maskormenacelogs | [Closed]

The darkness was nice, for all it was mid-afternoon. Hermann sank back and slowly drank his soup, content to nurse the liquid in relative silence for awhile. His mind wandered, replaying the day's event so far and feeling like it all couldn't have happened in only a span of a few hours. They'd gone from friends to combatants in danger of severing that friendship a few times now, and he could only imagine where either of them might be if they had. In light of their redefinition, the thoughts were chilling and he was grateful for the warm rush of soup on his tongue.

His stomach seemed to be taking it well, and Hermann examined the mug with a breath of amusement before placing it down in favor of his sandwich. His hands were noticeably steadier now as he picked apart the wrapping. He ignored the Cheetos entirely.

"I'll have to remember that food is the only way to keep you quiet." Ish, but he was used to Newton singing at the top of his lungs, venting to no one in particular, and casually slinging insults across the room, so the little sounds didn't bother him beyond being a little ridiculous. "Although I must say it's not that good."

His chewing slowed to a stop as he looked over, grinning in the dark at Hermann, pleased to see him starting on the sandwich now with a little more confidence. "No, man. When you're this hungry...it doesn't matter if it tastes like Kaiju. It's that good. It's ORGASMIC."

He shrugged, popping a Cheeto in his mouth. "Actually! that's kind of an ironic thought. You know, according to Chau, Kaiju bone powder--well, not bones per say, more like ground cartilage--from certain crustacean Kaiju could work as an aphrodisiac, so I don't know! Maybe eating something that tastes like Kaiju would be orgasmic. Not that I've tried, mind you. Just food for thought!"

Newt dumped a handful of Cheetos onto his plate and started to stuff them into what little remained of his sandwich. "And if you wanna try to keep me quiet by feeding me, okay. I'm not going to complain," Good luck with that, Hermann. His father tried that a few times. It worked until Newt either got bored with lunch or had a nugget of information to impart. Which meant it hardly worked at all, but he didn't mind the effort. Free food was always welcome. "But you'll have to buy me new pants, too, when I can no longer fit in mine!"

Hermann frowned into a bite of sandwich, certain he could've gone on living without that particular piece of information. Not something he wanted to think about. How anyone could consume any part of a Kaiju he'd never understand. Particularly when he was concerned about keeping normal food down, but the nausea was fading and he took it as a good sign. With some rest and another dose of painkillers, he'd be doing as well as possible for the rest of the day.

"Then for the sake of your waistline and my wallet, I'll endure."

Buying the man food and clothing all for the sake of keeping him quiet would get expensive fast after all. And really, he'd grown quite adept at ignoring Newton through the years, regulating his voice to background noise he only paid attention to when it paused for longer than a few minutes.

Newt chuckled. "I thought you'd say that. I'm too expensive for you, eh, Herms?"

Finished eating, he realized now that he should have brought napkins with him, and though Hermann had seen Newt covered in all sorts of Kaiju goo and blood and dirt, he still reconsidered wiping his Cheetos-dusted (more like -caked) fingers on his shirt (uh, running out of clothes, might not want to ruin these) or his jeans (no good excuse not to, really). Deciding to blame the momentary preference for cleanliness on some part of his brain occupied by Hermann, and not on anything else, he got up to wash his hands and returned with napkins for his friend.

"Take your time eating. Be right back with a pillow." He disappeared in the direction of the bedrooms.

There, he shucked off his jacket and shoes, and collected pillows (enough for two people) and a couple of sheets, which he simply wadded up on the pile of pillows in his arms. Hermann's influence or no, Newt was still Newt, and folding was overrated.

When he was ten and he thought it might be kind of fun to have a best friend sleep over, this wasn't exactly what Newt envisioned, but he would happily take what he got.

The napkins were put to immediate use, collecting bits of crumb he hadn't been able to catch while Newton was gone. His sandwich slowly disappeared, and he chased the last bit down with water. He'd save the rest for when he awoke later in need of another pain killer. For now, drowsiness was setting in, and he was shrugging out of his jacket when Newton reappeared loaded down with more bedding than any one person could need.

