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[OPEN]

WHO: Joel & OPEN
WHERE: Various locations
WHEN: A week after Ellie disappeared, backdated before the Power Swap plot
WHAT: Ellie was Ported out. Sad Dad mode activated to critical mass levels.
WARNINGS: Pooossible violence? Will edit if necessary!

CLOSED TO JESSE
[ She's been gone almost a week.

The first few days since Ellie disappeared were grim, anxiously silent ones. Joel only managed to keep it together under the nervously desperate hope that this was like last time: maybe she'd been Ported out but she'd be back in a few days. He kept wildly oscillating between being terrified of what new changes her return would bring, and not caring one single shit what change it would bring, just so long as she returned to him. The atmosphere in the house with Jesse has been cold and tense, almost every moment of Joel's energy spent worrying and worrying, with it all bottled up in silence inside him. He hadn't even been able to mention Ellie's name in fear that… she might not return.

And now it's been almost a week, and any shred of hope Joel had has decayed into a sickening dread sitting heavy in his chest. He still hasn't mentioned her name or even talked about her around Jesse, and he's probably been driving Jesse crazy with his restless pacing and silent loitering around the house.

It's stupid of him to go into her bedroom. Maybe he's hoping, by some miracle, to find her there, or maybe it's simply out of habit, because for months now, Joel has made a point of going into Ellie's room every night to give her a kiss goodnight on the forehead or the cheek. She's not there, of course, and he stares into the empty room before slowly heading in and sinking down heavily on her desk chair. He sits there for a while, staring hollowly at nothing in particular, until his head finally drops into his hands with his elbows on his knees. She's gone, comes a cruel voice in his head. Out of nowhere, his face suddenly crumples under a choked back sob as something grief-shaped twists sharp and suffocating in his chest. ]

OPEN - Streets of Heropa, De Chima, Maurtia Falls, etc. (basically anywhere)
[ Ellie has been gone a little over a week now but Joel can't accept that she's really gone. Deep down, Joel knows it's pointless searching for her and he has moments of giving up entirely of any chance of ever finding her, but then also has moments of delusional and desperate hope that she might be out there, somewhere.

When those moments hit, he drives the streets, anxiously peering at the passerbys and the people walking the streets. He circles some neighbourhoods over and over, mostly the neighbourhoods where Ellie friends live. He takes to walking the streets, too, sometimes during the day, sometimes at night, and there are times when he thinks he spots her up ahead and will start rushing forward, pushing his way past people and crowds, sometimes reaching a hand out to grab the person's arm and yank them around to face him with a wildly frantic look on his face. ]

OPEN - Dive bar & streets at night
[ He's been frequenting bars late at night when he can't sleep or when he's given up searching the streets for Ellie. He drinks whiskey mostly, sometimes beer, until he's either drunk enough to feel numb or drunk enough to be refused any more drinks. He's a sad, pathetic looking case, slouched at the bar with his head in his hand and his other hand wrapped around either a glass or a beer bottle. He's also agitated, too, and worried out of his mind, and all choked up with a bitter, dead sense of grief and anger towards this whole goddamned place taking his little girl away from him. If anyone where to bump into him, provoke him or even talk to him funny, Joel just might lash out.

At last, he will stumble out into the streets, swaying towards the direction of his car with his hand fumbling in his jeans pocket for his car keys. Joel is a big, burly, fairly intimidating looking guy, and his morose drunkeness gives him an even more menacing appearance than he already typically has. It's also very obvious that he's drunk, though - it shows not just in the off-kilter way he walks but in the sluggish way he handles his car keys, especially when attempting to slot the key into the car door to unlock it while swaying on the spot. ]

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[This house was meant to keep them safe. Jesse, Joel, and Ellie had become a family in the year and a half they spent together, and Jesse had done everything in his power to protect them. But all the blood magic in the world wasn't enough to shield Ellie from Lachesis's whims. There's a cold comfort in knowing that nothing but Lachesis could have taken her away from here. There is at least the certainty of knowing that the only place Ellie could have gone was home.

