irrational and so unfamiliar Minato's breath catches. It's like he got the wind knocked out of him, a solid blow. As it all comes back to him, the detritus of that mentality echoes in his mind again, the complete and total despair he'd given into. How he'd let apathy entrench itself further than he ever had in reality, because it was lined and defined with hurt, betrayal, anger, a dark cast to it Minato had never given himself over to before. It's so hard not to feel some trace of that, rooted as it was in things that had actually happened to him. Some small twist, and he was so close to that...

No, that's just the curse talking. Isn't it? Minato had never actually been close to that. ... Was he?

His breath continues to hitch like he's crying, but without tears. Nonetheless he throws an arm over his face, overwhelmed. Ignorant of whether anyone else is in the room.

[amadaman]

After the battle with Pan and after watching the jungle disappear, Ken followed Kaneda back to the house in Nonah, then almost immediately left. He couldn't bear the thought of being in that house, watching him limp back to Tetsuo, watching the two of them together. And Maya, where Ken wanted to be. Where he used to be before Crane's attack tore everything apart. When Ken quietly slipped out of the house, he didn't think he saw anybody turn to watch him except for one of the cats.

He's been here ever since, sitting by Minato's bedside and watching him in silence. Maybe it's been days, or maybe it's only been hours; Ken dropped everything he was holding at the front door, and he hasn't gone down to look since. He only moved and ate food when Koromaru needed to be fed, but he didn't pay enough attention to know how often he'd gone through that routine. He sat still in the chair, replaying those moments with Minato in the forest over and over and waiting for him to wake up.

And when he does, it brings Ken back to that memory once again. Was it really almost a year ago that he found Minato in his first house at De Chima, tangled in blankets too big for him and a body even smaller than Ken's. The little Minato back then was utterly quiet and didn't even make the sounds he hears now, but it still fills Ken with the same urge as that time. As that day in May when Jaime asked him if he could find a new purpose to live for. As that day in October when he returned to this world and realized this was his last chance with him. As he had, back in the jungle, when Minato glared at him with deep, dark resentment and showed him the pain he had never exposed before. Maybe not even to himself.

Ken moves, just as quietly as he had been sitting, raising a heavy, aching hand. His entire body aches; every cell in his body seems to be screaming in protest. Kala-Nemi's magic could heal most wounds, but there's nothing she can do about the pain caused by an attack like Megidola. That reached deep into his bones and wore down his mind, and every strike from that left him feeling like he'll be exhausted for years. He couldn't tell if he hated them or Mudo spells more. But he ignores the pain as he slides to his feet and his hand moves closer to Minato, and he's gentle as his small fingers thread through Minato's hair. They tangle, tug, and stroke through the strands, mirroring the motions he learned from all the times other people stroked his own hair, and he waits for Minato to catch his breath again.

[dormition]

He goes silent for a moment, even his breath stilling, at that first unexpected touch. Minato's so used to being alone with his misery, and that's not just from the curse...

Ah. Ken had said that much to him during it, hadn't he? Suddenly, specific words are starting to filter back in. We were a team, but we made you fight alone. There's only one time that'd happened, isn't there.

The cresting realization is too much for him: he keeps his arm pressed to his eyes, blocking out the light and the rest of the world and who obviously must be Ken (he has the irrepressible, wryly fond thought that Jaime probably wouldn't sit in silence for this long) and tries to process it. But it won't, it's all overwhelming, Minato trying to shed the dregs of bleak hopelessness and combat the growing understanding that Ken doesn't just know he's died, but he's lived it. There's no other way he'd know a detail like that, that Minato had faced it alone-- it's not something he's told anyone.

Certain things Minato still finds it hard to give voice to.

Eventually, several minutes later, he speaks without removing his arm. His voice is low and rough. "How long have you known?"

Really he should be asking if Ken's okay-- but he's not okay. Minato knows exactly what he'd done to him, and Ken knows plenty of healers if he himself didn't have the energy for it. Minato asking that question usually preempts an offer to heal; he can't heal right now. He feels hollowed out, empty, his Persona all subdued and shifting uncomfortably beneath his skin. No... it's all he can do to keep a lid on his own problems right now. Asking about Ken's, physical or emotional or otherwise, is for the very first time beyond him. There's too much else.

[amadaman]

It definitely isn't Jaime, because until the moment Minato speaks, the silence in the room goes unbroken. Ken is patient as he strokes his hair and waits for him to recover, and he doesn't stop even after Minato's voice reaches his ears. He was waiting for it; the other people who recovered from their time in the jungle remembered what happened then, too. The secret was out.

He doesn't know if he was ready for it, but he's glad that this is the question he gets asked instead. Being asked if he's all right, or getting an offer to heal, would be time and effort wasted on trying to bat away meaningless questions. But it turns out that this elephant in the room is too big for even Minato to brush it off. Too much for even Minato to ask about anything else.

Softly, as not to disturb the stillness of the room, Ken answers, "Since October, when I came back."

[dormition]

That long?