"There's no need for all that, Newton. I'm not going into hibernation." Though he suspected it wasn't all for him, he'd hardly begrudge his friend for choosing to sleep in his own bed, particularly when the floor was the alternative. "Really, it's unnecessary."

Nah, Hermann couldn't hibernate. He needed that dorky parka for that.

"Yeah, but the alternative is you yelling, and I know how much you love to yell at me, BUT--" He didn't sound bitter about the yelling, either. It was a statement, a fact of life that most of their daily communication was largely held at high volume and with angry tones. Didn't make it a problem at all. Quite the opposite. He stuck his chin on top of the stack of bedding so he could extract the bottom pillow without the rest spilling, and shoved the pillow at Hermann. "--I figured this way I don't have to go as far when--if you do."

De-tangling the sheets was a more messy and Newt kind of threw them on Hermann as he tried to sort out which edge belonged to which blanket and how they could become so stupidly inseparable and difficult to distinguish apart after just the short trip. For fuck's sake, did he need to color-coordinate the rooms just so he could tell the sheets apart? This was dumb.

Finally with the two separated, he tossed his pillow down and shook out the sheet so it unfurled and he could lay it down flat.

Hermann protested the blankets draped over him and pulled them off with a mild glare.

"If I was in any distress, I'm sure you'd feel it long before I made any attempt to call for you," he groused, grudgingly wresting the ends of a sheet off of him for Newton's use. There was, he supposed, some benefit to their constant ghost drift.

Straightening out his own sheet, Hermann fluffed his pillow against an armrest and hauled his legs up onto the couch. A little cramped for a man of his height, but he'd survive. He watched Newton settle down with a faint smile, the apartment quiet and cast in shadows, and breathed a quiet sigh.

"Get some rest, Newton."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but I don't want to wake up in a cold sweat just because you need to pee."

And he didn't want to be that far away if it was actual legitimate distress. They had both endured enough of that today and Newt knew that distance was tangible in their connection. They had been close the entire night and morning; he wasn't sure he wanted to find out what happened if they had relapses of the hallucinations without the other immediately on hand, even if he did still want to test the spatial/distance conditions of their connection.

Newt found a safe-looking spot for his glasses, then settled down on his makeshift bed, partly curled around his pillow with his face half-buried into it: an awkward, if comforting position. "You too, Herms."

Between one breath and the next, Hermann's fatigue caught up and pulled him to sleep. His dreams were fleeting, nonsensical things and by the time he woke up, the apartment had grown a fair bit darker. He reached out for his phone and blinked through the bright display. 4:12 pm, he'd been asleep for a little more than three hours.

And he could probably still stand to sleep more, which was ridiculous considering how much rest he'd gotten the night before. To think most of it had been undone in one short afternoon. Hermann levered himself up to a sitting position, wincing as the renewed pain in his leg made itself known. He cast a brief searching look over the room for their bags and passed over the spot where Newton had been. Listening, he could hear him in another room- the bedroom, he assumed- and finally locating his bag, leaned over the couch and dragged it over by the strap with his cane rather than get up for it.

Hermann swallowed down a pill and folded up his blanket, certain that his friend (best friend, his brain reminded him, and wasn't that nice) was likely to be aware he was awake and would investigate in short order.

Either he had never paid attention before to the 'Hermann has woken up' alarm in his brain, or their connection had improved. Newt was inclined to believe the former, at least in this specific instance, because he was sort of anticipating Hermann waking up and therefore was waiting for the connection to tell him so. The wake-up notice also came with a twinge of pain up his leg. He just hoped he didn't force Hermann awake by being too anxious for him to wake up...that'd be kind of rude...like hovering around to annoy him into paying attention (not that Newt was against that, normally, but this was different).

Buzzing with barely suppressed energy, he came out of his room, where he had been trying (and failing) to keep busy since trying to keep quiet was nearly impossible. There was just not enough to do around here that didn't involve noise, especially for Newt. He grinned at Hermann, whose cowlick was now more pronounced and whose hair in general had a funny haphazardness to it. What a nerd.

"Finished with the beauty-rest already?"

