it's too early for clever titles

[connate]

WHO: NICK and EDGEWORTH
WHERE: A grocery store?? A grocery store.
WHEN: About a month after this thread.
WHAT: You know when you're trying to buy groceries and you run into your ex. Kind of like that, except this time it's that lawyer who thinks you're a serial killer.
WARNINGS: None!

[ The routines are what kept him sane when he thought he was going crazy, and the same rules apply here. Jogging, errands, work. The only catch is that the people were a part of that, keeping him grounded in the real world, and even grocery shopping is bizarre when it's not a couples routine, shopping with Juliette or calling her to ask her if she needs anything.

He's idly staring at his phone (not even really a phone, but it's easier to think of it as one), and yeah, sort of wallowing in the fact that he can't call her, when he hears something down the aisle and glances up. Just another customer, but even footsteps have a way of ringing in his ears when he's not paying enough attention to focus his abilities. He looks more startled than he probably should, dragged away from his thoughts, but he's in the process of rallying when— ]

Edgeworth.

[ Nick's only seen him on the network; still, that suit's hard to miss. He makes a valiant effort to make that simple greeting sound polite, but it's stilted anyway, caught somewhere between apologetic and annoyed. ]

Comments

I love you

[glassinine]

[Grocery shopping is a stressful enough process in and of itself. Honestly, at home, Edgeworth had made a very large amount of money. Rather embarrassingly large. And the boon of this had been that he had the luxury of not cooking for himself - certainly never grocery shopping for himself -

And frankly, by nature, he has perhaps a slight tendency to overthink things. So having to choose between types of milk is...

Well, which one is superior, anyway? One percent, two percent, skim, whole - they're all interchangeable, damn it all, they're essentially the same, and Detective Gumshoe had always volunteered cheerfully to do his shopping for him for many years and so how the hell is he supposed to know which one he ought to buy, and his housemates are so damnably picky that he's sure that they'll find something to complain of -

And on top of all that stress, now Edgeworth is confronted with this man. He knows he must make for a ridiculous sight, five cartons of milk in his cart and four types of toothpaste, but this is just his process; he needs to keep all his options open, then have a clerk return that which is unpurchased at the end of the ordeal.]

i love you

[connate]

[ Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it. Edgeworth had only been the second person he'd tried to tell about... well, anything, and it'd gone spectacularly badly. The first time had gone surprisingly well, but that scale was probably skewed by the fact that he'd been talking to an actual creature of the night.

There are a few heavy beats of silence while Nick waits for a response. When it becomes clear that none is forthcoming, he considers just walking the other way, but— this is inevitable. They'll run into each other again, maybe have to actually work together, so there's no point in putting it off. He's temporarily distracted by the small hoard of milk in Edgeworth's cart, and he barely restrains commentary on it when he attempts a more direct greeting. ]

How's it... going.

[ Not exactly the height of diplomacy, but whatever. He's pretty sure Edgeworth thinks he should be institutionalized, so baby steps. Also that is a shitload of milk. ]

I love YOU haha also sorry for misspelling everything

[glassinine]

[He doesn't understand why Burkhardt is still speaking to him. It's not that things are bad between them, precisely; it's simply that Edgeworth disapproves of everything that he is and does. It is not the sort of thing that will keep Edgeworth from working with him, if things come down to it, but it's certainly the sort of thing that will keep him from wanting to make any social calls.

Still. Edgeworth has been civil with the criminal element before, and with vigilantes before. He can manage to do so again. And at least Burkhardt doesn't seem to take pleasure in what he does...Edgeworth thinks.

So he looks down, adjusts his glasses.]

Fine.

[And that comes out okay, so he continues on:]

I did not know you shopped at this store.

[But that comes out awful - awkward and stilted. He doesn't sound cool and removed; he sounds uncomfortable, stuffy, and nervous.]

it's okay i'm just rubbing off on you

[connate]

[ Nick doesn't really do civil. It's either good terms or it's bad terms, or... well, extremely awkward terms, maybe. He's not particularly thrilled with the accusations Edgeworth threw his way, but he can understand where they're coming from; not everyone's world is like his.

But right, mending bridges. If his initial comment had been stilted, Edgeworth's is about a million times worse, and Nick can't help the wry edge that creeps into his voice. ]

Well, I do. [ Another pause, then he goes for the easy target. ] Run out of milk?

um that's a little sexual

[glassinine]

[Edgeworth glances down at his cart, then glances away at once. He's embarrassed about his bizarre load, and indeed, he flushes slightly when he answers. His voice is barely even a mutter.]

Clearly.

[His shoulders hunch up just a little. He must look altogether insane; for some reason, he feels the need to explain.]

I merely don't know which sort is...superior.

wink

[connate]

[ For a second it looks like he's going to laugh, but he covers it quickly enough; the incredulous expression that he covers with probably isn't much better, though it only lasts a moment before he manages a mostly polite blank slate. ]

Two percent is usually... I'm sorry, you've never bought milk before?

[ So much for polite. He sounds more confused than judgmental, if it's any consolation. ]

[glassinine]

[Edgeworth can see that he finds this amusing. At least anger - faint, yes, but still present - kindles in him enough that it burns away just a bit of his awkward embarrassment.