But it hurts. God, it hurts.

When he finds the door to Ellie's room open, Jesse approaches it with cautious steps. He's not optimistic enough to think Ellie's returned, and that choked sob confirms it. The last time Ellie disappeared, though, Joel nearly beat Jesse to death. So Jesse keeps his distance when he enters - as he has been, these past few days. He doesn't say anything just yet, sniffing quietly just to make his presence known. He's not the person Joel wants to see, but he's here.]

[ Joel looks up quickly at the quiet noise coming from the doorway. Jesse is blurry through the tears welled in Joel's eyes, which Joel is just as quick to try and hide. He turns his head away with a hasty smear of his palm across both his tear-stained cheeks, and he hunches forward with his elbows on his knees and has clasping tightly together, refusing to look at Jesse. He's trying with all his might to push his grief back down, which makes the lump in his throat grow thicker and the squeezing pain in his chest to squeeze even harder; a single tear escapes and rolls down his cheek, betraying his attempt to bottle it all away. ]

What's the point?

[ It's not clear whether he's talking to Jesse or talking to himself, but there's something fatalistic about the way he mutters that. ]

[When Joel doesn't tell him to leave, Jesse takes the chance to step forward. He approaches reluctantly until he's right behind Joel, his hands drifting over those broad shoulders in a gentle massage. Joel might very well shrug him away, and he'll understand if he does. He just wants to be here. To do something, however inadequate. Words feel useless and he doesn't really have any. Sometimes touch is better. More solid. More certain.]

[ Joel tenses at Jesse's touch. His shoulders hunch a little and he rocks forward slightly like he's about to shrug away from Jesse. He squeezes his eyes closed, another tear slipping down his cheek, which he quickly swipes away.

That's all he does for a short while: sits there, not acknowledging Jesse or Jesse's hands on his shoulders, but also not pushing him away. What's the point? Ellie is gone. What's the point? That same thought keeps circling over and over in his head: what's the point?

His hand suddenly reaches up to fumble at Jesse's hand on his left shoulder, grasping it, squeezing it. There's nothing gentle or grateful about the way he squeezes Jesse's hand. It's more out of silent desperation than anything else. ]

[It's painful in more ways than one, the way Joel's holding onto him. But Jesse doesn't recoil. Instead, he folds in, curling around Joel as his free arm slips down and around to embrace him. He hugs Joel against his chest, keeping him close and just being there. He knows - he does - how empty it all feels without their baby girl. Jesse has had precious little in his life and this family has been one of the few things he had left. Now there's just the two of them and nothing will really fill that void. Joel isn't gone yet, though, so Jesse holds on.]

[ He tenses up even more, rocking forward, about to resist against Jesse holding him. The solid warmth of Jesse pressed against his back feels empty and cold, yet Joel is still clutching Jesse's hand tight like he needs him. A small whining noise escapes Joel, somewhere between a whimper and a sob, and suddenly his breath is hitching, and that's all it takes for his face to crumple and a grief-filled sob to tear from his throat. He sounds utterly broken, like he's in pain.

It's so unlike Joel. It's like he's given up. Maybe because he's known, deep down, ever since the last time she disappeared that this was going to happen: that there would come a day when Ellie would be gone, for good. ]

[Joel's sobbing brings fresh tears to Jesse's eyes, but he fights to stay strong and steady for the both of them. His arms squeeze Joel in support, though there's little comfort he can give and he knows that. He cradles Joel helplessly, nuzzling into his hair and pressing kisses to his temple. The pain isn't going to end. There's no hope of that. Love still exists, though. It's here.]