His arm slowly lowers, revealing his dry face and eyes staring at the ceiling. But a moment later Minato turns his head enough to look at Ken, and everything else in him clears away to reveal nothing but sorrow. Minato doesn't grieve for himself; he's sad for what his death must have done to others in his wake. What Ken must have had to live with.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, no longer trying to hide. "I tried to keep you from it, but time marches on..."

He's still reeling from everything; it's the only reason Minato is tired enough to actually say what he's thinking wholesale, without modification.

[amadaman]

Ken catches Minato's arm as it's lowered. His smaller hand clasps Minato's larger one, and he holds it after lowering it the rest of the way; Ken's hand is calloused and rough for a twelve-year-old's, but his grip is gentle as he brings down his other hand to envelope Minato's with both of them.

What he doesn't say is that he was aware of Minato's secret. He didn't know the details, but he knew something was going to happen in the future; the way Minato spoke about it, and at times didn't speak about it, let him know that there was something he wanted to protect him from. He would find out anyway, after all. And Ken had.

"You wanted to protect me," he answers in just as quiet a whisper, and he smiles, the expression sincere. "And you did, just like you always did."

He'd keep standing, but with his body still in pain it's hard to. Ken doesn't let go of Minato's hand as he drops back into the chair, and instead he leans closer and holds it more firmly. One hand cradling his hand and wrist, the other placed over it.

"Thank you, Minato-san. You don't have to bear it on your own anymore."

[dormition]

His hand tightens convulsively on Ken's, and Minato has to close his eyes against the echoes of those words traveling through him.

It had never seemed like he was waiting. Minato had always been fine on his own, because he wasn't really on his own-- his social links were all there inside his head with his Persona, and he knew his friends and especially SEES all cared for him, would grieve him and miss him. Minato hadn't actually felt alone.

So why, hearing this... You don't have to bear it on your own anymore... Does he feel for the first time that he can remember that his eyes are stinging?

"I don't regret it," falls from his mouth. "I'd do it again. But I'm-- I was so happy to see you here. To see everyone again. I lost all of you."

Has he been waiting to say that all this time? Minato had never even thought it so clearly, never put it in so many words. But strung out as he is, all of his defenses scooped out and dismantled, the confession is not so much pulled from him as seeps out like water finding cracks.

[amadaman]

Ken nods even if Minato cannot see him do it. He nods again, and he continues to hold Minato's hand with both of his own. Ken's hands are warm, and Minato's is warm. They're both alive, and they're together. They're simple but extraordinary facts for them.

But, Minato says. But he was so happy, like being willing to save them again took away his right to want to see them. Ken can see how those thoughts would connect, though, and he wonders how long Minato had to keep those separate. Giving his life to save the world was one thing, but wanting to see his friends again meant wanting to live to do so -- it would be unbearable, probably, to host those two feelings in one heart.

"I'm glad you're here." He doesn't have any wise words. He doesn't have any answers. But what he can give right now is honesty, he thinks. Honesty and sincerity. "I'm happy to be here with you, Minato-san."

KANEDA { near the end of Tetsuo's powerless phase? }

[dormition]

[Minato hasn't really been trying to put this conversation off-- he had promised him and he wants to have it, besides-- but it's been a crazy few days, recovering from Neverland and then getting things straightened out with Tetsuo legally speaking. This had just fallen down the priority list by necessity.

But Minato wouldn't be Minato if other people's problems didn't place above his own, and he's relieved to have something else to focus on, rather than think on what Ken had told him.

So he ends up at Nonah #005 for a very specific reason today, and as he ducks in, he calls out in his quiet tones,] Kaneda? Are you here?

[It seems a little silly to keep on with -san at this point.]

MABEL { not actually backdated more than few days }

[dormition]

[It's a little strange to be going to N5 with Ken not there, but because Tetsuo is there. It means there's no change in this part of his routine physically speaking, but he's here for a different reason. He brings fewer eggs and more other things, trying to guess what Tetsuo and Kaneda like aside from "Japanese food", which is hard to get around here. But he still comes with his bag of prepared meals, he just comes after making a separate stop in De Chima at Shinji and Akihiko and Hiro and Tadashi's house, since they're hosting Ken. This is stop two.

Of course, this time he slows to a stop, pausing, and blinks at the small girl he finds there.]

You look familiar, [he announces with all the grace of an elephant.]

[glitterateur]

[Ken may not be home, and Mabel may not live there, but she's still sitting on their floor and sorting small bottles of nail polish. Some of the pinks she's left behind are suddenly empty (Possibly Bull's fault) and others are scabbed over and gross, and that's unacceptable. She can't just leave gross nail polish here! What if there's a beauty emergency?

When Minato speaks Mabel's head snaps up and she nods, agreeing. This guy also looks familiar! He might be one of Kaneda's friends, he looks old enough.]

I'm Mabel! I'm a friend of Ken's and Bull's and Kaneda's and Maya's and Tetsuo's. [She painted his nails, that counts as friendship.] What's your name?

[dormition]

[Minato would totally let her do his nails in whatever color she wanted and not complain a bit. Just saying.]