Newton looked wide awake and full of a disgusting amount of energy- like he might run around the block and still have energy when he got back. Whereas he was barely functional. If only their connection extended to some sort of energy transfer. Noticing his partner's glance, Hermann flattened a self-conscious hand down over his hair, much good that it did for the tuft of hair that refused to lay flat without a significant amount of coaxing.

"Yes.. I seem to have overslept." But at least he didn't feel nauseous anymore, and the pain would dull with a little time. Then he'd be ready for the rest of the day. Tomorrow would be somewhat better. "You look like you've been awake for awhile. Have you heard anything?"

He hadn't heard anything and he hadn't really looked, which made Newt feel pretty pathetic and he didn't want to admit to Hermann that every time he had tried, he couldn't exactly bring himself to look. Which was dumb. After all, Newt knew that doing something was the only way he would feel better about all this, and that in order to do something, he was going to have to venture onto the network and check up on the situation. Check on Mako. On Qubit. On Hiro. People whose statuses were currently unknowns for him. Bringing himself to do that, right now, was almost as bad as having nothing to do to fix this.

It pissed him off.

"Do you want coffee?" he asked instead of answering the question, moving over into the the kitchen to rinse out the pot from any dust that might have collected in the couple of days since he'd been home, then filled the coffee machine with water, dropped in a filter, and took his time spooning in the grounds. "I have some pretty good stuff from Dunkin and just the general Folgers kind of shit. It should help you wake up. Or more soup? I might have another can around here-- How's your stomach? If it's up to it, we could order pizza! Yeah, let's order pizza. What kind of toppings do you like?" Newt was already pulling out his phone and looking up the number of the closest place.

That was a no if he'd ever heard one, but it would be hypocritical to say anything about it. Newton wasn't the only one apprehensive about looking at the network. Who knew what they'd find there. For now it was simply enough to be safe, but they did need to start thinking outside themselves soon, even if it was just Mako.

"I should be able to handle coffee." Perhaps with more creamer and sugar than usual, but it would help. And yes, he could stand to eat again already. Pizza wasn't the healthiest recourse, but he needed something more than soup and was far from ambitious enough to try cooking. "Sausage and peppers for me." By the time it got there, his leg would be feeling alright.

Hermann levered himself up with his cane and collected the neatly folded bedding. "Going to borrow your washroom a moment.."

Hermann didn't call him out on his avoidance of the topic...which wasn't as surprising, given the last couple of hours, as it once might have been. Newt was grateful and chirped an acknowledgment of the drink and pizza orders, keying in the number and dialing right then.

"Hello!" He paused in speaking to the pizza receptionist to watch Hermann rise and begin walking. It was only a second or two, but only once Newt was pretty sure Hermann was holding steady did he continue to speak. "Oh, hi! Yes, I'd like to place an order--" He babbled along at the girl on the other end, placing a call for two pizzas (Newt's with everything on it and Hermann's to his specifications) with the hope that Mako might enjoy one of them as well.

As he spoke, he pulled out the fixings for their coffee. He lacked creamer, but had half-and-half, so he filled a third of Hermann's mug with half-and-half and dropped in a few spoons of sugar before adding the hot coffee, hoping the additions might cut back on the acidity a little. Newt's own coffee was, right now (there was no one way he took it), black with several spoonfuls of sugar. Hopefully he'd be a little buzzed by the time they wrangled Mako over. Or didn't. Maybe she was busy! Maybe she had a hot date! He didn't want to think about what it actually might mean if she didn't pick up on their call.

His thumb hovered over the call button on her contact, but he set down the phone instead.

Hermann emerged from the bathroom feeling a little more awake and refreshed, hair tamed back down to a reasonable level. He limped over to the kitchen to retrieve his coffee and turned a surprised look on Newton to see it lightly colored and evidently sweetened. He test tasted it with an approving hum and moved to settle back down on the couch.

"Do you want to invite her over or go down for a visit?" They probably should call her. Should have done that before leaving De Chima in the event she was hospitalized really, but he hadn't been in good enough shape for it then. Not that he really was up for a trip to the hospital now.

But no, she was fine. The girl was a fighter and would have made it through. He stared at his phone, where it was sitting on the coffee table and waiting.