[ It's an old, gaping wound in him that's been torn wide open again and it's almost unbearable. The kisses to his temple and the way Jesse is cradling him close do nothing to curb it, and just as his chest squeezes with a familiar, horrible sadness that's haunted him ever since he lost Sarah, Joel suddenly wrestles away from Jesse. It's almost aggressive the way he does it, hasty and desperate, like being held and comforted hurts, and then he's on his feet and heading straight for the door with his hand furiously wiping away his tears. ]

I gotta get outta here.

[ Which could mean anything, really. Out of Ellie's room, or out of the house, or out of the town, maybe even out of his own skin. It's not like he's really thinking clearly. ]

[Wherever he's going, Jesse's just a few steps behind him. He stumbles back and regains his footing only to follow after Joel. There's no chance Joel will outrun him, but he outstretches a hand to grasp at Joel's shirt anyway, to hold on again and make sure he doesn't slip away. He doesn't want to stop Joel. He just can't be left behind. He can't be alone here.]

Please -

[There's fright in Jesse's voice. He's terrified of being abandoned, that Joel will leave him here with this grief in this big empty house that holds nothing for him anymore.]

I need you. I need you, Joel.

[Maybe he hasn't been good about showing it, but those words are thick with tears and desperation. There's no surviving alone, if Joel shrugs him off or pushes him away. For all the times he's threatened to leave and Joel always refused to allow it, please god don't let this be the moment of their separation.]

[ The bedroom smells like Ellie, and all her clothes in her wardrobe would still have her scent on her, her pillow, her bedsheets. And her things are everywhere around the house - her shoes at the front door, her skateboard and her bike in the backyard, her video games in the living room in a messy pile, her hoodie slung carelessly over the back of the kitchen chair. He's got to get out of here. He's got to--

He's just about to venture into the hallway when Jesse grabs at his shirt. Without looking back, Joel dashes a hand out behind him to shove at Jesse, pushing him away. ]

No, you don't.

[ Even through his grief, it's cruel and cold the way Joel says this. He's not thinking about Jesse's pain. He can't see outside of how much pain he himself is in to even consider that Jesse is hurting, too. ]

[When Joel shoves him, Jesse hits the wall and bounces right back, scrambling for Joel again. A little further down the hall before he gets a hold of Joel's sleeve, literally clinging to him. He can't hold Joel back but he'll be dragged along if he has to.]

Don't go without me. Joel - Joel, please.

[Is any amount of begging good enough when someone doesn't care about you, though? Jesse knows he might as well be pleading with the air. His pain has never been important to anyone, let alone Joel.]

I'm not her, but I'm here, and I'm... I...

[If he could argue for his own worth, maybe Joel would reconsider. But he doesn't actually have anything to offer, does he? He isn't the light of anyone's life the way Ellie was. And god knows his love isn't good enough. I love you is what he means to say, but the words fade as he realizes how useless that is. Who could ever care about that? Why would Joel? Jesse's entire function has been to serve as a provider, which is null when their daughter no longer exists.]

Tell me what you need. Tell me what to do.

[ The whole way towards the stairs, Joel is ignoring Jesse, trying to shake him off, real damn close to turning around suddenly and slamming his fist into Jesse's face just to make him shut the hell up.

Why he comes to a sudden slow and reluctant stop just in front of the staircase winding down to the next floor, he doesn't really know. He aggressively yanks his arm away from Jesse's grasp but that's as violent as he gets. What does he need? What does he want Jesse to do? Jesus, how is he even supposed to answer that? ]

I just need to get the hell outta here. [ Said with surprising quietness, though also hollow. His hand pushes into his pocket to fish around for his car keys, which he pulls out and shoves at Jesse to take. ]

Just... anywhere. Okay?

[ It wasn't easy, but Carl manages to slip through Dad's protective grasp. He has to go to work to the animal shelter to put food on the table, and he has to do some discreet Christmas shopping. He goes into a little collectibles shop, where little knick-knacks are on sale. Charmed by some of them, he bought a few gemstone carvings, thinking of Ellie. They are cheap to fit into Carl's tiny budget, but they look really nice. She might like them, he thinks as he waves away any bagging and shoves the carvings into his pocket.

