maskormenacelogs | Say can he think of this with mind serene / And silent fetters? Yes, if visions bright

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Say can he think of this with mind serene / And silent fetters? Yes, if visions bright

WHO: Tobias Matthews and Dorian Gray.
WHERE: Their place at the Maurtia Falls Appt Complex.
WHEN: Oct 9, hours before sunrise.
WHAT: Toby finally decides to go home.
WARNINGS: Dorian is still eternally young and beautiful and immortal, Toby is a vampire. Kissing, scratching, biting, fade to black before bumping uglies. Will update as necessary.

After texting Drew, Toby gives the apartment a last once-over before closing the door after himself, trying the knob one last time to make sure it's locked. Though he'd sounded confident telling Dorian that he'd be home soon, he still feels ambivalent after all that's happened. Leaving Drew like this feels wrong, but Toby's want and need and love for Dorian ultimately wins out. Especially because all this had been a huge misunderstanding, one that Dorian himself actually owns up to. Everything is going to be all right.

Or, so Toby would like to believe, but the truth is that he's incredibly conflicted. After all the support Drew's given, he really deserves more than a text about how Toby's leaving. He can't help feeling he should've told Drew in person, but instead he presses on toward Maurtia Falls via the Porter. And he feels like he really ought to tell Dorian about his feelings for Drew, but can he? It's hard to say...

Toby psyches himself up because Dorian's going to actually be there. Waiting for him. Soon enough, he reaches the apartment, his vampire heart-equivalent thundering in his chest when he reaches the door. His mouth seems dry, and so he swallows his anxiety, takes out his keys, and finally opens the door.

"Dorian?"

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This is the point where Toby normally would beg Dorian not to take it the wrong way. Only he doesn't, because he can't, and it seems wrong that he feels this way. He sighs.

"Dorian, I really... I don't know, maybe you've already been through something like this, before I got here."

He looks the same as he feels: ashamed, and like he wants to cry. When he speaks again, his words come out in a ramble.

"The moment I thought you betrayed me, I thought it was all over. Completely. I left without even looking back, because ever since I met him, I wanted him." A beat. "I've never felt so strongly about anyone since meeting you, and the way I feel about him, I don't know why, it bothers me even though we've both had our fill of other distractions, other people. And yet, my feelings... for Drew, they frighten me, I don't want to lose you, I want you, I need you, Dorian..."

Toby feels like he's gone mad. His voice is all choked up, his eyes glassy with tears.

"I don't know if any of that even made sense anymore..."

He can't judge Toby for that. God only knows, Dorian's the same way. He's remembering back to all those months ago, when he dated Kate Bishop, when as soon as she dumped him, he flitted to the arms of someone else, someone he had wanted and had been longing for all that time. (He's not going to tell Toby that, though. Somehow, talking about exes seems like it'd be a terrible idea right about now.) Dorian's calm, hands wrapped around his cup, staring vaguely off into space as his mind puts together all the pieces.

He's going to forgive Toby. Of course he is, this is Toby, Dorian would do anything to keep Toby safe and keep Toby near him. But a little part of him is always going to wonder what would happen the next time they had a spat, if Dorian would be the one to flit off and fuck somebody else, if this would even recover.

"I understand," Dorian says, after a moment's pause. He loves Toby, he wants Toby, he wants to be near him. But if someone else showed up here, someone who he loved...he honestly didn't know what he'd do. That's how Toby was feeling, right? "It's reassuring to know that we're both terrible at monogamy," said with a little small smile, a weak laugh, Dorian trying to show that everything's fine, really, he trusts Toby, this won't happen again.

Hopefully this won't happen again.

Toby manages a tired and weak smile after Dorian's response, but he doesn't feel much better. Dorian is all he has, and so he doesn't want to be bad at monogamy when Billy was right—Toby could lose Dorian at any time. Then what would he do?

"...Thank you." There's an unspoken, and I'm sorry, appended to that. After a pause, he adds, "I remember trying to text you. I'd said that you've been doing your end, trying so hard just to please me. I really should put more effort into doing the same."

He sniffles, then wipes at his face before taking another sip of his drink. Again, he tries to remain relaxed and composed. But it's obvious Toby doesn't think he can even trust himself.

Well. That's something. Dorian can't help but look a little sheepish at this as he scoots in closer to Toby, trying his hardest to be comforting and trying his hardest simply to be there. It's obvious this shook Toby up more than he wanted to admit. But aside from simply being there, what else could Dorian do?