He carried his phone and coffee over to join Hermann at the couch, slightly dismayed to see him with his hair back to pristine order.

"We should call her over here," Newt said decisively while decisively not making any effort to dial again. What would they do if she didn't pick up? What DID you do? Would they have to call all the hospitals looking for a Mako Mori? ...Or for a pretty Japanese Jane Doe with blue in her hair? Oh god, she might not even be there! She might be buried under that roof collapse, or a prisoner, or hostage, or she could have gotten a concussion and passed out in her hotel or been mugged or lost or...

He had really thought he was over this--for fuck's sake, it was Hermann who had the worst of it--he was doing so good. He should not be getting all worked up over a simple phone call--ha, a phone call. Like calling the Shatterdome after Otachi's attack and seeing Hermann (...seeing Newt) when the equipment arrived and he was okay!! Like Mako would be okay! Unless she wasn't!! Like Qubit would be okay because he was tough too and that glowing portal and Otachi's blue tongue and that bunker and Hannibal Chau being eaten (and he was a tough old bastard, but he still died) and Gipsy Danger to the rescue and Mako--

Newt swayed and grabbed Hermann's sleeve. His heart raced, but he shakily picked up his coffee to drink anyway.

His breath quickened, Newton's fingers pinching his sleeve, and stared into wide (frightened) green eyes. He shivered, set his coffee down and reached out for the man's other hand in an attempt to steady it. Terrible visions played through his mind's eye- most of them memories, some of them worst-case scenarios, and oh god he'd just managed to keep his food down, he couldn't do this again.

"Newton.. Newton." Comfort. What was comforting? He couldn't think. "She's all right, Newton. Nothing happened to her." Neither of them knew that. They didn't know who died, who was injured, who was safe. He swallowed, shuddering through a wave of primal fear. It wasn't real, wasn't real. Why was that so hard to believe?

Think of something else. Focus. Breathe. A memory.

"Did I ever tell you.. about the telescope I got for my birthday?"

He bent over, head towards his knees as he tried to take deep, long breaths. Had he heard the story? Newt wasn't sure. He had seen stars and astronomy in the drift, knew Hermann had a passion for them. But his head was so cluttered with scattered fragments of thoughts, fears, so many roaring voices in the drift--

He was so scared of nothing in particular and it was overwhelming. Hermann didn't know if Mako was ok, it was all theory, it was always theory--but he was trying so hard to be comforting. Newt almost wanted to throw up. They both did.

"No, I... I don't think so. Hermannimssorry," he swallowed thickly and squeezed the hand holding his, partly to assure himself that Hermann couldn't leave him. "I swear this doesn't happen a lot," his babbling was whiny, desperate, afraid, and he hated the sound, hated that he couldn't pull it together, hated that Hermann had to be the one to see him like this but was glad it was him, too. Hermann knew his weaknesses even if Newt was still afraid to be judged for them, as he had by others. "I'm not usually like this--" Hermann knew that, though. That was reassuring.

He pushed his glasses up and tried to focus on Hermann's face. It was kind of a dumb face, too angled, a funny mouth, nice brown eyes. Familiar. Safe and full of faults and precious and endearing...like a reflection of his own. "Y-yeah, okay, tell me about your telescope, man. Like I didn't know you weren't a complete meganerd already." His other hand closed over their joined ones.

Hermann slowly extracted the mug from Newton's hand and set it down with his own. He made sure to give his hand back to him almost immediately, long fingers closing and holding tight.

"I know, Newton, I know." He hated the shaky quality of his own voice and worked to steady it. They couldn't both fall to this or it would be awhile before they made it out. The memory was a trivial one, but it was warm and a day long before Trespasser had ever emerged from the ocean. It was all he could latch onto now, and he could only hope to distract them from their fear or else impart some semblance of that comfort to either of them.

"I.. I was seventeen." Before his body had begun to fail him. "TU Berlin had accepted my application." He was so happy, finally promised a level of education that could respect his intelligence. "The night was warm and conditions were perfect, and I was desperate to try it immediately." He'd wanted one for so many years.