Still, coming out of the store and continue his way down to work is enough to put a damper on his mood. Walking to the shelter meant he has to go through crowds, and after coming back from an overrun community infested with walkers, going through throngs of people makes Carl nervous all over again.

So much so that he jumps out of his skin when he feels a hand grabbing his arm and Carl instinctively tugs, his other hand slipping into the waist of his pants to produce a hidden pocket knife.

But it was Joel - but something is wrong. He looks . . . hallow. It's the expression Carl has seen many times. It's worrying to Carl. ]

Joel?

Edited (half of my tag just disappeared gdi) 2015-12-11 03:59 (UTC)

[ The first thing that enters Joel's mind as he grabs Carl's arm is a demanding, Jesus Christ, where the hell have you been?, because he'd promised Rick he'd keep an eye out for Carl since he'd gone missing. Somewhere underneath his panic about Ellie, a small wave of relief hits him.

It's short-lived, though. The immediate next thing that enters his mind, and comes tumbling out of his mouth in a desperate, almost hitched voice, is: ]

You seen Ellie anywhere?

[ Carl has definitely seen a face like Joel's before. He's seen it in the mirror, when Tara is gone, when Dad is gone. It's a haunted look that has graced many imPorts' faces before. ]

No. No . . . I just came back. Last night. How long has she been gone?

[ Someone brushes past Joel, startling him, and he throws a quick glance around the street. Too many people, he realises. Too many people everywhere. The knot of nervousness in him spikes several degrees. He needs to get out of here. ]

C'mon.

[ His only response as he squeezes Carl's arm and starts urging him to follow as Joel spots a small side street across the road that's out of the way of crowds. ]

[ Carl makes a small note to himself to call the shelter, telling them he won't be coming in today. But until then, Carl obligenly follows. No questions asked, no idle comments - there's a time to talk and a time to follow. This is one of the latter.

But then sudden, unbidden thoughts come to him. Did something happen to Dad? Things change so quickly in this world.

Carl brushed against a man but Carl ignored him, despite the man's grumblings of rude brats. His concern over Joel's demeanor concerns Carl greatly as he allows himself to be guided to the secluded side street. ]

Joel?

[ Of course, he can't keep his silence forever. ]

[ Now they're out of the crowds, Joel pulls Carl up short, both hands coming up to clamp down on the kid's wiry shoulders. He looks Carl right in the eye, worry written like barely controlled chaos all across his face. He swallows hard. ]

She's been gone a coupla days. Been searchin' for her everywhere.

You sure you ain't seen her? [ And his voice cracks ever so slightly with panic he's trying to keep suppressed. ]

[ Seeing Joel panicking, this scared . . . it's starting to scare Carl. His heart clenches painfully, his mouth dry. ]

No. No, I haven't. Not since she healed my dad when he was injured from returning from our world.

[ He'd stupidly, desperately been hoping Carl would say something different. His hands shift on the kid's shoulders as dread twists icy and despairing in his chest. ]

You ain't heard from her? She ain't contacted you or nothin'?

[ Desperation starting to creep into his words. ]

No. Not since she left our apartment . . .

[ Carl's guts twisted. It's possible Ellie might be ported out. But it is equally possible she's been kidnapped. ]

Where do you want me to look? I can help.

[M happens to be at the same bar as Joel that night, a few stools away. Though he doesn't make an effort to talk to him, M does notice the sheer amount of alcohol he's knocking back. Part of him wants to say something, but offering any kind of sympathy is not his forte. Everything changes, however, the moment he realizes that this idiot is about to go drive home like that.

M follows him into the street and calls out to him before he can get to his car.]

Look, there's two ways this can go, and it's all on you to decide. You either pick the easy way, where you hand me your keys and I bring you home, or you pick the hard way, and I hand you your drunk ass. The choice is yours, and please make the right one.