"It was when all the phones were acting up, right? The hilarious thing is, I was trying to text you at that point. Only, I ended up sending the semi-naked picture of myself to three completely different people." It's all said very lightly, very nonchalantly, as if Dorian's more embarrassed about the fact that it got sent to the wrong person than taking a semi-naked picture to begin with. "One of them was my probation officer."

Normally, he wouldn't be telling this. But dammit, Toby looked so tired, so withdrawn that it was the least he could do to try and perk up his spirits. He didn't want to see Toby like this.

Since coming back, and even before that, Toby has loved Dorian more than anything. As far as he knows, Dorian is the reason he's alive; Toby is his heart's desire. And so to Toby, the idea that his heart doesn't fully belong to Dorian is, frankly put, terrifying. It makes him feel like he isn't good enough, it makes him feel damaged enough for Dorian to cast him away all over again.

So when Dorian moves closer, Toby puts aside his drink and slowly wraps his arms around his lover.

"Oh, well—that's twice you've mentioned your very-much-taken probation officer." He sniffles again, but his smile does broaden a little, and he takes on a teasing tone. "I'm guessing you're still interested? In him, I mean."

He lets out a soft and somewhat bitter chuckle before quite audibly swallowing. Suddenly, he holds Dorian just a little tighter, whispering close to his ear, "Am I truly your heart's desire?"

Toby can believe it if Dorian says so; he could stay if Dorian truly wants him.

Edited 2015-10-12 07:47 (UTC)

Dorian can't help but roll his eyes slightly, pulling Toby closer to himself, hugging the man a little bit tighter. When he speaks, his voice is calm, gentle, collected. "Kaidan Alenko permanently has a stick up his ass. He's attractive, but that's it. I was never interested in him to begin with, he simply got the photos because my phone was acting up."

Or, everybody's phone was acting up.

"I truly love you, Toby. I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with than you. I desperately, madly want you. And, if that makes you my heart's desire, then I suppose that's what you are." He wasn't surprised when Madame Pandora showed him the Lovers card. Ever since Toby's death, Dorian felt like he always missed Toby, he'd do anything if there was a way to bring Toby back. Of course, he had been under the impression that there wasn't.

Back home he had a second chance. Here he had a second chance. He wasn't going to waste that.

Toby nuzzles into the crook of Dorian's neck before murmuring against his skin.

"Loving you seemed to hurt so much, but leaving you and finding that I was in the wrong..." He shakes his head before leaning against Dorian. "It made me think that I should just. Wait for the sun; I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't—shouldn't bring that up, really.."

It's really been one thing after another since Toby had returned to life. Dealing with Ivar and the siren, with the portrait and heartbreak, suddenly arriving in this world, and the list goes on and on. And Toby has been focused on and trying so very hard to acclimatize and better himself for other people, perhaps to the point of unfairly judging Dorian.

"I won't distrust you anymore, I won't doubt you from now on." His cool lips plant a soft kiss on Dorian's neck. "You mean everything to me, and I would do anything to always be your heart's desire."

If Dorian could love him always, then Toby would never leave him ever again.

Dorian pulls himself closer to Toby, leaning his head against the vampire's. Of course he hears that remark about the sun. How could he not? And it stings in Dorian's heart that Toby would even think about that, that he'd even consider walking into the sun. Did he really not trust Dorian that much? Was their relationship that fragile to begin with?

He can't help but give Toby's waist a little squeeze as he kisses Dorian's neck, trying his hardest to pull his thoughts back to the here, the now. What was the alternative, dwelling on the what could be? Dorian didn't want to do that.

"You mean everything to me as well," he murmured, looking up at Toby, giving the vampire a small, weak smile. "I don't want anything to happen to make you feel like that ever again."

He loved that man too much to let him fall away.

When Dorian replies, Toby glances at him and studies his face and expression, simply taking him in and memorizing everything about him all over again. Then, Toby returns a small smile of his own.

"I love you, Dorian Gray." He would rather die than stop, and he doesn't want anyone to replace him in Dorian's heart, or for anyone to replace Dorian in his own.

So he leans in to press a soft and unusually chaste kiss on Dorian's lips before planting a trail of soft kisses down to his neck. There, Toby bares his fangs and lightly scrapes them over Dorian's skin.

"And I want to give you everything you love about me, ten times over. This is a good place to start, don't you think?"