One second. [Minato makes a brief detour to put the whole bag in the fridge, not wanting to deal with sorting through it when there's someone new to meet (and a friend of Ken's and Tetsuo's, no less). When he returns, he comes right up to her arrangement on the floor and sits down across from her, folding his legs.]

I'm Minato, Ken's guardian. [Funny how easily that rolls off his tongue now; the first couple times there'd been a half-second of hesitation.] It's nice to meet you.

[glitterateur]

[Mabel smiles when he sits down, appreciating the gesture. Not that she minds getting up and shaking hands and not being incredibly rude, but she's got stuff all over the floor and if any of this tips over and stains the carpet she'll be in some kind of trouble. Maybe.]

Ken's guardian? Whoa! [She knew he had one, theoretically, but sort of assumed that whoever they were didn't matter. But she's heard Minato's name mentioned before. He's someone Ken likes, and if he's also his guardian-- well, geez, she's going to have to make a good impression. ] It's really nice to meet you too! You know Ken from home, right?

[dormition]

[To be fair, it's not hard to make a good impression on Minato, and just by being Ken's friend she's already made one.

He nods.] That's right. I'm leader of our team, and we lived in the dorm together. I'm not actually his guardian at home, but... it was simpler here.

[glitterateur]

Your team? [A pause.] Oh! Oh, you mean the monster fighting team? So you've got a head pokemon too!

[dormition]

I have twelve of them, actually.

[Well, he has way more than that, but he has twelve with him. He doesn't want to complicate things.]

[glitterateur]

Twelve?! Whoa! [That's terribly impressive. His brain has to be, like, the coolest brain of all time. There's just one more question that can determine his level of greatness in comparison to his small teammate:]

Do you have a dog too?

SHINJI { idk sometime a week or two ago }

[dormition]

[Minato stops in De Chima #001 occasionally, especially with Ken staying there for a while, and at some point he's bound to run into Shinji.

He slows to a stop while putting away groceries, looking over at him.]

... Senpai. I should talk to you.

[hoboagogo]

[He's gotten pretty used to Minato bringing them groceries- especially now that Ken was over far more often... and yet, he's yet to say anything about it. Far be it from Shinji to turn down free foods, after all, especially since their Leader usually brought over some decent stuff.

So he hadn't done more than lift his hand in a short greeting as Minato had entered with grocery bags, continuing to look down at his phone as he flipped through it- and only looks up at that ominous phrase.]

...Ah? What's up?

[dormition]

[He brings over a lot of eggs for Ken, and hot sauce (half as a joke), and vegetables. He also refills their rice when need be.

Minato is determined not to get into another emotional conversation-- he has entirely met his quota for this month already-- so he resolutely goes back to putting daikon away as he says,] Ken-kun isn't from the time he said he was. He's already lived through everything, including my death.

[hoboagogo]

[That gives him a brief moment of pause. He'd known that Ken had gone home for a short period of time- but he thought he'd only been there for a few weeks, maybe a month. That would have put him returning when it was Mid-November back home...

But Minato died in the Spring.

His brows crease, and he moves to sit up a bit straighter.]

So... what, he lied?

[Shoving himself up from the couch, he rests a hand on a hip.] The hell for? You'd already told us that.

[dormition]

[Minato frowns vaguely down at the spring onions.]

I guess he didn't think I could deal with it. I don't know... I didn't ask.

[Which in retrospect, maybe he should've. Not something Minato thinks very often-- ordinarily he couldn't care less about his lack of information. Being inquisitive is not in his nature.]

[hoboagogo]

[He'll glance down in thought for a moment, arms folding as he leans against the wall of the kitchen, watching Minato thoughtfully stare past the onions.]

...I doubt that. You could probably deal with anything, if you had to. Could be that it was hard on him, though.

[At least beforehand they'd mostly all been on the same page- He, ken, and Akihiko all from shortly after his own death, and Minato, always the Leader, from past that. But now Ken had matched and exceeded that, and was alone in his knowledge.

Idly, he'll reach out to take the batch of onions, and move to put them in the fridge.]

If he's from the farthest out, maybe he thinks he can't really talk to anyone about it.

[dormition]

... It's nice that you have faith in me, senpai.

[He doesn't mean that sarcastically-- it really is nice. Minato sounds faintly wry, but a little encouraged, too, shifting aside to let Shinji put groceries away without interference. He knows where he wants them, after all.

Minato sets his arms on the counter and leans forward onto it with them folded, staring down.]

Maybe he didn't want to think about it. [Minato, obviously, doesn't really want to either.]

[hoboagogo]

[He smoothly takes over the putting things away. It's not that Minato had been off with it- but rather, it gives himself something to be doing with his hands while they talk, rather than just watching the Leader.]

...I think that one's pretty likely. He's so used to doing things on his own, too.

[Just like the rest of them, really.]

I ain't really one to talk- but I figure it's gotta be pretty hard known what's gonna happen before anyone else. Even if he says anything to us, it ain't gonna change the outcome.

[Or so is his own opinion. Time may be more flexible than they'd originally thought, sure. The Dark Hour, and this place- they're both testaments to that. But neither one involves changing events that had already transpired.]

Does it bug you?