( OOC: I hate to do this, but given the situation, Midnighter has a permissions post. Could you possibly fill it out? )

[ Joel throws a look over his shoulder at some voice calling out to... him? Just the act of looking over his shoulder is enough to make the world tilt and spin on an angle, which in turn causes Joel to stumble a couple of small, off-kilter steps to the side. ]

Fuck you.

[ Comes out a slurred, fffuckyou with how hard it is to form words. And with that, he faces forward again and continues his drunken way towards his car, muttering a, "Jesus fuckin'--" as his keys slip out of his clumsy hands and drop to the pavement. ]

[M shakes his head. What a sad sack. As much as he loves punching people in the fact, this one doesn't feel worth it.

He starts walking towards him.]

Do you have any idea how pathetic you look right now?

[Slides the knife he stole from the bar out of his shirt sleeve and into the palm of his hand, ready to throw it the second Joel goes for his keys.]

Let me take you home. I can get you there quicker.

[ Joel is definitely stooping down to pick up his keys. Trying to pick up his keys. Hand-eye coordination is out of focus, not to mention the fact that bending over is enough to make the world spin and tilt even more sharply. The guy is right: he looks utterly pathetic, all sloppy and staggering and drunk out of his mind. ]

Fuck off, asshole. I don't need your fuckin'--

[ He suddenly goes stumbling off to the side from overbalancing in his effort to swipe his keys up from the pavement. ]

[...Wow this guy is so drunk he's too pathetic to stab. Just yet, anyway.

If he was a good person, he'd hurry the remaining steps and make sure Joel didn't fall over.

M's not exactly a good person.]

Want to rethink that statement?

[ Jesus, he just wants to be left the hell alone, and this asshole over there... Well, Joel is by no means an angry drunk, but he's currently a desperately grief-stricken drunk, and grief has a way of bringing a real nasty side out in Joel. All night he's had this awful nervous energy bubbling away under the surface, the kind of nervous energy that wants to expel itself through a hard swing of a punch or his fist repeatedly slamming into a wall over and over until he's got nothing left.

So, this guy pressing the issue, refusing to leave him alone, has Joel suddenly charging straight for him the moment he regains his balance: a drunken lurch with pounding footsteps, his teeth gritted and his face twisted up into ugly anger. ]

[Believe him, he'd much rather leave Joel alone than nurse his drunk ass, but walking away and letting him get into his car is not going to happen.

As much as he'd really like to punch him, M still finds him too pathetic. Instead, he positions himself in such a way that when Joel gets closer, M attempts to flip him to the ground, using Joel's own momentum against him.]

[ It works. It works because Joel is so goddamn drunk and can't focus, and a surprised yell erupts from his throat as he finds himself sprawling backwards, hard, onto the ground. It jars something in his shoulder, which issues a pained grunt from him, and he lies there for a moment in a bewildered, spinning daze.

But then he lifts his head to peer at the guy, and his mouth twists into anger as he rocks onto his side and starts staggering back to his feet with every intention of going charging for the guy again. Suddenly, he's so filled with rage, ugly and pain-filled rage that he's been bottling up since Ellie went missing, and his face is twisted in anguished fury. ]

[From the moment he gets Joel airborne, he's already starting to walk away, towards the keys dropped by Joel. Once the keys are in his pocket, M figures, he really won't care what this idiot does with his life, because he can't do something stupid with 2,000 pounds of steel.

M doesn't make it very far before the implants in his head practically start to scream at him that the fight isn't over. Seems playtime's over and this guy doesn't want to be a sad sack anymore. Fine.

He rolls to the right and goes a into a backwards roll, though rather than completing the roll, he turns the momentum into a kick using both feet, aiming for Joel's chin.]

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[OPEN]

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Heropa downtown, Sunday morning

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Dive Bar

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