Edited 2015-10-14 22:39 (UTC)

Dorian's not expecting the kiss. And so, when Toby leans in and kisses him, he can't help but let out a small noise of surprise. It's a welcome surprise though, as Dorian makes a small murmur of agreement when Toby's fangs scrape his neck.

God, he missed this.

"It certainly is," he responds, obviously happy and obviously enjoying this. He snuggles in towards Toby, tilting his head for easier access to the neck. "And I love you too," Dorian added in, smile on his face, utterly happy as he leans in towards Toby. "I'll always love you, my sweet, wonderful, Toby."

Straight from Dorian's mouth, the words are so relieving and absolutely pleasing, and so Toby traces the artery following Dorian's jugular, teasingly nipping Dorian with his fangs. He moves a hand up to cradle the back of Dorian's head, and eventually presses his lips on the spot he intends to bite.

Already, Toby's salivating, but he wants to hear Dorian ask for it, beg him for it, even demand that he just do it already. So he kisses Dorian and nips at him some more, but he doesn't bite down just yet.

Dorian can't help but let out a small moan of pleasure as Toby kisses him. And...just kisses him. That tease. Dorian can't help but let out a small laugh, his hands moving down to Toby's side. "Well, get on with it!" he remarks, half teasing, half yearning.

He's practically sighing as Dorian's hands move down his sides, and then he hears Dorian and winds up laughing against him.

"Oh, what's this? Impatient, are you?" But Toby likes it, really. After all, there's something amusing about not giving in to Dorian straight away. So instead, his hand caresses at the back of Dorian's neck, and Toby presses a finger to the side of it, scratching hard enough to draw blood.

"Aren't I always?" Dorian moans, a little bit breathlessly, hissing slightly as Toby scratches, drawing blood. This is wonderful to him. This is entirely what he wants, what he likes, and he's just so, so happy that Toby's here, Toby's back with him and they're together.

His hands move up Toby's back, ostensibly to rub, but when Toby's finger breaks the skin, Dorian can't help but tense, raking his nails down the other man's back a little bit.

"And you expect that I'll give in so soon?"

Toby hisses at the harsh scraping down his back, and buries his face in Dorian's neck. There, he takes in Dorian's scent and feels Dorian's pulse quicken with excitement. And he realizes that, like the first that they'd really gotten things on after his arrival, he won't be able to hold out for much longer. Not like this...

But he'll keep trying to, because he really wants to hear Dorian pleading for it.

"I can-" And Dorian stops talking, cuts himself off as Toby buries his face in Dorian's neck, as he mentally prepares himself for Toby piercing the skin...but nothing happens. That tease.

If Toby wants him to plead (because that's got to be it. What's the other reason for Toby to be like this, to toy with him when they both knew what the other wanted?) then damn straight Dorian would plead. He loved this man too much.

"Toby, please," Dorian moans, hands moving back to Toby, one still on his back, the other moving up to tousle the vampire's hair. "You know how much I want this, I want those fangs of yours, those two wonderful fangs, I want them in my neck, drawing my blood, I want your tongue lapping it all up so Toby, please."

At long last, Dorian says the magic words, and Toby lets out a satisfied sigh before opening his mouth wide and plunging his fangs into Dorian's neck. They sink into his flesh, blood bursts forth from the wounds, and Toby smiles in some open-mouthed blood-sucking manner. Then, he gnaws on Dorian's neck a bit to keep the punctures from closing up so quickly, before withdrawing his fangs just enough to lap at Dorian's wounds. He's quick to tease at them, poking his tongue in and out of them, and enjoying his Dorian Gray.

Toby simply loves the smell of Dorian, the taste of his blood, and everything else about him. No one else seems to appreciate Dorian quite the way Toby does, and he hopes it will always be this way. He always wants to be number one, the only real one, and everyone else could only ever be a momentary distraction. Nothing more.

Dorian can't help but tense up, letting out a small gasp as Toby's fangs sink into his neck. Oh yes. This was precisely what he wanted, exactly what he needed, so wonderfully perfect. His body remains tense, like a pressured spring as Toby's fangs and tongue dart in and out. Dorian's in utter pleasure right now.

"More," he can't help but plead, yearning in his voice. "God, more." His hands clench Toby's hair, pulling slightly, still wonderfully tense.

And then they banged on the couch, the end.

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Say can he think of this with mind serene / And silent fetters? Yes, if visions bright

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wanna fade to black soon since we're still in the main log comm? :P

YES, i'd been arguing with myself about how much is too much