Thoughts of war and Blue tugged at his mind, and he spent a moment staring at their joined hands and trying to refocus.

"..So we went out-- all of us-- and set it up. I found my star chart and brought it out, and we all took turns looking at different stars and planets through the lens. It was remarkable, seeing them so close, being able to share them with my family." His mother indulgent, father standoff-ish but complacent, and his siblings almost as interested as he was at points. He remembered tearing up the first time he'd brought Saturn into focus. "It was.. the best gift I'd ever received."

The words, the familiar voice, slowly lured him from his own fear, like a scared child coaxed from his hiding place. Listening to Hermann's voice was like listening to his mother's LPs, her mezzo-soprano filling his ears in the dark basement until, eventually, it was as though he was in the audience watching her himself.

Even though the kaiju threatened to invade the memory, even though Newt could feel his own fear clouding his mind and roaring in his veins, Hermann's mind was full of that warm evening. It as he would see it in the Drift, he imagined, as though he had followed a RABIT. The air was warm, the wind still. Lanky teenage Hermann peered into the telescope, sighting Saturn, adjusting his coordinates, skillfully following the star chart. Lars was there, the BASTARD, and the rest of Hermann's immediate family, who Newt only knew from photos. Young Hermann's happiness and excitement were shared across the neural bridge and made the roar of fear into background noise. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he saw the memory from Hermann's eyes, vision blurring with tears at the view.

Newt opened his eyes, not really sure how long had passed. His hands weren't yet steady, but his heart was no longer pounding and the fear was almost manageable.

Thank you. And You are such a nerd both lingered on his lips, but he looked down at their hands and instead admitted with a small smile, "I'd never seen Saturn like that."

The experience was a new discovery in its own way. They'd never attempted to actively share memories before and for a few moments, it was like being there again. His eyes were even prickling in the present, and Hermann blinked it away as Newton looked at him. Soft, warm affection rolled through them both, and Hermann smiled, quietly pleased that he could impart some of the wonder he felt for the subject into his friend.

And they were doing better; the fear had tempered down into a more subtle undercurrent of anxiety rather than the full-blown terror that threatened to overtake them.

"Yes, it's one thing to see it in pictures, and quite another to look directly at them yourself." Like they were reachable and entirely real. "I'll need to get another one sometime, and study the differences between the universe here and ours."

He could always read into the research that already existed on the topic, but he wanted it to be more of a personal project of his own- a scientific hobby of sorts.

He could totally get behind testing and first hand experience instead of theory or reading studies, so Newt was in full support of the hobby, even if sounded like a lot of sitting around doing very little. But then so was fishing and, with the right person, Newt had come to love that.

"You'd better share your research."

Over the course of the day, they had, in part, tested a so-far sound theory on how to mentally talk the other down from an emotional episode without both spiraling down into it. Newt was mostly sure a similar method could be re-purposed for the sake of pulling them both back into alignment if that occurred. It probably would.

What was more interesting, and maybe more widely useful depending on how willing they were to apply it--and what, he could tell, fascinated Hermann too--was how vividly and on demand they had shared that memory. It was likely just an extension of the feedback they normally got, but with much more detail and focus. The hallucinations had been one thing, but this was WILD.

We HAVE to try this again. His brain was teeming with questions, eager to push any residual fears out of sight with new, safe ideas, and Newt tried to capitalize on the distraction. He took a deep breath, braced himself...

"We should call Mako."

"Of course." Newton could even stay out with him if he wanted, during those nights. It would be nice. But a thought for later, once he actually had a telescope. For now it was enough that they shared an interest of sorts and neither of them seemed likely to have a panic attack.

Newton was stabilizing nicely, mind fixed on some new idea he suspected had to do with the shared memory. His grip on their hands lightened, then gradually let go. Mako.. Hermann glanced at his phone and reached for it with a nod. Better to get it over with then, before what-if scenarios consumed them again.

"All right, I'll put it on speaker." He adjusted the settings, pulled up Mako's number, and hesitated only a moment in a quick glance to Newton before he pressed call.

Please pick up.

[[voicemail message and thread continued here]]

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