His answer is a bit tart.]

I have bought milk, yes.

[But then he has to admit:]

Just not for a household. And not for a very long time.

[connate]

Oh. [ Still just awkward on his end, frankly. Not entirely sure what to say to that; assume Edgeworth used to live alone? Assume he's lactose intolerant? There's another quiet beat, then: ]

And the toothpaste?

[ Like you at least brush your teeth, right?? Surely that's not a new development. ]

[glassinine]

[The toothpaste. Yes. Edgeworth glances uncomfortably to the side and gives a non-answer:

There are a...great number of varieties. Of toothpaste, that is.

[connate]

Yeah. [ Slightly incredulous. There's a concerted effort to sound polite instead of disbelieving when he continues, but the question itself kind of defeats the point. ] Sorry, how old are you... ?

[ No offense?? ]

[glassinine]

[That immediately earns Nick a frown, angry and forbidding. His answer is clipped.]

Thirty-four. Of what relevance is it?

[connate]

[ There's a quick grin before Nick suppresses it. Not the time to be openly amused at Edgeworth's expense, probably. ]

Nothing, I'm just— [ A brief hesitation, then he gives up and goes for honesty. ] I'm just trying to figure out how you've gone thirty-four years without figuring out how to buy your own groceries.

[glassinine]

[And the frown just deepens. Edgeworth does not come anywhere close to returning that smile.]

At home, I had others who took care of that for me while I focused on my work. Is that funny for some reason?

[connate]

Like maids? [ Not funny, just not remotely within his scope of experience. Well, maybe funny enough to merit not answering Edgeworth's direct question. Instead of waiting for a reply, he switches gears in an attempt to be genuinely helpful. ] Are you going to use it for cooking? The milk, not the toothpaste.

[ Just to be clear. Guessing Edgeworth doesn't do much cooking, either, so better safe than sorry. ]

[glassinine]

[He doesn't answer that first question, and the answer to the second is snippy.]

It will be stocked in the refrigerator for my housemates to do with what they will.

IT'S BEEN A MONTH jesus i'm sorry

[connate]

[ So much for not pushing any buttons. Nick's quiet for a second, and he still can't quite hide the fact that this is a little bit amusing, but— ]

Do you want some help?

[ Because helping someone buy groceries is clearly the solution when they think you're a crazy murderer. Whatever, it might mend some bridges. ]

how dare you

[glassinine]

Help buying milk?

[He tries to sound scornful and aloof. He more sounds a little bit pinched and a lot bit overwhelmed. He needs help.]

Don't be absurd. I think I'm equal to the task of basic commerce.

how VERY dare you

[connate]

[ Yes well luckily he's a very astute detective, so the bullshit detector doesn't miss the discrepancy in that tone. There's still a slightly exasperated glance back towards the registers; he could be out of here basically right now if he just ignored Edgeworth and went on his way.

Except that's a very pathetic attempt at an olive branch, and part of him feels vaguely responsible for making sure Edgeworth's unsuspecting housemates get some semblance of normal groceries. There's a pause while he's very clearly considering giving up, but when he speaks up again there's no trace of the previous amusement— his tone's just straightforward, sincere. ]

Look— before Juliette got me in the habit of making lists, I used to leave the grocery store with nothing but uncooked pasta and a bottle of ketchup. It takes some practice.

how DOUBLE DOG dare you

[glassinine]

[The mockery being gone does help. Not insignificantly, truthfully. Edgeworth doesn't particularly trust Burkhardt, and they've certainly had their fair share of disputes - but, truly, Edgeworth is desperate not to do this incorrectly and underserve his housemates. A bit of help - help without scorn - would alleviate...a great deal of stress.

So - probing to see whether Burkhardt truly does intend to do this without making fun of him:]

Well. That, at least, could theoretically be made into a meal.

[He thinks. He supposes the make-up of ketchup is quite distinct from the make-up of a good marinara sauce - though he's not entirely certain how. They taste different, certainly, but they're both simply tomatoes, correct?]

oh my god theY'RE BOTH SIMPLY TOMATOES get out

[connate]

Um. [ Not... a very good meal, though he doesn't say that out loud. Playing nice, here. ] If you make a list with basics, it's easy— you can add things depending on your plans for the week.

[ Not that he expects Edgeworth to be planning any cooking expeditions, but he's trying to avoid expressing said low expectations. ] There are some things you can decide on price, other things you'll just have to figure out as you go. It's just down to preference, so if you have the money this time, you can get a few things and test them out. You'll have it narrowed down for next time.

[ Which sort of justifies the cart full of crap, so please don't tell him you were planning on making the cashiers put it all away. ]



( ooc: ps Hope why am I writing actual tags about grocery shopping I love/hate you )

i never knew you were so passionate in defense of the difference in tomato sauces, melissa

[glassinine]

[Edgeworth clears his throat.]

So if I add, say, some sort of...fish, or pasta, or something of the sort. Understood.

[Vaguely understood. And only vaguely: Edgeworth has only the vaguest notion of what has to go into a meal to make it a meal rather than "meat that has had heat applied to it."]